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 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 176
Racist FamilyPage 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
This has got to be tough.

I loathe hateful bigots. (I like to say i am intolerantof intolerance, lol)

The family obviously has poor character & are very uneducated.

If they can be respectful of you, you could maintain some basic civility ( i could never truly respect racist people), & limit your tume around them. If they are openly hateful, you may have to just cut off all contact with them should the relationship progress into marriage or commited long term.

I wish you all the best. I truly hope you & your lady can be happy & not have the racist family present a problem.
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 177
Racist Family
Posted: 3/19/2012 3:51:49 PM
....how do you know its because youre Black?

Maybe they just think youre stupid as f*ck and dont wanna be around you..? Maybe it doesnt have anything to do with race...?

Maybe they just dont like you.
 TKO38
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 178
Racist Family
Posted: 3/19/2012 4:22:21 PM
1-wow!

I dont understand the act black or white thing. People are people, influenced by family, friends, surroundings. To act a certain way, well you just act as who you are. Not a certain color/race.

As for racism, you will either deal with it or walk. I know some people here have made the comment that she is an adult she can make her own decisions, however people forget that some families are still very involved in their 'kids' lives. (I say 'kids' only because my family is very close and they are definately involved in all aspects of our lives. ultimately our own decisions, but you will hear their opinions quite clearly)
What has she said that tells you they are racist, or have you seen it for yourself? What does she think of the situation?

Alot going on there I think.
 Mr_Celibate
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 179
Racist Family
Posted: 3/19/2012 6:57:04 PM

My heart wants her what can I do?

OP, this is a tough nut to crack. The U.S. is very polarized and the funny thing is that much of it, at this point, is media manipulation. The government and banker elites want us all squabbling with each other while they take over the country. Divide and conquer.

My experience has been that the more independent minded and educated the people are in cross cultural relationships, the better they work. Families can be difficult to deal with. Some are beyond hope and you will be wasting your time. With most though, a good and honest man will eventually be recognized as such.
 lightbrownsuga2luv
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 180
Racist Family
Posted: 3/19/2012 7:06:24 PM
^^^^^^^^that's what most racist people think...plus more.
 Mr_Celibate
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 181
Racist Family
Posted: 3/19/2012 7:18:34 PM
^^^Are you referring to paragraph 1 or paragraph 2?
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 182
Racist Family
Posted: 3/19/2012 8:27:43 PM
Im still laughing at the " acting black " part, how does one act black

I guess he is talking about all the brotha, sistas and wannabee gangstas
Sup Dawg,what's crackin?
cause ya got no cheddar
where da woman at make me betta

So is that black enough for you OP?

 king20c
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 183
Racist Family
Posted: 3/19/2012 8:27:56 PM
sometimes there isn't anything you can do about the family, as long as the two of you can deal with her families disapproval of the relationship then you'll be ok
 mark777771
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 184
view profile
History
Racist Family
Posted: 2/5/2013 7:08:28 PM
If she is a woman who genuinely loves you, color of your skin shouldnt matter. Whether you're middle class or weathy or poor shouldnt matter. What matters is do you enjoy and love one another. What should matter is does she love you and love you for who you are. However, I have a question for you. Why havent you dated any black women at all. I find it just as racist to rule out all black women. People are people, not a skin color.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 185
Racist Family
Posted: 2/5/2013 9:05:13 PM
the last line is the most important:

I want this, what can I do to get what I want?

this blinds a lot of people. If you didn't want her...would you be able to answer your own question?

you can't make people think what they don't want to think. if they want to want someone, then they will overlook their issues...to a point. just like you're overlooking their racism to get her.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 186
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 5:49:00 AM
Learn more about your black history and find strength and knowlledge in it. Ive encountered many instances of racism, especially in relationshios. Ive come to welcome frothing at the mouth racists so that we could have dialogue! Because it needs to be talked about, and not be the large elephant in the room. All that matters is if your partner wants you, and that they try their best not to be influenced by the negative attitudes and beliefs conjured up by racism.

Date as many white woman as you want, at the end of the day, you're black, not white in their eyes, remember that.

Watch the documentary " hidden colours"
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 187
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 9:56:13 AM
Prejudice is often based on social preconceptions and ignorance. Most often after one gets to know and like a person, race, or ethnicity becomes irrelevant. It's a person's character, morals and ethics that win him/her acceptance.
 Jamesin2013
Joined: 9/13/2012
Msg: 188
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 3:41:49 PM

What exactly does "ACTING BLACK" mean?


why are you asking a question you already know the answer too? everyone knows what this means ESPECIALLY if your from the black community,,,i dated a woman who was black and who had been teased and harassed thru her entire childhood because she "acted white" in other words,,she spoke perfect English and did not use slang or Ebonics or talk"ghetto"...her words,,not mine

i saw that comment by the OP and knew right away what was meant as does everyone else reading this thread........

as for the OP...i hope it works out for you and my feeling is,,,is that you are "white enough" where it will not be an issue....

oh,,,,crap,,,that guy just heard me say that and now he is all like "what do you mean by "white enough"!!!" lol

some people,,,,i tell ya:)
 Sexycoolchic
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 189
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 4:19:36 PM
Outofcontrolman, you voiced what my heart screamed, he is racist and full of self hate, how dare you say you don't "act black" and you never dated Black women, then have the nerve to cry foul, because low and behold, your light color, and full assimilation, didn't change the 1percent rule, how does it feel to be judged based on the same b.s you expound?
 toooldtoplay
Joined: 1/27/2013
Msg: 190
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 6:20:46 PM
I lived in a town that was run by the kkk and I grew up just 30 miles from that town. I don't see the family changing anytime soon. That's a tough situation. You will just have to tell them you're white so that they can bring out the beers and tell black jokes. I wouldn't worry about her family at all, she doesn't want to think like them so it's best that you both just stay away from them. They won't be around forever. Prejudice starts with the older generation and slowly ends but no one has the ability to just change age old tradition. Some people are just afraid of change.It's kind of weird because not all people think like that regardless of where they grew up. To the thread above I don't understand what you are ranting about. Some people that are black blame everything on the white man and they say white man when they do it. That is acting black I think. There is nothing wrong with a black man saying that he doesn't act black, he just understands why white people think black people act black. Am I making any sense?
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 191
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 6:39:34 PM
Act black? Whitest black person? LMAO! I'm cracking up over here at you man. It's almost as funny as the person who necro'd this thread. I think you and Uncle Ruckus would get along really well. In case you don't know who he is (I doubt you do), he's a black white supremacist on The Boondocks.
 Jamesin2013
Joined: 9/13/2012
Msg: 192
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 6:55:11 PM

why are you asking a question you already know the answer too? everyone knows what this means ESPECIALLY if your from the black community
NOT! Not only is this NOT true but it assumes that every predominantly African American community is similar in that way. Why do you assume this to be so? How many African American communities in the USA have you visited? 50 states in the USA, thousands of predominantly African American communities....then there are African American communities throughout the Caribbean, Central America, South America and Canada. Having said that, YOU MISSED his point of challenging his ignorance.


lol,,,fair enough nitpicker,,,i was talking about this country and my own personal experiences,,,but sure,,you make a great point that in other parts of the world,,a quote that is mostly American centric may not apply to every contry in the world,,,bravo for you figuring this out,,,i stand,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,amended


i dated a woman who was black and who had been teased and harassed thru her entire childhood because she "acted white" in other words,
Your point here is rather ridiculous. You think that because some African Americans have experienced this...even if many or most it means that all subscribe to the foolishness from which it stems? So your date experienced taunting from some people who displayed true ignorance in more ways than one who happened to be African American. That is your point? Ok....it is not news that there are people who exhibit ignorance. Ignorance means a lack of knowledge. They(those who taunted her and you) too need to find some enlightenment.

I think those, who asked the OP..."what is acting black" were simply challenging his perspective because it in of itself is foolish, ignorant and racist. They very possibly knew what he meant and BECAUSE of it, challenged it because it is simply ignorant. It also could easily be 1 of many reasons he couldn't get that date.


i relayed to you verbatim what was told to me by a woman,,,,,,no,,,many people actually,,,that this is a fact in the AMERICAN community that this women grew up in,,,she told me this was a common occurrence and alot of kids who did not act and speak a certain way were ridiculed by their peers..so your assertion that MY point is ridiculous,,,is an absurd observation since it was not i who said this,,,,,,,,you can certainly argue with the women who went thru this and tell her that her experiences never happened because you say they could not,,,but,,,that's between you two...as for the rest of your point,,you lost me,,,i have no idea what you are saying...seriously

" You think that because some African Americans have experienced this...even if many or most it means that all subscribe to the foolishness from which it stems? " huh?

"? So your date experienced taunting from some people who displayed true ignorance in more ways than one who happened to be African American." what? no,,,all her classmates and everyone who taunted her were also black,,she said the only ones ho accepted her where the white kids because she spoke as they did...

anyways,,,,,,,i respect your opinion even if i do not fully understand the point you are trying to make,,,perhaps we come from different places in life,,i am a street guy who has lived in one interesting neighborhood after another and have not had time to sit back and philosophize about things i read in the newspaper or Newsweek....i was out there in the hood,,living it,,,and now i'm telling you my expereinces,,,,,,but,,,,again,,,,,,,your allowed your opinion....whether it makes sense to me or not:)
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 193
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 8:01:24 PM
I glanced at this thread and I must've read tons of posts about how the OP is being self-hating or racist towards his own people like his girl's family. Here's my take on this. OP is living in all white suburb where he's the only person of color. For a person who's black or any color it's very isolating because on one hand you have whites that are expecting the lone black person to act or behave a certain way either because of stereotypes or something else. So if you are the lone black person and there are no other blacks around guess what that lone black person is going to do? Blend and assimilate with the dominant culture which in his area is white.

Now some of you who are non-black won't get or understand this because you're on the outside looking in. I can type about three or five pages or twenty and it won't be understood.

There's a music video on YouTube that perfectly describes this situation entitled "Frostbit" about a black boy who listens to heavy metal music and grew up with mostly whites until his family undergoes a financial downturn and are forced to move to the projects. There he is ridiculed and tormented by his fellow blacks for being different and talking white.

Now I would like to agree that we shouldn't associate certain language or behaviors with what race or ethnicity but the fact of the matter is we do. I remember when I was coming a white person thought it was odd I would go to library or want to read books. Also, if you're black you're not expected to talk with a broad vocabulary and only be limited to street jargon or Ebonics. I'm sorry to say, but this practice still goes to this day.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 194
view profile
History
Racist Family
Posted: 2/6/2013 8:46:04 PM
That has nothing to do with race but with socioeconomic situations.

It's really, really stupid to say "talks black" or "talks white," first of all, because it makes "white" the base setting for "normal," which is racist in itself , but also because it completely ignored that talking or acting a certain way is unique to black people, as opposed to inner city poor people in general.

That's why it keeps getting pointed out - it's a racist statement in itself, and shows how deeply ingrained media representation can set things to the point of low income, inner city trends being stereotyped as a RACIAL thing.
 darkmascara
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 195
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:40:04 AM

What exactly does "ACTING BLACK" mean?


this whole entire thread is a joke. This question with no doubt is racial. Colour has nothing to do with our behaviour. White, Black, Asian, and Hispanic all depends on our genetics.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 196
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:11:49 AM
@Solomonlike I may be on point or missing the point, but the fact of the matter is that the majority of this thread didn't live OP's experience. The fact he was nice enough to share what goes in his world and what entails speaks volumes of him. The fact that various posters continued this conversation and veered off original topic says a lot about the people here. I always notice that the racial topics have the most responses no matter what forum you go to. It's still a hot button issue. Yeah, I agree associating a particular speech pattern or lingo with a ethnic group is racist, but the thing is it's done.

Have you ever watched the earlier episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air where Will would tease Carlton for not acting black? That situation is based on truth. Where I'm from you had both white and blacks who tease a black person for not acting how they think a black person should act. I know white folks that mostly came up around black people and there characteristics could be viewed as acting black because of their lingo, they listen to hip hop, etc. It goes both ways, but again, this is the real world we live in.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 197
view profile
History
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:44:58 AM
The "real world we live in" is based on racist impressions generated my media. You should take every chance you have to call out those perceptions whenever possible, as it's the only way to counteract those things.

As an example, while Will Smith teased Carlton for not acting like an inner city person from West Philadelphia, and it may have been framed as "acting black," in a different show where someone from, say, China, adopted American culture and met friends from China, it was never "you don't act ASIAN." As prevalent as Mexican gangs are in inner city areas in certain parts of the country, and with them also sharing particular speech patterns, etc. to go along with this, why is it that people of Mexican decent that are well-to-do are not said to "not be acting Mexican?"

It's basically due to media representation - a certain type of inner city lingo and presentation is popular in media, with a disproportionate representation of black people, so more ignorant people associate it with the race in itself.
 darkmascara
Joined: 1/26/2013
Msg: 198
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:48:09 AM

I am a black male who grew up in all white suburbs. I have been told by many people I am the whitest black person they have ever met. Most people do not even think I am black because I am very light skinned and don't act black in any way.


I believe you grew up in a secluded environment, therefore you've never experience racism . You really have not been well traveled or view different cultures.


I met the most amazing girl. She is white. All my girlfriends have been white. I have never dated a black girl. This girl really likes me and she is the girl of my dreams. However, her family is very raciest. I have never experienced racism before in my life. I have always been accepted by everyone around me.


shocking? isn't it?? I myself thought i would never experience racism either, but it is the most demeaning thing a person can experience.


Is there a way to convince her family I am a great guy? On the social economic scale I grew up in a upper middle class family and this girl grew up in a more middle to lower middle class family. My heart wants her what can I do?


you can't change a person view of racism. this notion is deeply in grain into a person's mind. Ask her who does she love more you or her family? you'll get your answer.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 199
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 5:50:39 AM
@richmackey that's true, but nonetheless if you're black you lumped into one big category or box. I remember on a previous thread, I was mentioning how some white women who date black guys or prefer blacks would lumped them together or settle for a particular type who happened to be low on the totem pole or the flavor of the month thug type, when we're actually more broader and diverse than that, but oh well.
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 200
Racist Family
Posted: 2/7/2013 6:55:42 AM
Exactly! The media has such fun spewing these stereotypes all over the place because it causes controversy. And unfortunately, controversy sells. I guess blacks may be looked at by society as "entertainment", both in a positive and negative way.


You're right about the entertainment part. I remember some years back, me and a friend were outside of a diner and this white woman who we didn't know from a hole in the wall asked us to tell us some jokes or sing to her. I'm like, "Do we look like Steve Harvey & Cedric The Entertainer to you?" She was like, "Who are they?" Mind you this way before they gained the notoriety that they have now, but I vowed the next time a white woman like that walks up to me and expects me or my peoples to entertain them or perform a trick like trained seal or a circus act I'm going to ask them get naked or strip.

Going up to someone black and asking them to sing or dance is just disrespectful, but this was stuff I would see done around my way back in the day.
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