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 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 76
Why don't women approach guys much?Page 4 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
to #91: that was rhetorical question to end my post, not something that begged for an answer.

to #92: thank you for understanding what i was trying to illustrate! to add further to what i wrote previously, people always think the more attractive ones get tons of action. i can verify it's definitely NOT true. i have both male and female friends who are extremely attractive and yet, they have the hardest time finding friends, let alone a mate. truth be told, the frizzy haired friend sleeps around a lot and doesn't really care who is it, but she's always upset when the guy leaves her for a more attractive girl that the guy wants. as for the skinny one, she would rather just stay out on the sidelines and not participate at all.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 77
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 4:32:54 PM
to #91: that was rhetorical question to end my post, not something that begged for an answer.


:: shrugs ::

We all have our unique strengths, just as we have our own unique weaknesses.

Am I naive enough to believe that dating and life itself is all candy and gumdrops to "pretty" people? No, and even if it is all candy and gumdrops to them, I'm sure there's something that they struggle with that is effortless to someone like me.

I commend your short(er) friend for having enough initiative to do something about her circumstances, as opposed to your tall(er) friend sitting on her haunches and wondering where all the great guys are.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 78
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 4:41:35 PM
again, you're wrong. my skinny friend doesn't sit around wondering where the good guys are. she's had her share of good and bad relationships. she's just not into going out and sleeping with everything in sight that will give her attention. as for the short chunky one, she craves attention because most of the attention goes to me and the skinny friend when we're all out together. the skinny one and i are both aloof, not because we're waiting on anyone. it's because neither of us feel like we want to talk to anyone who approaches us.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 79
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 4:54:01 PM

again, you're wrong.


:: shrugs ::

I think both of our statements are being taken out of context.

For the record, I don't believe that sleeping with any willing party is "doing something about her circumstances"...or at least anything productive. I was more referring to initiating conversation with guys she's interested in.

So it goes, I guess.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 80
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:06:45 PM
LOL i didn't think you meant that sleeping around was doing something about her situation. my response was to say that i don't think her trying too hard to initiate conversation with guys is productive, either. she casts her net too wide, whereas the skinny one casts her net in a more narrow pool. i'm pretty much the same way as the skinny one, which is probably why she and i are close friends. the chunky one is the skinny one's roommate and i've become friends with her. as much as i love all my friends, the chunky one makes wrong choices all the time and it's a pain in the ass for me to listen to all that mess. repetition gets old.
 socalcitycat2012
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 81
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:31:41 AM
I've just had an epiphany! I am relatively new to this site, and to "online dating" in general. I have reached out to several men I thought were interesting (sexy, liked what they'd written in their profiles), and have had precious few responses. I have not, however, asked any of them out ON a date.... Well, I came across one man I would LOVE to go out on a date with.... I don't know what it was about him...it just kind of hit me in my solar plexis, so to speak! LOL! I even went so far as to give him one of those silly little "gifts!" I picked the frog prince! I hope he recognized the humor behind it! I haven't heard back from him. Are you saying that men LIKE it when girls take the next step and actually ask them out on a date?!

Please 'splain (as Ricky would say to Lucy).

Thanks!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 82
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:24:09 AM

Are you saying that men LIKE it when girls take the next step and actually ask them out on a date?!


Of course we like it, IF we're attracted to the girl. Same thing the other way around, isn't it?
 socalcitycat2012
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 83
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:56:05 AM
Welllll... I guess the saying goes "When at first you don't suceed, try and try again!" LOL! I can't think of the last time I asked a guy out! LOL! This really has changed my perspective a bit!

How do I do this "pursuing" without the guy thinking I'm either (1) desperate or (2) a psycho stalker?!
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 84
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 12:25:55 PM

How do I do this "pursuing" without the guy thinking I'm either (1) desperate or (2) a psycho stalker?!


If he doesn't respond after two or so messages, he ain't interested, and nothing you can do will make him interested.

Toss him back if he isn't interested.
 socalcitycat2012
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 85
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 1:18:16 PM
Very well said Stevefromupland! I've been out of the dating game for a VERY long time, and I am more than a bit rusty! LOL! And it's not because I'm old and boring either!

I only sent an initial message, plus one of those silly "gifts." This was last night. Then today, as I was reading the thread about whether women should ask out men out for the first date, or if men should, I saw that he was on "chat" and I sent him a message saying I had found this thread on this forum, thought it was interesting, and what were his thoughts on the subject? I was trying to be "tongue in cheek" and funny.

Gawd, I don't know what to do here! LOL! I was married for 18 years to a serial cheater, it turns out. Learning to trust my instincts is something I have to retrain myself for, you know?!

I am enjoying this site, though. It's opened my eyes to the idea that life does go on, and it is a good life! I know that I am attractive, and have a lot to offer. There is a line from the movie "Legally Blonde" (total chick flick!), that I love. Reese Witherspoon's character tells her friend "..Trust me, you have all of the equipment. You just have to read the manual!" Thanks for listening, and for the good advice!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 86
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 2:19:42 PM

The main thing is don't play the chase game that forces him to do all the work.


Wait a minute . . . you mean we guys aren't *supposed* to do all the work? Since when is the girl supposed to put much effort into the process?
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 87
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 11:11:31 AM
Posted By: socalcitycat2012 on 3/12/2012 1105 AM
Subject: Why don't women approach guys much?
Message: Welllll... I guess the saying goes "When at first you don't suceed, try and try again!" LOL! I can't think of the last time I asked a guy out! LOL! This really has changed my perspective a bit!

How do I do this "pursuing" without the guy thinking I'm either (1) desperate or (2) a psycho stalker?!
================================
I'd let you pursue me anytime! =)
LOL
 socalcitycat2012
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 88
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 3:09:44 PM
[I'd let you pursue me anytime! =) LOL ]

Ha ha! You have an unfair advantage; you have a motorcycle! I don't run that fast! :-P
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 89
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 3:14:46 PM
um...cuz men are generally hunter/gatherer types. if you're chasing a man, it's a surefire way that he'd lose interest.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 90
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 3:57:30 PM

All the guys here are liking the idea of a woman coming on to them.


Haha, I don't date here (anymore) so that's irrelevant. That's you ^^^ but there are plenty of men who enjoy the "thrill of the chase". There are ways that women can show interest in a man without "coming on" to them. "Coming on" to someone is desperate, pathetic and too available/easy.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 91
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 4:12:36 PM
All the guys here are liking the idea of a woman coming on to them.


I gotta disagree there.

I can think of three women off the top of my head that I'd rather not have coming onto me.

No, straight guys like the idea of women they like coming onto them, not ALL women.

Kind of like how straight women who like "nice" guys aren't going to automatically date ANY "nice" guy who offers.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 92
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 6:13:58 PM
Posted By: slpboo on 3/13/2012 346 PM
Subject: Why don't women approach guys much?
Message: um...cuz men are generally hunter/gatherer types. if you're chasing a man, it's a surefire way that he'd lose interest.
=============
I disagree.

I've been "chased" before. I think it's kinda cool for a woman to show she's smitten with you. Also, I'd like to say that maybe it's just me, but I love to get roses too. (It has happened and I'm pretty sure men would get the same feeling as the ladies when they get roses...)

Or am I alone here?
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 93
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 6:16:50 PM
[I'd let you pursue me anytime! =) LOL ]

Ha ha! You have an unfair advantage; you have a motorcycle! I don't run that fast! :-P
===================
C'mon, let's go get your M1 and I'll keep it under 2nd gear.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 94
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 10:22:52 PM

You have to let a lady hold up her end of the situation;


Paul, point taken--I agree with you. We have to get the ball rolling, push things a little, and do most of the planning and spending at first. But there have to be some signs of interest in return, or you're a chump to keep trying. There IS always another one, and maybe a better one.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 95
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 10:26:39 PM
you are meeting the wrong women. Women of today have never been more aggressive, promiscuous or more like a man than they are now.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 96
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 10:36:25 PM
Jmark , I will mostly agree with you,, the title of this thread asks why women don't approach men much. I don't know, I get approached a lot. Not that anything happens most of the time, but there IS a lot of approaching going on.
As far as being promiscuous goes, a few us here are old enough to remember that little thing called AIDS. Prior to AIDS, it was," Hi, let's smoke this joint and ball for a while, OK?" Then it became,"Hi, have you been checked out lately? Did you bring condoms?" and now it's like "I haven't been with any man for years now, and you're gonna really have to convince me why I should change now."
For many women , sex became too scary, for physical as well as emotional reasons, and this little scenario I mention is very much in play among the women I meet in my age grouping.
R
 Mclaugs55
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 97
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/13/2012 10:37:23 PM
My experience mirrors mom2liv. I have contacted many men but have received very few reponses. I mostly hear from men 10+ yrs my junior or 10+ yrs my senior. I'll keep trying though.
 socalcitycat2012
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 98
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:45:02 AM
[you are meeting the wrong women. Women of today have never been more aggressive, promiscuous or more like a man than they are now.]

Ouch! Ummm, don't you think that maybe you're painting with too broad a brush?! You don't know me. Just because I message a guy that I find interesting/sexy/funny does not = jumping in bed with him!

Also, I think you need to really evaluate those words. Aggresive tendencies are admired in the workplace (well, depending on the work); there is no room for wallflowers. Women who aspire to these positions "get" that. So, why should it be different for them than it is for you/other men?

Just my .02 cents. Word of free advice though---women, like men, are NOT all the same, so please don't categorize us as such! Thanks!
 socalcitycat2012
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 99
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:50:50 AM
[There are ways that women can show interest in a man without "coming on" to them. "Coming on" to someone is desperate, pathetic and too available/easy. ]

Yes, I agree. It's called having class! A woman can message a guy on here, comment on things she saw in his profile that she liked/agreed with, comment on what a gorgous smile he had, wish him a nice day, and hope to hear back from him, and, in my not-so-humble opinion, does not come across as desperate, pathetic and too available/easy.

Having said that, I would think that, male or female, if someone were to message you here (not talking about the "sex" personals), and say "Hey! Let's screw each other's brains out! How does tomorrow at 6 sound to you?" that would be a major clue to get the Hell out of Dodge! LOL!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 100
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Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/14/2012 10:28:31 AM

and now it's like "I haven't been with any man for years now, and you're gonna really have to convince me why I should change now."


If those first three or four orgasms don't convince her, nothing will.


I would think that, male or female, if someone were to message you here (not talking about the "sex" personals), and say "Hey! Let's screw each other's brains out! How does tomorrow at 6 sound to you?" that would be a major clue to get the Hell out of Dodge!


Yes--that's a little lacking in romance, somehow. Might as well be getting together for a business meeting. Subtlety and flirting and anticipation makes things much more exciting.
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