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 darkmascara
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 156
Racist FamilyPage 10 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

What exactly does "ACTING BLACK" mean?


this whole entire thread is a joke. This question with no doubt is racial. Colour has nothing to do with our behaviour. White, Black, Asian, and Hispanic all depends on our genetics.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 157
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:11:49 AM
@Solomonlike I may be on point or missing the point, but the fact of the matter is that the majority of this thread didn't live OP's experience. The fact he was nice enough to share what goes in his world and what entails speaks volumes of him. The fact that various posters continued this conversation and veered off original topic says a lot about the people here. I always notice that the racial topics have the most responses no matter what forum you go to. It's still a hot button issue. Yeah, I agree associating a particular speech pattern or lingo with a ethnic group is racist, but the thing is it's done.

Have you ever watched the earlier episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air where Will would tease Carlton for not acting black? That situation is based on truth. Where I'm from you had both white and blacks who tease a black person for not acting how they think a black person should act. I know white folks that mostly came up around black people and there characteristics could be viewed as acting black because of their lingo, they listen to hip hop, etc. It goes both ways, but again, this is the real world we live in.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 158
view profile
History
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:44:58 AM
The "real world we live in" is based on racist impressions generated my media. You should take every chance you have to call out those perceptions whenever possible, as it's the only way to counteract those things.

As an example, while Will Smith teased Carlton for not acting like an inner city person from West Philadelphia, and it may have been framed as "acting black," in a different show where someone from, say, China, adopted American culture and met friends from China, it was never "you don't act ASIAN." As prevalent as Mexican gangs are in inner city areas in certain parts of the country, and with them also sharing particular speech patterns, etc. to go along with this, why is it that people of Mexican decent that are well-to-do are not said to "not be acting Mexican?"

It's basically due to media representation - a certain type of inner city lingo and presentation is popular in media, with a disproportionate representation of black people, so more ignorant people associate it with the race in itself.
 darkmascara
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 159
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:48:09 AM

I am a black male who grew up in all white suburbs. I have been told by many people I am the whitest black person they have ever met. Most people do not even think I am black because I am very light skinned and don't act black in any way.


I believe you grew up in a secluded environment, therefore you've never experience racism . You really have not been well traveled or view different cultures.


I met the most amazing girl. She is white. All my girlfriends have been white. I have never dated a black girl. This girl really likes me and she is the girl of my dreams. However, her family is very raciest. I have never experienced racism before in my life. I have always been accepted by everyone around me.


shocking? isn't it?? I myself thought i would never experience racism either, but it is the most demeaning thing a person can experience.


Is there a way to convince her family I am a great guy? On the social economic scale I grew up in a upper middle class family and this girl grew up in a more middle to lower middle class family. My heart wants her what can I do?


you can't change a person view of racism. this notion is deeply in grain into a person's mind. Ask her who does she love more you or her family? you'll get your answer.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 160
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:50:39 AM
@richmackey that's true, but nonetheless if you're black you lumped into one big category or box. I remember on a previous thread, I was mentioning how some white women who date black guys or prefer blacks would lumped them together or settle for a particular type who happened to be low on the totem pole or the flavor of the month thug type, when we're actually more broader and diverse than that, but oh well.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 161
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 6:55:42 AM
Exactly! The media has such fun spewing these stereotypes all over the place because it causes controversy. And unfortunately, controversy sells. I guess blacks may be looked at by society as "entertainment", both in a positive and negative way.


You're right about the entertainment part. I remember some years back, me and a friend were outside of a diner and this white woman who we didn't know from a hole in the wall asked us to tell us some jokes or sing to her. I'm like, "Do we look like Steve Harvey & Cedric The Entertainer to you?" She was like, "Who are they?" Mind you this way before they gained the notoriety that they have now, but I vowed the next time a white woman like that walks up to me and expects me or my peoples to entertain them or perform a trick like trained seal or a circus act I'm going to ask them get naked or strip.

Going up to someone black and asking them to sing or dance is just disrespectful, but this was stuff I would see done around my way back in the day.
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 162
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 9:59:00 AM
I think full_of_grace87 had a point
Im sorry that your experiencing racist behavior firsthand.but she has a point,when the media shows african americans in abad light with show like baby mama,basketball wives,vh1 is notorius for this....showing the bullying ehavior and the bad side of african american life.Also,if they havent been around quality people in general,and they see things like 80 percent of prison are populated with african americans,kanye west inturuptiing little taylor swift,beyonce lip synching the national anthem,most people who talk loud and show no respect during a movie in a movie theater is african american,where the percetion i they have no respect or regard for others in the theater,it tends to show things in a very negative light.
an you dont know the history of their family,perhaps they wasnt racist,and had a horrible crime happen to them,or their childeren,nd the perpetrator was african american,or got jumped and robbed by african americans?we dont know the hurt that may have been caused by this,because you speak of your education and your skin tone,that this girl isnt with your run of the mill trailer park racist.not that your skin tone or education should matter.but you can win them over if you really want to.it just takes time and being who you are,and dont over try,dont kiss anyones ass.because people will think your being fake and have zero trust.have tact,but be who you are.if you treat this woman well,they will appreciate that you make her happy more than your race.....just keep in mind it isnt you peronally,usually its past trauma or stereotypes that fuel this fear of the african american.i think you will be fine.good luck to you and her relationship.:)
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 163
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 10:31:34 AM
A lot of people in this thread need to read Racism without Racists by Eduardo Bonilla-Silva. I dare say most people would still be in denial about the reality of racism. On another note, I agree completely with solomonlike that we SHOULD challenge racism. If you sit by idle while it happens, you're no better than the racist. Evil prevails when good people fail to act.
 jt guy
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 164
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 11:01:32 AM
OP: I question your motive with this girl. I think you bring the race card in, because you want to draw attention to it, rather than the real issue.

I think anyone has a right to feel the way they want or like what or who they want. If you parted your hair on the left side an I did not like it, it is my right to do so. Does that make me racist ?

In my mind the more important question is: WHY do you want to make this girl pick between you and her parents ? I would suggest you bow out now and let her alone. I am sure you can find another person that has a family you fit in. If you continue to be between her and her family, I view you as a self seeking person, who would have a negative impact on the lives of several people to get something you want.

One more thing. I do not want to be around anyone who does not like me, for any reason, even my skin color. I ask you, why do you want to be in this family ?
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 165
view profile
History
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:27:27 PM
(...when the media shows african americans in a bad light with show like baby mama,basketball wives,vh1 is notorious for this....showing the bullying behavior and the bad side of african american life.)

We all know the statistics about issues involved with ANY ethnic background. And TRUST me, I've been treated and had negative things done to me by both black AND white people. I have every right to hate and address the particular parties who do this to me...but that has nothing to do with someone else who is of the same background.

If a black person robs your house, do you honestly think the other approx 13 million other black people in this country want to harm you?! Why is it that "certain" white people feel they can get away with saying they don't like "black people" because (fill in the blank with an incident)...yet if a black person discusses a particular situation where a white person said or did something bad to them, the very same type of white people are quick to say "oh, you're being too sensitive" or "you're pulling the race card?!"

(OP: I question your motive with this girl. I think you bring the race card in, because you want to draw attention to it, rather than the real issue.)

As a black person who has lived within various environments where I was either the only black or one of a few...I can say first hand it is normal for certain white people to want to "sweep racism under the rug." When you do this, change will not result...but I think it's their objective, huh?!?

I'm the type of person to call out a person regardless of their ethnic background when they do something racist...I've even lost black friends who were racist against whites or latinos. I work corporate within an industry that doesn't have a lot of black people. I'm often either the only black person or 1 of a few at my places of employment. I've heard people say racists things against asians, blacks...you name it. When I respond to people's comments, you should see the look on their faces...I nip it in the bud real quick...because if you don't say anything, the person will only increase their level of ignorance and continue trying to push the envelope.

(In my mind the more important question is: WHY do you want to make this girl pick between you and her parents ?)

While we do not know the entire story, OP is in his late 30s...I'm sure this "girl," who actually is a woman well beyond adult age, can make up her own mind about what's important to her. Don't get me wrong, family is important. But not everyone's family is good for them. And comes a point in your life where you do not need your family's permission to do things.

(If you continue to be between her and her family, I view you as a self seeking person, who would have a negative impact on the lives of several people to get something you want.)

Again, as long as OP treats this woman with respect, cares for her and allows her to make her own decision since she is an adult, I don't see why OP should have to step out of her life unless she wants him to.
 AllAboutSports
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 166
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 2:09:04 PM
Sexykg,
ty for your comment,and it holds very valid points.very valid.but lets be honest,it isnt real life.although in a perfect world we would hold the individuals responsible fr the actions instead of a group.its human nature to be wary afterwords...lets say you order chinese food and get food poisoning,will you be wanting chinese anymore?not for awhile im sure.I have 2 examples...I have a friend who was by the trae centers when they went down.he lives in florida now and everytime he goes somewhere and sees the aribic people speaking farsi,and wearing the headgear and mask that the women wear he freaks out,he just freaks.is it the ther persons fault?no,but he relates them to what he was traumatized with.I know a woman who was terribly raped by a police officer....she definatly blames him but also has a general disgust and mistrust of law enforcement.oes that mean all cops are bad?constiering all the brutality they have shown to unarmed unresitisting people on the occuppy places,she seems to have a point.but no.not all are bad.
I amire and have great respect for the in my opinion greatest comedian of my generation,paul moody.he says what others thinkb ut dont say.our issue is there is no communication.how are we supposed to improve anything when its taboo to speak about it?is it wrong?no.but its truth.and i still feel like if they dont like him,an he seems to be the type thats not going for the uneducated,no job having trailer park racist that exsist woman,that this is a woman of substance.and in thinking that my thought was perhaps if they are racist to him,its perhaps trauma they have faced in the past.but he can be that guy to show them not all people are bad...and if he treats his woman good,they will learn tl shed the stereotypes they see.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 167
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 2:45:39 PM
^^^^^
You have to let go of negative things in the past. You can't blame or hate a whole race or group for the actions of one or few. You have to remember we are all born innocent and can only be currupted by our environment. Racism will not end anytime soon it seems. at OP if you have found love and its mutual but the female's family doesnt approve because of you race then oh well! If she isn't racist and in love she can make her own choices. You can not argue with change peoples mind if the don't want to change
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 168
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 2:52:49 PM
Destruction of the black civilisation: issues of a race from 4500bc to 2000ad. By chancellor williams is a good read as well.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 169
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 2:58:03 PM
Actually.. the book, destruction of the black civilisation by chancellor williams would sum up the reactions from and to op perfectly.

It has been an issue that has been going on for thousands of years.
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 170
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 3:13:04 PM
Don't even try to go against someones family. I know this first hand. In the end family is everything and most of us will return to them. She may buck them for awhile and continue to see you,but eventually it will end and you will be left out in the cold.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 171
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:07:20 PM

That(that it happens), is beside the point. The latter is part of the point I make. So you infer that yes racism exists so we should except it rather than challenge it? That mentality would never have fueled the civil rights/human rights movement in the USA nor challenged ignorance anywhere. There have been 2 primary points;1) racism is an issue the OP and many others suffer from and 2)racism and any form of utter ignorance and foolishness should be challenged, no matter where or when.
The OP suffers from his own racist views and complains about those of others that share and suffer from similar views. You NOW seem to agree with this. The fact that racism exists in actions and thought is beside the point and immaterial. Racism and the ignorance from which it and other foolishness stem should always be challenged.


Not sure how old you are or where you live or the percentage of this group to that group in your area, but again it goes back to my original point about EXPERIENCE. EXPERIENCE is the divider that separates us as human beings because not all humans EXPERIENCE the same thing in the same way. I wouldn't really call the OP racist because who has he discriminated against and who has he held back? That's a separate issue. If you want to use the term prejudice that's acceptable. This thread if anything is a shinning example of how we share our experiences and opinions on the subject of racism, although we're from different walks of life.

As far as the challenge part goes, yes it should be challenged but you can't change minds overnight. Minds change on their own through a period of time and if the person WANTS to change. I use to get into arguments about racism and stereotypes all the time, but these days I don't. Why? I pick and choose my arguments and the people I get into arguments with because some folks aren't worth the time or the words trying to educate or challenge to think or see others in a different light. They'll continue to have one track minds or tunnel vision about people or situations. A perfect example of this is "All In The Family" with Archie Bunker. I enjoyed how Lionel from next door would be sarcastic to Archie and throw subtle jibes here and there without getting angry or combative with him. In most situations, I use Lionel's example and make a subtle snip at the person's ignorance. I also learned that when things get too heated for people they change the subject because they don't want to confront their prejudices but rather evade them.

So in a nutshell, I see what you're saying. We just have different ways of tackling and looking at things in the world.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 172
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:11:24 PM

Don't even try to go against someones family. I know this first hand. In the end family is everything and most of us will return to them. She may buck them for awhile and continue to see you,but eventually it will end and you will be left out in the cold.


There are some cases of people who distance themselves from their family for a person they love. Not everyone follows that example.
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 173
view profile
History
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:25:22 PM
(There are some cases of people who distance themselves from their family for a person they love. Not everyone follows that example.)

Totally agree...but that person who is willing to distance themselves from their family due to ignorance has to be very mature, mentally strong, and independent...especially in a financial sense.

I know several people who fell in love with someone of another culture, and unfortunately had to distance themselves from their family due to racism. All had different results.

-One couple I know, the racist part of the family didn't come around until years later, after the wedding and once a child was born. The white part of the family did not even attend the wedding. It wasn't until many years later when the father was on his death bed that he even admitted to feeling deep guilt for never walking his still married daughter down the isle. The majority of the people I know in this situation, it literally takes the birth of a child, or unfortunately death to bring the family together.

-Another situation, the family didn't come around until the couple got married, packed up and moved to the other side of the country.

-Another couple, the majority of a white family dismissed their daughter because she fell in love with a black man. He was a good man: active within his community, well-spoken, goal-oriented. He even had a Bachelor's degree and intended to still further his education eventually...but because he was black, this man would never be good enough. Yes, it was a totally different time, but this forbidden couple was truly in love...and yes, they definitely experienced some mighty racial stings along the way, from both white and black people...but their strength as individuals and definitely as a couple was even stronger than whatever negativity that was thrown their way. The couple married eventually married. They worked hard, taking turns and putting each other through school, both earning a Master's degree. They bought a 3,000 sq foot Victorian home, where they raised their 2 boys...one earned a Master' degree and the other his Doctorate...all alma maters are Ivy League schools. My uncle and aunt are STILL happily married and enjoying their 70s.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 174
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 6:53:36 PM

Another couple, the majority of a white family dismissed their daughter because she fell in love with a black man. He was a good man: active within his community, well-spoken, goal-oriented. He even had a Bachelor's degree and intended to still further his education eventually...but because he was black, this man would never be good enough. Yes, it was a totally different time, but this forbidden couple was truly in love...and yes, they definitely experienced some mighty racial stings along the way, from both white and black people...but their strength as individuals and definitely as a couple was even stronger than whatever negativity that was thrown their way. The couple married eventually married. They worked hard, taking turns and putting each other through school, both earning a Master's degree. They bought a 3,000 sq foot Victorian home, where they raised their 2 boys...one earned a Master' degree and the other his Doctorate...all alma maters are Ivy League schools. My uncle and aunt are STILL happily married and enjoying their 70s.


Wow! I don't really see or hear about Interracial couples that old. Thank you for sharing this story!
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 175
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 6:59:26 PM
@solomonlike it looks like we're going to have to agree to disagree. I would continue this but at this rate, we'll be on this argument until 2017. I still by my statements regarding EXPERIENCE which I may add you never quoted, but tomato or tomatoe. No right or wrong. Just opinion and interpretation.
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 176
view profile
History
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 7:15:20 PM
(Wow! I don't really see or hear about Interracial couples that old. Thank you for sharing this story!)

Yeah, IR marriages were actually legal in the late 1800s/early 1900s in my home state, Massachusetts. I'm not sure when the laws were passed in other states, perhaps it happened a lot later in the South...not quite sure.

(I still by my statements regarding EXPERIENCE.)

Totally agree with you ;)
 MsMaggieMay
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 177
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 8:21:06 PM

There are some cases of people who distance themselves from their family for a person they love. Not everyone follows that example.

Most do though and you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt if you hold out hope that someone is actually going to abandon their family,their blood, for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Hell most people wont even get rid of their pets for their never mind their family. I've been down this road. Eventually they give into their family. Who wants to give up their blood in a world where relationships don't last and marriages fail all the time.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 178
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 11:06:35 PM

Most do though and you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt if you hold out hope that someone is actually going to abandon their family,their blood, for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Hell most people wont even get rid of their pets for their never mind their family. I've been down this road. Eventually they give into their family. Who wants to give up their blood in a world where relationships don't last and marriages fail all the time.


It takes person with a very strong will to go against the grain.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 179
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 11:08:50 PM

Yeah, IR marriages were actually legal in the late 1800s/early 1900s in my home state, Massachusetts. I'm not sure when the laws were passed in other states, perhaps it happened a lot later in the South...not quite sure.


Ok! I didn't know that! Interesting. In way it doesn't surprise since Massachusetts was one of the stops for the underground railroad. BTW, I'm from MA as well. Feel free to email me, if you like.
 toooldtoplay
Joined: 1/27/2013
Msg: 180
Racist Family
Posted: 2/8/2013 3:24:12 AM
I don't even think it's about race, it's more about people just being selfish. A lot of people spend their whole life being miserable and they want you to be miserable. Her family would resent her just as much if she brought home a white man, a green man, a purple man. It's just easier to make a deragatory comment about a person of a different race. It is just one more added factor, not much different than how could you like someone that fat or that ugly or that poor. These so called racist people would think you were the cream of the crop if you walked in and said this house is kind of small for your family, I would like to buy you a house, here's the money, do what you want with it. No one whom would care about anyone but themselves would even care.
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