|Horrible experience!Page 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
That's pretty disgusting to use vulnerability to get what you want. Aren't there any men out there that actually have genuinely good intentions?? Jesus f'n Christ. I'm never doing this again.
Sorry you had that experience..hope you heal from it.
This venue is for meeting people..unfortunately, some have evil intentions, but not all of us. Seriously.
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:51:42 PM
Men will say anything...I repeat...ANYTHING to get into your pants.
...and women will do anything, and say anything to get into a mans wallet!
Ugh...as one of my favorite Forumites has said...have sex when YOU want to have sex & not with the thought that you're exchanging it for a relationship. Sorry your feelings were hurt, but it happens to the best of us. Don't use sex as currency, but value it as something you have to give even if that's all there ever will be.
Dogslife...as far as the money goes, don't spend it if you're gonna resent it. Set your standard from the beginning & stop blaming women when things don't go your way or you end up with someone who values your wallet more than they value you. It's really no different than the 5,067 threads from women complaining that a man only wants them for sex.
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:15:25 PM
|It sounds like you got used girlie. The site is of full of douchbags. Live and learn and don't let it happen again. If you gave it up too soon, don't do it again. Get to know the person and see what their full intentions are THEN get intimate. I am sorry that things got screwy. Don't be discouraged!|
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:15:36 PM
|I briefly chatted w/a guy then he called me. The entire conversation he talked about sex. I tried to steer the conversation to other topics, he came back to sex. It was so obvious he was looking for casual sex, & if it happened on the 1 st date, that's even better for him. He made me cringe. I agree w/the poster above who stated some of the men on here state they are looking for relationship when all they want is sex, & treat the ladies like they are free prostitutes. I'm very glad I saw through him on the phone, so I won't even waste my time meeting him.|
OP, you got a lot of good advice on this thread. You're young & pretty, you'll meet a nice decent guy. Be choosey the next time, if you did sleep w/this guy on the 2nd date, next time wait until you are exclusive & you get to know each other. The right guy will be lucky to have you.
Posted: 12/30/2011 10:12:23 PM
Are there men who will have sex with you on the first date and then stick around, date you, fall in love, put a ring on your finger, and eventually marry you? Of course there are. My guess would be they are fewer than those who will hit it and quit it, but of course they do exist.
The problem is that on date one, you have no idea which kind he is.
I daresay he may not know after one date “which kind he is” either. As others have pointed out, he may have been interested in a relationship but didn’t feel it would happen with her. It’s not unusual to feel and act upon a passing sexual attraction to someone but not find a sense of long-term compatibiity.
These types – the date-you/fall-in-love type vs. the hit-it/quit-it type – they may indeed exist. But I don’t think that accounts for what happens after first-date sex in all cases. And I’m sure you’d agree a young woman isn’t well served by attributing all her dating successes and failures to type theory alone.
The settle-down types may also have a few short flings along the path to marital bliss. The hit & quit types may eventually find the right girl and settle down. It’s fine to be wary of rounders and scoundrels but also, I think, wise to be mindful of basic compatibility and the role both parties play in determining the outcome.
As you go on to say, it takes time to observe his behavior toward her and the world and to get a better idea who he is. And, I’d add, to get a better idea of who they are together.
I’m suggesting that OP accept a more proactive role for herself in creating the relationship dynamic from day one and evaluating their compatibility for herself– as a counterpart to sitting back and screening the candidates according to their intentions alone. (smiles)
Posted: 12/30/2011 11:50:26 PM
|Author, I'm sure you are vulnerable, you feel used and you need to rage. Keep in mind that there are jaded people here and negativity will only bring forth more negativity. I am positive you will do it again because you know you deserve a good guy and you will not let bad experience get in a way. Don't let your emotions control you. It is what it is. Think about it logically. What if he is looking for relationship and you didn't make the cut, do you really want to know that? Or why? It is easier to think he is scum but if that's the case does he deserve your hate? It hurts but it will hurt much less if you push it out of your head. He does not deserve an iota of your emotions, save it for someone who is worthy.|
Posted: 12/31/2011 4:48:07 AM
|OP whatever happened in this man’s tiny brain isn’t worth dwelling on about. I went out with one guy in the entire year I have been on here and guess what... he was a douche bag! But really, it isn’t any different if you go to a club and meet a guy. I mean ya meet a guy at a club, you exchange numbers and before you know it after a dinner or two he thinks you owe him sex. I agree with one of the other posters if ya hold out long enough without giving it to him his intentions will be known. If all he wants is sex he'll be gone, or start saying stuff to hurt your feelings and try to make it seem like it is your duty to put out after a certain amount of time. Don’t ever give in on his timeline; let it be on yours! Good luck!|
Posted: 12/31/2011 5:28:32 AM
|Just to validate your words...Yes! even at the other end of the scale..the older guys too..playa's and more playa's. Usually the good looking ones are the worst! The guys who are lacking in the looks dept are generally more genuine. (imho)|
It might be this free site that attracts scum bags but I agree with you douchebags here, douchebags there, douchbags everywhere! Keep your douchebag radar clean and shiny!
Happy New Year!
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:57:39 AM
|True doesnt matter what age or race some men will always be men..|
there are some good actors out here so sometimes even the person with the sharpest eye maybe fooled at first or slowly over time the real demon starts to come out
an then there are the really bad actors so bad that even before they open thier mouth you already know it's going to be complete bull s hit..
no matter if you took yourself out of the dating game for the next 15years you would still come back an find the same s hit but differant characters the only thing is after being out for that long you would lose your edge an be lost..
the age old tale of if most people where upfront about thier true intentions then most wouldnt even have a chance in the first place an know they would get shut down so to speak an the few who are upfront about what thier really after wether its a hit an quit or just want somebody to be the next backup plan in thier life while thier woman is away well you know how that goes for them most women dont want anything to do with them an that setup so an does the lying begin at first a lil then just awhole lot..
in the past week i had 1 guy actually engage me with some real conversation however i found it odd that he kept wanting to know more an more about me an he went on like he was ready for a change in his life an looking for a women he could click with
when i said so uhh do you have kids have you ever been married he then said well actually i am married..i said o what a f ucking suprise guess its time for that divorce then he said no actually i dont want to get divorced i want to stay married but i just want to see whats out there im not looking to change my situation
after i cussed him he goes so does this mean we cant continue?
i said after your wife finds out that your playing single guy online you will probably get that divorce you much dont want..
then another guy whom said he was also single an looking haha well when i looked him up on facebook his status said in a relationship i emailed back an said you sure about that single part havent heard back from him since..
an then the guys who keep having kids by the same woman an differant women but refuse to commit or take care of thier kids..i cant wrap my brain around that a vasectomy is much cheaper then all that child support right? i had 1 guy tell me what do you exspect im a man an i been this way since i was 14yr old all yal women are players an always want to keep a man stuck anit no way im commit to no female a guy could buy jayz clothes all day for the babies an that still wont be s hit to yal..
o yes this was his actual conversation an he then started to say i was the 1 trippen an on some bull s hit when i said buying a shirt for a child isnt parenting an then taking off you have to spend time with your kids an man up thats a real man..he said look your crazy an all i wanted to know was what your tits an p ussy looked like we could have been friends i laughed an said ok im sure just like the rest..
Posted: 12/31/2011 12:11:11 PM
|bolding added by me: |
my advice is chill out , , Guys try it on ,, its in there jeans, , get use to it , , it happens, get over it , , i tell my two grown up daughters that , , there decision ,, not the guys they are with .
Posted: 12/31/2011 12:47:17 PM
you douchebags who think it's ok to list 'looking for a relationship' on your profile, but are only interested in leading a girl on and hooking up.
It will happen, don't get your hopes up about a Date here and there. But there are some things to bear in mind:
- Just because they say they're looking for a relationship, does not mean they're also not open for other things as well.
- They can be looking for a relationship, but not with You after meeting.
- They shouldn't lead on; but many times people can also mistaken being led on because they had their own expectations
- One REAL way to lead someone on is to go out on a Date, with a few drinks be more interested/attracted than otherwise would, hook-up, but the next day with the dust settling not be that interested -- but STILL take them out on another Date because they'd feel bad. Because you hooked up, doesn't mean exclusivity or starting of a relationship. You shouldn't expect that.
If they led you on and told you they wanted to spend so much time with you, and talked about how great you seem and all ga-ga about you (not just charming & nice), slept with you that night, then disappeared -- Yes, then they most likely used ya.
But even then -- technically, they could still be looking for a relationship even though they were a total jerk -- just not with you. Looking for a relationship doesn't mean it's the only thing on their mind.
Posted: 12/31/2011 2:18:27 PM
|most all men will have sex with you as soon as you let them. first date, second date....|
it doesnt mean that all of them are using you.
you have to look at their actions after. are they still seeing you or did they drop you like the one who was with you OP.
since you cant tell so soon,..why sleep with any man on a second date?
if a man really wants to form a relationship with you,...he might try to have sex with you, but you say no. you tell him that you are not ready.
if he is only after sex he will soon disappear.
if he really is into you, he will respect you and give you the time you need.
I usually wait about 3 months. (ok..now that i told i probably wont get any dates here)
but it does take some time to get to know a person.
even after 3 months you cant be sure. but you can be alot more sure than 2 dates.
Posted: 12/31/2011 3:59:31 PM
|OP you are very exotic & beautiful- so yes, men are going to try to have sex w/ you. There are many nice guys out there willing to wait to develop a relationship FIRST. I hope your next man is one of those|
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:56:32 AM
This website should definitely have a forum especially for you douchebags who think it's ok to list 'looking for a relationship' on your profile, but are only interested in leading a girl on and hooking up. That's pretty disgusting to use vulnerability to get what you want. Aren't there any men out there that actually have genuinely good intentions?? Jesus f'n Christ. I'm never doing this again.
There are a select few, but they usually post "Nice Guy" posts, whining that no one wants them.
The problem with POF is that it's free; that means virtually any knuckle-dragger with a computer and internet access can get put up a profile here.
Posted: 1/1/2012 10:44:50 AM
|Your an Idiot!Your an Idiot!Your an Idiot!Your an Idiot!Your an Idiot!Your an Idiot!|
Posted: 1/1/2012 10:57:09 AM
|haha, roid rage and can't spell! It's "You are an idiot," or "You're an idiot." Geez, nothing worse than an idiot who can't spell! :)|
Posted: 1/1/2012 1:08:16 PM
|The OP made her profile on the 20th and posted this on the 29th. She knew this guy for nine days tops, assuming she and him were in contact the same day she made her profile. Way. Too. Fast.|
There is another scenario no one has really touched on. Perhaps (to him) you were a bad lay? From what I've seen in real life and read online, alot of guys will keep a girl around if the sex is good or even just okay, even if they have no interest on a romantic level, because regular sex > no sex/infrequent sex.
Usually when a gal is awful in bed is when the guy washes his hands after one time.
I don't operate that way, and I don't condone his treatment of you-it was wrong of him to leave you hanging and he should've answered. Even an "eff off and die" would be better than being ignored.
Sorry that happened to you. You seem lime a nice gal. Just use better judgement.
Posted: 1/2/2012 8:44:14 AM
|Thank you for everyone that did leave a reply. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is always welcome. I was quite upset that night and probably should not have posted this. True, with what I did post, I was asking for some grief, but I'm taking it all with a grain of salt.|
I am aware of my vulnerability and that's why I've stayed far away from this site the last few days. The last thing I need is to get caught up in drama and I prefer to not argue over the internet..
As for everyone else that had something negative to say, he deleted his profile. It means one of a few things, but because he never said why, I can only be left to assume. Take that for what you want it.
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:16:53 AM
|All guys are here for is sex short term like what happened to you or long term be it life or a few years. You can always test a guy before you have sex by letting them meet your friends and let them judge them before you go that far. All guys are jerks at some point. All I can say is mark this up az experance and try to meethis friends and he met your before you have sex with guy for 1st time as they may tell to gogogo os sliwdowvn and kick them out.|
Posted: 1/2/2012 5:12:53 PM
|oh I agree funnygirllol is a whore, you buy me dinner and a couple beers and you'll get laid! What happened to snuggling, hugging, kissing, RELATIONSHIP, WTF!! there are good men out there I am one of them and I don't want a drunken ****ing whore!!! I know how you feel I invested a month, what a waste, don't get me wrong I love sex, I wish it were you I met!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|
Posted: 1/2/2012 6:49:29 PM
|OP- I agree with you with the whole says he is looking for long-term relationship or just a relationship in general but really just wants to hook-up. But that doesn't mean all the men who list that are looking for just sex.|
Its all about having a good, no great, BS detector! I have had my fair share of messages from guys who were just looking for sex. I've gotten messages where at first just seems like a normal "hello" turn quickly into, " What are you into sexually?" " You wanna have fun tonight sexy?" And "the fun" is not checkers, haha!
I would say pay attention to the way the next guy speaks with you. Read closely how he phrases things and his behavior outside of the internet. There are super clear signs when a guy (or girl) just wants sex. You just need to read those signs more clearly the next go round.
Don't give up! It is not so bad, just listen for that BS radar. It is beeping for a reason.
Posted: 1/2/2012 6:58:51 PM
|sweetie, people do that in real time. why should the net be any different?|
when little jimmie come marchin home.....hoo-rah....hoo-rah.
Posted: 1/5/2012 4:37:49 PM
|I'm just here to give you big hug sister. That has 100% been my experience - and it has happened repeatedly.|
My solution - I'm taking break from dating and working on myself
Posted: 1/5/2012 5:07:14 PM
This website should definitely have a forum especially for you douchebags who think it's ok to list 'looking for a relationship' on your profile, but are only interested in leading a girl on and hooking up. That's pretty disgusting to use vulnerability to get what you want.
so,,you believed that old tired line,,ten bucks says the guy was super hot,,,,and you fell for his line of nonsense and now you are bitter and angry you got played because your so naive....
simple,,,,,,,,,,,,,stop being so vulnerable!
here is a credo i live by,,,you should also...
believe half of what you see,,,and none of what you hear
and what should he have said? "looking for naive girls to have sex with who believe anything a hot guy tells them"
well now you know anyways..lesson learned (probably not)