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 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 85
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Health ProblemsPage 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Disability is the the basis for the most severe discriminatory acts in the USA. Those with disabilities face more discrimination than people of color. How does this fit with your values?

Speaking as one who is also disabled, it depends entirely on the disabilitiy in question. I would not deliberately choose a profoundly deaf person, because although I have worked with quite a few, I don't sign. I would also be somewhat leery of someone else with vision problems - there would be too many difficulties for me with someone who was unable to drive, or had a seeing eye dog. I have a service dog, and another one in training. Nor would I choose someone with moderate to severe COPD. Otherwise - shrugs. It's more a matter of congruent interests than anything.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 87
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Health Problems- You're right
Posted: 1/8/2012 4:29:16 PM
OP

As an experienced nurse, I agree with you. Why would you take on a new patient and one that does not cooperate with the doctors advice (stop smoking, exercise, proper nutrition).

Life has enough bumps all along the way; you dont need mountains to begin.

Peppie
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 90
Health Problems
Posted: 1/8/2012 5:11:46 PM
The only way to avoid burying a loved one is to not love. (or make sure you die first)

Not many people have the stomach for that.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 91
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Posted: 1/8/2012 5:53:20 PM

The only way to avoid burying a loved one is to not love. (or make sure you die first)

Not many people have the stomach for that.

And this is, in itself, impossible. Loved ones are not just spouses or significant others. They are parents, children, grandchldren, relatives, friends (most people do have at least a few friends they love).

Sometimes it's way too soon, with no chance to say goodbye. Sometimes it's after a prolonged illness, and if you witness the decline it's a relief, in a way, because you know the suffering is over.

But only a true sociopath just doesn't care on any level.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 93
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Posted: 1/8/2012 6:07:32 PM
^^^
Right! It seems that this thread ran its course.
From a relatively cheerful OP through excessive physical activities all the way to funeral and the burial arrangements.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 102
Health Problems
Posted: 1/10/2012 10:30:55 PM

I can see women that will not state up front what their health issues are.


lol I worry more about the prozac etc they take to be *normal! (both men/women)

See in my humble opinion; love doesnt really care what health problems someone else might have. To go into a relationship insisting that it last till nursing home rockers vs enjoying the life you might get to have with someone however limited it might be.

See if someone is lying to hide their health issues then you have to wonder what else are they hiding; that's a clue to what their character is.

I also think if George Clooney had a heart attack tomorrow most of the ladies on this thread wouldnt turn him down if he asked even if they knew he had a heart condition.

The fact is that most consider themselves and their issues to be > that members of the opposite sex and they are holding out for something better.

It reminds me of a bad bar scene where a couple eyes each other early in the night, maybe even dance a dance and then the club fills up and each thinks they can do better but at closing time there they both sit ...rejected by everyone else so now they go off together....
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 104
Health Problems
Posted: 1/11/2012 8:09:55 AM
Ive had many patients with MS and not all are fortunate to remain fully functioning. But of course I dont see them til end stages in the disease. Many have neurogenic bladders, confined to wheelchairs needing assistance to even get in the wheelchair, Ive even had a few on ventilators. MS is a nasty miserable bytch and hopefully this thread can open some eyes to it and when you see a non profit that does research give em some time or a donation!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 109
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Posted: 1/13/2012 8:12:28 AM

Whether hepatitis C can be transmitted through sexual activity is controversial.[24] While there is an association between high-risk sexual activity and hepatitis C, it is not known whether transmission of the disease is due to drug use that has not been admitted to or sex as a risk factor.[5] The majority of evidence supports there being no risk for monogamous heterosexual couples.[24] Sexual practices that involve higher levels of trauma to the anogenital mucosa, such as anal penetrative sex, or that occur when there is a concurrent sexually transmitted infection, including HIV or genital ulceration, do present a risk.[24] The United States government only recommends condom use to prevent hepatitis C transmission in those with multiple partners.[25]


Hmmm.... I was posting in response to exquisite_woman, who seemed to be really going after army_mom. But that post has now been edited, and toned down, so.....
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 111
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Posted: 1/13/2012 8:28:09 AM
ExquisiteWoman:

Hepatitis C is a contagious viral disease that leads to serious, permanent liver damage, and in many cases, death.


You don't know quite as much as you think you do. My husband got hep C from a dirty transfusion when he was about 16. It was about 30 years after that before he had any symptoms at all. And while it's true that was the primary cause of his death, he didn't die for another 15 years or so after it was diagnosed. He very rarely had to take meds of any kind, mostly it was controlled with diet.

This little overview is from the CDC:


Hepatitis C is a contagious liver disease that results from infection with the Hepatitis C virus. It can range in severity from a mild illness lasting a few weeks to a serious, lifelong illness. Hepatitis C is usually spread when blood from a person infected with the Hepatitis C virus enters the body of someone who is not infected. Today, most people become infected with the Hepatitis C virus by sharing needles or other equipment to inject drugs. Before 1992, when widespread screening of the blood supply began in the United States, Hepatitis C was also commonly spread through blood transfusions and organ transplants.


And btw, all the time we were together, over 20 years, we had unprotected sex and I never got it.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 113
Health Problems
Posted: 1/13/2012 10:28:58 AM
I dont think even if you screamed at the top of your lungs for some that the whole point is you take care of yourself . The other guy was a slacker and a slob and was just too lazy to take care of himself. Huge difference in my book!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 115
Health Problems
Posted: 1/13/2012 2:52:27 PM
My ex husband died from complications of Hep C while waiting for a liver transplant...he never had a blood transfusion and didn't shoot up...he did have questionable sex partners after our divorce. If someone tells me they have Hep C Im getting off the bus.
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 116
Health Problems
Posted: 1/16/2012 8:07:58 AM
" ... I realize as we age, most of us develop some health problems. When you're in the getting-to-know someone stage, is it OK to ask about health problems? Has anyone ever asked and then freaked out when you learned about someone's health problems? ... "


The only time in life we'll ever NOT have health problems is that time after we've begun taking our 'dirt nap'. As long as we are a walking, talking, and breathing organism, we will have problems maintaining a proper state of 'health'.

That said, I see no special 'point' at which it's okay to discuss (or withhold) information about one's health and / or 'problems'. If there's to be a relationship, it should be one based on full disclosure, should it not? That would include the little things that can have an impact on said relationship, such as whether or not one or both parties are indeed healthy enough to be active participants in one. When disclosure reveals that one of the parties is unable to deal with the revelation(-s) concerning health, it's better to know that as early on as possible. If they can't handle the mere presentation of information, you don't want them around when you're not healthy and in need of their assistance. Weed them out early on.

I divulge to all 'potential mates' the fact I've lost 20% of my rear heart wall muscle. That, however, means I still have 80% which is fully functional. I refuse to live my life as an invalid because of something that trivial. I have also had my 'birth issue' teeth replaced with man-made ones. The distinct benefit on offer to those ones is that I no longer need worry about the damned drill or the 'deep scaling' procedures - and I'll never need another root canal. If that information is all it takes to put a lady off her feed, then she is free to look elsewhere. I will even bestow upon her the ancient blessing of 'Don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out' as she exits.

Put the information on the table at the earliest opportunity. It's the only way you'll know if it has a negative or positive effect on the recipient of the news. The best surprise is no surprise - release the health information (or information about any other potentially 'sensitive' subject) accordingly, then wait on their response to it.
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 120
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Posted: 1/18/2012 8:38:48 PM
I came late to this thread, but the guy sounds like one of my patients. They drink, smoke, do drugs, and then expect me to be a miracle worker by getting them walking again after their eventual strokes. I work in physical rehabilitation at a V.A. hospital. I always have to tell the guys with alcoholic ataxia that I can't fix what 30 years of hard drinking did. Their poor balance is irreversible.

I wouldn't date a smoker either. I have before, but never again. To be honest though, the Hep C would scare me away too I think.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 121
Health Problems
Posted: 1/19/2012 5:31:37 AM
This is an interesting phenomenon that I've noticed in this thread. Those with health issues that are being managed say they are "perfectly healthy" and have no health problems, including those who have had heart attacks, etc. It seems to me a clear case of deluding oneself.


The prognosis of heart attack victims varies greatly, without knowing the specifics of an individual case you are commenting from a position of complete ignorance. I don't think anyone has said they were completely healthy, but rather that they weren't limited in their daily life by their issue. I would challenge you to join me in one of my daily workouts.


I know I met and dated, for a short time, a man who told me he was fit and healthy though he'd had a heart attack and bypass surgery and had one collapsed lung and injuries from when he was a semi-professional athlete in his youth.


It's always good for a laugh when someone provides anecdotal evidence of this one person they met once upon a time that now applies to all people they will ever come in contact with.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 122
Health Problems
Posted: 1/19/2012 6:10:10 AM
To say you are in "perfectly good health" as the OP has claimed, is to be at least deluding yourselves and to not be totally open and upfront about it is to decieve others.


For you to assume that she or I are not totally open or upfront is pretty arrogant.

That little bit of extra weight most people have would make it impossible them to claim perfectly good health. For all you know, you could die of a heart attack this afternoon. More than 600,000 people die from heart disease in this country every year, many of them have no prior knowledge of their condition.


No one is blaming you or the OP for having health issues. No one is saying you don't both live normal lives or that you are not active. But you both have health issues, serious ones.


From a fitness standpoint, I am very fit, especially for my age. I am able to sustain 8 to 9 METS for a 30 to 60 minute workout 6 days per week. My main area of concern is preventing another blockage.

I am probably at a significantly lower risk of suffering another heart attack than the majority of people my age are of suffering their first. I will be receiving regular cardiological fitness exams for the rest of my life.

When I was six years old, I injured myself and had to be hospitalized for two weeks with a bleeding kidney. Because of that, I could never be a kidney donor. I hardly think that's something a potential date needs to know about me before the first meeting.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 123
Health Problems
Posted: 1/19/2012 7:28:11 AM
Denial....not just a river in Egypt!

The point that is being made is that no one is "perfectly healthy" but we all minimize our health issues as being less than someone else in an effort to make us more attractive to others and for the most part it serves no purpose. A "perfectly healthy" could drop dead tomorrow or have a stroke and end up bed ridden for years...isn't it better to find someone you are compatible with and enjoy the company of than to constantly seek a "perfect" person and that would include someone who is capable of keeping up with your interest and life style.

In this search for someone who is; most would prefer to be home alone waiting on the perfect person than accept that they aren't all that and a bag of potato chips.

The thing that most do not realize is there are no guarantees in life, unless you want to make the 25 questions go up to 50 and include the health of family members like the doctors do...cause that I do believe there is some truth in. All my mom's family have lived to be in their late 90's and my father died at the same age as his father right before 70. So don't forget to ask about their family now so you can get that GUARANTEE that this time it will work (maybe in the future you will realize that the issues isnt with THEM but with YOU).
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 125
Health Problems
Posted: 1/19/2012 9:04:58 AM
I recall many years ago a very famous runner died of a heart attack.


That would be Jim Fixx, author of The Complete Book of Running. He did not actually lead a healthy lifestyle for his entire lifetime, he was obese and a heavy smoker until he took up running in his thirties. He died in his early fifties of a heart attack following his daily run. The autopsy revealed he suffered from atherosclerosis.

A more interesting case is Arthur Ashe, the world class tennis player. He suffered a heart attack at the age of 36 while he was still competing (this was just four years after he won Wimbledon). The surgery that saved his life wound up costing it, he contracted AIDS from blood he received during the operation.

but we all minimize our health issues as being less than someone else in an effort to make us more attractive to others


I don't believe I have done that.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 131
Health Problems
Posted: 1/21/2012 8:47:32 AM
What does "rolled back" mean?


It means posts that violated the rules have been removed.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 133
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 7:40:06 AM
I find it extremely irritating to read over and over again that people 'our' age all have problems, that at 'our' age, everyone has problems or some kind of problem.


Then don't read it. Online forums are a place for diverging opinions to be expressed, you have to expect you're going to encounter sentiments you don't share.

It's really no different than those that seem to believe having gotten to some arbitrary point in life without an issue means they will not encounter one in the future. Or those that presume anyone who has experienced something can never be considered healthy again.

Whether you want to admit it or not, you do have a health issue. It's called aging.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 135
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:43:52 AM
It seems to me people are intentionally missing the point.


Ditto.


It is very, very simple: it is that people state as fact something that is not a fact, which is that ALL people of middle age and older have some kind of health problem. It is not a fact at all. That was the only point I was making. And btw, stating that aging is a health issue is a logical fallacy. If that were the case, then life itself is a health issue.


Perhaps, as a start, you could come up with a universally accepted definition of what constitutes a health problem...

I don't see a fallacy. Life inevitably ends in death. As we age, death becomes more imminent with each passing day.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 138
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 10:25:07 AM
^^ DrummingNut, I agree I do not see where anyone said ALL but I have found that people READ INTO and OUT of a post whatever they feel they need to flame their own personal "LOOK AT ME" agenda.

It is especially funny when someone with one of the worse attitudes on the forums says a positive attitude is the reason they have GREAT health.

But if the rest of you can call yourself healthy...so can I ;P Unless you have been in someone's shoes you do not know why they are the way they are...and all this back and forth is meaningless... my mom is in her 90's she grew up eating things that now every doctor and medical book would say would kill you...(southern cooking is like that). She smoked and she drank (not a drunk) until her late 40's and then gave up smoking for her religion...she keeps a bottle of whiskey by her bed and tosses back a quick one if she cant sleep (personally I think it is genius vs tossing and turning all night or getting medication from a doctor)

I had colon cancer (now my oncologist said I had it for 10 years which means in my 30's, they told me I had 5 years to live and I sure wasn't going to diet! They were wrong ...oh well! Now Im actively working to correct that but I am not about to tell anyone Im perfect and have nothing wrong with me...at the same time the guys who said I was damaged cause they didn't want to risk a relationship with me and have the cancer come back and kill me and then they would get hurt (yes people if they are honest will admit it; he did offer his services in other ways to which I told him where he could go).

My doctor said it best...it is called a "PRACTICE" cause the reason one person gets something and someone exactly like them doesn't isnt known pass genetics...there are no solid truths.

It goes back to everyone wants someone who is perfect when they have serious flaws themselves and what one person's perfection is ...it is different with someone else.

What I might accept in someone and what you might accept are different but this whole ME being BETTER than someone else is bullshit. YOU AREN'T ...you are just you. The reason you might not get along with someone else is lifestyles...then that is a good reason not to be with someone...but to blame their health when your own health is questionable is denial!.

BTW I'd perfer someone with physical vs mental illness.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 142
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 9:07:18 AM

We all know that anything can happen to anyone at any time, and if you are seriously involved with someone who becomes ill, that is another thing, but there is no reason to turn your life upside down and stop doing what you normally do to begin dating someone who can't share your active lifestyle.


I agree, 100%. What has annoyed me in this thread is the assumption that certain ailments preclude someone from leading an active lifestyle.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 144
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Posted: 2/3/2012 10:01:41 AM
I have found people think their own health problems are no big deal, yet are looking for someone without any.

Example: A man who was active traveling, skiing etc and I were emailing getting to know one another, eventually it came out that he had some pretty serious pain issues from accidents he had in the past. He dealt with the pain with daily pain killers and smoking pot. But "Oh no big deal".
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 146
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 7:40:45 PM
I've gotten a lot more serious about hitting the gym since the heart attack. I'm working out 5-7 days a week these days. I've also gotten serious about eating healthy. It's been quite the motivator and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I was really lucky.

I haven't been on many dates since it happened, but so far women have been pretty cool about it.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 148
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Posted: 2/3/2012 9:47:54 PM

We all know that anything can happen to anyone at any time, and if you are seriously involved with someone who becomes ill, that is another thing, but there is no reason to turn your life upside down and stop doing what you normally do to begin dating someone who can't share your active lifestyle.


A quarter century ago whilst in law school we lost three class mates through death, one was a study partner, one fella dropped out due to lung cancer and the subsequent surgery, and another lady who lasted into the 2nd year who eventually dropped due to lupus.

Life was / is never fair. We were all young(ish) (I was one of the older students) and yet we lost a not insignificant number of that class to illnesses. None of which could have been foreseen. None really planned for. A couple were sudden.

Yet, here I am, 50's 'ish, walking into Costco and all about me I see men and women may age, many younger, some older, the vast majority larger than I. Most have that overweight waddle, just painful to watch, and it reaffirms my position about what I shall allow in my life as the years go forward.

As I hope to have pointed out with my opening paragraph, life in all of it's vain glory sucks at times. And when life decides to hit you up side the head with a 2x4 t'ain't nothin' you can do about it. BUT, there are those factors we do have some control over. Our lifestyle choices. I won't get involved with a smoker. Not a recent smoker. As for someone who was a smoker. ????? Why? Why would I knowingly ask for that in my life from someone who had a suicide wish in their past? Why would I get involved with someone who plays russian roulette. Why?
Likewise for a non-active woman. I'm not looking for a world class athlete. But a woman at 50 who I don't have to help up the stairs would be nice. Know what I mean.

But that gets me to this last bit. What can we; What will we accept. For those of who are healthy, always healthy (blessings) or those who have had the brush and turned their life around, what is acceptable? Me personally, I suffer from SAD. Winters in this northern region, with our frequent inversions, are a strain and I am not the man in winter that I am in the summer. Hence my plans to get back below the Mason-Dixon. Oh yeah, Dixie here I come. My knees! I was a long distance runner for years until the Doc made it clear that any more running will lead to more surgeries to remove more cartilage. So there are times when walking is painful, stairs are less than enjoyable (ranch style houses are looking attractive, eh?) and yes, I can tell when the weather is about to change. So, a woman who enjoys running, is that a deal breaker, or would me on a bike be OK, or in-line skates. Walking.

Anyway: for me it comes down to controlling what I can , especially for me, and not looking for are asking for trouble.

TK
[Me? I Swim, Walk, Lift, and Walk]
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