Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Who is right?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 MayBLooking4U
Joined: 5/8/2011
Msg: 26
Who is right?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Not sure why someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong, can't people just agree to disagree?
Being a woman my thoughts would tend to think that he should buy her a ring, especially if it means alot to her because when you love someone you make sacrifices for them and I would be curious to know why he does not want to buy her a ring, what is his reasoning? However, once they are married I assume that they will both have wedding bands in which case they will both have rings that will show their love for each other and that they are united as one. When it comes down to it, the 'ring' is just stuff and a mutual, loving, caring realationship is much more important.
Thought to ponder - Is it about a ring at all???
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 27
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:05:46 PM

may want to back that statement up with a legitimate source.

http://www.legalhandle.com/divorce-rates.html

Man, fussy....but your right, its 50%. I mixed it up with 80% of cheating men get caught. But do look up second third and fourth mariages.

Mariage is so passé. As much as I always wanted it, very few people stopped believing in mariage, or in working for it, or in compromises. Like I saw elsewhere, we live in a disposable world, with disposable people, who the hell would want to get married with someone you know will end up lying and cheating to you? Because people do that.

Anyways, off topic. I still think he should buy the ring to shut her up. Or flush her, if he thinks she worries too much about the ring. Just stop posting it and get on with your lives instead of playing the Lord of The Rings (now I know why chicks dug that movie)

Webber: I am NOT a ninny. Whatever the hell archaic name calling thingnamajig that is :-P. If I'm a Ninny your a "sti de tata", its probably the equivalent. Mouhahaha ;-)
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:18:57 PM
If the ring is that important to her, then I can't imagine what the wedding's going to cost. It's going to make a great "Bridezilla" episode.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 29
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:23:27 PM
What matters in this situation is one wants one thing and the other wants another thing..
and both are thinking the other has some hidden 'bad' meaning behind wanting what they want.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 30
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:26:28 PM

There is no right or wrong, but there are two people with unmatched expectations. Seems one is marrying for love while the other is marrying for a status symbol.


I have heard the above before.
so untrue.
just because she wants a ring does NOT mean she is marrying for a status symbol.
it doesnt mean she doesnt love him. most woman want engagement rings, they are pretty, some are gorgeous, and as far as the man goes....everyone now knows that she is taken and devoted to someone. he should het her the ring . if he is low on funds she must know that and accept a smaller ring.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 31
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:41:01 PM
All the single ladies (all the single ladies)
All the single ladies (all the single ladies)
All the single ladies (all the single ladies)
All the single ladies, now put your hands up

Up in the club (club)
We just broke up (Up)
I'm doing my own lil' thing

You decided to dip (dip)
And now you wanna trip (trip)
Cause another brother noticed me

I'm up on him (him)
He up on me (me)
Don't pay him any attention

'Cause I've cried my tears (tears)
For three good years (years)
You can't be mad at me

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it


Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it


I got gloss on my lips (lips)
A man on my hips (hips)
Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans

Actin' up (up)
Drinkin' my cup (cup)
I can care less what you think

I need no permission
Did I mention?
Don't pay him any attention

Cause you had your turn (turn)
And now you're gonna learn (learn)
What it really feels like to miss me

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it


Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it


Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Don't treat me to these things of the world
I'm not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
Here's a man that makes me then takes me and delivers me
To a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I'm the one you want
If you don't, you'll be alone
And like a ghost I'll be gone

All the single ladies (all the single ladies)
All the single ladies (all the single ladies)
All the single ladies (all the single ladies)
All the single ladies, now put your hands up

Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Wha-oh-oh
Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it


Wha-oh-oh
Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it


Wha-oh-oh
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 12:49:57 PM
Here, let me help you with that....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY
 oOdangalangOo
Joined: 5/8/2011
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 1:39:01 PM
If I had the money, I would buy her an engagement ring. Despite material objects of this nature meaning nothing to me, I can understand the psychology and symbolism behind such a gesture. Although the fact that it was ever questionable may have already "tainted the well" so to speak. Depends on the ability of the couple to rise above it and understand one another's POV. Let the petty stuff go.

I would say "Honey, you know I love you more than anything and want nothing more than for you to be happy. I know you love me and know you want me to be happy. If it means that much to you and that's what it will take to make you mine forever, I will buy you a thousand rings...after-all I am happy when you're happy." ***And whilst kneeling and presenting the ring*** Ask, "Will you marry me?"

It's not about standing your ground or giving into another's will...it's not about winning or losing. It's about what comes after these first steps towards marriage.

I wish your friends the best.
 katalytic
Joined: 8/26/2011
Msg: 34
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 1:41:05 PM

I'm going to let them read these responses.. I think it would be good for them to hear other people's perspective that are not friends of either.


Just be sure to preface it with a little speech about how quick people are to jump to conclusions based on their own past.
I got the impression that you took a situation of which you were aware, typed it up, and asked for opinions. I did NOT get the impression that you intended to take those opinions and form a road map for the couple, saying 'go here or you're doomed'.
For all we know, these people have spent a total of 10 minutes discussing the ring vs. no ring issue, and the OP happened to be in the room for it. We can't begin to make judgements of the strength of their relationship or their individual value systems, because we don't know them. I wish them luck.
By the way, my OPINION of the ring issue is that it should be a surprise and part of the proposal. It is not necessary for a happy marriage.
And one last thing to ponder - if she is talking about it alot, maybe he wants her to stop to give him the chance to surprise her with it?
 KingofSnuggles
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:30:20 PM
Both are right as they both are expressing how the feel about engagement & marriage. The engagement ring doesn't "seal the deal" as another put it, because there is still the wedding/ring to "seal the deal" which in this day n age doesn't even seal the deal.

Many are taught that engagement ring followed by wedding + ring is the traditional steps in expressing your love/loyalty to your partner and the willingness to share it with them for your lifetime. What has been done before does not necessarily make it what is right for you & yours. It's not, new families/couples start their own traditions that then are passed on to their kids, grandkids etc.

If the ring(a material object) is of utmost importance to her as a symbol of his feelings and since men only end up with a wedding band when its all said & done, then why not meet in the middle - she buys him an engagement ring and he buys her one? She can express how deeply she loves him by the same symbol she's requesting he express his for her.

Otherwise, it comes down to her sounding materialistic or him sounding cheap or as originally stated - each simply having a different view of what their ultimate expression of love/devotion to their partner is.
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:36:19 PM
I think the ring is important, for both man and woman to wear. It's a symbol of your commitment to each other. if you don't believe in demonstrating your commitment then why bother getting married in the first place. if you do, then the rings are important.

I do however agree that it shouldn't break the bank... unless you want to splash out as a gesture then cheap rings are sufficient to meet the basic premise of wearing a symbol to show you are committed to each other. I would not get engaged without a ring to show it, but i wouldn't care what that ring cost and i would want him to wear one too.
 semi_sane_jane
Joined: 3/10/2011
Msg: 37
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:38:50 PM
They are both entitled to their own feelings and viewpoint on the situation, so I don't think either one is "right" or "wrong". We feel how we feel whether other people agree we "should" feel that way or not. Since you asked what we think, I"m guessing there's some control issues brewing that will make for some ugly battles, and a mutual lack of care and consideration for the other's feelings that should be examined further before anyone starts talking about marriage. We need to love and accept people as they ARE, either one trying to force the other to be the person they think that person "should" be is selfish and destined to fail.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 38
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:45:03 PM
Compromise: wedding ring with a diamond in it.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 39
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:55:01 PM
Lots of different views on this...................interesting......

My thinking is with the presented situation........

#1 The OP needs to butt out and mind her own business..............unless of course she is really referring to herself..............which I think could be the case.......

#2 If they are arguing over something so trivial now, what's the marriage going to be like? Seems like they both are going to hang something over each others head time and time again........this relationship seems doomed from the get go...........

#3 Lastly, they both are wrong in being demanding of one another.........her demanding a ring and him demanding that he shouldn't have to get one.........
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 40
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:56:14 PM
If i remember correctly the origion of wedding and engagement rings had more to do with bondage or some other archaic notion of women belonging to men as property. It's pretty creepy.

I don't wear rings, they seem to get in the way. It's whats in your heart not on your finger. But we are living in a world where others respect your relationship much moreso if you put a ring on it and if she's buying into the whole societal expectation thing, he should have known by now she's just that kind of a gal.

Just how well do they know one another?
 Forumite
Joined: 10/31/2011
Msg: 41
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 2:56:14 PM
if you were really in love with someone,,,would you even waste time discussing this?

what does a rock attached to a piece of metal have to do with anything? seriously?

this is not a disagreement about love,,,this is a stand on basic philosophy and what one puts value on in life,,for him,,it is love and her commitment ,,"He feels she should want to marry him whether he gives her a ring or not."



for her it is symbols and monetary concerns.."She feels that he not wanting to purchase a ring is like him saying she’s not worth him spending his money on a ring for her."

purchase,,,money,,,spending......ummmhummmm

he thinks she is being superficial and missing the point of marriage,,she thinks he is cheap and not willing to spend the money needed to assure her love.......

doomed i tell ya doomed,,,,,,,,,,,,


 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 42
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:12:38 PM
Personally I think an expensive engagement is a waste of money and luckily so did my wife.
On the other hand, an engagement ring is a symbol of someone's love for another and I think the boyfriend should get her a ring simply because she wants it. It's important for a woman to have a nice ring to show her girlfriends and family, not to showoff, but more for pride and happyness. Later on, the rings marks a milestone for their lives together, sort of a physical representation of the start of their marriage. It's a rite of passage, a tradition, and something that should be valued and upheld.
 oOdangalangOo
Joined: 5/8/2011
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:28:25 PM

Son, I think you would make a fine husband for my daughter.


dreamcatcher39 seems as though parents always know what I am before their children decide they can do better.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 44
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:33:03 PM
It's just stuff - things .

The kind of money that many folks spend on engagement rings , would pay for one hellova trip they could take together!

The kind that would likely bond them even tighter , give them a great experience to share, and memories that would last a lifetime ! But then , that's me.

As a compromise - perhaps he could get some kind of symbolic, but reasonably priced ring - as opposed to gettin' crazy with it. This is kind of a test of their ability to work things out together.

If they're not careful, they might fail it ...
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 45
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:37:44 PM
Son, I think you would make a fine husband for my daughter.


LOL Well, that`s kind of sweet and at the same time sucks as a comment; why not you? I know, I know, age is age, but love knows no numbers, right? Aint it the point of being here? LOL. Food for thought
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 3:41:13 PM
First reaction: He's an incredible cheapskate who has no idea whatsoever about what a woman wants out of a serious relationship, and she's a demanding princess who measures her own worth and the validity of someone's feelings about her by how much money is spent on her. A match made in heaven.

Second reaction: If they get past this hurdle, he is in for the rude awakening of his life when they start planning the wedding and he finds out how much it's going to cost him. And she may get the rude awakening of her life if he says no and won't buy into the fairy-tale wedding she's likely expecting.

I pity the man for the shrieking he's undoubtedly in for.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 47
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:00:28 PM
Speciallady95- This is a sign of things to come in their relationship. As a couple, compromise is key.
Can they meet in the middle?
He gets her an engagement ring, one that is pretty and she likes, but won't break the bank.
She's happy because she got the ring and he's happy because he didn't have to spend big bucks to buy it.
If either refuses to budge that doesn't speak well as to how they will get along after the marriage.
Suggest this to your friend and see what happens.
Btw- once you give this advice, no matter what don't take sides. That won't go well for you after they are married because the person you take sides against will resent you and some people have long memories.
 oOdangalangOo
Joined: 5/8/2011
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:26:41 PM

hehehe, I would chew that youngin up and spit him out. He deserves a sweet young thang.


So you're daughter is a sweet young thing? :P
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 5:51:29 PM
No one is right or wrong but it sounds like they are not a good match if this type of minor disagreement can't be worked out even before marriage.

My personal opinion on the matter is that in theory his way of reasoning is logical. However, I don't know many women who think that way. If money is not a big deal why would he not buy her a ring if that makes her happy. It's not too unreasonable, is it?

I would be more curious in knowing why there is such a power struggle over a simple thing as a ring. What about a wedding ceremony? Is he against that as well? And if not, why? Why even get married if all that matters is their love, trust, and commitment to each other?

Is it possible that he thinks he is already compromising by getting married?
 AxMurderer
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 50
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:23:47 PM
Neither are right.

He: Should buy her a ring as a traditional symbol. He should realize that it would suck having to explain why you don't have a wedding ring all the time, and should realize that men would consider her an acceptable love target without one.

She: Should be happy to marry the right man, ring or not, and make it clear to him, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it's him and not the ring she wants. She should also be wary of a man who is unwilling to buy her a ring.

How this should go down if it's going to work: She should tell him she wants a ring and offer to pay half. He should tell her he will pay for it and get her one.

Or: He could be planning on getting her a ring and surprising her?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Who is right?