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 indigo6
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 19
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Why Indians are scared to love?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Hallo, Christine.....
Well Both of the parties are interested, both are happy with this arrangement. Why do you worry? Most arranged marriages are not FORCED marriages. In most times both bride and groom gets involved. And would like to have that way. Sometimes you need to do little bit more research to understand this.
bye
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 20
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:44:13 AM
I remember watching a documentary on this subject and the young man was brought in before the potential bride and she has to either give him the thumbs up or thumbs down. It was not forced on anybody. Arranged marriages are nothing more than an introduction service. The only difference is that the two youngins take that introduction more seriously than we would here.
 indigo6
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 21
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:51:54 AM
Yes I think I feel the same too. But usually these days parents give sometime or their children to decide. They do talk to each other by telephone or otherwise. I dont see any wrong in the system. Most are happy about it. Ofcourse I do question Dowry part of it:). In that case mainly girl side has to take all negitive side of it.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 22
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 5:56:02 AM
She was pulling your leg Blu. Laver is right on and the concept of arranged marriages is nothing more than an introduction service. It is even less pronounced in the Middle Eastern families, ex parte Saudi Arabia, and certainly not a common practice in Lebanon. The Middle Eastern version involves getting invited to a lot of dinners once a male indicates that he is ready to settle down and start a family.

Frankly, it removes a lot of the problems that we have in North America. First of all, you know that the families will get along. Second, you wont need to do a background check or worry about sex on the first date or even who pays for the dinner and the movie.
 indigo6
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 23
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:32:07 AM
Indian arranged marriages are different. Usually bride and groom meet before. Except in very conservative families. Most muslims mainly from middle east are vverr conservative. I think concept seeing before marriage exist in Indian treditions long back. In Telugu its called Pellichupulu (marriage seeings) where bride and groom meet. Then only it is decided. Ofcourse India has various customs, it depends on theirs also. But at my it exists.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 24
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:44:37 AM
Arranged marriages as perceived by most North Americans rarely happen in any society, Indian or otherwise. For the most part, families take a direct interest in helping their children chose the right mate. To the best of my knowledge, rarely anyone feels totally obligated to getting married to someone they don’t want to. However, this doesn’t mean that families don’t pour on the pressure, and it’s usually the mothers and the women of the family who arrange the meetings and push their choices on the poor kids. But thats what mothers do, they want the best for their children.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 25
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:50:32 AM
^^^^ I was born in Europe, but I am Persian. I lived in Iran for 10 years and have travelled extensively.
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 26
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:51:09 AM
Blu, you're basing your opinion on what one girl told you. It could have been true, or not true. Take Indigo's insight. He is indian.
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 27
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:56:28 AM
Yes, but the topic concerned Indians. And with Indians, it is not a forced marriage. Like I said, the girl gives the thumbs up or down like an emperor in a collosium. The boy has to accept her decision.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 28
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:58:25 AM
heavenl ---- Don’t believe in the propaganda you see on TV. Aside from Saudi Arabia, Yemen and a couple of other very conservative societies. women are not treated as second class citizens.

Pakistan and India both had Prime Ministers who were women. Iran’s last Vice President was a woman and a higher ratio of female university educted women compare to North America. Could you say that for United States and Canada. Mind you, we did have Kim Campbell for a month.

Laver --- the thumbs up or down like an emperor in a coliseum is also Hollywood.

Blu --- I am Canadian too and I am talking about real countries.

PS. You guys post too fast
 indigo6
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 29
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:16:44 AM
hello Heavenl, We arent denying the rights of a women. We are not talking of forced marriages. Bride and groom both are involved in it. None of them are forced. My sister is going to get married next month. Its an arranged marriage. My parents and I talked to her a lot, we told many times if she had any reservations we would stop. Only after she said Yes she got engaged. She had I remember once (it was a different guy) reservation on one guy. We said no to them at that time. None are forced. I asked once why dont you Love someone. She wasnt interested in it.
Some in the west get confused with arranged and forced marriages.
I say strongly NO to forced maarriages, most Young Indians say that. Most do accept if girl/boy comes and says that they love, eventhough some can hve reservations on castes.
 indigo6
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 30
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:23:56 AM
Hallo arianno, I am born in Warangal. I proud to say that we had king who was female long back. Tht is bofore british, before Muslim rulers. Her name is Rudra of Kaktiya Dynasty. Even though she had problems ruling (Her enimies thought she was weak, so there were lot of wars and husband had to be imprisoned for life for trying to overthrow her).
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 31
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:51:07 AM
Hello to you too --- there is a lot of misunderstanding in the west about the passion and respect that really exists in the eastern cultures. Romance, love, family and freedom of choice are concepts that are well routed in our cultures and women are very well regarded. Our combined literature is rich and all about love and passion. I also think both the Kushan and Gupta dynasties in India had female rulers too.

Question for everyone else:

Would you rather show cleavage on some online dating site to attract strangers for the hope finding the one, or would you trust your families who have your best interest in mind to find potential candidates for you?
 indigo6
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 32
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:28:20 AM
hallo arrianno, I know remember Indian Constitution written in 1950 after independence guarentied equal rights to women and all are equal. European and US women had to fight for it afterwards and also blacks in the US. Martin Luther Kings major influence came from Gandhi, principles of Ahimsa (Non violence) isnt new even for Gandhi. Budhism and Jainism which are born in India use it as a strong fundemental policy. Even Hindusim did discuss it in its holy book (bhagavat geeta).

Your question: I will use best of two probabilly.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 33
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:32:48 AM
you have to work on showing a little cleavage indigo
 sammysalt
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 34
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 12:08:56 PM
Going off what you said. I would say its about being raised with histroy, and teaches them they can love anyone and devote there life to them, if they try because it is like test, and they are being tested threw it. Personaly I wouldn't want to live that way. But thats how they might of been raised. Don't be the first person to try to change life how they know it, because if they mess up with who they picked to love, and went against the way they were raised then they are shamed. That turns out to more harder for them to live with in the end. Thats just how they were raised, and how they are. If I am going on what you put down. I personly don't know much about them. Only the person know what a person can really life with. If they want to pick who they love, then they will pick who to love. If their histroy matters to them, then maybe not. Doesn't mean they wont love them. Some people devote them selfs, and let them selfs love, and are happy. People live different ways, ways that alot of people never understand. We must stand down and leave them to their dission to live how ever they want to. Hard to answer something I really don't know to much about. Maybe others will be more help.
 indigo6
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 35
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/10/2005 7:29:59 AM
hallo sammysalt, Nobody is forcing to love each other. And ya they defnetly have freedom as much as you people have. We are raised perfectly with good values. One of the important thing why our marriages are succecessful because we have good family values.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 36
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/10/2005 8:36:03 AM
I wouldn’t go so far to say good family values. That might sound a little derogatory, however, families are more involved and take strong involvement and positions, and a marriage between two young people also serves as a bridge between the families.

Needless to say, arranged marriages as perceived in the west are none existent. Well, can’t say that either, but very rare but none existent among the more educated population.

It is really not much more than an introduction service, and please accept that finding a mate is hard. Why else would people use online services and dating services?
 head.cloud123
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 37
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:12:12 PM

Yes, but the topic concerned Indians. And with Indians, it is not a forced marriage. Like I said, the girl gives the thumbs up or down like an emperor in a collosium. The boy has to accept her decision.


Generally both people agree upon whether they want to get married in any country. And just like in every other country it is men who need convincing to get married since the financial risks are bigger for men no matter what part of the world you live in.
 eastendwoman
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 38
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:06:55 PM
Actually, Indian customs aren't that different from european or asian customs. Romeo and Juliet was based on true love ruined by their feuding families. In the King and I, an asian couple couldn't love one another because the girl was promised to the king and she and her true love could never be together. These are customs from another age. A time when the life expectancy was around forty years old. There was little to no education and the masses felt afraid of what 'their god' might do unless they lived under strict supervision.

Today is a different story. Let's face it India is being 'westernized' as you put it because American corporations outsourced American jobs for cheaper labor in India. With that being said, money changes everything. Suddenly, those that are making a few extra bucks are beginning to question ancient ways. Many other cultures felt this way over the past 100 years of entering the US.

What someone would have to do in order to elevate their thinking isn't an easy task. In a way you will find yourself feeling like a 'pioneer' crossing uncharted territory. Elders in your family will be strongly opposed to your 'new self-appointed right' to marry the one you love instead of the one they selected for you. In a way, they might even be envious of your newfound freedom. A freedom they were denied. So sooner or later you will have to make a choice. Marry whoever 'they' want you to marry and live a life that is unfulfilling but enjoy their approval. Or, marry whoever you fall in love with, and face the music probably for the rest of your life. It's not an easy decision. But I assure you, American born people who have parents who immigrated here, have weathered the storm. True love is the right choice, no matter what your elders think or whatever punishment they inflict. Good luck to you in your choice.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 39
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:52:36 PM
most indeans i know have arranged marriages , they pick there 'women' out when they are just children, 5 to 9 year olds, and consummate the marriage when she reaches puberty,once they are of legal age they bring them to canada, but they like to have them sexually when they are small children, there are several books and films on the subject
usually because the children are raped, they become submisive, that why that explaines the young age
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 40
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:48:13 PM

Can reasoning and true love defeat customs?


Love alone won't win anything....its freedom that revitalizes our soul, the freedom to choose what we want, even when we marry for love and the love disappears, it's the knowing that we've made that choice is what keeps people at peace within themselves. There is a certain aura/look that people have when they haven't been given that freedom, it’s very dull sad looking, almost as though their souls are asleep. Sure their marriages may last a lifetime but they will always feel a sense of something missing, a void because they weren't able to practice the very thing we've all come here to do ....Free will…… to choose, to experience to live life based on our choices.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 41
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:39:58 PM
I think the successful marrage rate cant be defamed,nor the stability of the family structure which has succesffuly survived dispite the negative aspects you mentioned.
Its funny but the things you dont like about Indian culture and its stability, many here today desire. So many constantly doubt others feelings and love toward them constantly dismissing others based on how they themselves feel, only to realize it eventually sizzles and fades after the intial honeymoon, infatuation stage leaves within a year, leaving opting for a new relationship to recapture what they felt in the beginning. I think the India culture is aware of that and why it is so difficult to get divorsed. People have to work at a marrage to make it work for the sake of the family which is really the reason for getting married in the first place. Just my view of things.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 42
Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/25/2009 4:07:23 AM
Serenity Sam...It all comes down to what each person is looking for. You see, I can't for the life of me understand or relate to people that opt to live a robotic life for the sake of avoiding divorce. These people you speak of will never feel passion, love, heartbreak and all the other breathtaking colorful things that life has to offer...And what's sad is their kids end up being the exact same way...unhappy doctors/engineers that can't marry the person of their choice...This is not life, this is imprisonment.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 43
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Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/25/2009 4:52:39 AM
ArabianAngel,

I agree with your statement that it comes down to what each person is looking for up to the point when they take on the responsability of bringing a new life into this world. I don't believe divorces should be given so easily when children are involved. I was raised in an era in a family(europian) that believed in family values, the success of the family came before individual desires. When people take vows and honor them and have a family, selfish motives of what can the world do for me attatudes deminish, children(our nations future) lead a more stable life and tend to enter relationships more responsably. I think passion, love, heartbreak are way over rated. Personally these things are fleeting . A life of constantly falling in love, loosing that love, ends in heartbreak, and the devistating cycle repeats itself. My brothers ex wife has had three marrages with three children all from different men, half brothers that two rarely see thier father due to the divorces.
This is why I oppose a system that is so leanent with the sanctity of marrage.
You have a country like ours that is just 200 years old, with rampant divorce, fatherless children, children that grow up thinking why take relationships seriously thier motive in life becomes what can I get for me, thus the me generation we have today. This is the direction we are heading into. I know many children are still provided with homes where parents do stay together and make sacrafices for the sake of thier children, which it should be, but it takes a dedicated effort by both to make the marrage work.
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