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Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 55
Hidden meanings behind giftsPage 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Women are complicated. What’s wrong with the lawn furniture? Unless your friend mentioned exactly what kind of gift she would want to her bf, then he could buy exactly what she wished for.

What if he bought some kind of perfume for her and it is not the right kind she likes? The same with jewelry. These things are very personal. She might have had ton of them already, and if he bought the wrong kind, she would not be happy. And it's a waste. What if he bought lingerie for her, and she might thing he’s a pervert or he would just like to have sex with her. LOL And she might be upset about that. You may never know. Everyone on here often heard women’s complaining about men just want to have sex with them. It’s hard to say. She cannot expect her bf to be a mind reader. A gift is a gift. Accept it and appreciate it.

I experienced at some workplaces, some staff received chocolates from their clients and they expressed with each other that they would rather to have mandarin oranges or nuts. Omg. That’s very ridiculous, so ungrateful. How would the ones who gave the gifts feel if they heard these things? Some people are just so unreasonable.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 56
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 11:53:29 AM

Well he did it again! My best friend’s bf gave her lawn furniture for Xmas & she is furious!
Last year he gave her an outdoor propane grill, for Valentines he gave her a set of dishes & for her birthday he gave her pots & pans. She says these are “mommy” gifts & if he thought of her as a girl friend & lover he would give her things she could wear, (perfume, jewelry, lingerie). She is so upset she is contemplating breaking up with him. They have dinner parties at her house quite frequently & she has mentioned that she wanted/needed these items, but is there really hidden meanings behind gifts?

Does your friend realize how many "mommies" didn't get anything this year??? Does your friend feel the need to ask him what he truly wants vs. what she wants to give him? Does she realize that when we tell any man that we "want/need" new dishes, if they are listening, that's what we're going to get? This is a clear cut example of why men claim woman are complicated. There are those women that simply will NEVER be happy. She should do him a favor and set him free so he can meet a woman who will be grateful vs. spiteful.

~OT~ I've never thought of household things as "mommy" gifts. I love doing home projects and my last "best" gift was a mini-drill built to fit a woman's hand rather than a man's. Now that guy knew what would make me go To each their own. JMO
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 57
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 12:18:49 PM
I have to say it again but :-

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got

She knew he would buy a practical gift - hell, WE knew from your previous postings about it. If she is so upset about it, she has to talk to him. He doesn't know she's upset otherwise he wouldn't continue to do it.

The poor man has gotten her exactly what she has hinted she wanted, time and time again. And she has complained to you time and time again.

She hasn't said a word to him for two years. From what we know about this kind, thoughtful and generous man, I can't imagine that he's missed an 'occasion'. So, two years of Valentine's gifts, birthday gift's, maybe Mother's Day gifts, Christmas gifts, and she hasn't said anything to him to indicate she's less then happy. Yet she's considering ending the relationship because he doesn't know. How the heck is he supposed to know ? I'll bet she's accepted every single one of his not-so-crappy gifts.

I think she has more responsibility for her upset then he does.

EDIT - And I know in the past, you as her friend have tried to re-direct him when purchasing gifts, have you considered telling her how selfish she's being ?
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 58
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 12:39:56 PM
It is much easier to guess and approximate the appropriate size, style, and color of patio furniture - than lingerie .
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 59
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 12:42:47 PM
Seems the gift issue is not the problem...

Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 60
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 12:50:38 PM
I don't see what is so awful about the gift. I would guess he bought the gifts because he thought she would enjoy having them.

I mean no offense to men, but I find that both parties can benefit from the woman dropping a few subtle (or not so subtle hints). One year, I really wanted a gold claddagh ring for my birthday. I mentioned it to my then husband, and he was surprised, as I am not really a jewelry person. He did buy it for me, but he would never have guessed I wanted it had I not told him.

The other thing is that some years, I really did want something more practical and less personal. One year I wanted a kitchen aid mixer. Again, no way would he have guessed this, unless I hinted.

Again, I mean no offense to men, but I feel like most of the time they want to please us, but they don't always know how. Why not tell them? Within reason, of course.
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 61
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 12:55:40 PM
Import from UK

I think the OP said that she was planning to show this thread to her friend. There is a fly on the wall situation if ever one existed.

Overwhelmingly the opinion seems to be, the friend needs to grow up and if she doesn't like the gifts she is getting its HER responsibility to educate the poor guy on what IS appropriate. This woman wants a Romance Novel guy who intuitively knows what her ego wants. She is going to have to face facts that he isn't wired that way and if she wants to keep the boyfriend SHE has to take some responsibility for her own happiness.
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 62
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 1:24:47 PM

Oh - I missed the part where she was planning on showing this thread to her friend. I think that's a good idea. Would be a shame to lose such a kind and thoughtful man just because he doesn't own a crystal ball.
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 63
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 1:41:14 PM
She is so upset she is contemplating breaking up with him

Several posters have already said she would be doing the guy a favor by breaking up with him. And she's your best friend?????

I hate people who expects a gift ... or worse ... tell the giver exactly what they want ... right down to the type, color, size, model number or dollar value. A gift is something the giver wants to give and not something they must.
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 64
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 2:52:55 PM
the gifts were nice.
who leaves a relationship because of gifts?
she should be thankful that he gave her such nice gifts even though they were not the type she wanted.
she did want those things....but not for gifts.
how was he to know? some men are very practical at gift giving,
and for all she knows he may have put a lot of thought into it.

now, since Valentines Day is coming, maybe she can find ways to let him know that
she would like a romantic gift.

better than my last bd gift which was a I didnt have to keep borrowing his.
(well..we also had a romantic dinner). I just didnt expect a VCR which to me is soooo unromantic and so telling me he was not that interested. but I wouldnt leave someone over a choice of gift. lol
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 65
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:03:15 PM

I think the OP said that she was planning to show this thread to her friend.

Hmmm ... I don't think that this is a good idea for the OP ...
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 66
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:09:14 PM
Hidden meanings? Yes. She said she needed them and being a kind man he went out and bought them for her. They are all generous, expensive and the kind of presents a single Mom on a budget who enjoys entertaining cannot afford for herself. He appears to be proud and appreciative of her hostessing and loves her company.
If she does not want him I bet there are 100 women out there that would appreciate his listening skills.
Most men I know are horrible picking out perfume, lingerie and even jewelry. If I was her friend I would tell her to be more direct with him when it comes to presents if she is so unhappy. Because the man DOES listen. And then to put on some perfume and sexy lingerie and thank this poor man properly.
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 68
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:17:40 PM
She needs to get over it and be thankful for the gifts. What does she want diamonds?
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 70
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:32:37 PM
Drestin, sure there can be.

When I got married, my wife's grandmother gave us a quilt that she made. I was extremely touched by that ... it wasn't the most expensive gift we got, but it was the one that I remember the most.

My two most prized items are some watercolor paintings that my mother helped me make when I was 8 years old for a science fair project. After the project was complete, my mother had the laminated, and they've survived quite nicely over the years. I have more valuable art in my house, but they are the ones that I cherish the most and is a gift from my mother. (now deceased)

I guess lingerie, perfume, and jewelry have their place ... and I can see that when I give them to the woman I love, then I guess I am conveying a message. However, though I do not pretend to be the most wealthy guy out there, I am financially stable and can/do buy those stuff with no problem.

I guess the thing to me is that they are just material items ... and buying stuff is just too easy to signify anything - you just give the clerk your credit card and that's it. It isn't the money ... it is that it isn't like the material items in my life has made me any happier.

How about a romantic poem?

How about just telling her what she means to you?

How about treating her the way she deserves instead of dropping off a gift and calling to apologize that you're going to be late at work again?

As for material gifts you get from a store (even romantic ones), all they have evoked from me is a ",Meh ... I guess she thought of me when she gave the clerk her credit card ..."
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 71
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:37:53 PM
Its the old (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus). I so feel for this guy as hes gonna really get it now. I know a lot of people give gifts like that because they know that person would want them at some time and they won't have to buy it themselves. For me I was always happy to get anything and if it was something practical for me then all the better as I am that way. Its the thought that counts and why are people so hung up these days and so selfish?

Some people view gifts like this as a hint saying that they need to cook more and I honestly don't think that's the intention and we can dream up all kinds of reasons for why someone gave us this and that.

If a guy gave lingerie then a woman could view it as "omg he thinks the sex we have isn't thrilling enough so now he needs me to start dressing like a porn star"

Damned if you do and damned if you don't !

get my point?
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 72
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:41:24 PM

Yep, you got it right RockyDakota. I'm begining to think she wants him to put a ring on it. Too bad she's going about it the wrong way.

Seriously. Being ungrateful for what he has given her, immediately sends red flags.
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 73
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:47:31 PM
OMG!! this for real? what a selfish friend you have..I'd be happy to have a bf let alone a caring one that is thoughful in what he percieves she is in need of.

Ok so we like getting sexier gifts but heck real ... your friend is really petty, and I would tell her if she was my friend.
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 74
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:49:23 PM
I don't know, men are clueless sometimes. I think men should give romantic gifts, anyone can go out and buy "things". It isn't the cost of a gift but the thought. And really taking time to think about something nice takes "thought". I think a lot about special interests or unique gifts to buy that isn't an every day thing for those I love, doesn't have to cost a lot but the thinking about it that is equally nice.

My mom and step dad did this type of thing for years, he buy her a dumb gift, like a hot water heater cover, so she'd buy him extentsion cords.
I learned though that after she died, and he become single again and interested in finding a woman, all of a sudden he'd buys nice gifts, like candy or flowers and things.
Men that stop buying romantic gifts are telling you, they are not romantically passionate about you OR taking your love and romance for granted. After 40 years they really didn't like each other much but you know-THEY have to buy gifts.
I call it a-- passive - aggressive act to buy gifts like that.

One year my bf and i not getting along, he bought me this long, flowery flannel old fashion nightgown!!!!!!!! I was so hurt. It was meant to be hurtful. So, yes, what you give tells a lot about what you think of the person.

For those that say a gift is a gift and we are ungrateful, I can tell you I am the giving person, I don't care if I get a gift, I always give way more than I receive and always grateful. BUT-when it comes to a romantic relationship, MEN know really what to do when they want be romantic ----- And a toaster just isn't IT

Hidden meanings!!!!!!!! YES!!!

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Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 75
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:51:21 PM
I think the guy is just a practical person, who may see this as I time to catch up on those buys you need anyway, though I agree his track record of gifts seem kinda umm be nice dave, dull though I may be off to at times as I bought a gal some really nice pots, she looked like she wanted to use them on me but in my defense that was one of many for her that year.
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 76
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:55:06 PM
you made a really good point Ci.....ndy

some gifts actually do hurt.
and maybe are given to hurt...
kind of like a slap in the face.

but I dont think the man in this forum was doing that.
hidden meaning.....
she is a keeper and he wants to live with her and all those new pots pans and furniture.
maybe V day will be a ring?
what do you think?
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 77
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:55:29 PM
"Oh hunny, thank you so much for the diamond ring and the lingerie this Christmas, you're a darling" "Now when do you think we can go out and purchase the pots and pans and that lawn set I was always asking for"?
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 78
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 3:55:54 PM

I was so hurt. It was meant to be hurtful.

Not all guys are heartless monsters that are trying to hurt someone just to do it.
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 79
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:09:09 PM

but is there really hidden meanings behind gifts?

When it comes to gifts, "hidden meanings" is much more a woman's possible way of looking at things than a man.

Most men don't go for or worry about or even think about "hidden meanings".

He may give her sexy bedroom clothing .. with the straight up "meaning" being he'd love to see her in them before he throws her on the bed.
But that is in no way, in his mind, a HIDDEN meaning.

He may give her patio furniture... but has no 'hidden meaning' behind it. He just knew she wanted new patio furniture!

I think it's mostly females that look for (and do) "hidden meanings".

And come to think of it, it's mostly females that fuss and get upset about presents they receive!
Men may say "I got an ugly sweater, sure would have liked something else" then shrug and go on to another thought.
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 80
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:42:09 PM

You're right, guys don't seem to ascribe hidden meanings to gifts.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 81
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/26/2011 4:45:11 PM
She should not be dating a man that she resents so much and has no respect for. I don't know if he's clueless (has she told him what she expects as presents?) or if he's sending her a message. But the real issue is that she doesn't like this man's behavior, so why date him and be all pissed off all the time, let him find a woman who likes him as he is. She's wasting her time and his.
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