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 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 17
Mistakes of the inexperienced?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
rec-diver~

"Tell her you're a virgin otherwise you're going to be so nervous she'll think something is horribly wrong with you. She'll probably get up, leave and you'll never, ever see her again and if you try to tell her that after the fact she won't believe you."

i think this is sage advice. if you tell her, she will understand. also, i would add...don't be so focused on trying to impress her. focus on enjoying each other.

"I hope my post doesn't cause you additional worry."

i am sure the OP feels greatly comforted by your reassurances. Lol!
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 18
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:01:49 AM
I think I would be pretty disappointed if a man tried too hard to be inventive, varied, etc the first time we had sex. For me, that first time should be all about emotions and I would be so caught up in that, I wouldn't want to be impressing him with fancy tricks and showing him how many positions I knew.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 19
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:29:58 AM
Just grow up and tell her you still have L plates on your jim jams

Honesty is the best policy in any relationship

If she kicks you to the curb for being a virgin thats no really biggy, but its better than being kicked to the curb for lying to her
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 20
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:16:18 AM
If we make it to marriage, I will tell her after she says "I do." Maybe save it as a surprise to tell her when I've forgotten her birthday or something like that.

Tell after the first time you have sex. That way, she won't be put off at first just because you're a virgin, but she will understand afterward that any awkwardness was due to inexperience.

She might be nervous too on her first time with me.

Women are almost always nervous and self-conscious at first. She's going to be worried about how you think she looks naked and lots of other things at least the first few times, even if she's a 10. Just spend lots of time with foreplay and let nature take its course. Do what seems to be the thing to do at the time and don't go in with a script and you'll be fine.

it's more like you two are doing a dance together, one person leads, the other follows, etc.

Yes and no. Women have it easier in that respect because they always follow and expect a guy to lead.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:39:49 AM
I'll throw in $5 betting the OP doesn't make it passed his first planned position!!
and another $5 betting the OP's girlfriend is going to think she just met her worst lover ever not knowing he's a virgin!!

God Lord, if you can't talk about sex with your partner.......then you're not mature enough to have sex with your partner.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 23
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:23:44 AM
OP, I'm in the camp that says you ought to tell her, because you're probably not going to be able to fake it 'til you make it. I'll throw in $5 on a bet that she might just love the opportunity to teach you what she likes. It's important HOW you tell her as well as WHEN; don't tell her while you're getting nekkid, or during the act. I suggest telling her ahead of time in a private and romantic setting, such as during drinks before dinner in a quiet restaurant. Then, in your own words, just be honest (but tactful) with her. You might say something like this:

"Honey, I've been meaning to tell you this, and have been somewhat nervous about it because I wasn't sure how you'd react. You see, with one thing and another in my love life over the years, I've actually never been involved with a woman quite as much as I am with you. I'm really glad that we're becoming close and I want to make love with you...but I need to you to show me exactly what you like...because I've never done it before, and I want to be sure that I please you."

And then shut up and let her talk, or just answer her questions.

Dang, if a virgin male I was dating said that to me, I'd be ALL into the role of teacher, and he'd get a lot of very enthusiastic lessons! The opportunity to train a guy to just what I like? Priceless. But OP, it's all in the approach. Blurting out that you're a virgin - or worse, not letting her know - to me, that spells disaster. Like MsMicki said,

I'll throw in $5 betting the OP doesn't make it passed his first planned position!!
and another $5 betting the OP's girlfriend is going to think she just met her worst lover ever not knowing he's a virgin!!

God Lord, if you can't talk about sex with your partner.......then you're not mature enough to have sex with your partner.


I'm also betting on you not lasting too long once you're "in".

Good luck, and please keep us updated, especially if things goes well.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 26
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 9:07:11 AM

I'm also betting on you not lasting too long once you're "in".

I had one virgin lose control when he started to enter me. I had another last for freakin' ever. But yeah, this lack of control thing is fairly common.

Put me firmly in the camp of "be honest with her" as well as "if you can't talk about sex openly with her prior to having it, you don't have much business doing it". Dilly-o? Really??? I'm so turned off by that alone.

I'd want to know upfront. I do things different, react differently, have more patience and understanding if things don't go exactly they way they should. I have been with a few of them.. much prefer to know upfront.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 27
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 9:07:31 AM
Tell her the truth, women don't throw men to the curb for such reasons. More than likely, she will be flattered that she's your first....and feel safer to boot!

I'd rather be viewed as a good beginner, than a failure as a veteran.

Not to mention, your fear of failure will more than likely leave you with a limp willy.....Now that's bound to impress!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 10:07:40 AM

well son it's just like driving a standard...although the theory is really very simple. the gears form a H and you push the clutch in before changing gears, and let it out after you changed gears... it is quite noticeable when a virgin is at the wheel...

As a standard owner, I love this analogy. Right on the money. Even if you know the mechanics of it, you won't master it and it won't flow for you until you just drive it. Eventually the vehicle becomes an extension of you - but the first time you drive one, it feels horribly awkward and unnatural. Sex is a lot like that, for anyone who is new to it.
 No_Fancy_Name
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 29
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 10:47:20 AM
OP,

There are a lot of "assumed ideas" floating in this thread.

1) It is assumed that you will be considered "dishonest" if you don't tell her that your a virgin. Wrong ! This is on a "need to know" basis and if she doesn't need to know, why risk telling. You run only bad risks in this area (she could laugh at you, you could get embarrassed to the point that you "freeze up", etc.). I really doubt that ANYONE that has posted in this thread has confessed up that "I'm a virgin" the first time that they "did it" - AND they were a virgin the first time that they "did it" - by definition. So, IMHO - that's just bad advice.

2) It is assumed that she is she is great in bed. She might just as well as be bad in bed as good. What info are you going off of? Her opinion? I am sure that her opinion is going to be flowery, highlighting her in the best light (everyone tries to portray themselves in this manner - human nature), but I would assume that at least some of her former "bed-mates" might have a different opinion. Statistically, she has just as good a chance as being better, or worse than you in the sack.

3) It is assumed that you'll be nervous. Right, but so will she. Women are generally more nervous than men (in this area, IMO), because they are concerned about roughly 200 things at exactly that moment. Things like: how do I look, do I look fat, does this guy really like me, does this guy love me, do I really look that fat, OMG - that's the first "meat shillelagh" I've ever seen, this guy has a hump on his back, will my kids have humps on their backs, I wonder if he can look at "China patterns" for the dinnerware tomorrow, do I need to go on a diet to get rid of this fat and most importantly "how do I tell him "wrong hole"". Realistically, she's going to be just as nervous as you, so skip the "virgin" speech.

4) It is assumed that you will be "clueless" as to what to do - Wrong again! This is nature, does a deer have to be instructed as what to do? No. What is different is determining what she will want (deers don't try for orgasm - at least to my limited knowledge) so, just ask. Look at it this way - you have been given a new toy to play with (Yes, she has a new toy to play with as well). Act like a kid, but try to respond to what she responds to. Play around a lot at first, but when it comes to the actual act - communicate a lot. Telling her what feels good to you is just as important as what she is telling you what is good for her. If everything is working well, then the "issue" of being a virgin is a "moot" point. If it's not working, well it probably wasn't going to work no matter what, because some people can never be pleased.

Just try to have fun together - that's what it's all about after all - right?

If that all fails, do what NASCAR fans do, get her drunk in your pickup truck, drive to your aluminum trailer (I am not advocating drinking and driving here, nor living in "aluminum"), then argue with her. Next you can then both pass out on your dog and when you both wake-up, have sloppy make-up sex on the hood of the car that is up on cinder blocks out in front of the trailer. Yee-haw!
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 31
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 12:21:49 PM
lol, bullshiter rec diver...lol
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 32
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 12:25:29 PM
Most times, I am very long lasting, at times, to the point where i cant cum, but keep going, for the shear joy of it, and the intamicy (Very important, in my mind) Other times, cum at the drop of a hat so to speak. Either way, so long as my partner in all this, has her pleasure, that is as important as me haveing mine.
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 33
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 12:31:46 PM
K, then say,,,Noooooooo, "I wont come in your mouth,,,Honest,,,and I aint lieing either" see how that works for ya. If it does, introduce her to us all....lol
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 35
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:49:59 PM

My question is: What are the mistakes that virgin & sexually-inexperienced guys make that cause a woman question his actual sexual experience?


Not telling her you're a virgin.

Just tell her, and go with the flow..I bet you both will have a great time regardless.
Don't hide it, be open/honest about it.

 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 36
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:52:31 PM

omg this post is toooo funny. I wanna know when this multi position very well planned event is gonna happen and I wanna know how it goes. Please keep us in the loop OP,


STOP..WAIT..I forgot what was after position #1..oops..nevermind

Any volunteers for a stand in?

OP..just adding some jokes..relax, not intended to demean/belittle you..just tell her the truth, go with what's happening..enjoy..seriously.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 37
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:58:02 PM
Normally I would have said that what's the harm in being tested even though you already know that there is no need.

But a Q-Tip in the Dilly-O when there's no reason???? TELL HER YOU'RE A VIRGIN!
 molly_go_lucky
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 38
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:58:08 PM
Haven't you ever seen Forty Year Old Virgin? Your girlfriend will probably be very happy to teach you the ropes. Don't worry about it.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 39
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:41:04 PM
My advice is don't tell her, and just go with the flow of what she is doing. Reciprocation is the key.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 41
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 12/31/2011 9:43:47 PM
Count me in the camp promoting full disclosure. If you don't have honesty in your relationship you'll never get past sex into truly making love, and that would be a tragedy.

As for this:


I really doubt that ANYONE that has posted in this thread has confessed up that "I'm a virgin" the first time that they "did it" -


I'm sure I'm not the only one here who proves your assumption wrong. My first time was with an experienced woman. I told her up front and she was quite excited to have the honor of introducing me to the wonderful world of sex.

On the other hand the one time a partner didn't tell me until afterward that she was a virgin I was not at all happy about it. I felt I had been deceived and the relationship went nowhere from there.
 No_Fancy_Name
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 42
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 1/1/2012 12:05:34 AM
wvwaterfall:


I'm sure I'm not the only one here who proves your assumption wrong.


I'm not a betting man, but I would say that in this regard, you're going to be the exception rather than the rule. Time will tell on this thread....
 normaldude
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 46
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 1/1/2012 3:07:46 PM
just admit it and she will probably love the thought of de-flowering you. Also all the pressure is off her since anything she does to you will probably be freakin awesome so she will look/feel like a goddess to ya! You will make mistakes but I bet you will have a few repeats in you! If she dumps you then I am sure there would be a kind lady who could educate you from here????
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 47
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Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 1/1/2012 3:09:47 PM
I think you should tell her before you have sex the first time. Then she won't expect you to know what you're doing and it could be fun.

Read Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. The author lived in a monastery and had sex for the first time really late in life. When he first had sex, he was honest about it and told the woman she'd have to coach him about what to do. As a result, he didn't have to guess or act like he knew what he was doing and she was great about communicating to him what she wanted.

I'd much rather a guy level with me.
 iiamhim
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 49
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:50:06 PM
I saw it in a movie "you can't sex on a pedestal" its like riding a bike as a kid if u psych your self out all week before you do it u set your self to fail
 druuuupax
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 51
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 1/3/2012 9:02:55 AM
You need to tell her. Because if you do really suck...you'll have a great excuse. Plus after you tell her she may like you even more. Since she will be your first...and in that case she will want to make herself your last.
Also, she may get off on the fact that she's teaching you.

Honesty is the best policy in any type of relationship.... From lack of relationships you may not know that, and that's fine. But you better start now or you going to f - things up royally. Woman hate when you lie to them... so tell her soon. And don't start doin that shit where you lie about something and then come back an tell her the truth later.

Also, not telling her shit is just as bad a lying. She will consider it the same damn thing.

Don't be a ****, just got tell her you never got any, and everything will be perfectly fine. i promise.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 52
Mistakes of the inexperienced?
Posted: 1/3/2012 9:14:04 AM
I still say keep silent and wait until after having sex the first time to tell her.
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