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Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 26
Sub/Dom RelationshipsPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
lol dixie girl.. its taken on a life of its own... LOL

I guess its gonna continue. Glad you found your way lil girl.

Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 27
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/27/2011 2:41:09 PM

Most of D/s relationships have to do with the "natural" order where the man leads and the woman follows. Is that what youre wanting?

I have no problem with people having sexual preferences.

I do, however, have a problem with calling it the "natural" order (even in quotation marks) b/c that implies other ways are "unnatural."

If you want to distinguish it, you could say "patriarchal" order, or "traditional industrial" order, neither of which implies anything "natural" about it.

Punkin, I'm not trying to pick on you, and I think you used the quotation marks b/c you "get it," that it is NOT natural to everyone. I just wanted to point this out b/c soooooo many people do not understand the difference between social construction of gender roles and what is "natural."
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 28
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/27/2011 3:13:07 PM
All my references in this thread deal with BDSM. The use of the word natural is understood amongst kink.

This subject line has gotten way off base. Its become quite nasty at times.

I dont believe I have been picked on. Im not that sensitive. :)
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 29
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/27/2011 4:26:24 PM

Optimism. Very good :)
It is the idea of men from black and white movies that some fall in love with. 50s lifestyle. It is a fantasy but nothing is impossible if you search long enough.
Oh I'm very aware of that term but thank you.

Just because you don't know anyone that lives that way doesn't mean that no one does. I know several people that have that style relationship. And the daddy dom comment wasn't meant for you.

In the realm of kink, it's ALL fantasy. *grins*
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 30
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/29/2011 3:21:09 PM
would think that a natural dominant alpha male wouldn't consider a submissive female worth his time

MChurch: I'm looking for clarification, Why? Isn't that how it works? A domininant male w/a submissive female? Why would a dominent male want a dominent female? That doesn't seem like they would go together...
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 31
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/29/2011 4:31:57 PM
was saying a dominant male doesn't need to dominate... It simply doesn't matter to them... They make no effort at it and don't need to role play.... being dominant is like breathing... They just do it....

ok, got it
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 32
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:54:53 PM
Girls ... You ALL like dominant men. Your gene selection imperitive requires leaders not followers.

So while your modern brains cause you to ask for easily manipulated "sensitive new age men" ... whom you soon get bored with ... your souls crave dominant risk taking men from the stone age.

So long, gotta go nap some flint.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 33
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:59:45 PM

dixiesthrnstar68 on 12/27/2011 830 PM
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your opinions and advice. Sheeesh, this thread really got completely out of hand and I haven't been involved in the past 10 hours or so. Anyhow, I found the information that I needed. Again, thank you so much.

Now. let's all pick up our toys and go home!

The end.

Whatz THIS?
The "Sub" demanding the end of the thread!

It's cute really isn't it. Like a puppy growling.
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 34
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:11:20 PM
Coming from someone who lived the live for three years (three years in a D/s relationship) I want to say a few words.

First, there are no rules to things like this. I know many "kinksters" out there, some are near vanilla, but have just enough foot in the door to be called kink, others are so extreme, one woman I know is a stay at home girl who's wardrobe is "mostly" maids outfits, (now I have to admit, that is damned sexy). there is no black and white line for a D/s relationship. it is more what the two people are comfortable with. Understanding each-other is what it is all about. D/s is kinda an instinct we have built in to us, (yes I will get hate mail for saying that, but it is true). Now in this world we call earth, with things like cars, money, apartments, and T.V. a lot of out instincts have no "use"? well... debatable... if it is true or not, they are still there buried in our minds. some of us crave (more than others) to want that kind of relationship. some take it to a small level, others to the next level o.O (what you could call a M/s relationship / Master/slave relationship). a M/s relationship is the same thing as a D/s relationship, only the two have a better understanding/trust of each-other, and can actively partake in more "extreme" events with each-other.

People try to find answers for what is this, what is that... D/s relationships are grey, and books wont hold a solid answer, because it is just a word. a word that has yet to truly have solid meaning. The kink world changes so often, and people in it dont like brands, so words like this prob-ly wont have a solid meaning for some time... the best thing to do is use them lightly, and explain things as best as you can, not just say "D/s relationship" for that can mean SOOO many things :3

Chill, love life, relax, have fun, explore, and kiss~
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 35
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:48:36 PM

PittsburghVixen on 12/31/2011 429 PM: I know a helluva lot of femdoms who'd beg to differ with mister macho, here..

You've heard of penis envy ... Femdoms just take it that bit further.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 36
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:56:37 PM

CharityTrue on 12/31/2011 520 PM: Sounds like a bully as opposed to a Dom...
she's not your "sub" anyway...
(No real authority, boorish and brutish...horrifying)
I feel sorry for anyone going there....

Hah hah ... The OP left the impression that she was a "Sub" looking for a "Dom" ... I never claimed to be anyone's Dom ... and I'm certainly sot a Sub.

However your attempt at intimidation is even funnier than the command by the OP that this thread is now finished. You're more like a kitten growling.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 37
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 1/1/2012 4:42:24 AM

apurfectmeow on 1/1/2012 1220 PM: You couldnt take what Id enjoy giving.

Is that "couldn't" as in "You couldn't take any and all sh1t that I choose to hand out ..." the favorite excuse of an abusive spouse.

Keep them coming ... after all, you are superior ... aren't you.

so heres to the men that like it. Which BTW happens to be quite a few.

Oh yes ... there are professional victims of both genders a plenty ... and codependant abusers to suit as well. You drink to them ... I'll just chuckle and remain amused thanks.
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 38
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 1/1/2012 10:02:17 PM
I think I may see this a little different. I enjoy Bondage. I love to see women tied up. That being said, only women who agree to be tied up. Boundries & limits must be respected. I am not looking to hurt anyone. I enjoy the sensual play between myself and a woman in bondage. I have enjoyed this for years. I do not belong to any community (bdsm/s&m). I have enjoyed this with many partners. Not 24/7 & not even everyday. I enjoy both dom & sub women. I do not want to "own" anyone. I feel for me that the bondage can be very erotic & almost like an adult play time. That is als ong as both parties agree on the rules of the games. Happy New Year Everybody!
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 39
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 1/2/2012 3:59:57 PM
op why not try a non vanilla site like (email me & i'll give u the url) that caters to the broad variety of D/s???
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 40
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:35:26 PM

I don't believe "alpha" really exists to any great extent in human society - we're successful because we cooperate - and encouraging cooperation often requires behaviour that is the opposite of stereotypically "alpha" - alpha is the sad, mad loner that can't get along with anyone, or the boorish loud-mouth that doesn't get invited back.

Can't agree with this at all -- what you're calling "cooperation" is actually people in the group submitting to the alphas who emerge as leaders just like you'll see in a wolf pack.

And the notion of alphas all being unpopular is just flat wrong -- I consider Bill Clinton a prototype alpha male who is driven to win people over so he can get his way, and he isn't hurting for social invitations at all.

Often such confusion comes from people having a dim grasp on the characteristics that can make someone dominant --among them can be charm, charisma, or knowing how to persuade and manipulate, and in the animal world it can be sheer physical force and that probably works for people in street gangs as well. One can be dominant by simply pointing people in a direction they are inclined to go.

But the simple fact is that everyone falls on the spectrum somewhere on the spectrum from submissive to dominant, and the alphas will end up battling to be at the top of the heap.
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 41
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 7/15/2012 2:05:57 AM
There is a difference between dominance and sexual dominance. I'm sure you can find what your looking for.
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 42
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:47:02 AM
Start with the book "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns"

And mail me any questions you have.
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 43
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 10/8/2012 12:55:03 AM

Is it rare for a man to find that your vanilla lifestyle is work, kids and social events and that's the extent of it?

I took this to be about ‘lifestyle’ rather than sex or sexstyle. Most people would assume it to be about sex because of the term ’vanilla’ in this part and the terms ‘dominant’ and ‘BDSM’ in the other part.

Vanilla could be used to describe life in general. I think a lot of people, men and women would think (if they thought about it) that a lifestyle of simply work, kids and few social events (if very few and confined to pub and eating out) would be rather vanilla. A lot of people have rather vanilla lifestyles. Some of those don’t have vanilla sex.

Your question seems unfinished. Or at least the sentence boxed above. Having seen further down your response to Vixen’s reply. I would say that the boxed sentence is redundant. I understand your saying a man can be dominant without being into BDSM, that he can be dominant in his self. I just don’t see how it links to the boxed question.

I don’t think it is rare to find a dominant alpha male not into BDSM and don’t think means a woman is into being a sexual sub just because she wants a dominant alpha male. .
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 44
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Posted: 10/27/2012 4:12:54 PM
no I talked to a few women that do this and thay realy want hurt me down there.
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 45
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 11/14/2012 12:35:41 PM
It is not any easier to find the right dominant than it is to find the right partner in the vanilla realm. But I do know that it all starts with knowing yourself first; if you start there, then you can weed out most---and you WANT to weed out most. Good luck OP!
Joined: 7/11/2013
Msg: 46
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/15/2013 3:20:55 AM
i want a dom bf to be with
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 47
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/16/2013 12:09:07 PM
I think deep down most men will enjoy going a bit rough and most women probably enjoy getting roughed up a bit. Men have always been hunters and that primal instinct is pretty much alive
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 48
Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/28/2013 12:53:27 PM
I lead, always have. I've been with women who like that, and others who went away after a day or two.

But be aware, if you are with someone who is dominant, then you must submit willingly to him, or it won't work.
Joined: 1/8/2014
Msg: 49
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/9/2018 11:21:25 AM
actually I think with the right Dom/Sub relationship, I don't find it work. After the initial good communication and discussion, I find walking in being free knowing that for the time frame together it will be pure pleasure and passion.
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 50
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Sub/Dom Relationships
Posted: 12/16/2018 4:43:44 AM
Don't mind a little but not a fan of the whole dominant thing....specially tying up and or hand cuffs...did that in my former job sooo rather treat woman with soft touches and loooong foreplay!
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