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 AUTHOR
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 152
Health ProblemsPage 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
It seems to me people are intentionally missing the point.


Ditto.


It is very, very simple: it is that people state as fact something that is not a fact, which is that ALL people of middle age and older have some kind of health problem. It is not a fact at all. That was the only point I was making. And btw, stating that aging is a health issue is a logical fallacy. If that were the case, then life itself is a health issue.


Perhaps, as a start, you could come up with a universally accepted definition of what constitutes a health problem...

I don't see a fallacy. Life inevitably ends in death. As we age, death becomes more imminent with each passing day.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 153
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:45:18 AM
Maybe I'm missing "the point" -- whatever it is at the moment, but i'm thinking that our collective definitions of "health problems" are falling into two categories:

1st) the ones that we ourselves knowingly incur over a long period of time. These include smoking, over eating, abusing alcohol/drugs, living a sedentary lifestyle, and consuming an unhealthful diet. Over a short period of time none of these will adversely impact upon our health. But over 3-5 decades, we find ourselves "over 45" and suffering from the cumulative adverse effects of unhealthy lifestyle choices that now leave us with any one/more health problems. Obesity is the number one cause of health problems world wide. Even more severe than heart disease and cancer. Although many of these health problems are of course interconnected. For example. Overweight sedentary women who smoke are at greater risk for health problems and will in fact tend to have more health problems than women who exercise, are not overweight and do not smoke.
This is not 100% true. What i life is? But is is far more true than not true.

2nd) the health problems that happen to us. Maybe they're genetic: i.e Huntingtons, breast cancer. Maybe they're environmental: mesothelioma, second hand smoke. Or maybe they are sporadic as in they just happen for the most part , and nobody quite knows why yet: i.e. epilepsy, ALS.

I think??? the bone of contention comes down to lifestyle choices. We all agree that some things are simply out of our control: i.e arthritis, MS, long-term problems caused by car accidents, etc.

Maybe we should pay a little more attention to our semantics!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 154
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:54:45 AM

...people state as fact something that is not a fact, which is that ALL people of middle age and older have some kind of health problem. It is not a fact at all. That was the only point I was making.

But.. but... but... I'm not sure if anyone here has said "ALL people of middle age and older have some kind of health problem".
Why are you protesting so much about something that hasn't even been said?
I don't know, maybe one person said something about 'ALL', but I didn't see it when I looked?
Possibly you could find someone saying something about "everyone" having something healthwise they've had to deal with in 50 yrs on earth.. I don't know.
You seem to think a lot of 'people' (which means more than one) have declared 'ALL'.
Maybe you could copy/paste where you've seen that?

In my opinion a whole lot of people(note: I did not say "ALL") over 50 DO have some sort of something going on that requires a pill, or keeping an eye on it, or taking it easier on that not-so-good knee, or whatever whatever whatever.
Might be something small... hey, how about "can't read the small print anymore" (hehe).. but as we get on over the 50 hump, a whole lot of us have 'something', (again note: I did not say ALL).
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 155
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 10:25:07 AM
^^ DrummingNut, I agree I do not see where anyone said ALL but I have found that people READ INTO and OUT of a post whatever they feel they need to flame their own personal "LOOK AT ME" agenda.

It is especially funny when someone with one of the worse attitudes on the forums says a positive attitude is the reason they have GREAT health.

But if the rest of you can call yourself healthy...so can I ;P Unless you have been in someone's shoes you do not know why they are the way they are...and all this back and forth is meaningless... my mom is in her 90's she grew up eating things that now every doctor and medical book would say would kill you...(southern cooking is like that). She smoked and she drank (not a drunk) until her late 40's and then gave up smoking for her religion...she keeps a bottle of whiskey by her bed and tosses back a quick one if she cant sleep (personally I think it is genius vs tossing and turning all night or getting medication from a doctor)

I had colon cancer (now my oncologist said I had it for 10 years which means in my 30's, they told me I had 5 years to live and I sure wasn't going to diet! They were wrong ...oh well! Now Im actively working to correct that but I am not about to tell anyone Im perfect and have nothing wrong with me...at the same time the guys who said I was damaged cause they didn't want to risk a relationship with me and have the cancer come back and kill me and then they would get hurt (yes people if they are honest will admit it; he did offer his services in other ways to which I told him where he could go).

My doctor said it best...it is called a "PRACTICE" cause the reason one person gets something and someone exactly like them doesn't isnt known pass genetics...there are no solid truths.

It goes back to everyone wants someone who is perfect when they have serious flaws themselves and what one person's perfection is ...it is different with someone else.

What I might accept in someone and what you might accept are different but this whole ME being BETTER than someone else is bullshit. YOU AREN'T ...you are just you. The reason you might not get along with someone else is lifestyles...then that is a good reason not to be with someone...but to blame their health when your own health is questionable is denial!.

BTW I'd perfer someone with physical vs mental illness.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 156
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 1:48:59 PM
It is especially funny when someone with one of the worse attitudes on the forums says a positive attitude is the reason they have GREAT health.


It is especially NOT funny when someone making the above personal attack is a person whose complaints about personal attacks led to the deletion of an entire 16 page thread on the challenges most over 45+ adults in this forum have faced --- or will face -- when/if they must care for a loved one with alzheimers or some other progressively degenerative terminal incurable disease. This "do as I say but not as I do" is hardlybehavior worthy of we so-called "mature" as in 45+ adults, and I for one take umbrage to the personal attack on "Mrs. Polifax". Perhaps if you read my previous post on "semantics," you'd have a better sense of what she ---and the OP ---- are trying to say about "health problems" vs. "health problems that are the cumulative effect of someone's choice to neglect/abuse his/her own body for decades".


when you read as a whole this has been a very "edgy" thread. Some folks here seem determined to miss the point of posts by others.

Best to OP.


Amen. Thanks, Seki!

 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 157
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 3:15:29 PM
Sorry if I personally caused any of this 'attack' stuff.

Thing is, a thread about "being a healthy 45+ person dating people 45+ with health problems" ..
would be deemed redundant to a thread about "being a healthy 45+ person dating people 45+ with health problems due to not taking care of themselves".

I think we so-called "mature" as in 45+ adults could/should be able to discuss both types of situations in one thread, especially with the 'redundant' rule here.
 coastalmermaid
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 158
Health Problems
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:24:18 PM
Msg 188...Yes it is quite irritating when some conclude erroneously that all people in mid-life have health problems. Yes it is inevitable that some of us will experience health challenges as we age...but I have known some very healthy 90 yr olds whose only medications are the occasional aspirin.

I'm one of those lucky people who never have experienced substantial health challenges, am rarely ever sick, still have all my wisdom teeth and only one filling in my whole life. We play the hand we are dealt as best we can. I do what I can to minimize the risk factors and am lucky to have been born in a first world country with universal health care, raised in a middle class environment with access to education etc. among other factors which lessen the risk factors for health challenges. I eat healthy, get a lot of exercise, and try to live a balanced life with a positive attitude. I also know plenty of others my age and older who also are very healthy with no health challenges what-so-ever (although unfortunately for me they are all women:)

Consequently, the thought of dating someone who just didn't care about their health is quite repugnant to me. If they don't care about themselves...how are they ever going to care about a significant other? Not caring about one's health to me says 'lazy' and emotionally retarded because they are not able to take responsibility for themselves and behave like adults. We would just have nothing in common.

If I were to meet someone who appeared healty, cared enough about themselves to be responsible for their own health, and lived an active life-style but later experienced some kind of long-term health challenge...I certainly wouldn't just kick them to the curb because of it. But then the relationship would already be established. My understanding is that the OP was referring to Beginning a relationship with someone whose beliefs about health were significantly incongruent with her own.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 159
Health Problems
Posted: 1/23/2012 12:59:25 AM
I am not on medications and except for an occasional cold, I am pretty healthy so yes, having a reasonably healthy partner who can share my sense of adventure and love of life is important. Unfortunately, finding a healthy man my age in my area who wants to date a woman in her 40's is tough! For example:

I went out with someone who was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal liver cancer just 3 weeks after we met. He had neglected to tell me that he had previously been treated for colon cancer and told it would return in 3-5 years. Another man I went out with had a major heart attack and stroke after only a couple of months of dating...he neglected to tell me he had previously had open heart surgery to clear a blockage and had been in a 6 week coma following a motorcycle accident the summer before we met. I was corresponding with another man when he contracted the flu/severe pneumonia and went into a coma for weeks...his sister told me he was a 4 pack a day smoker.

Even the man I am dating now, though very sweet and wonderful in every other aspect, is severely overweight, takes medication for high blood pressure and needs major reconstructive surgery to correct an ankle injury that has left him with a permanent limp. So, to answer the OP's question, does it freak me out...yes...but do I feel I have a choice? no.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 160
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 9:07:18 AM

We all know that anything can happen to anyone at any time, and if you are seriously involved with someone who becomes ill, that is another thing, but there is no reason to turn your life upside down and stop doing what you normally do to begin dating someone who can't share your active lifestyle.


I agree, 100%. What has annoyed me in this thread is the assumption that certain ailments preclude someone from leading an active lifestyle.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 161
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 9:17:53 AM

but there is no reason to turn your life upside down and stop doing what you normally do to begin dating someone who can't share your active lifestyle.


I think lifestyle is primary in importance when considering someone as a potential.. However having said that things can change and one should be committed enough to face those changes that might occur with time..Also there is a lot more to lifestyle than just your activity level..

However also agree with Paderic as far as assumptions go..
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 162
view profile
History
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 10:01:41 AM
I have found people think their own health problems are no big deal, yet are looking for someone without any.

Example: A man who was active traveling, skiing etc and I were emailing getting to know one another, eventually it came out that he had some pretty serious pain issues from accidents he had in the past. He dealt with the pain with daily pain killers and smoking pot. But "Oh no big deal".
 Prettyfox54
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 163
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 2:46:19 PM
army mom, yes we develop health problems inevitably. There is only one difference between the inevitable; that would be whether the person is taking care of it or not. Obviously, you do and have taken care of yours and obviously the man you met online does not. Health problems are not the issue as much as the spirit of the person to live or die. I will take it that you need someone who wants to live and not be a crippled mess for whom you will have to take care? Are you stuck on this guy?
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 164
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 2:53:11 PM
Prettyfox ... No, definitely never was stuck on this guy. Never even met him. And that wasn't just because of his unaddressed medical problems. His profile said he was a non-smoker and he admitted on the phone he was a smoker. That would have been a dealbreaker even without the other health problems.

I've tried hard to impress upon the other posters during the course of this thread that I don't discount men who have health problems, if those problems are being addressed. And if I had been seriously dating someone for even a couple of months and they developed some health problems, I certainly wouldn't cut and run like my ex did to me.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 165
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 7:40:45 PM
I've gotten a lot more serious about hitting the gym since the heart attack. I'm working out 5-7 days a week these days. I've also gotten serious about eating healthy. It's been quite the motivator and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I was really lucky.

I haven't been on many dates since it happened, but so far women have been pretty cool about it.
 gregorykaye
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 166
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 7:48:06 PM
Will he put you on his insurance policy? Just sayin.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 167
view profile
History
Health Problems
Posted: 2/3/2012 9:47:54 PM

We all know that anything can happen to anyone at any time, and if you are seriously involved with someone who becomes ill, that is another thing, but there is no reason to turn your life upside down and stop doing what you normally do to begin dating someone who can't share your active lifestyle.


A quarter century ago whilst in law school we lost three class mates through death, one was a study partner, one fella dropped out due to lung cancer and the subsequent surgery, and another lady who lasted into the 2nd year who eventually dropped due to lupus.

Life was / is never fair. We were all young(ish) (I was one of the older students) and yet we lost a not insignificant number of that class to illnesses. None of which could have been foreseen. None really planned for. A couple were sudden.

Yet, here I am, 50's 'ish, walking into Costco and all about me I see men and women may age, many younger, some older, the vast majority larger than I. Most have that overweight waddle, just painful to watch, and it reaffirms my position about what I shall allow in my life as the years go forward.

As I hope to have pointed out with my opening paragraph, life in all of it's vain glory sucks at times. And when life decides to hit you up side the head with a 2x4 t'ain't nothin' you can do about it. BUT, there are those factors we do have some control over. Our lifestyle choices. I won't get involved with a smoker. Not a recent smoker. As for someone who was a smoker. ????? Why? Why would I knowingly ask for that in my life from someone who had a suicide wish in their past? Why would I get involved with someone who plays russian roulette. Why?
Likewise for a non-active woman. I'm not looking for a world class athlete. But a woman at 50 who I don't have to help up the stairs would be nice. Know what I mean.

But that gets me to this last bit. What can we; What will we accept. For those of who are healthy, always healthy (blessings) or those who have had the brush and turned their life around, what is acceptable? Me personally, I suffer from SAD. Winters in this northern region, with our frequent inversions, are a strain and I am not the man in winter that I am in the summer. Hence my plans to get back below the Mason-Dixon. Oh yeah, Dixie here I come. My knees! I was a long distance runner for years until the Doc made it clear that any more running will lead to more surgeries to remove more cartilage. So there are times when walking is painful, stairs are less than enjoyable (ranch style houses are looking attractive, eh?) and yes, I can tell when the weather is about to change. So, a woman who enjoys running, is that a deal breaker, or would me on a bike be OK, or in-line skates. Walking.

Anyway: for me it comes down to controlling what I can , especially for me, and not looking for are asking for trouble.

TK
[Me? I Swim, Walk, Lift, and Walk]
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 168
Health Problems
Posted: 2/4/2012 6:45:51 AM

Nativerock: How about if you met someone and the only way you could become involved is if you immediately gave up all your cats and anything to do with cats? Would you start dating such a person, knowing if you got serious you would never have anything to do with cats again for the rest of your life?


No would not date someone that asked that I do that.. In fact I tend to look at those that I meet that love animals and own one or two themselves..I found men I dated in the past that had none "usually" did not want the responsibility of pet ownership. I happen to thrive on being responsible. Or they had to do a lot of traveling for work which also was not for me, since I did not wish to be a grass widow..
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 169
Health Problems
Posted: 2/4/2012 7:39:45 AM
But that gets me to this last bit. What can we; What will we accept.


Ya know, TKnight? I think your "last bit" says a huge bit.

At 51, for the first time in my female existence, I became a "sincere seeker." What did i -- for whom smart, fun, funny, athletic, educated, drop dead gorgeous and NICE GUYS had until then simply "been there" in my world --- know about living and loving life with/out these kinds of men in my 50+ world?

Apparently not much. Actually, probably less than "not much."

So now as the years have happened, and my "plus" 45 and single status has become a considerably greater "plus" 45, i ask myself: "What can I accept?"

And I'm coming to appreciate that age is not just about wisdom, but about acceptance.
This is not to equate "acceptance" with "settling." As an example, TKnight, you share these thoughts about a smoker:


BUT, there are those factors we do have some control over. Our lifestyle choices. I won't get involved with a smoker. Not a recent smoker. As for someone who was a smoker. ????? Why? Why would I knowingly ask for that in my life from someone who had a suicide wish in their past? Why would I get involved with someone who plays russian roulette. Why?


And upon reading them, I found myself thinking, "That is EXACTLY how I've always felt. For the same reasons."

But. For the past several weeks, I've been getting to know one of those "Russian roulette" non/smokers. Given what i have NOT been willing/able to "accept," when it comes to smokers, my biggest concern should be the unknown/potential "health problems" connected to his smoking.

And yet, if you were to ask me why his smoking never ever crosses my mind anytime we have a phone conversation or exchange an e-mail, I'd be utterly incapable of articulating a single word that sounded like the person I know myself to be.

Which just shows to go ya: sometimes you connect with Someone. And you find yourself inexplicably ready, willing, and maybe even able to go off the map.

"Queegueg was from Rokovoko. It is not to be found on any map. True places never are."
(---Herman Melville from "Moby**** underline please, what the heck does this site have against underlining and italics?)
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 170
Health Problems
Posted: 2/4/2012 11:18:04 AM

You would not consider dating anyone when it would require you to give up what you love, i.e. your cats. Your love of animals is a lifestyle choice. Yet you suggest that others give up their 'activity level' to date people because it is only one aspect of a lifestyle. Well, your cats are only one aspect of a lifestyle too, but you would never give them up to start a relationship with someone. Do you see my point? You suggest people give up their active lifestyle to date someone just because it is only one aspect of a lifestyle, but you would never consider doing the same. Many people might think cats are so not important, certainly not essential. What is important and essential to one person is not to another; that's no reason to tell other people they need to give up what they love when you wouldn't do the same. I am refering to this statement you made


I think you need to reread what I wrote.. I posted it again below


I think lifestyle is primary in importance when considering someone as a potential.. However having said that things can change and one should be committed enough to face those changes that might occur with time..Also there is a lot more to lifestyle than just your activity level..


This means if your partner is not longer able to be as active as he once was and has nothing to do with you giving up yours.. I would still be out hiking if he was in a wheelchair, in fact I just might be right behind it pushing it..
 risingmist
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 171
Health Problems - ED
Posted: 2/5/2012 10:53:45 AM
This is something that has confounded me for a few years. If a man has absolutely no ability to have an erection (none, zero, ever) and has not obtained medication, why, why do they date then force the women (me) to discover this at one second to mighnight. It is truly awkward and when it has happened to me, and they have fallen asleep, I leave. I am then met with several days of their raging emails as to "how could I be so cold, leaving.." When I ask them about their ED, it is MY fault, etc.

If someone wakes up daily, and their left arm is lying on the floor beside their bed, should they then go out to compete in a tennis classic tournament? I mean, it is their body and assuredly they are well aware that they cannot perform, ever, without meds. Why put us through that? I have encountered this in a young handsome male of 44 (who suddenly admited he has an issue when it was too late for me to decline becoming intimate) to the expected 60 plus. In only ONE instance, did the mature male state he was calling his MD and getting a perscription. Which he did and it worked amazingly. Why don't other men consider this before they are in bed?

When someone asks me out now, and are over 40, how do I save us both time and embarassment re this condition? And most astounding is when the males pretend there is no issue! This is a hands down deal breaker.

Wonder how others have dealt with it. I am very reticient now to date mature men who claim they are fit, as being able to run and kayak doesn't tell me if they make love.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 172
Health Problems - ED
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:01:31 PM
.I see you changed the title a little...
Whole other story!
Shoulda thread searched ...ED..instead..will give you the answers you need...
If I recall...It's mostly the womans fault...If you can't get him up!
I am being a little facetious....of course!
But they weren't.....
 whistlinatwork
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 173
Health Problems
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:36:06 PM
He sounds a lot like a member of my family who just had a massive heart attack a year ago. I don't think you made the wrong decision. People like that get to the point where they cannot even walk half a block because it becomes a continous downhill struggle which would curb your lifestyle significantly. You might have to wait after meals all the time for him to go and give himself and insulin shot (the next progression after pills). Plus you could end up taking care of him for the rest of his life because he would not even take care of himself in the first place.
 GardenGal2008
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 174
Health Problems
Posted: 10/24/2012 7:22:10 AM
my heart goes out to all who have health problems ......but I do not want to have to take care of them ......I thank
God every day that I am healthy .......I am totally turned off with smokers .......if you smoke you can be my friend but I do not want to marry someone that smokes .....and do not allow people to smoke in my car or my house .......my own sister smokes but not in my house ......I do not think that people who smoke realize how much it stinks...
 VenusandAdonis
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 175
my heart goes out to all who have health problems
Posted: 10/24/2012 9:32:33 AM
2nd time today I read about smoking versus sedentary lifestyle..Ppl can over come this by exercise and help prevent cancer, among other things..I go by the rec centre every day..me I am a walker, but 9 times out of ten I drive over taking th bus..
Hats off to the swimmers, walkers..whatever..They say smoking is not so bad as couch potatoes..I think it's all in perspective, how we see ourselves, ageing, naturally slowing dwn..

No matter how we see th big picture, we are getting older..and health issues even temporary..hinder our relationships..Tolerance is one thing, prevention is another

I am a great movie buff (have couch ~won't travel)
What I am saying is, yes we can be thankful for today, because in all certainty today is all we got~I am open to change, just a little bit ;)
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 176
view profile
History
my heart goes out to all who have health problems
Posted: 10/28/2012 12:37:25 PM



2nd time today I read about smoking versus sedentary lifestyle..Ppl can over come this by exercise and help prevent cancer, among other things..I go by the rec centre every day..me I am a walker, but 9 times out of ten I drive over taking th bus


Utter baloney. No physical activity compensates for the ill effects of smoking. It's sad you make some comparison to couch potatoes. It's like saying one bad behavior is acceptable becasuse it's not as bad as another.

Hint it is bad to be a couch potato and reallly bad to smoke. Neither are in any way good for the health or countered by some other variable.
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