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 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 226
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Why don't women approach guys much?Page 10 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Agreed as well, with 312 and 310. Silence is the answer, and there are always plenty more fish.
 popcultureloverguy88
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 227
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:27:54 AM
specifically, detailedly, what makes a guy creepy, weird, when approaching and talking to women?
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 228
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:51:22 AM
In the news this week: U.S. Gov't ICE chief of staff "resigned" after asking subordinates about sex. Even though this was "in the workplace," a person should be able to ask once without causing problems, yet she was virtually asked to leave. Many suspect that she targeted gay guys since she's "decent looking."

So, why don't women approach guys much? Well, when the agressive ones do, they get fired!
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 229
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 4:13:28 PM
I work for the government... well indirectly anyways, and we get all kinds of mandated ethics and sexual harassment training courses courtesy of Uncle Sam. It's always been my understanding from these that there's no issue with asking a coworker out as long as you don't persist to the point of harassment, and as long as there is no resulting conflict of interest (e.g. in a boss-employee relationship the boss giving some kind of preferential treatment to their partner). Of course, there is a significant difference between sexual harassment and asking someone out.

It sounds from your anecdote like this particular chief of staff's behavior was more akin to the former than the latter. Furthermore, as the story mentions asking subordinates about sex, while the OP seems to be talking about women approaching men in the context of potentially sparking a relationship, the story doesn't seem particularly relevant. Finally, the negative result of being forced to resign for approaching subordinates in such a manner applies equally to men as well as women, rendering the point moot.
 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 230
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:13:41 PM

how's that for how unfair the world is? hmmm...

Life: Not fair, but entertaining... hopefully. I message men when I want to. No biggie.
 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 231
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:20:29 PM

I have found that the uglier girls will still approach, the hot ones usually don't need to. My Experience.

Call me ugly then.
 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 232
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 5:36:23 PM

I don't make the first move because I am not interested in those men. And if the man whom I am really into doesn't make the first move to me, I take it as he is not interested in me, so I won't make the first move either.

How in the heck does a man know you're "really into" him if you don't make the first move? Did I miss something here cause I don't get what you're saying...
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 233
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:17:01 PM

How in the heck does a man know you're "really into" him if you don't make the first move? Did I miss something here cause I don't get what you're saying...


Oh come on. He's just supposed to *know,* right? And if he doesn't, that proves he's not interested in her. Why should she have to show any interest in him? And what if he didn't show any in return? It's up to the guy to do all the work--and after he's done that, they can share the rewards. Doesn't that sound fair to you?
 sactowndude
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 234
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 10:24:43 PM
Don't forget the man must endlessly chase the woman with calls and texts otherwise she will get bored, there's a fine line though, you can't call/text too much otherwise you are clingy. :)
 francoamericaine
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 235
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:26:27 PM
Don't you think this whole business of establishing contact with someone would be much easier and stress free if everybody felt free to send a message, knowing an answer yes or sorry but no, would follow? What about no games? Just adults saying Hi, how are you? Fine thanks and you? and then things would go on like in RL? Either coffee or we continue our merry way.
I am so tired of games! It makes wanting to date an ordeal when it should be enjoyable.
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 236
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/3/2012 12:52:42 PM
Re: 316 - I'm quite aware of what the Federal Government's standards and position is in this area, as I was a federal employee at some time in the past. I've seen every one of those rules broken in the Treasury Dept. (where I worked in the 1980s and 90s). This person didn't even come close to breaking the rules. What it was is that someone didn't like her or she didn't kiss the correct ass so he/she/they decided to get rid of her. I've seen that in the federal workplace too. (I was never an SS agent.)

RE: 322 - A similar discussion took place in another forum recently. I too prefer to get a negative answer over silence, but the 3 replies which followed mine over there indicated those people preferred silence to a "no" answer. Go figure?

In general: I generally try to contact someone ONCE and if she doesn't respond, I don't ever bother again.
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 237
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/3/2012 5:07:36 PM
Haha, well of course it wouldn't be the government we all know and love if they weren't regularly breaking the rules they take such care to lay out, nor if job security wasn't synonymous with ass-kissing ability.
 livingwithadog
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 238
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/4/2012 12:40:42 PM

Oh come on. He's just supposed to *know,* right? And if he doesn't, that proves he's not interested in her. Why should she have to show any interest in him? And what if he didn't show any in return? It's up to the guy to do all the work--and after he's done that, they can share the rewards. Doesn't that sound fair to you?

WTF? Is this sarcasm? I was referring to messages—like how does somebody know if someone else is interested if they don't send a message. I think you're just trying to piss people off, here.
PS: Life is not fair.
 popcultureloverguy88
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 239
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/4/2012 2:39:11 PM
i'd say the easy, simple reason why is because they don't have to, why bother doing something when you don't have to do it?
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 240
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/5/2012 9:20:14 AM
message 4 Molly maude

most old men my age are set in their ways and their ways include THEM being the aggressor.


this is such a cop out statement for not accepting that you (Women) have been rejected by men... women don't like to be rejected period...

They would rather suffer in silence, and not talk to a man they are attracted to....and tell themselves lies like : "if he does not approach me, then he does not have the self esteem I am looking for"... or "he has no balls... he is a wuss" --- what a bunch of lies they keep telling themselves!!! What they fail to realize, is that in general, most good men, that have been focused on work to provide for financial stability that women crave for, oftentimes do not have the "guts" to talk to women for lack of experience on HOW to do it. (and sure enough, with this, comes fear of rejection attached to this lack of talking skills)

On the other hand, skilled men, that have the guts to talk to women, are men that have had plenty of practice, to polish their talking skills! They have tried all the tricks in the books, and many of them are players, living in a tent, (not literally) and don't have what they say they have! (House, boats, mansions,planes, CEO's) So essentially, these women are foregoing the possible great suitor/Shy/pussy man (in their views) that fear talking to women, to the benefit of giving themselves to the "strong, alpha, aggressor males" that are also often fake "players" that know what to say, to impress, and swipe her off her feet... then theses same women complains that the "alpha men are jerks", liers! You damm if you do, you damm if you don't! In the end women always blame the men... without her taking responsibility for her wrong choices! On other hand, You can't win! It's always the man's fault... never the BBW woman for not being attractive enough.. cuz that would mean she has to accept she has been rejected because she is BBW! Easier to blame the "older man set in his ways wanting to be an aggressor" Keep telling yourself theses lies, and don't look at yourself in the mirror! You will Win... alone!


Back on track--- Please tell me that the same "old men set in their ways" would say "no thank you- to Penelope Cruz or "Sorry Selma Hayek, I'm used to be the aggressor, and I DON'T LIKE IT when women approach me!" YA RIGHT.... Face the music.. older men, (in general) have gained something what younger women want from a man that has aged.... (Power, financial stability) and theses same men have realize that they can get NOW, what they could not get in their 20's... A younger attractive woman! Furthermore, older men, like any men, are visually attracted to younger women!, Hence will not be hunting for elephant, when he can get a fox! Men's stocks increase with age as women's decrease with age. (in general of course) As an older man can provide stability, and financial security, that same man also realize that he can offer this to younger women that are hungry for it.... and get it! This is why we see Anna Nicole Smith with Grand Pa, Hugh Hefner with 20 something.... There's a power shift as you get older... a young woman has it (attraction- and lots sell it) and an older man has it (stability, money, power) which most women will be inebriated by!

I often get approached by BBW (chunky women)... I do talk to them, and we sometimes have drinks together... and I DO see the REAL NICE person in them... (I sometimes feel sorry-cuz they give me their business card with the "president" or "Executive director" as title on the card... and they tell me "call me". Well I can't! I know it would be an easy lay, but Mr. happy will not be able to stand on guard! Another thing that is interesting is, that the roles have become reversed.... It is the "BBW" woman that tries to impress the man with her title, and/or money.... Trying to show him that she does not need his money..... but she is missing what most men really want... Physical attractiveness! ... like many supplicating men are to women, theses BBW women, buy me and my friends drinks to wether break conversations, or simply show us that they do not need a man's money to live.... that's very nice for her, but she does not have what most men want.... "physical attractiveness".... Despite her being a very NICE person... Hence the BBW, have high self esteem, (they have to) they have jobs, cuz most men will not pay their bills like a rich man to a hot woman, and they oftn will break conversation with men, cuz otherwise they will suffer in silence and time will go by, without any men approaching them! that life! The only time a man will approach a BBW, is if her GF is HOT, and the player, will approach the BBW 1st, to disarm her, cuz she would otherwise become the c@ck blocker when he begins to talk to her HOT friends. Less attractive women have to break the conversation, otherwise they will suffer in silence, or until the day where they realize, that they have to take charge.... of their dating life and break conversation, just like they had to about their job... cuz no-one would pay her (partial or entire) bills. Some of them are butt ugly, high paid CEOs. Do you see lots of HOT high paid CEOs??? NOPE all butt ugly!


Let's be real, if you are an older woman, and a chunky lover .com, (a few extra pounds or BBWs) it will be extra hard for you to get "accepted" by any man, even less by older men "supposedly set in their ways and wanting to be the aggressor" regardless of how great your HEART is and if you approach 1st.... it's certainly not because the OLDER men are set in their ways... it's cuz your not attractive enough to him! Accept it.... and stop blaming men for your refusal to take the fork out of your mouth...., and stop believing what your mom, or your friends tell you... "because oh it's cuz men love to be the aggressor"..... BS.... if Pamela anderson would ask me out, I would certainly not say no... (but side note) I don't know if i could sustain a long term relationship with her because of her annoying voice!
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 241
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/5/2012 12:17:29 PM
Wow Mike thats a long post. So toward the end you seem to agree that if the guy don't approach a woman first is cause he is not intrested. You just used the BBW as the reason why he didn't talk to her first. So from your post it seems that if the guy won't talk to a woman first she shouldn't waste her time to strike a conversation with him. After all he must not find her attractive enough to talk to first.... I think you post was such a long rant about it that you lost your self in it and went off the subject. Well I'm just saying ...............
I do agree with you that for women who are considered good looking / hot. Its easier cause more men would approach them. So they don't have to work at it and also tend to shoot down guys more often cause there would be another one soon. For the not hot women they need to work more at it to get the kind of the guy they want.
But overall guys do the asking cause they are more intrested in meeting then most women are. Women tend to have more friends to do things with then most men do. That keeps them more busy and if a woman want some fun on the side most of the time she can get a guy in no time flat. Cause men are that easy for sex. Its the guys they would actualy want to date that women have a problem in finding. Thats where women should be more active and involved to get there chances up.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 242
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/5/2012 1:44:39 PM

Its the guys they would actualy want to date that women have a problem in finding.


The guys those women really want to date have other choices too. They might want to have sex with a very attractive woman, but after a few encounters not find anything else about her attractive enough to bother with. For a woman who's even moderately attractive, it takes about as much effort to find a man to have sex with as to make a pot of coffee. And yet the women I've ever talked to about that don't see it as any cause for rejoicing, however nice it might seem. They're seldom interested in doing that because they usually don't expect it to be very enjoyable. And they've discovered that finding (and keeping) a guy who would satisfy what they really want--complete with passion, intimacy, romance, understanding--is not easy at all. No matter how good they look.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 243
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/6/2012 12:27:49 AM

Its the guys they would actualy want to date that women have a problem in finding. Thats where women should be more active and involved to get there chances up.


Online moderately attractive through all out attractive women online should get their head out of the clouds if they want it all..passion, intimacy, romance, understanding, personality and character. Some of the little miss mega-ego high strung responses fail to realize I can meet someone like them on any given weekend the only difference is they are less stuck on themselves.
 popcultureloverguy88
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 244
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/11/2012 2:56:26 AM
back to the OP, because according to lifes, societie's rules, being passive, timid is a feminine thing, meanwhile being aggressive, assertive is a masculine thing, these are unwritten rules that started at the dawn of time
 Marcia_77
Joined: 7/10/2012
Msg: 245
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/28/2012 10:39:34 PM
No need to...Usually the men have already approached me.
 devtru
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 246
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/7/2012 1:54:29 AM
I think it's the individual. If a man makes the first call why not the woman make the next call. When I go out I call the guy the next day or so to tell him I had a nice time. Then that let's him say He wants to see me again or not. If not I just let it be and move on.
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 247
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/8/2012 10:32:28 PM
post 303 francoamericaine


It will be a cold day in hell before I write again!


then you will suffer in silence darling... imagine how many messages that men have sent and received no responses!!!

RĂ©veille toi!

you have to build some self esteem... and who cares if this man did not respond to you?? You are in front of your computer, alone, and who's watching you and laughing at you for not getting a response from 1 man?? WHO CARES, move on.... write to another man.... does anyone know how many rejection you had to go through, except yourself??? NOOOO... We don't know... so stand up and go for it! Women hate rejection... learn to go along with it, and take control of your future!

You are living in a fantasy world, that Cinderella will never get her feelings hurt! You are on planet earth!

It's your own little ego that got bruised because you wrote to one man... and he did not respond!! Big deal... welcome to the club. You have to make your own world, you have to reach for what you want...

I suggest that you send more email to other man, and GET OVER your EXPECTATION that a man WILL or MUST reply because you are a WOMAN.... it works both ways... and it's an equal world! Woman can approach men... why not??
otherwise keep suffering in silence, and watch all the potentials great men passing you by!
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 248
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/9/2012 12:11:58 AM

I don't make the first move because I am not interested in those men. And if the man whom I am really into doesn't make the first move to me, I take it as he is not interested in me, so I won't make the first move either.


Response post 317 livingwithadog

How in the heck does a man know you're "really into" him if you don't make the first move? .


to add further....
"if he does not make the 1st move, I take it he is not interested" ...what kind of bullshiat is it??? Women have this ass backward of thinking that they keep spreading amongst themselves.. "if he did not approach me, he is not interested OR he is not the self confident man I am looking for!" Wuttt? What if you did not give the guy any signs? What if he did not see you? Aren't you not going to attempt to let him know that you are interested? NO cuz you are a LADY waiting for his shinning armor?? After all, this is the last time you might EVER see this guy! BUT NO you'd rather suffer in silence! instead of saying HI!!!..... STOOOPID does it! Theses crazy women are setting themselves for failure... and then blame MEN for not being assertive enough, or not being able to "NOTICE them".... STOOPID thinking! theses women are their own worst enemy! That mentality will only set them up for failure!

Then on the other hand she does not make the first move on men she is not interested,... that is understandable. But she won't either on men that she is interested ! So she leaves it all to chance, and to the MEN that do decide to talk to her... but she does not like them! and that considerably reduces her chances of meeting someone!! and 10 years goes by.... and she is still out looking..... and she Can't see what's wrong with this picture!! It's always MEN's fault... never hers for failure to show interest!

STOOOOOPID thinking!
 Spore2012
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 249
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/9/2012 6:13:51 PM
Probably already been said a half a dozen times, but women don't like to initiate anything. They like to just be taken along for the ride. I imagine that in general, that since woman are more emotional and have less aggressive tendacies just based on biology alone, that the rejection and fear of it is much much stronger than that of a man as well.

A woman vs a man getting rejected at anything in life (job interview, games, debate, loss of something), you can see major differences on initial impact, how the situation is handled, recovery, and time until next situation etc.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 250
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/13/2012 4:34:43 PM
BlazerGirl...I don't necessarily disagree that men don't want an equal. I think a successful woman can be offputting or intimidating for some. However, with that being said, in your case I'd have to say that your lack of response or success relates more to your profile than to men not wanting an equal. You come off very hard, closed off emotionally, etc negative, etc negative etc negative. You don't have to be warm and fuzzy, but if you are not sharing a positive profile it translates to people (men) thinking you are not a positive/pleasant person to be around. Might want to do a profile review and get some input.
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