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 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 51
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Why don't women approach guys much?Page 3 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

Men get that all the time. So am I to come to the conclusion that women don't like the man to make the first move because they rarely answer back?

It's pretty simple. If he/she is interested they will like that you made the first move. If they AREN'T interested, they won't like it and you will be rejected.


:: shrugs ::

If people really want to limit their options exclusively to what other people choose, who are we to argue? :D
 Michaelangigolo
Joined: 7/9/2010
Msg: 52
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/8/2012 5:42:56 AM
I honestly don't think it is in their DNA. Even with all of the advances that came out of the women's liberation movement most women would have an easier time becoming a CEO of a company rather than walk up to a man and ask him out.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 53
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/8/2012 8:56:42 AM
I get approached a lot. My female friends tell me it is because I am so aloof and unaware that I come off as disinterested, and women who are used to guys fawning over them are baffled by that. Never goes anywhere because I am not into the superficial type, but maybe if you play it cool women might approach. And guys, be aware that a female can smell desperation from the next room.
 Blissfl
Joined: 2/5/2012
Msg: 54
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/9/2012 1:46:41 PM
I approach men. However POF doesn't make it easy because there is no place in the profile to indicate what type of woman you are looking for. So I may be messaging a man who does not want chocolate.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 55
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/10/2012 10:37:22 AM
I DO send initial e-mails to men and get a response MAYBE 50% of the time ... we e-mail for a while, talk on the phone ... he's seen my photos ... he knows who he's meeting ... we've chatted ... so he knows I'm no insipid, sweet thing ...

we meet and ... apparently ... I'm expected to carry the conversation and FLIRT with this man who is sitting like a lump ... shrug ...

I don't expect that I'm going to have to do all the heavy lifting in this adventure just because I sent the 1st e-mail!

so ... I patiently sit there, introducing topics he doesn't respond to, waiting for SOMETHING from the other side of the table ... some indication there's life on the other side of the table ... and then I'm told he "feels no romance" which I'm guessing is code for "lust!"

one man (who actually contacted me first) yelled at the waitress then turned to me and said that I got a pass on this first date but, if there was going to be a 2nd date, he was going to expect sex ... so no matter how much e-mailing and phoning, you never really know what you're "getting into" until you're there ...

my fear is, when I'm considering sending a man an e-mail ... that there are men out there who are thinking EXACTLY what Gunner stated: "I've been contacted ... by ladies that were ah ... well over my age ... well over ... and had not been terribly concerned about their body weight in several decades ... brassy fatties ..."

so ... it's a juggling act ... when are women's first contacts appreciated and when are they considered "brassy fatties" ??? and ... as Wonder alluded to ... if I send the 1st e-mail ... am I then expected to carry the conversation as well??? flirt first???


 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 56
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/10/2012 1:01:24 PM

yelled at the waitress then turned to me and said that I got a pass on this first date but, if there was going to be a 2nd date, he was going to expect sex


Can't get much more romantic than that! Must have been hard to resist his charms.


my fear is, when I'm considering sending a man an e-mail ... that there are men out there who are thinking EXACTLY what Gunner stated


It's the same for men. We have no way of knowing, when we e-mail a woman, if she'll welcome it, or think something unflattering about us. Even if she responds and everything seems fine, there's no guarantee she won't pick a fight with you as soon as you phone her, or let you know what a lousy SOB you are for driving an hour through traffic and buying her a drink.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 57
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/10/2012 2:43:29 PM
noooooo ... he said he "feels NO romance" ... which I'm interpreting to mean he DOESN'T want to have sex with me ... as in ... he feels NO lust ???

he was great on the phone ... intelligent, articulate ... I'm guessing he's just not interested IN ME!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 58
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/10/2012 3:55:11 PM

I generally have a few long phone conversations first.


I've done those too, but now I mostly avoid them. I think it can take some of the magic out of things--better to meet and do something fun together.
 RunningFool7
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 59
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:23:02 PM
@SFGIANTSFAN

Yours is a special case...you're a Giant's fan, living in So Cal no less. Booooo!!! :)
 MachineIII
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 60
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/14/2012 9:35:28 AM
I think it has a lot to do (at least here) . That you're simply not interesting enough; there is also that fear of rejection to some extent and just over all laziness. Then again their shopping list of who they are looking for doesnt help and renders them paralyzed with fear..

Ive initiated a few EMails at least a paragraph and relevant to their interests with no replies at all which leads me to believe im talking to a fake profile.. Maybe i should start putting shirtless pics of myself .. God help us all..

Anyways..
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 61
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/14/2012 9:49:37 AM

then again their shopping list of who they are looking for doesnt help and renders them paralyzed with fear..


Or, they're already afraid and make things difficult to keep them from happening . . .
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 62
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:36:41 PM
To be honest I think their is a bit of an issue of a lot of the women on this site being single mothers, which means they have less time to send out infinite amount of creative messages. The other issue is it seems like the very popular girls that get written to feel like they don't need to send any messages as they have more than their share of messages to deal with, without having to search and work for them.

The remainder of women are those that feel like they will get rejected if they try, after all if no one is sending them messages at all, then they will just get more rejection by trying.

But that is just my best guess.
 blonde.sugar
Joined: 1/3/2012
Msg: 63
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/15/2012 8:32:20 AM
I prefer to let the men approach (though I *have* done it once before, with a positive outcome). Yes, part of it is about the fear of rejection, but it's more about wanting the kind of man who takes initiative.

I like 'em traditional.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 64
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/15/2012 9:54:15 AM
I think Roujin makes a good point.

I'm assuming, most ladies will think, "Oh - if I say I have kids, they're going to think I need a baby daddy, or I have someone else's baggage to tend to."

I don't think (IMHO) that most ladies understand that men also fear rejection. We're supposed to be the macho-superman-man of steel type.

Ok, true, but we also do have feelings as well. Rejection is a stinky scent that once in a while we have to wade through. (My 2 cents)
 ehhh_ok
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 65
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/18/2012 8:15:55 PM
Why don't women approach guys much? With the very short time that I have been on this site, I have found out that 98% of the guys that I have approached first have very little to say in reply.

"hi, I have found your profile enjoyable and think we have (insert topic) in common. Let's chat soon?" Not a bad icebreaker, yes?

The typical reply- "thanks"

I am quickly sliding into the ranks of "women who wont approach a man first". I don't get it...
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 66
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:27:18 AM
This seems to be a universal problem, I have had a few conversations start off generally ok, but it feels like I am doing all of the work of having to keep the conversation motivated and interesting.

Icebreakers are easy, generating a conversation seems to be hard as it always feels like I am doing all of the work, But I could just becoming jaded about this site as the typical response for mine is "sure" "that's nice" "lets chat some time." and any messages afterword don't get replied to.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 67
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:20:20 AM
Msg 82 - No, It's NOT a universal problem, and it has nothing to do with POF or any other similar website, and I might add, the cleverest icebreaker in the world won't help you.
For the sake of argument, I just looked at the above 2 profiles, and this is what I see: boring, boring, boring. Dating needs to be about fun, and if you project fun in your profile, others will be drawn to you. It IS that simple, and anyone who doesn't believe me is invited to read my inbox some time. Attractive women message me regularly, and tell me they saw my profile, and they want to talk, and maybe meet me. I don't have to do invent clever icebreakers. That's as much as POF, or any other website can do for us. Once we meet, POF has done it's job, it's up to us to have fun with each other, and continue having fun on other dates. Relationships begin in this manner, if that's where you want to go.
When I am messaging someone I do it with the intent of meeting them. I don't want to spend days or weeks talking about some movie, or who will be the next President. If the conversation doesn't head in that direction within 6 or 8 exchanges, I'm done. No interest has been established, we have no gas in our tank, we are through.
It is ALL about attraction: the alfa and the omega of dating. Don't ever forget that. You will pursue someone you are attracted to, and let slide someone not. The other party will do the same.
Don't overcomplicate this process, it's tricky enough as it is. Be fun, and HAVE fun.
R
 ehhh_ok
Joined: 2/15/2012
Msg: 68
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/20/2012 4:33:46 PM
My profile was boring? LOL
 miltplum
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 69
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/26/2012 8:13:12 PM
They're probably even more sensitive, so if they make the first move and get rejected
it's even worse for them. We're used to rejection, generally speaking.
 francoamericaine
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 70
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:40:57 PM
The last man I sent a message to answered me back saying that after 40 years of marriage he was confused about what he wanted. I wished him good luck in his endeavor- not wanting to tell him I was not interested anymore- to have him telling me to stop yelling at me, that I was a needy woman!...I don't know for you but after that, there is no way I'll ever take the 1st step!
 definitelyafind
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 71
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/3/2012 12:33:12 PM
I don't because I'm shy. I end up blushing and turning beet red. I would smile a lot though to hide my nervousness around a gentleman I'm attracted to. Other than that, I have not approached a guy I found attractive.
 PeckerPeter
Joined: 10/14/2011
Msg: 72
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/3/2012 10:36:50 PM
Women do approach guys at least my experience.
Keep your hygiene up..be clean, smell clean,look Sharp
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 73
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 3:17:04 PM
please note, this is not directly a response to any previous comment specifically, but a response to the thread as a whole. i'm new here and still trying to figure things out.

as far as sending messages are concerned, it's just a simple act: you either send the message or not. as for what makes a person respond back to you, that's another story and it's probably not even the most obvious. people like to generalize things just so it make things easier to understand but what's the point of wondering why someone doesn't respond to you? who cares? all you know is, you sent a message, and they did not respond. are they that special to you to have the power to make you wonder why they didn't reciprocate the little attention you gave them? people take things too personally online.

as for women approaching men, i find that to be something of a catch 22. in general, i would think that most women don't approach men but society has been a bit more open about women being the pursuers. i think that the likelihood of a woman pursuing a man/initiating is dependent on her looks. before everyone gets upset and their panties in a wad, read what i have to say.

an attractive young woman generally does not want to do any work to get a man because she thinks the man should come to her. most of all, the attractive young woman knows that if the man comes to her, it's because he likes her enough to risk rejection and most likely will at least respect his courage. basically, she's a highly desired thing, so why would she go out of her way and spend the trouble of pursuing someone who doesn't have the balls to approach her?

as for women who aren't so attractive, they have to overcompensate to beat out their more attractive counterparts. they know that men will have their attention on the prettier ones so the less attractive women have to do something to get men's attention.

i have 2 friends that i will use to illustrate this observation. one is tall and skinny (5'8 ft) and was a photography model. she's got a modern/ edgy style, and she's quite striking looking. the thing is, she's extremely shy and refuses to talk to new people in public because she has a mistrust of strangers and appears aloof. the other one is short (under 5' ft), chunky, fizzy haired, but extremely social. she loves initiating conversations with guys and giving them her number.

but guess who gets approached to more? the skinny tall one. she's aloof and doesn't seem desperate so it makes her all the more attractive to men because she's not going after him to get attention (or other things). the chunky short one overcompensates and is very vocal about how "hot" she is and how men love her size, etc. but the men she gives her number out to don't contact her. the men that insist on giving their number to the skinny one always call her and yet, she ignores them because she doesn't like any of them.

how's that for how unfair the world is? hmmm...
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 74
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 3:53:45 PM
how's that for how unfair the world is? hmmm...


Fair is a place where vegetables and pies are judged. Sorry.

Women superficially judge guys just as guys do to women. The only thing that we can do is to persevere to find someone who isn't as judgmental.

And I say that to both genders, not just to the guys upset with a lack of responses and not just to the women who are frustrated by a lack of responses.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 75
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 3:56:07 PM
Msg 90 -
Interesting observation about your 2 friends, and you deserve kudos for illustrating something that totally eludes most men. "Men" believe that women have such powers of attraction that they can get whatever they want, whenever they want it.
Some of us who venture outside the box of online dating say that isn't quite what it seems. Modern research tells us that women have such a mountain of fears, social paranoia, internal conflicts, and other assorted baggage that they are just as confused as men when it comes to dating/romance/relationships.
Here is a good example of two women in action - seemingly opposites, and which one gets it right? Neither.
R
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