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 CptJohnSheridan
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 107
Hidden meanings behind giftsPage 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Sounds like he was thoughtfully giving her gifts that he knew she needed and she is complaining about it. HE should dump HER for being so ungrateful.
 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 108
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/27/2011 5:28:55 PM
Tell her to go for all new kitchen appliances, BMW and new hardwood throughout the whole house, then break up with him and tell him "Sorry, This isn't working, the only reason you love me is to give me nice things. I can't let you use me like this"

@Lion
I've got the tractor, just looking for someone to sit on it and cut the grass while I can watch the football game and have a beer. I'll even paint it pink for her.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 109
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/27/2011 5:41:22 PM

I used to work w/ a woman who BRAGGED that after she had her 2nd child @ the age of 23, she stopped having sex w/ her husband. She is dumpy looking, wears no makeup, perfume, does not color her hair. She seems crazy/miserable & her husband seems pissed all the time. Their kids are in their 20's now. She said every year for Xmas her hubby would give her lingerie & every year she'd put it in the bottom drawer and never look at it again. Her husband "works late" every Friday night, so at this point, the gift is a smokescreen IMO. But that's another story...
Actually, the friend I was referring to is not dumpy at all. She is over 60 and still has an excellent figure, bicycles all the time and goes to the gym regularly....no fear for her to be seen in a bathing suit, puts much younger women to shame. She does not seem miserable at all and she and her husband seem to have a very good relationship. She does not seem angry at all. I think she is just the 'natural' outdoorsy type and her husband just wants her to be a little bit more feminine. He obviously like perfume on a woman; she obviously doesn't like to wear it. I have no idea about their sex lives, but they seem affectionate and loving. My point in the post was that his gift of a bottle of perfume every year was telling her he'd like her to wear perfume. I'd do it sometimes at least just to please my husband, even if it wasn't my thing.

sorry i did not mean to infer my former co-worker was like ur friend, it just reminded me of her when i read some posts in here...and the hidden meaning question...
 BettyMcFattttyPants
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 110
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/27/2011 5:58:55 PM
Crap. Now I really really want a pink lawn mower.



I can not understand why people can't just take a gift at face value and say" Thank you for thinking of me."

Some people (not just women and YIKES at post #107!!) over think and over analyse gifts(and life). You're ruining it for the rest of us !!
 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 111
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/27/2011 7:47:30 PM
Rather than a hidden meaning, I do think gift giving can be *indicative* of where a relationship is at and/or how two people regard one another.

Having said that, in this case I think the only hidden meaning about anything is on your friend’s part. She was complaining to you about her gifts, yet, didn't directly say anything to him, and indicated she’s contemplating breaking up with him over what she didn’t get because, in essence, “he should know.”

To be honest OP, I don't know how helpful it was to step in and suggest to the b/f that he buy her jewelry for V-day. Your g/f needs to find a way to communicate what's on her mind, not seek out others who will do her bidding.

As many have said, her b/f listened to her and responded. He was very generous and, she's angry? Sounds to me like she’s angry about something else and needs a reason to leave. So, here I'd say there IS a hidden meaning behind how *she* received her gifts because he doesn't know what she is unwilling to directly say or that she’s been contemplating leaving him.

IMO, if she decides to leave him, for whatever surface reasons (“the gifts”) she needs to justify that action, she may be doing both of them a huge favor in the end. OP, you mentioned you think she wanted a ring. I’d agree with that. My sense is she’s not angry about the gifts per se but rather about what they might represent to her…

They have frequent dinner parties together, like a married couple might, yet they’re not married. She didn’t get a diamond ring or proposal but instead gifts to continue setting up a household outside the parameters of where she’d like the relationship to be, and so she’s angry and upset?

If that’s true, it would behoove her to talk with him about what she’d like with him in the near future and see where he’s at with that. If he’s not where she’s at, she has the choice to “grin and bear it” or leave, rather than getting “furious” at the man because she has failed to communicate what's honestly going on with her.
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 112
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/27/2011 8:19:53 PM
Kailania, that is true,I agree. . I was just kind of talking in generalities. My mom was always one of those people that you had to buy a really great present for, but she put little thought into buying for others. One year she gave me MY Lamp wrapped up that I had stored at her house. ?? She would buy my sister in law cool stuff but skip me, and buy for the grandchildren. So, yes, it isn't the amount of the gift but you know if they put love and thought into it.
I couldn't spend a lot this year but I put a lot of research into buying things that were unique and and of their interest in things for those I love. Giving is showing you know them and care.
It can be pots and pans sure , if you know it was given with thought and love, that is what matters.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 113
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History
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/27/2011 10:25:28 PM
Hidden meanings behind gifts

and she's going to break up over this????

can a person get any shallower??
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 114
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/27/2011 10:57:16 PM
sounds like....
if she wants to earn the jewelry and other cooler chick stuff.....
she better become skilled with the gifts she already got.
Pots..pans...a grill?
I see a trend there.
She best step it up.
LOL
 CapnRHHNY
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 115
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History
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 1:36:10 AM
OP, I'm truly sorry if your friend can not accept the lawn furniture in the light that it was intended - though, personally, I'm thinking that would be more of a birthday/Easter/or I just love you honey type gift. The sad truth is that some people equate gifts with the monetary value of the gift, the bragging rights it may offer or its emotional /romatic value. And, there are actually some people who put forth some effort in the giving of gifts for another: looking at the person, picking out certain aspects, likes, and dislikes the other has, and offering a gift that could strike a happy chord for the him/her. The giving of a heartfelt gift does not have to be an expensive one. It could be as simple as - believe it or not, because I have witnessed this first hand by a 72 year old man nad his 68 year old girlfriend- the offering of a cheesy 25 cent plastic toy ring from a gum ball machine. I teared up because she was so happy and beaming with joy. That's love. I'm thinking the meaning of Christmas/holidays and the human experience has been lost somewhere along the way.
 TylerDurd3n
Joined: 2/14/2011
Msg: 116
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 2:02:59 AM
maybe he buys her things that benefit him, like the grill seems more like it was for him. lawn furniture? thats horrible too.
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 117
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 2:34:21 AM
How long have they been together? It seems they still don't have a deeper awareness of each other.
He knew what she wants but he didn't know what she likes (or vice versa). Although his gifts had been given thoughtfully they still did not meet her heart desires.

Anyways. the boyfriend could be more creative. He could have given a bottle of perfume together with the grill ( so she could smell good even while having barbecues). He could give a set of dishes together with a bracelet or a ring ( so her friends could see them while she is passing the plates to each of them). He could have given a lawn furniture together with a set of nice bathing suit (so she could wear it while sun bathing in her lawn).

Hidden meanings...? When you give something that you really like but instead of keeping it for yourself you give it to others is the true meaning of giving because it's like giving a part of yourself. Remember the story of The Gift of the Magi?
 TimeEnoughForLove
Joined: 11/2/2011
Msg: 118
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 3:05:22 AM

your friend needs to break up with him and free him up for a woman who will appreciate the fact that he listened and felt the love to give her something he thought would please her.


Perfect answer from kaylee. All I could add is that he would be very lucky if he could get rid of her. Can you imagine his life married to someone so focused on herself? Scary......
 Lady0343
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 119
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 3:29:36 AM
Yes to all those who've written before. Sounds like communication went down the tubes a while ago and the receiver needs to learn that a relationship is two people, not one.
 dsljim
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 120
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 5:46:57 AM
@ Chrisbrit : Don't feel bad. I was born here and feel the same way!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 121
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 5:47:32 AM
If I had a friend whining about such gifts, Id tell her to stop being a whiney cow and making all of us gals look bad!

How selfish can one be?

People who see 'hidden meanings' behnd gifts also seem to only see negative signs everywhere. Not my kind of people.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 123
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 3:36:39 PM
Right now she’s pretty humble.


Actually; that's called "humbled". <--The difference is pretty large.



She explained her feelings well though. Buy her a Ferrari, and she;d probably still be upset; since, after all, it's the wedding ring she's looking for. (hard to compete with 'that' want)
 SunDevil_in_SC
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 124
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 4:00:31 PM
Wow! 4evarRadiant nailed this one ... I'm not going to play poker against her.

But actually, this morning, I was thinking about what 4evarRadiant noted, and it did strike home.

My opinion ...

Gifts are meant to say something when you can't communicate things - when somehow you want there to be a sign. That was where your friend was. She wanted desperately to explain to him that she was ready to go to the next stage ... but the problem is that she knew if she pushed it, then she might scare him away. And so, she couldn't talk to him ... so she was hoping for a sign from him. Something to show that he was willing to take that next step. In some ways I don't blame her ... if you see the jewelry commercials, they sure highly suggest taking that step during this time of year. However, he didn't provide it (he provided a very nice gift, but not what her hopes were for), and so she vented because it does become so disappointing when hopes do not pan out.

The only reason why I noted that diatribe is that I guess I am "humbled" as well ... I thought that your friend was just being cruel and clueless, when really she was in a situation where she couldn't talk. And so I've learned ...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 125
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 5:23:28 PM
So many good posts, I think this is indicative of relationships where one party complains to another party OUTSIDE of the relationship about what their partner does.

In the ideal world, a gift shouldn't have a hidden meaning.......thinking back, my ex got me a blender. When I wasn't thrilled, I told him, later and privately, that it wasn't personal, not something for me but for the household. I think this situation falls into the same parameters. If it's a couple and there's dissatisfaction/disappointment in any behavior, the ONLY appropriate way to address it is privately to the other person IN the relationship.

The gift issue is the symptom, the "disease" is the failure in communication in the relationship. I believe, when you're a couple, gifts, on any occasion should be personal, not something to be used for the household. I think if there's any "meaning" behind a gift it should be an indication how well the person giving it knows the person.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 126
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:03:25 PM
Unless your partner specifically ask for these types of gifts then they are a bad idea.It's about as exciting to receive a vacuum cleaner for women as it is for men to receive socks or yet one more ugly tie.
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 127
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:17:24 PM
But I still believe these gifts are different. If a person entertains frequently (and is proud of it/enjoys it) then one-of-a-kind dishes is a special gift with thought. If a person is a gourmet chef and expresses an interest in getting a special food processor, then it is a special gift. Especially if they have made it known that they would like it.

This bf drove to multiple different locations and spent 2 months gathering all the pieces for her last gift (and he described how much he looked). That alone should have been enough. That someone spent that much time and effort for what he thought was special.

I think you have to look at it in the context of this situation. The thought was there. A significant effort was made. He listened to her. She never expressed interest to him for something else. She expressed interest for the items she received.

This gift took thought, effort, and consideration of what his girlfriend wanted and expressed an interest in. What more do you want?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 128
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 6:38:57 PM
I think for Valentines Day the guy should buy a special gift with a not-so hidden meaning. He should buy a diamond ring and show it to her on V Day. But he should say to her: "I'm saving this ring for someone special. Someone who isn't a gold digging, ungrateful, spoiled brat, so that leaves you out."

I don't care if he only got her toilet paper for Christmas. She should be grateful for any gift she got. Would she be better off with no guy and not getting anything next Christmas?
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 129
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:02:57 PM
"I'm saving this ring for someone special. Someone who isn't a gold digging, ungrateful, spoiled brat, so that leaves you out."


Specialty lawn furniture isnt cheap.

It wasnt the dollar value; the chick wants him to marry her. If he buys her a golden unicorn rode to her house by fabio; she still wont be impressed.

That......was apparently the problem

I find your gf plain "cute" now; if not moderately pathetic (ssh)

Some women and marriage make no sense. It truly does become a single focus day in and day out. Perhaps they feel that, without that ring, you could be gone....anyday. (women....)


 ShellLadySD
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 130
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:11:43 PM
This is such a heart-breaking thread.


I don't care if he only got her toilet paper for Christmas. She should be grateful for any gift she got.

I disagree completely. Anything would be better than that including nothing but a quiet evening at home with my favorite man and a bottle of my favorite wine, or my favorite song played by him on guitar or piano, or...
And in the case of a guy who would choose toilet paper as a gift - yeah, I'd be a lot better off without him next Christmas or tomorrow. for that matter. I don't care how desperate I am for toilet paper.

BUT, this isn't about a guy like that. This is about a guy who speaks "love" one way and his lady who hears it another. That just makes me sad. I hope it works out for them.

And in my experience there can be hidden meaning behind gifts if the person giving them is manipulative or passive-aggressive. My mom did that to my dad a lot. That was sad too. But I don't see any hidden message here. This guys sounds like a winner, but I think they have some serious work to do to be a long-term match.

still feeling a little bit sad for them...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 131
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Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:16:32 PM
"Specialty lawn furniture isnt cheap." I live in central Florida, and have seen "patio furniture" I would never leave outdoors.

I don't think the issue here really is the cost. Or the idea of a gift, which in a relationship with a couple, a gift should be IMO personal and reflect how well you (supposedly) know your partner. A kitchen appliance, yes that COULD be, it could be a reciprocating saw...the example I gave was that my ex's "gifts" did not fit those parameters.

If anyone's involved and committed to a relationship, for me, the gestures, however grand or not, could not, did not or ever could "impress" me. The only men that have impressed me are those who never tried to.
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 132
Hidden meanings behind gifts
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:59:42 PM

If anyone's involved and committed to a relationship, for me, the gestures, however grand or not, could not, did not or ever could "impress" me. The only men that have impressed me are those who never tried to.


I really do not understand this. It was the effort ("gesture") involved in this that would have so impressed me. Whether I wanted that gift or not, that someone cared enough to drive all over the place, take two months to get all the pieces, and specially order it for me if needed and able is seriously impressive. I am not sure what "never tried to" actually means. No matter what, effort is involved. Whether it is getting your favorite movie and making dinner to this. Unless you mean to do nothing. I believe it is a fallacy to believe that if you are in love and in a committed relationship that everything is easy and without effort. It might be easier for some than others. But it takes effort.
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