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 popcultureloverguy88
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 244
Why don't women approach guys much?Page 13 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
back to the OP, because according to lifes, societie's rules, being passive, timid is a feminine thing, meanwhile being aggressive, assertive is a masculine thing, these are unwritten rules that started at the dawn of time
 Marcia_77
Joined: 7/10/2012
Msg: 245
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 9/28/2012 10:39:34 PM
No need to...Usually the men have already approached me.
 devtru
Joined: 4/30/2011
Msg: 246
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/7/2012 1:54:29 AM
I think it's the individual. If a man makes the first call why not the woman make the next call. When I go out I call the guy the next day or so to tell him I had a nice time. Then that let's him say He wants to see me again or not. If not I just let it be and move on.
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 247
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/8/2012 10:32:28 PM
post 303 francoamericaine


It will be a cold day in hell before I write again!


then you will suffer in silence darling... imagine how many messages that men have sent and received no responses!!!

Réveille toi!

you have to build some self esteem... and who cares if this man did not respond to you?? You are in front of your computer, alone, and who's watching you and laughing at you for not getting a response from 1 man?? WHO CARES, move on.... write to another man.... does anyone know how many rejection you had to go through, except yourself??? NOOOO... We don't know... so stand up and go for it! Women hate rejection... learn to go along with it, and take control of your future!

You are living in a fantasy world, that Cinderella will never get her feelings hurt! You are on planet earth!

It's your own little ego that got bruised because you wrote to one man... and he did not respond!! Big deal... welcome to the club. You have to make your own world, you have to reach for what you want...

I suggest that you send more email to other man, and GET OVER your EXPECTATION that a man WILL or MUST reply because you are a WOMAN.... it works both ways... and it's an equal world! Woman can approach men... why not??
otherwise keep suffering in silence, and watch all the potentials great men passing you by!
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 248
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/9/2012 12:11:58 AM

I don't make the first move because I am not interested in those men. And if the man whom I am really into doesn't make the first move to me, I take it as he is not interested in me, so I won't make the first move either.


Response post 317 livingwithadog

How in the heck does a man know you're "really into" him if you don't make the first move? .


to add further....
"if he does not make the 1st move, I take it he is not interested" ...what kind of bullshiat is it??? Women have this ass backward of thinking that they keep spreading amongst themselves.. "if he did not approach me, he is not interested OR he is not the self confident man I am looking for!" Wuttt? What if you did not give the guy any signs? What if he did not see you? Aren't you not going to attempt to let him know that you are interested? NO cuz you are a LADY waiting for his shinning armor?? After all, this is the last time you might EVER see this guy! BUT NO you'd rather suffer in silence! instead of saying HI!!!..... STOOOPID does it! Theses crazy women are setting themselves for failure... and then blame MEN for not being assertive enough, or not being able to "NOTICE them".... STOOPID thinking! theses women are their own worst enemy! That mentality will only set them up for failure!

Then on the other hand she does not make the first move on men she is not interested,... that is understandable. But she won't either on men that she is interested ! So she leaves it all to chance, and to the MEN that do decide to talk to her... but she does not like them! and that considerably reduces her chances of meeting someone!! and 10 years goes by.... and she is still out looking..... and she Can't see what's wrong with this picture!! It's always MEN's fault... never hers for failure to show interest!

STOOOOOPID thinking!
 Spore2012
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 249
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/9/2012 6:13:51 PM
Probably already been said a half a dozen times, but women don't like to initiate anything. They like to just be taken along for the ride. I imagine that in general, that since woman are more emotional and have less aggressive tendacies just based on biology alone, that the rejection and fear of it is much much stronger than that of a man as well.

A woman vs a man getting rejected at anything in life (job interview, games, debate, loss of something), you can see major differences on initial impact, how the situation is handled, recovery, and time until next situation etc.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 250
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/13/2012 4:34:43 PM
BlazerGirl...I don't necessarily disagree that men don't want an equal. I think a successful woman can be offputting or intimidating for some. However, with that being said, in your case I'd have to say that your lack of response or success relates more to your profile than to men not wanting an equal. You come off very hard, closed off emotionally, etc negative, etc negative etc negative. You don't have to be warm and fuzzy, but if you are not sharing a positive profile it translates to people (men) thinking you are not a positive/pleasant person to be around. Might want to do a profile review and get some input.
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 251
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/13/2012 11:25:30 PM
Meanwhile, some men don't mind an equal, or even a dominate (whether that means a dominatrix, I leave for a different discussion). Some men want their women to be able to stand alone when they are not around. Think about how many teenage boys watched Xena: Warrior Princess when it aired a decade ago. It wasn't for the acting quality....
 LovelyisDeedee
Joined: 8/27/2012
Msg: 252
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 10/17/2012 12:05:22 PM
Men are the pursuers. It's not about a woman having confidence it's about a man being a man. My thing is.. If you want me, you'll approach me. Plain and simple.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 253
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/8/2012 7:15:22 PM
^^^^^^^^ And the point is ????? I'm sure the cave man complaind that he had to fight other men to keep his woman... The nice thing today time and age being single is not so bad... Compare to being a cave man
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 254
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/9/2012 2:52:01 PM
RE: #340 -
Men are the pursuers. It's not about a woman having confidence it's about a man being a man. My thing is.. If you want me, you'll approach me. Plain and simple.
Yet many more women than men seek restraining orders when they are merely pursued without any threat or danger at all. This has emasculated men. Further more, the "liberated woman" is aggressive, not docile.

Perhaps this was the way it has traditionally worked, but no longer. Meanwhile, there are women who still expect doors opened for them, etc. Sorry, but you all can't have it both ways.

My rebuttal is: Why should a man approach you if he has a reasonable expectation that he will be slapped with a restraining order simply for trying to ask you out (even if it's just once)?
 AnthonyJ
Joined: 11/17/2004
Msg: 255
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/10/2012 3:03:54 PM
Yeah, but doing all of those things gives the woman power, and depending on the woman, she may abuse that power. Too bad we all can't just drop the pretenses and just engage as true equals.
 AnthonyJ
Joined: 11/17/2004
Msg: 256
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/10/2012 3:11:24 PM
Yeah, way too many women online have this egotistical/snobbish attitude. The whole, "I'm attractive; therefore, I should get everything I want, the way I want it, when I want it" mentality.
But I'm sure it's like that in the real world as well.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 257
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/10/2012 6:32:40 PM
^^^^^ As long as there are men who are willing to do anything she wants she can ask for it... You see people do things that work for them. It don't matter if its the women or men.. All you can do is what you feel is right for you.. If the woman asks and demands more then you are willing to give just move on.. Now if you are willing to do anything she asks just cause you want her.. Don't complain about it later on, Its your doing not hers.. We are in control of who we date.. The only thing is you might find that there are not so many people you might want to date in the first place.
 vibrantshe
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 258
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/12/2012 8:19:20 AM
I have contacted many, many men who are age appropriate and live fairly close to me. Guess how many have responded to me??? Zero! That’s why I stopped contacting men.
 Green_Jello44
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 259
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/12/2012 9:33:21 AM
Actually the best way pof works is if women contact the guy. Women hold the key, guys are usually game to meet even marginal people, and women don't respond to messages, because of too much crap in their email, ect.....
Pof has worked for me because women do contact me, not sure why because my pictures are crappy lol. But when women do message, life is easy, here is one of my many favorites;
her (first message) - "I like you!"
me (checked her profile, holy crap she's hot!) - "I like you too!"
her - call me xxx-xxx-xxxx
me - I call her, and from the minute i hear her voice, i know she's fun and fantastic!
We set up a date the next night, as i entered the sushi bar she was there early sitting at the bar....you never know what your going to get, but she was a wow on the beautiful scale, and fun........
 philosoArt
Joined: 12/8/2012
Msg: 260
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/12/2012 4:21:34 PM
Hmmm i've met some cool people on here as chatt buddies having fun random conversations going on. not even slightly mentioning hook up or dating but just as chatting friends to pass time. Do women on POF believe Chat buddy = im interested in you sexually?? no offense to anyone just really curious. Btw guys who wants chat buddies as well, whats up!!?
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 261
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/13/2012 3:48:36 PM
I was the appproacher... as apposed to the aproachee. Most were kind enough to comment yea or nay. Gave me a clue where I kind of stand in the world. I joined the day my divorce was final, and after 21 years of non dating, it was a real eye opener for me. Mostly in a very positive way :)
None of my queries were of a sexual nature, all were appreciation for something on their profiles. Those that were players were not interested and that suited me fine. I didn't want a sugar daddy, or anyone to support me. So it was pretty easy to find a nice guy I guess.
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 262
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/18/2012 12:12:11 AM
Actually I wish men would approach more! Or maybe I am wishing with me. Call me ol'fashion and painfully shy around someone I find attractive. I always find myself stuck in those awkward situations like at the grocery store, you see him, both make the eye contact, exchange smiles....I start to secretely undress him with my eyes. More awkward eye contact like he wants to say something and doesn't? What gives. I end up just as frustrated! But in all serious, if and when I get hit on(once in a blue moon apparently), I usually say all the wrong things being caught off guard. So here I go now, Match to POF
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 263
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/18/2012 9:14:33 AM
I think it will always be this way for a few more million years.

I have alot of female friends, none approach men, they get all pretty and go out guys are expected to follow and they do, mostly agressive assertive guys that have alot of practce. Some have profiles in dating sites and complain about getting waay too many e-mails like 50 per day. The older women (in their 40's and 50's ) complain getting just 5 a day to as little as 1 per week.

Alot of guys such as i have sent probably 100's of e-mails in the past here and maybe gotten a couple of hello not interested responses. If I go to a party or a bar or at a store and I do not approach women initially i can spend weeks like this without having to speak to a woman.

It is the way it is , some women in thier maturity and/or loneliness do get up some courage to approach a couple of times, when rejected and/or given cool responses, shy away from ever doing that again.

Women never realize that a typical guy who actually tries can get at least 10 rejections a day in a social setting , some rejections are almost stealthy some are cool a few can be bruttal but we move on. Some pretend to have not seen or hear guys.

My record amount of rejections was 23 at a club, I ended up dancing with the one with the mustach as my buds saw she also rejected alot of guys.

It is the way it is, I do get dates, i know I am a very good catch but have a problem getting one woman to respond eventually to LTR.

It is a woman's choice to choose among the list of guys and if a woman has no suiers or men looking for them, they must look at the competition and respond and see what the failure is at.

I have female friends of all sizes ages and levels, none ever had a problem until they lost their touch to attract, either physically or internally or both.
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 264
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/18/2012 11:39:14 AM
re: #350 - I'd call/walk up to you, but I live several hundred miles away and I'm just outside your target age range....
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 265
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/19/2012 8:56:41 AM
sun_and_cinnamon post 350


find myself stuck in those awkward situations like at the grocery store, you see him,....I start to secretely undress him with my eyes.... he wants to say something and doesn't?


Where is it that you go grocery shopping and at what time? I will meet you in the frozen or the vegetables section. We can have plenty of visual fun. Thing is, unless the man is a player, (and I am sure that's not what you are looking for) most men are as as uncomfortable as you are to make the first "cold" conversation with stranger at the supermarket. It takes training, habit, to approach strangers. Unless a man's work is in a "salesman" position, where he approaches people & women on a daily basis, most men simply do not know HOW to approach a beautiful woman/stranger they see from a distance. Further, the FEAR of rejection is also a strong deterrent. Then as you said/wrote : "I usually say all the wrong things being caught off guard"... the same thing goes for men... they often say the wrong things, by being NERVOUS.

it happened to me numerous times, until I started to read the tricks about being a pick up artist. There were exercises that I tried to build my confidence, like when walking in a mall to stare at any women walking towards me, without ever breaking eye contact, until she passes you at your side, for a few weeks. The idea was not to "break conversation", but simply be aware of the eye contact, and reaction, smiles or not from women. That slowly made me aware of a world that I did not know existed after 14yrs of marriage. Women that are interested, DO NOT BREAK eye contact, they keep looking and smile. Then I also read about what to say if I was to break convo with a stranger.

PROBLEM IS NOW that, (after 4 yrs of practice) when I approach women in public settings, (mall, grocery store, sidewalk) some ask me if I am a player, as they recognize or think that ONLY (in their mind) a player would have the COURAGE or GUTS to approach them "cold call"!!

See you dammed if you do approach, and you dammed is you don't approach. After getting BLOCKED by a few women with that unexpected statement "you must be a player", I read more about what to respond... back to throw off her objections! But I lost some good prospect during the learning process


My point is, that it is as hard for "unexperienced" men to approach women. Women do not like player, but YET the likelyhood that a player IS THE ONE that will approach her cold call, it is not likely that she will get approached in public settings.... so she will KEEP on SUFFERING in SILENCE.... Just because she thinks that "it's the man job to approach"..... So much bull and double standards!

I say that there's nothing wrong for a woman to Say Hi to a man, when she is interested, because that MAY be HER only last chance at meeting this guy EVER again.. it works both ways.... WHY would you women accept to SUFFER in SILENCE?? and not attempt to break convo with the guy you like?? What have you got to LOOSE?? Nothing...
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 266
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/19/2012 9:42:34 AM
Self Esteem
-I know I will get lots of flack for this below- But again this is said in GENERALITY... in general...

As a man, I often get approached by women, but they are BBW, 5-6 on the 1-10 scale and certainly not 10. The theory is that women close to a 10, have very low self esteem, and Women closer to a 5-6 scale have very HIGH self esteem. Why? cuz a 10, is always wondering if she looks good enough, or if she is prettier than the other woman 10. She also is used to have men shower her with gift... simply because of her looks! So her looks GETS her things, houses, cars, trips around the world. Hence her self esteem is low. On the other hand, the 5-6 woman's self esteem is VERY HIGH, because she has to WORK, because no one will pay her bills, she is used to WORK to get what she wants. That build SELF ESTEEM... she does not need a man to live. Just like rich parents give their children everything, they do not teach the value of working and SELF WORTH, when suddenly if the parents loose their wealth, and the children NOW adults, have to go to work to survive, their self confidence is at the lowest, as they do not have the ability, or the know how to go to work! In our society, We are all labeled by "what we do", our jobs.

On the other hand, the 10, has been used to get what she wants with her looks. So she usually does not have to "work" to get what she wants, cuz "rich-wuss-men" give her what she wants, simply for being pretty! That surely does not build confidence, but self doubts... that when a man stops paying attention to her, she wonder if her "looks" are ok.... and here begin the vicious circle.

Of course my example shows 2 extremes, but it has a representation of where self esteem comes from. Women that are 10, often will NOT approach men, unless she is a a groupie chasing a basketball or football player, or musician. Women that are lower than a 10, are higher in self worth, cuz they have to... and they are the one that will approach men, cuz NO men (on average) are interested in them. For fear of not getting HIT on, theses 5-6 women, have taken their self esteem in their hands and DO make the approach towards MEN....cuz they would never get what they want...a very less likely to get hit on by men.... IN GENERAL!

My point is, that it is as hard for "unexperienced" men to approach women. Women do not like player, but YET the likelyhood that a player IS THE ONE that will approach her cold call, it is not likely that she will get approached in public settings by a "regular guy" .... so she will KEEP on SUFFERING in SILENCE.... Just because she thinks that "it's the man job to approach"..... Problem is, the man's job has been emasculated by the fears of all those "lawsuits, and restraining orders". So much bull and double standards! It's funny to be labeled as a player, when I am genuinely trying to find THE ONE, simply using tricks I have learned on how to approach, in order NOT to be awkward with women... and the confidence that women secretly long for in a man, immediately makes them think that I am a player!! You simply can't satisfy women! SO I say, it's 2013, and women should also do some of the leg work and approach men... regardless if she is a 10 or a 5..... what's wrong with that?? an stop suffering in silence!

,
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 12/12/2012
Msg: 267
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/19/2012 8:34:45 PM
I'd sure like to see your approach. I usually start undressing men with my eyes somewhere around the produce section. Hmm I can't speak for all women but maybe it was just the men that had approached me before, but none of them have ever come across as a player. Maybe I lucked out?
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 268
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 12/20/2012 12:08:53 PM
RE: ^ - ... And how many of us are now moving to Sacramento County...? ;-)
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