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 qualityl
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 53
Not welcome to his housePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
It sounds like the guy I dated from chicago. I made him show me his house and he did not have a shower. I was being worked on and remodel. relationships should be two sided. Not hiding anything and honest. Sounds like he could be married or lives with someone. Hope it's not the same guy.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 54
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/7/2012 10:52:06 PM
Trade him for the guy the other ladies dating that does everything at his house and won't go to her's.. You girls could "swap out" men and spend you time finding something new to take issue with..

I know, I know and to think it all just comes to me that easy..
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 55
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Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/7/2012 11:09:54 PM
You are totally justified in feeling uncomfortable. Any further pressure or confrontation will only make things worst and not change anything. I would highly suggest that you stop inviting him or not be available if he invites himself over. I hope he hasn't made it a habit of coming over unannounced.

Also, I wouldn't want to go over someones place just because I asked; I would want to be invited. That's really important to me. And I would never invite myself over, at least not more than once. Even out the relationship. I'm not suggesting snooping or playing head games. Just know, no matter what is going on, it's time to distance yourself and that means not volunteering to discuss this issue any further with him unless he brings it up.
 Nats4
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 56
Same story!
Posted: 1/8/2012 12:16:12 AM
Definitely possible he is seeing/living with/married to someone, but probably not if he spent the holidays with you. Another possibility is he is living with an ex (you mentioned he has children?) for financial reasons, as some people have to do in this economy.

I once dated a guy like this for a while - he asked to come see where I lived (I drove by it with him to point it out, but didn't invite him in until he at least told me what area he lived in!) but he never showed me where he lived or even the general area. I found out later he was a little embarrassed to be living with his grandparents while transitioning from one state to another and obviously didn't want to have to introduce me, a girl he was only casually dating, to them.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 58
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/8/2012 7:03:31 AM
I would not have gone two months without a mutual reveal of homes.

But if it did get this far , at this point I'd give him a choice - To see his home , or not see me again . Simple.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 59
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/8/2012 9:36:47 AM
I agree he is hiding something, like, maybe a wife?
Not answering his phone on days off, not revealing where he lives, never having you over, red flags here. There are pay sites where you can find out a person's information, use 1 of those sites. Under normal circumstances I would never advise spying on someone, but you have the right to know if he's living w/someone. Find out fast.
 Viper1E
Joined: 11/30/2011
Msg: 60
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/9/2012 7:01:00 AM

Leykes 101 :Rules all losers should live by. Any man who has to listen to a guy like Leykes has to have been a real loser with women and relationships, otherwise he would need such ridiculous advice.


Actually any man that discovered him was in need of a wake up call to the true nature of some females. I had never heard of him before this thread, and checked some of his stuff out.

I really want to know how long he was with my ex, because he described her to a T!
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 61
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/9/2012 9:53:05 AM

After reading the responses, there are a lot women I would not let in my house either. If a woman feels a need to know where I live and be inside my home in order to search for evidence of something suspicious, I don't need that BS. I have nothing to hide, but I don't play the "you are guilty of deception until proven innocent" game.

There's a HUGE difference between privacy and SECRECY. The OP's situation centers around SECRECY. Big difference.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 62
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Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:04:36 AM
abelian:
I've almost never tried to take a woman back to my place. Going back to her place always works out better and I've never been married nor have I ever had a girlfriend back at my place. It's just easier to walk a woman to her door and get invited in than to come up with some transparent excuse to get her onto the couch at my place.


Funny thing, I have been encountering the opposite of that. Most of the women I have dated in the last 2.5 years have not had exclusive use of their house. No, they're not married, they just have adult kids "temporarily" staying with Mom, or they're taking care of their elderly mother/father, or their sister from out-of-town is visiting, or they have a roommate. (Seriously? Women in their 50's and 60's have roommates? Who knew?)

And, of course, there is always the old stand-by, "My neighbors are really nosy, and I don't want them to see anything."

And I strongly suspect many of them want to inspect my house, check the bathroom for makeup, etc.
 Viper1E
Joined: 11/30/2011
Msg: 63
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:07:24 AM

^^You think he's cool, right? Why doesn't that surprise me?


Because while the truth may not always be pretty, one thing it will always be is the truth..
 KGSR210
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 64
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:14:52 AM
LOL!!! Either two things: He is homeless and don't have anywhere to live or 2) He has someone there that he do not want you to meet. Maybe he lives with his mother......But IF I am staying with someone, I wouldn't let the other woman know crap. As long as I could keep it going as long as I could, I am straight!!! I am talking from a man point of view....
 kindheart9
Joined: 12/23/2010
Msg: 65
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/9/2012 1:49:23 PM
If he is not willing to tell you where he lives there is only one reason. HE IS MARRIED. Time to dump him.
 911love
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 66
Same story!
Posted: 1/9/2012 2:22:22 PM
OP if you have never had sex with him than who cares? Have you been intimate with him at all? I mean if I were dating a guy for 2 months and I really liked him I don't know if I could wait that long. Sounds to me like ya'll are just friends. Maybe he is married but they are not really “together” anymore. Just can’t see why he would spend the night on Christmas and New Years if he is married with family. Please do come back and let us know what happened!
 Wallyworld13
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 68
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/11/2012 5:09:17 PM
IT PUTS THE LOTION ON THE SKIN!
IT DOES AS ITS TOLDOR IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 69
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History
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/11/2012 10:22:52 PM
I think it was wrong of you to drive by his house. He doesn't want you to know. It sucks but you have to respect that. Imagine a guy driving by your house. He would be considered a stalker.


OP if you have never had sex with him than who cares?

No, it's wrong even as friends. It's creepy.
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 71
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/12/2012 12:57:16 AM
Wife at home
Live in girlfriend
Boyfriend
or still stays with mommy


I bet its one of those?
 lookingformytwin
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 72
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/15/2012 2:35:38 PM
i cosign what she said. most likely hes either gay or its another woman. ild bet some money on it.
 friends2b4u
Joined: 12/1/2011
Msg: 73
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Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/16/2012 11:37:31 AM
WOW! when I read OP question, I actually looked at your profile to see where you live..
Exact same thing with me, no longer dealing with it. I had longer relation with this guy..
Too many secrets and drove me crazy.. think my guy was/is a player...
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 74
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/16/2012 12:12:49 PM
Maybe he has something cooking back there not exactly legal.

Lets see..
Crack
Growing weed
Holding a 12 year girl old chained in an out building.
Nazi flags and automatic weapons ..grenades
Jesus hanging on the wall in every room and some freaky shrine to his dead mother.






Let humans..The most dangerous,violent, thieving, disease spreading species on earth into their homes and they do not have an address on them, work place or last name..

May as well let rats with rabies in your house.
At least you know what they have and what they can or can't do to you.

Maybe he is just ashamed of where or how he lives and its all perfectly innocent.
I wouldn't take the chance myself.

Something ODD about the whole situation on both sides to me.
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 75
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Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/16/2012 1:29:08 PM
Here are some options,

-He is embarrased about his house.
-he lives with mom
-He as a GF or wife but I doubt that as he can havesleep overs at your house and you spent the holidays together. Thats a no go with a wife.
-I had insane room mate for awhile. (see other posts about that) I told the women, they could come over, have a look around, meet her just to show that she was nuts and I wasnt married.
-He some weird kink going on, chains on the walls and just hasnt prung it on ya yet
- And really as a guy, I prefer the womens house. (unless shes married
)

The phone call thing does throw a loop into this though. Dont have a thought on that one.
 Mainepostmaster
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 76
Same story!
Posted: 1/16/2012 1:38:13 PM
Fadedrainbow, let me ask you one question? Why did you put up with this for two months? You are a vibrant attractive lady that seems to have a lot going for you and I'm positive there are plenty of men in your town that would die for the chance to date you. Obviously he is either a recluse or maybe just doesn't want to be seen with anyone. When was the last time he took you out to dinner in your hometown? Have you met his family or more importantly his friends (you can tell a lot about a person through his friends) My advise? Move on, find someone that wants to be with you for you, not just a couple of times a week for a quickie and run. Most men want a woman that they can actually build a relationship with along with intimacy and someone to be there at night to snuggle and do things with. Good luck in your search and I am sure once your eyes are open a whole new world is around the corner for you.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 77
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/16/2012 3:35:38 PM
Maybe he's a hoarder? lives with his Mom? rooming with friends?

He's probably just embarrassed about his digs......OR HE IS MARRIED!! and tells his wife he is working when he's with you!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 78
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History
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/16/2012 8:28:45 PM
Would it really make any difference if he was married or had something to hide etc.?
He doesn’t want her in his private space. Isn’t that bad enough? I don’t see how knowing the “why” makes him a worst or better person. I’m assuming OP already moved on.
 Jimps
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 79
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Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/16/2012 10:04:18 PM
He lives with his parents.. Or a carboard box...
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 80
Not welcome to his house
Posted: 1/17/2012 7:42:46 PM
Since you told him he was not welcome at your home anymore and you have not heard from him, that seals the deal. He most certainly had something to hide or was embarrassed by something. You did the right thing. I'm sure he's already onto his next victim who will in time become suspicious and question him as you did.
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