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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s      Home login  
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 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 39
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Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940sPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

You know it's easy to point fingers until you were actually married and have gone through something like this. I mean honestly who are you to judge someone for being divorced. do you actually know the reasons why people get divorced? No. So you honestly have no right to judge people being divorced, esp if you have never been married.

Get over yourself. I was married, ummm, 47 years ago, I think. He was a cheater beyond belief - he even spent our wedding night with someone else. But I stuck by him for a couple more years until he moved out. However, IF I had stayed by him for that many years, it wouldn't be because of 'love' it would have been because I made a promise, and I keep my promises. What finally trumped my promise was that he moved in with another woman. I hear there have been a lot of them over the years, and now he's stalking me (sporadically), trying to get back together. Not a snowball's chance on that, either.

What I really don't get is why some of you are getting so worked up over something that happened over 60 years ago. How many of you are even close to that age?

And consider the times. It was war, world wide war, and the after effects lasted much longer in Europe than they did in the US.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 40
Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:59:50 PM
"You know it's easy to point fingers until you were actually married and have gone through something like this. I mean honestly who are you to judge someone for being divorced. do you actually know the reasons why people get divorced? No. So you honestly have no right to judge people being divorced, esp if you have never been married."

Well, I was married for 31 years until my husband died. Does that count for anything? I also know that marriages have their ups and downs and if you both work at it MOST differences or challenges can be overcome - including an affair. We live in a age where people don't want to work at anything, including themselves or their marriage, everything is disposable.

We don't know anything really about this 77 year marriage - maybe he beat her, men liked to do that back in the day, maybe he was a drunk, maybe he had half a dozen gals on the side, maybe she had a one time encounter and maybe she had several. We don't know. All I'm saying is - I think this is sad.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 41
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Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:00:23 PM

Get over yourself. I was married, ummm, 47 years ago, I think. He was a cheater beyond belief - he even spent our wedding night with someone else. But I stuck by him for a couple more years until he moved out. However, IF I had stayed by him for that many years, it wouldn't be because of 'love' it would have been because I made a promise, and I keep my promises. What finally trumped my promise was that he moved in with another woman. I hear there have been a lot of them over the years, and now he's stalking me (sporadically), trying to get back together. Not a snowball's chance on that, either.

What I really don't get is why some of you are getting so worked up over something that happened over 60 years ago. How many of you are even close to that age?

And consider the times. It was war, world wide war, and the after effects lasted much longer in Europe than they did in the US.



lol ok. So what you are saying is that you were still with someone knowing the fact that he was doing things on your wedding night for goodness sakes and somehow for some reason you stuck by him and gave him a pass? How did that work out for you? Nm you already told us. lol

Doesn't matter when it happened infidelity is infidelity no matter how you slice it and to top it all off she never told him about it acting as if it never happened, he had to find out about it years later himself.

So people fight in wars all the time is that an excuse to go cheat on your spouse? No it wasn't like they thought this guy was dead and she moved on come to find out he was still alive after the war ended or something.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 42
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Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:11:58 PM
Well, I was married for 31 years until my husband died. Does that count for anything? I also know that marriages have their ups and downs and if you both work at it MOST differences or challenges can be overcome - including an affair. We live in a age where people don't want to work at anything, including themselves or their marriage, everything is disposable.


So you should have to work on repairing something that you didn't cause in the first place to happen and not get divorced because your spouse was being unfaithful? No that's grounds for divorce. That person wasn't comitted to you by doing that so therefore you shouldn't be comitted in trying to repair something that the other person has caused great harm to you.

We live in a society where less and less people are being held accuntable for their own actions. I'm sorry but an affair is grounds for divorce there isn't anything disposable about it. having an affair is breaking one of the most sacred things of marriage. if you feel the urge to cheat then do the right thing and get a divorce, don't put the person you are with through something they don't deserve to have happen to them.

Ok now you are just throughing out accusations of the man. lets not go to the what if's, but instead what we know and what we know is she cheated on him.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 43
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Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:20:18 PM
What diff does it make where it took place an affair is an affair peroid. You can slice it anyway you want she had an affiar that's all there is to it and this man has a right to divorce her. Obv she didn't think anything of it considering she never told him after all of these years. It's bad enough when someone cheats it's really bad when they ignore their guilt and never tell you about it.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 44
Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:24:47 PM
I agree with Welsh this was back in the day and from a country where women held little if any respect and freedoms (as we know). So who knows what kind of marriage they actually had. She proved herself by sticking with him all those years anyways so I dont think of it as a free pass but given time ... (which Im thinking he doesnt have) he could have forgiven her. Im impressed she didnt get caught sooner having those letters I hope she stashed some money too!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 45
Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:29:13 PM
I've read a number of "help your marriage" type books and while most of them are a total waste of time many have said if it's a one time thing, don't say anything as what good would come of it. Now before you go bashing me for having a friggin opinion - I personally don't know if not telling would be a good decision or not. To tell or not to tell has been a question asked for eons. I do know that many marriages have survived infidelity, many do not. And not telling does not in any way, shape or form mean that the person feels no guilt or shame. Nothing is cut and dry, nothing is black and white. What you may determine to be a deal breaker others don't.

I'm thinking that some folks on here would kick their partner to the curb for farting in the wrong tune.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 46
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Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:39:47 PM
So if someone cheated on you and never told you about it you don't think that wouldn't be a heartless move and wouldn't hurt you even more? To feel guilt about it would to come foward about it. At least that displays that you actually regret it. I have seen many cases where people would cheat and never come foward and go well it was just sex when they get caught as if they thought nothing of it and the person they were hurting which is pretty heartless and scum bagish..
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 47
Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:01:05 PM
Well, how would it hurt me if I never knew about it? Do you not think that a person would feel guilt or shame whether they told or not - I think they would. There is a difference between a one time affair and a serial cheater. And I still think SOME marriages can survive an affair, I know they can. I'm not saying it wouldn't take work, lots of work and both have to be on the same page regarding saving their marriage, building back trust and working on forgiveness. And forgiveness can be a gift we give ourselves as well as for those we forgive.

I still think this whole situation is sad. I am not going to assume to know the whole story. I think it's just sad considering the ages of the couple, the times they lived in and what they may or may not have to lose. And the thing about opinions is we all have one and no one is right or wrong.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 48
Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:21:33 PM
MY opinion is that someone would feel guilt and shame if they had an affair whether they told their partner or not. IF this was a one time deal, I can see the guilt and shame - a serial cheater, not so much if at all.

MY opinion is that people do all sorts of stupid things, things that are wrong, things that can hurt the ones they love or hurt themselves - including stepping outside their marriage. I'm not about to try and figure out whether it was lack of self esteem or confidence or a mentl quirk. I don't know and won't assume to know.

MY opinion is that people give up on marriage too easily. Whether they fart in the wrong key, someone has an affair, someone got fat, someone has health issues, someone hates football, someone quit wanting sex, and on and on. MOST issues can be worked through if both have the same mind set regarding their relationship.

MY opinion is that this old geezer was terribly hurt when he found out about his wifes affair. I'd be surprised if he didn't. It doesn't negate the fact that I think it's sad. And yes, my opinion is that the wife felt guilt and shame.
 SteelCity1981
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 49
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Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:29:58 PM
Well, how would it hurt me if I never knew about it? Do you not think that a person would feel guilt or shame whether they told or not - I think they would. There is a difference between a one time affair and a serial cheater. And I still think SOME marriages can survive an affair, I know they can. I'm not saying it wouldn't take work, lots of work and both have to be on the same page regarding saving their marriage, building back trust and working on forgiveness. And forgiveness can be a gift we give ourselves as well as for those we forgive.


How would it hurt you? Well how about the fact of what he is doing to you is hurtful.

If you would feel shame then you would come foward about it. I have personally seen this first hand in my own family there was no shame when one of my family members got caught cheating, because that person did it multiple times it wasn't until they got caught doing it, that person finally came forward about it and there are many cases just like that. People that don't come forward about it tend to cheat again because they weren't shameful they did it in the first place to come forth and tell the person they did cheat on them to begin with.

Once you get cheated on your relationship or marriage is never the same because no matter how much you work at it the person that got cheated on will always in the back of their mind never fully trust that person again. I don't know a single person that has ever got cheated on that has ever said to me they fully trust the person they are with after they were cheated on by them.


It is sad and i think what's really sad is she kept it from him all of these years and never told him about it, that's the worst part about it.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 50
Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:58:38 PM

MY opinion is that this old geezer was terribly hurt when he found out about his wifes affair. I'd be surprised if he didn't. It doesn't negate the fact that I think it's sad. And yes, my opinion is that the wife felt guilt and shame.


Yet not enough to come clean.....to ask for forgiveness from the person she wronged.

To give him the chance to decide if he even wanted to continue the relationship at the point of infraction.

She made a 77 year marriage a complete farce by being DISHONEST!

Sorry but the man in this case is NOT the perp here the wife is the husband and the CHILDREN are the victims here of a cheater that has habitually LIED to him and the children for half a CENTURY!

Again in my opinion he is doing the right thing for HIM......I mean how much did she actually think of his best interest over the last 50+ years.
 Moidodyr
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 51
Man, 99, divorcing wife of 77 years over affair in the 1940s
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:59:43 AM
I would say,this grandpa is out of his mind moron.
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