Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Cyanicula
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 48
Christmas GiftsPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I get the sense that this bf wasn't the type to write something heart felt in the card.

Plus buying it in front of the person takes away something special too. Even with just a simple card, it is nice to be surprised by it - like the person made an effort to surprise you with it. I get excited seeing an envelope addressed to me, wondering what surprise messages are inside! And I always have fun trying to find some secret time to write messages in cards without the person walking in on me lol. It's kind of like he just bought it in front of her to say "I guess I HAVE to get SOMETHING....just take this and shut up. SEE SEE!!! Now you can't say I didn't get SOMETHING because you even SAW me get it!".

I think what she was getting at with the stuffed animal is that it would have had some special quality to it - he observed that she liked it, he took the time to go get it for her hoping to surprise her with something that would make her smile. Plus, what's up with dragging her around to observe this selecting of gifts for other people that had more effort than what he got her? When people talk about "it's the thought that counts", it is putting effort into thinking about what would have MEANING to the recipient. Not just thinking "oh yeah, I'll just grab any old thing to shut them up because I have to". He didn't attach any real meaning to the card. Saying her gift was him sounds like he was just trying to turn his thoughtless action into something sweet and romantic to save his own butt, which doesn't work in this case because his previous actions showed him for what he really was.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 49
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 11/24/2012 6:06:10 AM
^^no ones perfect is spot on!
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 50
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 11/24/2012 7:06:22 AM
If something is important to you partner and not you, you learn to make their needs important to you.

Since he could do for a coworker and not you that speaks for itself.

Imagine you whole life like that. It won't work. Move on.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 11/24/2012 10:12:01 AM
I am never upset ,when anyone I bonded with don't buy me a gift, I am the one who gave them a gift or help, it makes me powerful over a person. If they gave something back or not it doesn't bother me..
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 52
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 12/16/2012 10:48:22 AM
I am terrible at gifts unless someone tells me exactly what they want. lol.

I did break up with a guy over a similar thing as OP. BUT it was the same thing. he didn't get me or my son anything and showed up with gifts for everyone else.. not a card for me.. not a plan for dinner.. or any kind of evening with just the two of us.... didn't even say Merry Christmas to me.. no thought means lack of care.

There is acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to gift giving. To not even have given me a thought is not acceptable. A gift is not mandatory.. but thought is. Nothing is not.

I have no idea what to do for my guy this year. lol.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 53
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 12/16/2012 2:13:09 PM
You have every right to be upset! Don't waste another minute of your life on this man who does not care for you. Gifts are given on special days to show we are appreciated. He disregarded several other important dates, as well, because he does not care. He has demonstrated ths repeatedly.

He blew it off.. I said something a couple days later.. and that it hurt me. He still blew it off
He blew it off because he has no regard for you, or your feelings.
Now it's time for you to blow him off, for good.
 Habs_Fan13
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 54
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 12/16/2012 10:27:09 PM
Did you get him a gift??? If you weren't getting him anything then no, you don't have a right to be upset but, if you went out of your way and got him something thoughtful then yes, you would think that he would want to do the same.

What me and my ex usually did was if there was something we both really wanted to do or a concert we both really wanted to see but, financially wouldn't be able to do that and christmas gifts or birthday gifts ( our bdays were two weeks apart ) we would just equally spend that money towards a concert or an event we wanted to go to and make a nice date out of it. Or if we were doing gifts that year, we would usually discuss a budget so that we both got equal gifts although usually we both ended up going over.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 55
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 12/21/2012 7:36:46 PM
would love to hear an update
I got contact by various men from this site in the last few weeks...I told them I don't like to date a new guy b4 Xmas- no one seemed to understand...but a few women did...
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 56
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 11/25/2013 6:38:30 AM
It's not the gift, but the thought that counts. What he did IMO was a "neg" at you, cuz he did it in your presence. Sounds a tad bit sociopathic IMO.
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 57
Christmas Gifts
Posted: 11/25/2013 10:12:20 AM
Too late now but next time someone says he is your gift ask him if he has a gift receipt so you can exchange for something better !!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >