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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Help! He wants to move in.      Home login  
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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
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Help! He wants to move in.Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Stop offering him anything, did you ever wonder if his roommate moved out because your boyfriend wasn't paying his part and not the other way around? Get over feeling sorry for someone so blatantly trying to use you, come on, get rid of him altogether and stop listening to him and second guessing yourself. He's a user, why would you care about someone who doesn't care about you or your feelings? Don't be so desperate to have a man in your life, or boy.
 MidshipMom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 27
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 2:53:16 PM
OK, OK. I got it. Thanks to all who replied. You guys have helped me confirm what I already knew inside, just didn't want to face. He's coming over tonight, and I will stand firm.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 28
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Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 2:55:55 PM
You go, girl. We've got our torches and brooms ready if you need us to storm the house!
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 29
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 3:35:02 PM
DO NOT give this guy any money...........you'd be a fool to do that.............I think cdniceman's scenerio would be exactly what you would go through if you let him move in...........He sounds like a loser who doesn't know how to manage his money..........I realize you want to help, but moving in together ISN'T the answer since you clearly do not want that...........as you stated help him find a new roommate and if he can't accept that then say adios amigos.........
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 30
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 3:37:05 PM
Good news! Right there with you!
Just an idea- maybe meet in public rather than let him come to your house where he could stay and try pull every manipulative card he can think of? If you go out instead, you can say your piece, wish him well in his challenges, and get up and leave. (Can you tell I've been trapped in my house too often? Shudder.) After a year, I'd expect him to try to guilt you or persuade you.
Hold firm! His opinion is irrelevant to your decision!
 earthboundangel67
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 31
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 3:44:58 PM
I am with the above posters! Kick his sorry , entitled(not) butt to the curb! People need to learn to stand on their own at about 18. Or sooner . Most of us worked since we were kids ... Even if it was babysitting. And chores . And actively participating in being a contributing member of society. A free ride dosent tend to teach people much. His attitude & expectations of your relationship is one of a user . Stand firm, tell him he is an adult and can figure out how to stand on his own at this stage of his life. Show him this thread . Some of us managed to work, go to school , and even support a family... All at once! Imagine that! We all make mistakes , and sometimes poor choices ... But we learn from them . Chalk this up to a learning experience. Good luck, you're gonna need it. Don't think he is gonna like your choice. Be prepared for the worst from him. People that feel entitled , do not do well with others that stop them. Good luck! You will definitely need it , and stand strong! Also agree with a meeting at a public place! Safer for you.
 summer012469
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 32
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Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 3:58:25 PM
<---------- Been there, allowed that....more than once. I promise you will end up resentful. Learn from my mistakes (wish I would have).
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 33
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 4:00:45 PM
Okay first off. How old is he? I certainly hope he has other abilities with in the relationship because it does not sound like he brings too much to the picture! If I where in your shoes I do believe I would have to cut all ties because it is not going to change!!!
 lookintowardthefuture
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 34
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 4:02:04 PM
he's already asking if it would be a loan or gift if you give him money?? sounds like he's been watching peoples court so he can take advantage of you
 ro1970
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 35
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 4:21:21 PM
Are you F8cking crazy?????

Absolutely NOT! If he doesn't know the word "NO" by now, he has a problem.

You are not his maid, mommy, free roommate, loan officer, landlord, caretaker, nursemaid or servant. If he is that close to being homeless, then he needs to either head to a shelter that serves that population, or find a family member he can stay with. HE is an adult and needs to make adult decisions and choices and stop acting like a 2 year old.

Mark my words....if he moves in, you will never get rid of him. He is looking for a free ride. Trust me, it will NOT be an equal relationship.

Dump him immediately and don't look back.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 36
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 5:44:43 PM

Stop offering him anything, did you ever wonder if his roommate moved out because your boyfriend wasn't paying his part and not the other way around?
This sounds plausible given his new "plan" to live free for a few years while he bums around in college. You shouldn't let him move in, period. Does he have other friends/family who have offered to help? If not, that says a lot - they are tired of this story.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 37
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 7:33:57 PM
OP, I think you already know this is a BAD idea. It sounds like he wants to relive his carefree college days on YOUR dime!! We'd all love to live with someone, pay half of what we were paying in rent,and go to college while someone else paid for most everything else.

I think you need to talk to him and tell him that you absolutely meant it when you said that you didn't want to move in together. I doubt he'd be homeless as I'm sure that he has at least one friend or family member he could stay with for a couple months while he got himself together. It's not YOUR job to fix his life.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 38
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Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:28:01 PM
I don't know what the norm and/or economic conditions are in your area, but if this guy is your age, I'd be wary just from the fact that he had a roommate and couldn't afford a place on his own to begin with.
 girl_on_wheels
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 39
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:48:05 PM
This sounds like a typical younger guy dating an older woman situation...Maybe I am wrong
 Allan Anger
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 40
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/4/2012 8:49:31 PM
You dont want this guy there, believe me.
 melbasmooch
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 41
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 1:14:02 AM
Run.

If any guy asked for a gift of any kind of money from me.... I'd end the relationship.

It's one thing to offer. Another to be asked.

Your aren't wanting to be committed anyway, so just end it.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 42
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 1:38:05 AM
You should be out of this situation pretty fast with any intelligence.

It is funny (peculiar and sad, not necessarily hilarious) that had the gender roles been reversed .... I am betting that the women would be saying to let her move in .... and if the 'girl' were a hot 20 year old - well the guy never would have posted to begin with - she would already be sharing the same address.
 Viper1E
Joined: 11/30/2011
Msg: 43
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 2:04:45 AM

It is funny (peculiar and sad, not necessarily hilarious) that had the gender roles been reversed .... I am betting that the women would be saying to let her move in .


The smell of irony is so strong.. And he would be a cheap bast*rd that only wanted to use her for sex if he said no.

And by the way, a boyfriend can't loan a girlfriend anything. Everything he gives her is a gift..
 Akizzej
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 44
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 3:09:13 AM
Came into this one too late, so just saying fingers crossed OP manages to make the 'appointment' with him at a neutral place.. especially if he has nothing at 'her' place and that she is able to stand her ground.

Nothing good (for her) can come of what 'he' wants...

I've been in a similar situation and won't fall for it again.
I'll be keeping an eye on this thread to see news of the 'outcome' of the meeting. {at least I hope we'll be updated}
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 45
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 3:20:42 AM
No, no, no, no. This is all wrong. He needs to be firmly told, No. You know this in your heart; you must be firm and tell him to look after himself. He is a user. He isn't actually interested in you; only what he can get out of you. You may care for him, but as you've said yourself, you are not his mother, rescuer, landlord, caretaker... If you are to care for him, care for him as the adult he is, not the needy little child. Care that he takes up his responsibilities and behaves as the adult. He does not need another mother. Be clear, be strong, and tell him he cannot move in with you, take money from you, sponge off you in anyway whatsoever. As another person has said on this forum, once has has tired of you he'll more than likely find another woman and just dump you. The reason is, he is a user. You deserve better, much better.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 46
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 5:25:22 AM
Wait....what's this? Why, according to the men in these forums, only WOMEN want to take advantage of MEN financially. Your story simply CAN'T be true (nor all the other stories of men taking advantage of women, as well).

Look I see by your profile that you're 50+ - I'm going to assume this guy is around your age or older. If he still hasn't managed to get his sh*t together at THIS age, it ain't ever going to happen and he's ALWAYS going to have to depend on you to keep him from living in a box under the freeway underpass. If you want a little more in life than that, aim higher.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 47
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 6:52:13 AM

Why, according to the men in these forums, only WOMEN want to take advantage of MEN financially.


According to which men?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 48
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:19:03 AM

We should be able to depend on our loved ones for help. I see no problem with helping him out. Helping him find a new place or a room mate, helping him find the finances so he can attend school & yes I have no problem listening to him, helping him make decisions or coming up with a game plan. When you are a "couple" you work together, help each other out, you just don't take off when the going gets rough.


Helping someone out is one thing. Giving a few thousand dollars in cash or indefinite free room and board are a bit more than that. Sounds like the road to ruin, if you ask me.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 49
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:21:05 AM
So Dresdin ...

Seeing as you feel the guy is above board and the OP should help him out.

How about YOU give him a couple thousand without having to pay it back so he could get back on his feet.

Since he feels you are his GF, You should want to help him in any way you can.
 onceagain57
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 50
Help! He wants to move in.
Posted: 1/5/2012 7:21:36 AM
Hmmm...As you say....what are you his mother?.....sounds a bit irresponsible...and if your NOT ready to make that kind of commitment...DONT!....only leads to more mistakes as him quiting his job and having you work for the bills while he sits home and doddles......and as a girl friend you might have an obligation to support him in spirit and talk...not financially...kinda sounds like a TV show....lol....dont fall for his lack of maturity....will only drag you down!....good luck girl!
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