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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 30
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with youPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

This is always a Catch 22 for a guy OP if he tries to sleep with you sooner than you would like you may label him as a players if he doesn't try but indicates he is otherwise attracted to you then you may think him somewhat defective. Alot of guys will figure they stand an equal chance of being criticized either way so they err on the side of not apearing defective.

Exactly.

A guy that does this is trying not to offend you by going after sex too fast, but is also letting you know that he finds you attractive so that you know this without him jumping on you. IMO, it's the perfect situation. I'd either give the guy the OK, or initiate intimacy when you're ready and you should be all good.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 31
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:42:16 PM
There is a big difference between "doesn't want to sleep with you" and "doesn't try to sleep with you."

Sounds like you may have very defensive body language, which a ton of people will pick up on (and not just guys). Your behavior could be the equivalent of flashing a big, neon "Do Not touch me; I'm repulsive!" sign when you meet someone in real life.

Ya need to deal with the self-esteem issue, as I said before. Everything you've said since just confirms that it is likely to be an ongoing problem for you. I'd encourage you to work with a counselor and really learn to love yourself *and* to think you are beautiful (doesn't matter what anyone else says, does it, if you don't believe it). It will be time, money, and effort well spent.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 33
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:31:39 PM
if a man is attracted to you he'll want to sleep with you at some point. he may not try to sleep with you on the first or second date or something, but he'll want to sleep with you. that being said, the quandary is that men can be attracted to and sleep with a woman with whom they do not have a relationship. most women aren't built this way. this is the problem. i've met men that were attractive but didn't feel a spark of physical chemistry with them. they just weren't sexy.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 36
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 12/31/2011 12:53:33 PM

Some people say that if a guy finds a girl physically attractive, and they're both single, he'll want to sleep with her.

With most guys, under normal conditions, yes. Doesn't mean he'll push for it, but yes.

I've had guys say I was cute or pretty but not want to sleep with me. Well, at least they didn't TRY to sleep with me on a date.

You realize they shouldn't try if...

I'm quite reserved.

You shouldn't be so reserved. A woman doesn't have to make the first moves, but her body language from head to toe should be open and inviting.

or is there something in a girl's attitude which will hold a guy back from sleeping with her, even if he wants to?

Yes, there is. It can come in at many different angles. Mixed emotions on the girl's part (which she may not be fully aware she's expressing) will back a good amount of guys away. Again, open up your body language... be receptive of flirting. Open up. You don't have to make any moves, but if your body language is shy and stiff, you're not being inviting -- and in fact giving signals that you're not that interested or don't want any moves made on you.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 37
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 12/31/2011 1:05:40 PM

I don't have hairy legs on dates, and they don't see my underwear unless they are going to do something sexual with me.

HA! OP? I'm not laughing at you, rather you made me giggle. "Granny Panties and Stubbly Legs" was thread I posted years ago here (sadly, it was deleted because we were having entirely too much after 20+++ pages.) That thread lead to the Traveling Grannies. A pair of extremely large and godawful ugly Granny-panties that we sent (through the mail) to other forum posters. We signed them and sent them on. I lost track of the panties, but last I knew, they'd been to many European Countries and Australia. At any rate? The premise of the thread? I actually have two gal-pals that wear grannies and don't shave for the first few dates in order to detour them from sex too early on. Yep, some do it on purpose.

~OT~ I don't know about other people, but I think attitude can indeed, be a much bigger turn-off to people (men and women) than what one looks like. I know many say that men will have sex if it's offered, but since most of my friends are men, I think those people have a skewed perception. Many of my men friends have abstained from sex with stunning women simply because they didn't find her appealing in any way other than her physical appearance. (Of course, some aren't detoured by lacking substance...but I don't think that is by and large the reality.) The usual debate is that men and women can't be "just friends" with someone they find attractive. Either my men friends find me unattractive or I have a slew of odd-ball men friends because not one of them has ever made a sexual move on me. Whether or not the men you speak of in post #1 think of you in terms of "friendship" or more is the real question. At least I think so. And there may be zillions of reasons for one to see someone else as a friend vs. a potential something else. JMO
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 38
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:40:07 PM
When I was in my early 30s I met a great guy at the Gold Coast Indy race. He was also early 30s. We hit it off and he asked me out. Some time in to the first date, when it was clear we were going to get along well, he told me that he would like to keep seeing me but that he liked to date for three months before having sex.

His reason was that he wanted both parties to get know each other really well and he felt the intimacy often skewed that process. I have to say that I agree with him so I was more than happy to go along with it.

As the three month timeline approached I realised that while I enjoyed his company immensely I didn't have any intense feelings for him, ie I could keep dating him including sleeping with him but I knew in my heart it was never going to lead to marriage. So I ended the relationship at that point.

So sometimes it doesn't mean they are gay or 'not into you'. Maybe he thinks you are a 'keeper' and want to take it slow.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 40
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 12/31/2011 7:03:32 PM

omg ....LMAO! GET A LIFE.

Is that directed at me?
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 41
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Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:10:06 AM
Well this is refreshing to hear OP...I would think that the men you are meeting are being respectful of you. You hear so many women complain about men wanting to rush things I would not worry about it.
 november61
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 43
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Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/1/2012 9:45:42 AM
if they are not interested in dating you move on if they have enough class about themselves they will not push up on you so soon. be patient you will know who is right for your intimate relationship and who is just a whore.
 ladyseekinggent
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 44
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Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:00:26 PM
Reserved......

Have you asked them "do you want to sleep with me or do you want to have sex?" and had them turn you down....

Test it....you don't have to act naughty...but dress sexy at least...
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 45
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:15:14 PM
Well you might be chomping but you are certainly not ready , I'm betting you're telling the guys you are a virgin? guys your age hears you're a virgin , they will be all over you like a Rat on cheese .


I'm pretty much a whore; and I wouldnt sleep with you if you were nice and a virgin. Well; maybe if you begged, but I would feel like I was ruining something very special; and you would have to beg very convincingly to get that thought out of my head.

These men seem to respect you.



The grass 'over there' is not especially any greener than on your side sunshine

I think I need sex therapy now. ;P (Am I a douchebag, a sweetheart, a nice guy who coudl begetting lots more?)

*shrugs* (Doesnt matter)

Be happy sunshine; you're doing it right. (p.s. Its not always rainbows and unicorns and pretty light. Sometimes sex is downright gross) <---Ya; I admitted it.
 BrianL77
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 47
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:36:14 AM
Um if the girl wants to and be finds her attractive normally there is not an issue unless he has really weird fetish that he needs to have fun that may not be right to bring up on the first thirty dates. Or he is gay and battling his sexuality or he tried to use tout to make another girl jelous
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 48
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Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/2/2012 5:29:40 PM
OP, you're a pretty girl. I don't think that's the problem. Some guys might come on to you without much encouragement, but you can make it more likely by the way you act.

Usually if a guy is with a girl who's smiling a lot, joking, showing interest in him, finding excuses to touch him on the arm, shoulder, or whatever--flirting in general--he's more likely to be encouraged.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 49
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/2/2012 6:48:58 PM
[] btw I'm drunk right now so my messages might be weird.[]

Let me see as the others have noticed your insecure, neurotic and now drinking or drunk... I think in the very least these are very bright men!
 miss0023
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 50
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/2/2012 9:55:36 PM
Girlfriend!! You are beautiful!! I think you need to practice gaining some self confidence. Also, make a list of what really matters to you. What are your expectations for sex?? Work that out. You shouldn't be concerned about sex in the first couple of dates. If he is hot, and you had a good time on your date, but you are left wondering what happened??? (no call or text...wtf??) ITS OK...he may not be interested. You are beautiful and smart. Plenty of Fish has plenty of fish, so talk to someone else and go on another date, until you are both are crazy for eachother.

Some things I do to help my confidence...establish and follow through with some goals. Listen to empowering women! Gaga, Beyonce...whoever your idol is. Treat yourself to shop, manis and pedis! :) You got this girl!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 52
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/3/2012 8:46:59 PM
"Some things I do to help my confidence...establish and follow through with some goals. Listen to empowering women! Gaga, Beyonce...whoever your idol is. Treat yourself to shop, manis and pedis! :) You got this girl!"

what? personally, i think confidence comes from accomplishing something. op should forget this lame bloke, and focus on herself...expanding her career...further her education...etc... these are things i focus on if i ever get jilted...it's a way of turning a negative into a positive...
 JT_28
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 53
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Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/21/2012 7:04:00 PM
Okay there's something wrong with any girl that thinks that just because a guy won't "try" to sleep with her, she is not attractive to him. See, those are the types of things that confuse guys and make everything worse. To me it only means you care about sex more than he does, in short, you are the problem not him. There are many other ways to show someone they are attractive besides wanting to sleep with them.
 Sunshine-99
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 55
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Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/21/2012 8:06:55 PM
I am definitely shy about going for sex on the 1st date. If the girl is aggressive, it's definitely a turn-on. For the 2nd or 3rd date, I usually want to have sex if the relationship is progressing.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 57
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/21/2012 10:27:21 PM
^^^^^^^^Iceman's right OP. So, howabout this: why don't you write your expectation of speedy sex on your profile as the marker for whether or not he finds you attractive. That will bring you lots off dates and spare the rest of us 'those' types. Perfect solution I do believe and it will spare the good guys from being unfairly confused trying to know what women really want
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 58
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Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:14:20 AM
Hey, everyone has there own pace to move forward. If the guy thought you were cute, its a compliment. if he doesnt make the next move, as in another date, his loss.

I would not take it as bad.

Now all this changes if he comes to your house and the windows are covered with tin foil, you have ritualistic statues covered in blood or you talk about the time the aliens transported you to the mothership.
That is a red flag.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 59
Says you're attractive, but doesn't want to sleep with you
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:40:08 AM

I turn down sex from women all the time, normally because they are not attractive to me, but also because I suspect they have an STD and wouldn't tell me about it


Im actually pretty paranoid about that too these days.

That's new.


SO... in general I don't sleep with women: 1) I can't trust, 2) I couldn't live with 3) aren't cute enough. I don't sleep with them, even if they ask


He doesnt have sex.
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