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 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 51
Who is right?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
They are both to immature to get married so I'm glad to hear they are having enough trouble over an engagement ring it will probably end the relationship. This will save the need for a selfish divorce to follow what would be a selfish wedding.

He's a selfish idiot and she's a selfish drama queen, as much as I'd like to say the belong to each other, I know it would only help raise the divorce rate numbers.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 52
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Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:34:36 PM
Unfortunately many times one of them will sacrifice and they will get married anyway. Very sad. I don't believe anyone (man or woman) who believes in no ring happens to believe in marriage in the first place.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 53
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 6:54:12 PM
Eh...if $$ is really not an issue, he's just not doing it 'cause he doesn't want to give her a ring? It's not like engagement rings are something she made up in her mind or a recent thing...like push presents (which are also very nice). I agree that women go overboard with...I'm the BRIDE...make me Queen for a Day, but make it last the rest of my life. They take the wedding more seriously than they do the marriage.

But...really...why have a fight over giving an engagement ring? If he can't be bothered with shopping for a ring he can just give her a budget, tell her to pick it out & call it a day. Women like to have a nice ring for a variety of reasons. It shows that their husband is successful, that he's generous, that he has good taste, etc.

I hope he'll just do it. He will be glad he did later, even if it doesn't seem to have any value to him now. I don't believe in big wedding, especially if the bride/groom are older or if it's not their first marriage, but an engagement ring is something that will last forever.
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 54
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Posted: 1/3/2012 7:06:43 PM
I can see both point of views. Both perspectives make a valid point. So at this kind of a stale-mate they have to work on their communication and compromise skills.

If it were me (and I wouldnt' hesitate getting an engagement ring, but IDK them and the whole situation), but I'd buy a wedding set. The engagement ring with the second part to wait for the wedding. She gets her engagement ring, and he still gets to spend money on 'only' the wedding ring.

IMO, it's the perfect compromise. But that's me.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 55
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:12:06 PM

Who is right?


Tell him to go to a pawn shop to buy the largest, cheapest cubic zirconium, gold plated piece of shit so that when she kicks his ass to the curb for some other stupid fvcking item on her list of requirements, he'll have the last laugh when she goes to have it assessed....

 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 56
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:13:14 PM
If they can't resolve this issue now, they should NOT get married. This disagreement about rings is just a symptom, not the whole disease...which will only get worse if untreated.

Lots of great advice on this thread for your friends, OP. I think bamagrl most succinctly captured it all but I also agree with SC67:


I don't believe in big wedding, especially if the bride/groom are older or if it's not their first marriage, but an engagement ring is something that will last forever.

Two years after my hubby died, I took my engagement ring, wedding band and anniversary band and had them remade into one ring for my right hand. It's one-of-a-kind and I get compliments on it all the time. None of my rings were extravagant, but they were all important symbols to me (and to him - I bought him rings, too). Having those memories, in a new form that I can wear every day, means a lot to me.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 57
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Posted: 1/3/2012 7:23:15 PM
I would love to know how he would feel if she announced she was never going to wear a wedding band.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 58
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:26:17 PM
^^^^ Oooooohhhh, good point!
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 59
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Posted: 1/3/2012 7:27:20 PM
Since you asked... what I think is that the fact they are having such a power struggle at this stage of their relationship may indicate that it is not a good idea for them to marry at all!
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 60
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Posted: 1/3/2012 7:39:15 PM

Since you asked... what I think is that the fact they are having such a power struggle at this stage of their relationship may indicate that it is not a good idea for them to marry at all!


Maybe not at this point. However, just because they are having a disagreement or have different perspectives does not mean they shouldn't marry at all, IMO. Whether or not they should make that commitment depends greatly on how they deal with this situation. One giving in over the other when you have such strong beliefs is not the answer. Again, IMO. Because that will just increase the chances of resentment or regret. Maybe even some guilt. Compromise and understand that both parties when faced with differences, can learn that sometimes you have to give in a little and sometimes you can only get a little.
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 61
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 7:42:35 PM
I wouldn't care about an engagement ring BUT my wedding is going to have some serious bling n so is my husbands.if I ever marry again. Please note I said IF. Big IF.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 62
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Posted: 1/3/2012 7:45:14 PM

I would love to know how he would feel if she announced she was never going to wear a wedding band.

He doesn't want her to have a ring so, I think he would be perfectly okay with that.

I am just wondering if he is that unmaterialistic why bother getting married in the first place. It's just a piece of paper. Isn't that a bit fishy?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 63
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Posted: 1/3/2012 10:06:37 PM
They are both right, for themsevles, but not a good match. One will always be pissed off no matter which one wins, who wants to live like that?
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 64
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 10:16:17 PM

My two really good friends are having a problem. I would like to get some opinions. They are in a relationship. She wants to get married to him. He wants to get married to her. Here is the issue. She wants an engagement ring. He doesn’t want to purchase an engagement ring. It’s not a money issue. He feels that she is making too much of a big deal about the ring. He says it’s like she’s more into getting a ring than becoming his wife. He feels she should want to marry him whether he gives her a ring or not. She feels that he not wanting to purchase a ring is like him saying she’s not worth him spending his money on a ring for her. What do you guys think? I think he should buy her a ring, but being a female, I may be biased.


You're not biased.... he's an imbecile.

Your friend isn't worried about "being worth spending money on" - it has nothing to do with that. "The ring" is a symbol of union. For a woman it isn't "just a diamond" it is very special. It isn't about the money, or "feeling worth the money." A diamond ring is a symbol of endearment, it is one of the rarest gems on the planet and to present your soon-to-be wife with one is in a way stating that she is a "rare gem." That she is worthy of your love. It's a symbolic bonding.

Why is she enthralled with a jackass who can't even grasp that importance of a ring of this magnitude?

If he's too dense or unwilling to understand how important it is to her... something of this importance... what other feelings, dreams, or thoughts of her's does not give a shit about?
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 65
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 10:24:30 PM
Why don't they get rings for each other? Personally I'm not into rings, but know many people like the symbolism of the ring. If they like it, both should have one.
 114M3
Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 66
Who is right?
Posted: 1/3/2012 10:36:21 PM


They are both right, for themsevles, but not a good match. One will always be pissed off no matter which one wins


^^^ pretty much agree with this.

Personally I feel that if something is a gift it should come wholeheartedly from the giver and not something expected or demanded. ... I mean what else is the point of it being "a gift" then? ........ But that's JMO.



If they cannot find a way to compromise on this issue with BOTH people coming out of it feeling good then maybe this is a sign of things to come already? .... It may be representative that the things, gestures & concepts in life which they each place value do not align with one another. ... maybe its a red flag ... maybe not. That's for them to figure out and the rest of us to speculate.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 67
Who is right?
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:11:26 AM
If her boyfriends knows women at all then he would buy her a ring. The first thing a friend says to a woman when she she tell's her she is engaged is .....Show me the ring!!!
What happen's when she wants a baby? Is he going to say he doesn't feel it necessary to deposit sperm if she love's him?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 68
Who is right?
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:44:39 AM
They are both wrong and right.

Clearly as pointed out not a match.

She should compromise and get a nice wedding band with a stone in it or maybe he should just go ahead since it NOT about the money..AND

Get her one of those cluster diamond chip things..from wal mart to satisfy her as a symbol of engagement.

A hundred bucks to make her happy isn't much.

Aw never mind......I don't see it working.


They both want to be right to badly.
It will only get worse.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 69
Who is right?
Posted: 1/4/2012 7:14:04 AM
I think the guy's a jack-hole for telling her how she's supposed to feel about something that obviously means something to HER.

This idiot has YET to learn the motto, "happy wife, happy life." Guess he's a slow learner.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 70
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Posted: 1/4/2012 7:40:42 AM
My feelings are this:

If she never mentioned the word ring to him and then, out of the blue, he proposed to her without a ring and said, nope, you're not getting a ring, then I think he's petty and just not very nice. I would be concerned with his apparent lack of trying to please the woman he allegedly loves. He probably knew that in spite of not saying anything, she would want a ring, like most women. In this scneario, she would have been like Abelian's fiancee who made it clear that it was not about the ring for her, or at least, it was not about what kind of ring or how expensive a ring, it was about the guy.

HOWEVER, if she has been trying to dictate to him what kind of ring she wants and has been obsessing and driving everybody crazy about MY PRECIOUS, then I don't blame the guy for digging in his heels and saying, no, you can't make me.

If the ring is a gift from the man to the woman as a symbol of his promise to marry her, then it is up to him to decide what it should look like and especially how much money he's going to spend on it.

A good man is trying to please his woman. A good woman knows that her man is trying to please her, and she'll do well to let go of her sense of entitlement and demands and just let him do his thing and APPRECIATE him for it.

As Abelian said: His fiancee did considerably better by not demanding anything than she would have done had she tried to control this.
 vixxxy
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 71
Who is right?
Posted: 1/4/2012 7:54:45 AM
Men want to spread their genes, woman want a good provider. These are human nature facts, but due to advanced society, I would say these instincts don't always surface, but for most people they do, even if it is subconsciousness. Men are more visual, they try to look for an attractive spouse to spread their genes. Woman are more emotional, they just want someone to care for them and love them, provide for her and her family. A ring is a traditional symbol for many years of love and providence. Woman are often labeled as materialistic, but it's not about the stuff, it's about the providence of stuff. It's like saying men are labeled as pigs, but they are just programmed to look for attraction, doesn't mean they are going to have sex with everyone. The ring will mean a lot to her, and prove his devotion and providence. Especially if he has money.. why wouldn't she feel she is not worthy enough? It's like telling a man who wants kids that you don't, when his instinct is to spread the genes. The reason why so many problems arise in relationships is because people don't seem to understand human nature facts. Keep your woman happy by providing for her, not spoiling her, not buying her useless things, but giving her what she needs so that she psychologically she won't feel insecure. It must be embarrassing to tell her friends that her man who has money hasn't bought her an engagement ring yet. Her friends care about her, and want to know that she is loved by a providing husband as well. Because he won't buy her the ring, even if he gives in, unless he comes to an understanding and explains his thinking entirely (woman are over thinkers), the ring will now not mean what it could have meant no matter how expensive. If she receives the ring, it will be a symbol to others, not her. Nice one fiance...
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 72
Who is right?
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:17:10 AM
Oh please. He sees the ring as not important because he feels that marrying her is more important then having a materialistic object to show off that she is getting married to brag her her friends. I say good for him.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 73
Who is right?
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:43:12 AM
Wow, there was a time that the engagement ring represented 2 investments.
1) a financial one and
2) an emotional one.
It was a symbol of trust and respect...stability???
It, also, represented how well he was going to provide for her to her family... so they didn't worry about her being hitched to some dead beat.
So, what's the point of doing the marriage thing if you aren't going to go all the way with it.
And I think the proposal usually starts with that!!! or at least it used to...

I guess being traditional is way too much for some folks in this day and age of fast food mentality... =/



The engagement ring is a relatively new thing. Especially the diamond part of it. For a much longer period of time it (a ring) signified ownership. Double ring ceremonies (Where the man also was presented a ring.) are less than one hundred years old. I equate the engagement ring to Christmas presents. Both have become huge cash cows for retail, and their sentiment has been buried in greed and ever higher expectations of expenditure.

Having said that, I would just buy the damned ring. Arguing about it now is pointless. Women expect it, and most will take it as an affront if a man tries to skip it. Marriage is almost as pointless these days as the ring anyway. If you're going to do one, why not the other?
 jazzybabe
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 74
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Posted: 1/4/2012 8:44:55 AM
If you love someone and you can do something for that someone
that doesn't cause you any pain, but gives them great pleasure...why
wouldn't you do that?



Well Said browneyesboo :)
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 75
Who is right?
Posted: 1/4/2012 10:01:14 AM
When everyone asks to see her ring she can look at him & say, "He doesn't want to give me one." One round of that should be enough for even the most stubborn man. I mean...that is the truth of the matter anyway.
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