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 AUTHOR
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 51
Health ProblemsPage 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Yes, I need to watch my diet and I will probably be on statins for the rest of my life. But it is not a sentence of impending doom


The above noted, "Drumming's" point is about labels tantamount to "dealbreakers" when it comes to deciding who is romantic potential. Moreover, the consensus is that these seem to be far more summarily attached by 45+ "adults" who themselves appear unable to see the forest for the trees so to speak. Numerous forum threads exist on such topics as:
--the 50 year old whose profile blocks anyone over 40 from contact because s/he considers him/herself "much younger than my chronological age";
--the person with two children under 18 who clearly states, "Please do not contact me if you have children still living at home";
--the smoker who clearly states "trying to quit" on his profile contacting someone who is seeking only "non-smokers";
--the "separated" 50 year old still living with his spouse because "medicare doesn't kick in until age 62, and s/he has no health insurance."

Etc. Etc. Etc. And so it goes. like the "logic" of it or not . . is the point i do believe that "Drumming" et. al are trying to make here.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 52
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 2:47:44 PM

A lot of people follow a healthy diet without having suffered a heart attack.


Yes a lot of them do including myself.. I am an ex smoker so made sure I was eating a heart healthy diet.. And did fall of the wagon briefly about a year ago..


Yes, I need to watch my diet and I will probably be on statins for the rest of my life. But it is not a sentence of impending doom.


Well sorry to hear you are have to be on satins for the rest of your life.. I suppose you read up on all the side effects that they can arise from being on them?

As for impending doom I hope no one has to live with that kind of sentence. But the reality is, it is something we will all have to deal but hopefully at a later time .

nativerock
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 53
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 3:25:46 PM

A person in a wheelchair simply can't participate in many of the things active people do. Sorry, but flaming people in an online forum won't change that.


I am not trying to "change that"... what in the world are you talking about?
I know what I can and cannot participate in.. and I also know nothing is gonna change that by much.
It would be awfully silly of me to think otherwise.

By the way,
"many of the things active people do" insinuates I am non-active.
Honey, (southern talk here), ah am very very active.


I wasn't 'flaming' you.
Yours was just an example of what is seen often, especially in the 'over 45'..
many people have had (or still has, or is taking medicine for) a Health Problem (subject of this thread) of their own...
but they think it is 'nothing' and they don't want to date anyone who has a 'something' (which they in turn probably think is a 'nothing').

THAT is the point I'm trying to make (and some got it).

With that said, I've well accepted that MY 'something' turns most men off.
*shrug*
But then I'm not sittin' here thinking I only want to date those with 'nothing'!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 54
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 3:56:22 PM
Yours was just an example of what is seen often, especially in the 'over 45'..
many people have had (or still has, or is taking medicine for) a Health Problem (subject of this thread) of their own...
but they think it is 'nothing' and they don't want to date anyone who has a 'something' (which they in turn probably think is a 'nothing').

THAT is the point I'm trying to make (and some got it).


I don't recall dismissing my health issue as a nothing. Your point is a strawman argument.


Honey, (southern talk here), ah am very very active.


I play volleyball, ride motorcycles, mountain bike, ski, backpack, hike, golf, jet ski, snowmobile, ... Forgive me, but I can't see someone in a wheelchair joining me in any of those activities. I know that the day will come that I can no longer do these things, but that day is not today.

With that said, I've well accepted that MY 'something' turns most men off.


Women aren't exactly accepting of men in wheelchairs.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 55
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 4:25:50 PM
Well, in post 66 , you over emphasize so much that you are active and blah blah blah and from where I'm sitting it is clear the you downplay the heart attack pretty much to a hickup.


I am active and I do lead an active lifestyle.


THAT is where others have said that a heart attack is not something to shrug off.


I didn't shrug it off. I corrected the things that needed to be corrected and I'm getting on with living my life.


Also, in your profile you state that you want someone active and healthy but nowhere do you state that you have had a heart attack.

I for one, if I would ever be interested to meet someone like you would NEED to know that you have health issues.


LOL, yeah, everyone wants to read someone's life story spelled out in gory detail in a profile.

If I were to meet someone I wanted to date, you can be sure they would be informed.

Online dating sucks, I prefer to meet women in the gym.

To try and make yourself superior to others that fully admit having health issues is quite telling of the insecurity that you may feel.


Huh? How did I try to make myself superior? I just said I enjoy doing stuff that someone with a significant disability simply can't participate in.


What I get out of post 66 is also a certain arrogance that I don't appreciate either.


You're entitled to your opinion. Luckily your appreciation is something I neither seek or require.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 56
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 4:38:30 PM
Ok, and how is that working for ya?


Very well.


You go there to pick up women?


No. Do you misconstrue everything you read? I go there to work out. I happen to meet women doing the same thing and become friends with them.

By the way, this is starting to feel like a flame war. It is time to cease and desist before the moderators intervene.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 57
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 5:03:56 PM

I for one, if I would ever be interested to meet someone like you, would NEED to know that you have health issues. To me, this is not a NICE to know type of health issue, it is a NEED to know type of health issue.


Yes there is a need to disclose this rather quickly after meeting someone.. Also the fact that he wil lmost likely be on statins for the rest of his life.. Unfortunately they can have very negative side effects, which I will not list. You will have to google it yourself and that is heck of a long time to be on them assuming he has a few decades left.. So I most certainly would disclose not "just the heart attack" but the medication you are on..

nativerock
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 58
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 5:11:33 PM

Yes there is a need to disclose this rather quickly after meeting someone.. Also the fact that he wil lmost likely be on statins for the rest of his life.. Unfortunately they can have very negative side effects, which I will not list. You will have to google it yourself and that is heck of a long time to be on them assuming he has a few decades left.. So I most certainly would disclose not "just the heart attack" but the medication you are on..


Thanks for the advice, but I will continue to consult with my cardiologist if you don't mind.

By the way, this is not the profile review section and I did not request one.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 59
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 5:17:22 PM

THAT is the point I'm trying to make (and some got it).


If we were discussing who is in a better state of health? An accident is one thing but having had heart attack at such an early age (early 50's) and being on statins for the rest of your life is quite another..

nativerock
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 60
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 5:18:52 PM
I have to agree with Annastasia on this one regarding downplaying the heart attack. Someone that had one heart attack is still prone to another. Yes, you can do the best you can with the cards you are dealt but there is still a weakness there. And I'd want to know about it, been there/done that.

It all boils down to finding someone that fits into our lifestyle whether it be hiking, biking, walking, art galleries, antiqueing, etc. A so-called heathy person can have a heart attack or stroke while jogging or eating an ice cream cone at the beach - as can a person 30 pounds overweight. People in wheelchairs are capable of much more and some DO more than able bodied folks, the strength they gain from moving their own bodies around on a daily basis is more than many non disabled folks do.

IF someone wants to claim how healthy they are even though they are 4 months out from a heart attack and disregard or discard those that don't seem "fit" in their eyes are wrong many times. Lightening can strike twice in the same place.

And really, in the long run who knows what is around the corner for us. Cancer strikes the young, middle aged and old - it knows no gender or age. Who knows who will get early onset dementia or kidney failure or whatever happens to fall upon us. I'm going to the funeral of a friend tomorrow, 59 and dead from prostate cancer. One of my gal pals just got the dreaded breast cancer diagnosis last week, she is 44.

And if some so called "fit" guy thinks I can't keep up to him on my motorcycle because of my rheumatoid arthritis he can f-off, I don't need him and his attitude. So I can't jog 10 miles, there are a ton of things I CAN do. I focus on what I CAN do as opposed to what I can't do and the rest of us should think the same.

Drumming Nut is right about someone's nothing and someone something. And the "perfect" ain't so perfect.

Did we determine who's on first?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 61
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 6:15:59 PM
Well, you "ladies" have certainly given me quite a lot to ruminate. Maybe I'll start dating women from the nursing home down the street...

Nah!
 coastalmermaid
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 62
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 6:38:22 PM
If I had a heart attack and was now on medications for the rest of my life and having to follow a "heart healty diet" because I had not looked after myself over the years...I'm not sure I would feel justified in looking for a "woman who has looked after herself" as claimed on your profile msg 88...since I myself would not meet that sort of qualifier...
Just sayin'
 errant71
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 63
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:25:53 PM
I am somewhat amazed by those who believe that “taking care of themselves” will prevent such health problems as heart attacks, high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney disease. Living a healthy lifestyle can certainly lower your RISK of developing such health problems … but it certainly doesn’t prevent them. Believe it or not … genetics plays a role in these problems.

If you have no health problems and don’t take prescription drugs to maintain your health over the age of 50 … take a moment to make obeisance to your family tree. Then … go pat yourself on the back for maintaining that healthy lifestyle.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 64
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:27:54 PM
If I had a heart attack and was now on medications for the rest of my life and having to follow a "heart healty diet" because I had not looked after myself over the years...I'm not sure I would feel justified in looking for a "woman who has looked after herself" as claimed on your profile msg 88...since I myself would not meet that sort of qualifier...
Just sayin


I didn't have a heart attack because I failed to look after myself. I had a heart attack because a clot formed in one of my coronary arteries. Nor am I on a statin because I failed to look after myself. I'm on a statin because diet alone was not successful in lowering my cholesterol. It's hereditary. And everyone should be following a heart healthy diet, whether they have had a heart attack or not. You're a fool if you think you're immune to heart disease.

Luckily I don't have to justify to you or anyone else what I choose to look for.

It never ceases to amaze me how angry some women on this site get whenever a guy posts about what he's attracted to and not attracted to.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 65
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:45:37 PM
Wait a minute... I'm not angry at all... Where did that come from?


I don't think I specified any individual posters with that statement, or any specific instances.


I really do not care one bit about the kind of woman you are attracted to but it is really really important that the truth about your health be unveiled ASAP TO the woman you are attracted to.


That is between me and the person I choose to date. It is not important to you or anyone else involved on this thread. But most of all, it is not relevant to the thread topic.


Wait an other minute... Didn't you state that you were done posting on this thread because it smelled like flaming or something like that...


And then a few more decided to pile on. Don't worry, the moderators will be along to ban the whole lot of us any minute now...


Who's doing the flaming just now? Trying to belittle the women posting on here because they have valid points shows just what little game you have in your debating abilities.


This stopped being a debate about the time the ad hominem attacks started.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 7:48:56 PM

It never ceases to amaze me how angry some women on this site get whenever a guy posts about what he's attracted to and not attracted to.

They are not angry, that's their natural disposition.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 67
Health Problems
Posted: 1/6/2012 8:58:13 PM
Oh, for forum's sake, "Paderic": you're the OP, and now you don't particularly appreciate the honest responses you have received. (including mine which you have either chosen to skip or ignore, but in either case, i'll just cut to the chase here). "Drumming" is in a wheelchair, and from what she has shared, you might do well to consider that she leads a more active lifestyle than many 45+ people in possession of two healthy lower limbs. So she can't hike mountains. I can -- and do. And guess how many 45+ men have written to share that they are "very active" and also have climbed the Adirondack mountain in my photos ----- on their motorcycles!!! Again: perception of "health" is a very subjective thing, and from what I've experienced over my decade of "singledom", there is little rhyme or reason to much of it. Why a 50 year old man categorically dismisses a woman his own age as a potential lover because he "acts and looks 40" makes no rational sense to any 60 year old woman who can run longer and faster, climb longer and higher, and stat for stat hold her own across dozens of health markers from BMI to resting pulse to cholesterol count to you name them. No matter. He sees a woman his own age and thinks, "old and getting older faster." There's a kind of pure logic to this. But one's "health" isn't a matter of pure logic. People see a wheelchair, and sure: they can name dozens of things the person in it cannot do. They are less likely to consider all the things s/he can do. And so it goes.

I repeat: you're the OP. If you were not prepared to receive the honesty generated by your posts, then you should have not posted in the first place. JMO!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 68
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 12:33:33 AM

Oh, for forum's sake, "Paderic": you're the OP, and now you don't particularly appreciate the honest responses you have received. (including mine which you have either chosen to skip or ignore, but in either case, i'll just cut to the chase here).



I repeat: you're the OP. If you were not prepared to receive the honesty generated by your posts, then you should have not posted in the first place. JMO!


Actually Army-mom is the OP, and she kinda got on me when I said in post 32
We all think OUR health problems < THEIR health problems

Life isnt fair but karma can be a ****!


She said
Msg. 32 -- You should re-read my original post. I said I wouldn't have a problem dating someone with health problems "if those problems were being addressed". He wasn't addressing his health problems -- I addressed mine and live a healthy life. So I did not reject him because he had health problems -- I rejected him because he was a smoker and was relying on pills instead of adjusting his lifestyle.

Hence, I am not worried about karma ...


Again it is a matter of individuals feeling that whatever they have wrong with them doesn't mean anything but whatever someone else has it wayyy more significant! Whatever we use as justification for rejecting someone is simply our justification...our viewpoint of what is and isn't acceptable.

However, since the men who called me damaged goods cause I had cancer I started looking at it from a different viewpoint. If someone is that rigid and scared to take a chance on love to have such a flimsy value system in place as to who they will allow themselves to love and who they wont, then I hit pay dirt by having had cancer and eliminated someone like that from my life.

No one knows how long they will be on this earth or what health they might have during that time. So while it is a valid statement that we all want someone who isnt on a fast track to suicide by lack of good health practices, ever consider who you might actually be missing out on...is it better to keep waiting for that one perfect for you person (who for most of you will never exist) than to take a bit better realistic view of who you are and what you are offering to someone else...maybe take it down a notch.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 3:06:28 AM

However, since the men who called me damaged goods cause I had cancer I started looking at it from a different viewpoint.

I happen to know several people who overcame the cancer, and have been now cancerfree for 10-35 years and lead productive and happy lives, so the treatments have definitely improved over the time. More occurences, but earlier detections and better outcomes.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 3:37:32 AM

Just one person causing a whole plane full of people to be ill? Not likely or typical. Take any plane full of people and you find a good percentage sniffling, sneezing and coughing, people who were ill before they got on the plane or before they even got to the airport.

During the 2003 SARS outbreak, just one passenger caused over 8,000 cases worldwide, and in Canada, about 10% of those infected with SARS died from the disease.
This is media hyperbole. Any halfway intelligent person would realize that.


If one culprint infects entire family of four (and that's just my friends on one plane), I doubt that the virus would be confined to just one row. After all, those viruses like to travel, too. A run-of-the-mill flu won't hit the news, so we don't know how many people were affected.

Although extremely rare, the SARS outbreak really happened. Toronto was affected most. Actually, after a brief period of lull, a second round of infection took place. Nurses were infected, some died, some resigned, hundreds of conferences were cancelled, thousands of travellers cancelled their trips to Canada. Economic consequences were enormous for several years.

I think with all the sophisticated detection machines on the airports where they find the last penny or a nail clipper in my pocket, the world would be much safer if those machines were reprogrammed to sniff out colds and other viruses (or people who ate too much garlic).
 davidf7958
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 71
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 4:34:26 AM
I also feel like you were right in doing that, If someone lies they are non smoker and do, thats bad, plus all the other COPD and is so overweight they have apnea and have to sleep with one of those respirators at night..? Anyway, all thats been hashed to death. My only question though, you said you're "perfectly healthy" since your transplant. I would be hesitant, because you cant really be totally healthy. Im sure you have to take anti rejection drugs for the rest of your life? But also, and correct me if Im wrong, but the transplant only gives you a new liver, but it still doesnt cure your hepaptitis - there is no cure... I had an employee who died of liver cancer 5 years ago, after discovering she had Hep-C and then turned out liver cancer. Obviously most people are not just looking for a platonic relationship, so once you get into a sexual relationship with someone, they are still at risk. I would be even less likely to have contact with someone with HCV-B or C than HIV - HIV has turned more into a chronic illless, and I know firsthand that people DO die of hepatitis.... and I would never sleep with anyone I knew or suspected of having HIV... HIV is not as easily transmitted especially F to M during "regular" sex... Yes there ARE cases that have happened, and I would never take any unsafe practices even so, but Hep is MUCH more contagious... There have never been known cases of catching HIV from someones tooth brush, but there ARE from Hepatitis!..So please tell me if Im wrong, but does a transplant actually CURE the hepatitis? (as in vrius free?) Ive always been inder the impression it doesnt.. Maybe Im wrong?
Good luck, and take care....
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 72
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 7:00:42 AM
davidf7958 ... Maybe I should have said I was as healthy as I could be post-transplant. All I can tell you is that I have done so well since my transplant that I feel as if I never had one. And I am on anti-rejection drugs -- very low dose -- and there's a slight possibility that I may eventually be able to get off of them if I continue doing well. And you're right that there is no cure for hepatitis. It's always in your blood. I took interferon before my transplant which rendered the virus dormant so as to not infect my new liver. After almost 8 years, there has never been a sign that the hep c is active. I am aware of possibility of developing liver cancer, but I don't dwell on that possibility. In my opinion, I've been granted 8 more years of life that I never thought I'd have, so I'm a winner no matter what other health problems I may encounter.

I'm gonna have to disagree with your assessment of hep c being sexually transmitted. Yes, there's a VERY slight possibility it could be transmitted while having sex I suppose -- if you were engaging in rough sex and there was blood transferred. Hep c is a blood-borne virus and that's how it's transmitted. You cannot get it from someone's toothbrush. I was with my son's dad for 12 years having unprotected sex and he was never infected. I had active hep c when I was pregnant with my son and he never contracted it.

There's a ton of information out there on the pros and cons of having sex with someone with hep c. I can tell you from my personal experience that you're probably worrying over nothing -- why borrow trouble? But, of course, it's a personal choice.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 73
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 7:03:50 AM

If I had a heart attack and was now on medications for the rest of my life and having to follow a "heart healty diet" because I had not looked after myself over the years...I'm not sure I would feel justified in looking for a "woman who has looked after herself" as claimed on your profile msg 88...since I myself would not meet that sort of qualifier...
Just sayin'


That is like saying I want someone to be in peak condition, however I am not.. I just look like I am but what lays beneath the surface is somewhat of a different story..

One man I met commented on the good shape I appeared to be in.. Then he gently followed that later on during our conversation, with asking me if I happen to take any medications at all.. I thought that was a smart way about finding out about my health.. I replied just some vitamins that I take due to being vegan (B12) and due to our lack of sunlight (Vitamin D Drops) as well as Krill Oil to promote a healthy heart..

I thought his way of going about it was gentile.. So I followed his lead with the next gent I met..

nativerock
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 74
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 7:46:20 AM
Oh, for forum's sake, "Paderic": you're the OP, and now you don't particularly appreciate the honest responses you have received. (including mine which you have either chosen to skip or ignore, but in either case, i'll just cut to the chase here).
I repeat: you're the OP. If you were not prepared to receive the honesty generated by your posts, then you should have not posted in the first place. JMO!



Actually Army-mom is the OP,


Mea culpla, Fellow Forumites, especially "AM" and "P"! [This is what comes from trying to post coherent thoughts after 10 PM when someone like me is 45+!!]

However, mistaken identities duly noted, I stand by my point: honest feedback is honest feedback. I guess I got a "bit" anxious reading diction such as "flame wars" because just this week a few individuals took umbrage to something posted. The result? 26 pages' worth of mostly invaluable sharing ---- about a critical issue facing many of us 45+ -- have now been deleted from the board. This is an unfortunate consequence if you ask me, particularly since being on these forums is an option. People have free will to post and cease to post on any given topic. A very wise man and probably one of the finest educators I've ever known once said, "Honorable persons of integrity can -- and do-- disagree on issues of vital import."

I'm not at all of the mindset that chronological age has much to do with a person's health or lack thereof. And it just plain hurts when some man whose profile gets my little heart a beating initiates contact with great interest --- only to disappear into the black hole of cyberspace once he realizes that I'm (god forbid, and yes: sarcasm intended) his age. "Why," I have asked myself more than once, "can't these people take an extra second to read read an entire profile?" But they don't. They see what they choose to see, and to heck with the outcome once they see more than they'd care to see. I refuse to empower the mindset of a man who somehow can't consider that a woman a decade (plus) younger than he is going to be a woman of fewer "health problems" ---- either now or later. But it still hurts to be rejected courtesy of that mindset. . . Just as I'm sure "Paderic" and "Drumming" feel some hurt that a heart attack and wheelchair respectively may be seen by some as "health problems" and causes for "rejection". But you know what? I have had my own experiences with "health problems" that clearly affect my perceptions -- my marathon-running soulmate died at 46 of an incurable disease. This doesn't mean that others' perceptions are either completely unreasonable or devoid of truth. And like them or not, I must respect them and move on.

And so I say,"Bring on those other fish in the sea!" And tonight I'm going to put my 58 year old self into a brand new emerald colored satin dress missing one shoulder and a few inches of hem above my two knees. After which I will walk into a lovely wedding reception by myself, enjoy the music, decline to think of nothing except all the other weddings when I had a wonderful man by my side with whom I could dance the night away, and be glad that I'm alive (with fewer health problems than I might have!)
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 75
Health Problems
Posted: 1/7/2012 9:54:48 AM
But, in looking for a partner, it was important to me to find someone who could live a compatible lifestyle to mine.


This is essentially what I said that caused such a ruckus. I've come to realize that women are allowed to express such an opinion, men are not.

VVV I didn't say a heart attack was nothing. I said my prognosis for a long and active life is excellent. Those that pretend to know better than my cardiologist decided to twist those words to meet their ends.
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