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 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 70
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Is there ever a good way to get dumped?


How about letting them know that it's not working out for you. Express no animosity or hatred, just deep appreciated for what transpired during the relationship.

I've never been dumped (not sure if fortunately or unfortunately). They have all been face-to-face break ups:

1. Gave my High School sweetheart an ultimatum: "if you don't get your sh!t together by the time I leave for college (last week in August), this is more than over, I'm serious". He didn't think I was serious, he came over to my parent's house (on the day I was leaving for college) with a giant teddy bear, chocolates, and a my favorite Snapple, but I had left an hour before he arrived. My mother felt sorry for him, but told him "she told you that if you didn't get it together, she would leave not to be seen again". I heard he took his parent's car (he was 18 at the time, I was 17)), and totaled the car on his way to me (upstate New York).

2. Told my second boyfriend "I don't know about you, but this is not what I envisioned as a relationship, what the hell is up with you playing Socom while your daughter (3 at the time) is in the living room watching movies with me, is that your idea of spending time with your daughter?, Ever thought of moving the f*ck out of your mom's house and growing the f*ck up? You live in a fantasy, like everything is going to be alright all the time, your mom is not responsible for you, you're an adult now. I left my house at 17 to go to college, here I am working two jobs, taking care of my mother's house (she had moved out of state), paying all my bills, and what the f*ck do you do? This is definitely not working out for me! so this is goodbye, you have 0 drive to make anything happen for yourself or your daughter, what future can there possibly be for us?".

3. "So we haven't seen each other for the past 2 months, you don't see anything wrong with this picture? care to tell me what the f*ck is going on?" He said "You know what's going on with my daughter", I said "so basically you not wanting to pay $50 a month for her to have internet in her home (because ex wife might use it too), is causing for us not to spend time together?", he said "its about the principle", I said, "no, its about your inability to think of the bigger picture here, can I pay the $50 and settle this bullsh!t once and for all?, I don't give a f*ck if your ex wife uses it too, its not about her, its about your daughter having internet in the comfort of her own house, instead of her having to be in your home to do her homework, etc", he said "no, you don't understand.......so here are a few options for us:

a. Be patient with me and work with me through this whole ordeal till he goes off to college.
b. Lets take a break for a while, while the dust settles
c. call it quits"

I said "I'm gonna go for option C", enough is enough, and this is nonsense. He said "I don't even want to go through the past or hash out anything", I said "I wasn't going to, I thought you knew who the f*ck you were dealing with here, we had a great time, I learned a lot and will always remember you for all the good there was in these 8.5 years, you're a great man but you get in your own way sometimes". He said "I know you hate me, but I'd like to keep in contact", I said "I don't hate you, I never will, you should know that by now. We are cool people, you can call me whenever you like, but give me some time to adjust to my new reality, we are still two people that have spent almost a decade in each others lives. If you ever need me, I'll always be there, I wish you the best, you're a great man, and I'm still your medical by proxy f*cker!"

I don't know if these break ups are the "worst", but all 3 can still contact me if they wish, and I can do the same. All 3 were great men (had a good heart, would do anything for me within reason, treated me very well, respected the heck out of me), but none saw the bigger picture when it came time to see it. And of course, it is my version of the bigger picture that I'm referring to, I'm not innocent, I take responsibility for the sh!t that I create or do. I do not manifest my expectations of relationships to people, because I want them to be who they are, not who I want them to be. My reasoning is that love is a motivating factor, and it brings out the best in people, for themselves and the person they are with, so it will be what it will be.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 71
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 7/17/2013 8:42:58 AM
Being told we were breaking up when I didn't even know we were "together"!!!!???????? I always thought if you were "together", swapping body fluids was part of the equation. Maybe I was napping when all that was supposedly happening.
 dkbmom
Joined: 7/2/2013
Msg: 72
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 7/17/2013 9:18:52 AM

Is there ever a good way to get dumped?


Actually, yes. Not after someone has been through the death of a loved one or given birth to your child for starters. But pick as best a time as possible and just be straightforward and honest but kind. It's all about closure and dignity.

And of course, on the flip side, if you're the one getting dumped, yes, it hurts. But act like a mature adult and realize that it's not always someone's "fault" and you're better off not being with someone that's not feeling it. Don't storm out or throw tantrums.

After reading some of these stories, I feel much better. The worst that's happened to me is the guy just stops calling. While he should have the balls to say, hey, I'm not feeling it or whatever, I get it. Most think if you didn't make your relationship "facebook official" (what a crock) they don't owe you an explanation. And maybe they don't "owe" you one but it would be nice of them to say SOMETHING.

But like someone else said, karma! :)
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 73
view profile
History
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 7/17/2013 1:40:46 PM
Few people are suddenly dumped. More likely signals were ignored and no grounding in reality. As for no conversation, via text, email, etc. at times looking in the mirror is needed...'why' this way. Saying the other person was a jerk, insensitive etc. fudges the situation. Perhaps we set up a barrier, are needy, not receptive to communication or whatever. Why would the other person not feel comfortable telling us face to face?
 dkbmom
Joined: 7/2/2013
Msg: 74
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 7/18/2013 8:48:36 AM

Why would the other person not feel comfortable telling us face to face?


I've discussed this with friends, male and female and the general consensus is they are afraid of a reaction like I described--tantrums, etc. But still, I maintain you should just say something. If the other person behaves badly, that's on them. Not saying anything at all is cowardly, regardless of the reason.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 75
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 7/18/2013 9:48:01 AM

Why would the other person not feel comfortable telling us face to face?
....I asked this very question, Answer: "No big deal, everybody does it. It's just simple that way". (Using a text message or E-mail)
 Madisonman0326
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 76
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/15/2013 10:37:31 AM
We'd been together for a couple months and the relationship seemed to be progressing well. We dated every weekend and occasionally saw each other during the week, which involved some effort since she lived a half hour away. We both hid our POF profiles, a sign that neither of us was still looking, and I met her friends and she mine. We had both spent time in Africa which shaped our world view and gave us stories to tell one another. I sent her flowers during a time when she felt stressed and cooked dinner for her several times. We developed a comfortable intimacy; long walks with the dogs; pizza and a movie on Friday night, dancing under the stars...Then she invites me to brunch, her treat, at her favorite breakfast spot. Since I had treated her to dinner at some of my favorite restaurants, I figured she was only repaying me in kind, but she had a different agenda.
"You're a really nice guy, but..."
But she didn't want to be with me any longer. It was totally out-of-the-blue. I thought the relationship was cruising along smoothly in high gear when suddenly, out of nowhere, I hit a brick wall.
Perhaps I should be grateful that she had the courage to dump me face-to-face but I only wish she had let me know, somehow, that the dump was coming. The unexpected dump seems a bit cruel.
 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 77
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/16/2013 10:18:56 PM
I was dumped during my high school prom.
 13thour
Joined: 9/6/2013
Msg: 78
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/16/2013 11:39:08 PM
It only happened once and I was 18.

I met him a few days after he broke his leg. He was in a lot of pain but, apparently still wanted to be a judge in the Ms Bahama Momma contest...I won and we dated, non stop, for the next 6 weeks.

My Brother told me the guy would leave me when he got his cast off his leg.
The day he got his cast off I bought some wine and cooked dinner to celebrate. He never showed. It was three weeks before I saw him again.

He has been married 5 times. I don't think I missed out....if anything I was saved.
 OzzGirl22
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 79
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/17/2013 1:19:27 PM
I was sitting in the bar where my boyfriend worked (back in 1983) and I was chatting with a girl I had never seen before when she told me that she was waiting for her boyfriend to get off of work............. turned out we had the same boyfriend. The difference between us is that she continued to go out with him after that. :/
 SFGIANTSFAN_IN_SOCAL
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 80
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/17/2013 3:18:19 PM

My friends now ex-husband showed up with his girlfriend at the hospital to visit after she had given birth to their son. She was devastated.......


The same thing happened to me with my son's father. I wasn't devastated until later. I was absolutely PISSED at the time. She was in the waiting room with my family. Showed up with him, his mother, and brother. I had NO CLUE.

Suffice to say, I still haven't picked a good one. My last boyfriend (the only relationship since my son's father) dumped me via text for a married woman.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 81
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/17/2013 6:17:48 PM

On her FB page it always said: in a relationship. I looked the other day and it says "in a relationship" I bet she is just not with me.

Was there a gap of time where she didn't have it "in a relationship"? Technically, it could have just been left that way so guys who liked her wouldn't hound her on FB, who knows. But yeah, definitely a good possibility she had another guy shortly thereafter if not during...

She had a back up plan and I didn't.

Well, building a "life boat" aka "second option" aka "backup plan" -- Is 100% Cheating. Not kinda, not 50%, but fully 100%. You shouldn't be encouraged to even begin doing so when the relationship is on the rocks. Nobody says "I'm a very faithful person... until we go through some hard times. Then I build a life boat or potential life boat behind your back. Our chances of getting through those hard times depends on how well that seems to be working." But that is what happens a lot. :)

Is there ever a good way to get dumped?

Well, it's not always a clear-cut/direct "being dumped" scenario. Those who say "Oh, I've never been dumped" usually have some control issues, IMO (or very little dating experience).

Many times people want to officially be dumped because they fear dumping the other. So the other person feels better, although obviously still frustrated. Many people will treat the other like an ex they're forced to be friends with, pick fights, neglect them, keep distance, etc -- so the other person will leave. Sometimes That DOES make one feel better if not executed too harshly. Keeps their self esteem intact if done well because they didn't "get dumped", even though in spirit behind the scenes -- yes they did. Even if the person who wanted to get dumped had a change of heart when they officially were dumped.

With all that said, just because there's no Pleasant way to get dumped, doesn't mean it all has the same effect. And the person doing the dumping isn't necessarily going to like it or want it oh-so much either.

IMO, you don't come out of nowhere. You don't let things linger/limp/roll on for a while when you're wanting to nix the relationship but "looking for a Good time to do it", when there is no Good time to do it. And also, the concept of parting ways shouldn't make it's debut in the form of "I'm dumping you", either.

The ending of a relationship usually needs some kind of closure & resolution. Just like a relationship doesn't turn on from nowhere 100%, it doesn't turn off then into nowhere 100%. Doesn't mean you linger in a breakup phase for very long, but at least closure & resolution. The lack thereof where that's needed -- with civility -- especially with the element of surprise -- is where people are damaged the most for a long period of time.
 sxymiss32
Joined: 8/17/2013
Msg: 82
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/17/2013 10:03:56 PM
I have never been dumped I've always ended relationships for valid reasons.

Friends of mine have been dumped various ways for example via email. Totally shameful and that's the cowardly way of doing it.

Why couldn't he talk to you? Because he's feeling guilty as hell and he's a coward. He did you a favour! Now you know what he's really made of.

When a relationship ends, people just need to suck it up and move on and not allow the demise of a relationship make them bitter (I noticed a few bitter souls on here who severly hate women and that has been reflected in how they treat women on here - negatively. I'm sure they treat women in real life the same).
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 83
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/18/2013 7:46:41 AM
For me, it was not being dumped at all. Got a phone call from a friend telling me that my GF was sleeping with one of my buddies. Drove by his house on my way to work the next morning (about 6AM) and found her car parked in front. So I slipped a note under the wiper that said, "I guess now I know why you were busy." We never spoke to one another again. Spoken to the "buddy" a few times since, but we remain estranged.

I think the best is when you're trying to think of a way to break up and the other person beats you to the punch. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 84
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/18/2013 8:51:46 AM
I get flipped out of a pontoon boat once. Other than my pride, wasn't so bad, other than I was wet for the rest of the day, and scared the bejesus outta me. I know how to swim but, the lifejacket was kind of important for those 5 minutes.
 TALLTEXAN2012
Joined: 4/13/2012
Msg: 85
view profile
History
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/18/2013 9:03:35 AM
He introduced his "affair HO" to our daughter saying with a smile and a wink..."Oh by the way...don't tell your Mom!"
She told him "Don't worry Dad...I won't...YOU will!"
A phone call to me from him ended a 39 year marriage...he lost me, the respect of our three grown children, and his two precious Granddaughters that are out of his life!!!
All because SHE was after HIS $$$ and didn't want to move back to Mexico...where her husband lived!!! He was clueless...
 Madisonman0326
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 86
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/19/2013 6:43:27 AM
tercampbell, Just curious. You said you "had" to let a dear man "go". If he was a "dear" man, why did you dump him? Having been dumped recently (see my previous post) I'm wondering what leads a woman to suddenly decide to spontaneously end a relationship. I'm feeling a bit like a deer in the headlights. Just for my own edification (and so I can shield myself from future dumps) can you explain how you let the "dear" man know things weren't working? I suspect the woman who dumped me was looking to ride a different pony because she had another date the same week, but, having been blindsided, I'm wondering what signs you gave the dumpee that you were going to break things off. Just wondering...
 Xray86
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 87
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/20/2013 3:33:00 PM
I've only been with three women. The second woman gave me the worst break-up. I was having serious migraines for a week and got so bad that I thought I was having a stroke. My mom had a stroke about twelve years ago, so I thought I was going to have the same. On my way to the hospital, my ex sent me a break-up text complete with why I'm not good enough for her after around eleven months together. Then I found out she had sex with some random stranger the following weekend. Hoorah.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 88
view profile
History
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/25/2013 5:05:02 PM
He found someone new, but didn't want to break up with me for that reason; he wanted me to be the one to say "I'm done", so he lied to me, insulted me, ignored me, criticized me, betrayed me - did everything he could to make my life a living hell, all the while telling me how much he loved me and wanted us to work things out. I was very confused, and I really did want to make it work so I tried to do whatever it was he said he wanted from me. Of course, there was never going to be anything I could do, but it took me about six weeks to realize it. So, I finally said the words he'd wanted to hear: "I'm done". He'd said I could take my time moving out, since I had no job, but it turned out that he actually didn't want to wait more than two weeks. I did find a place in about three weeks, and I think she moved in the day after I moved out.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 89
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 9/30/2013 3:01:58 PM
Right after she finished blowing me on her front steps she said ...there's something we have to talk about...I thought she was going to tell me I didn't taste like bananas anymore...she said I don't think we are intellectually compatible....
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 90
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 10/1/2013 4:01:58 AM
^^^^^^Oh no worries we married a year later and spent 15 happy years together....
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 91
view profile
History
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 10/1/2013 4:08:09 AM
I got dumped on Valentine's day by a girl I had been seeing for a month or so. We had plans for me to come by her place after work and stay the night like I usually did. Before I left, as was normal for us, I called her to verify that she was home. No answer. Thought it was strange, but I gave her a while, and tried her again. Still No answer. At this point, I know something is wrong and I call her best friend to see if she knows. She did. The best friend told me that my lady friend was "scared because she had feelings for me." Lovely. Evidently, the best friend wasn't much of a friend, because she said she was dateless, and I was more than welcome to come to her place instead. In retrospect, I should have, the best friend was rather sexy. However, I was still interested in the original girl, and like an idiot, I did not go with the best friend. Heh, I was young lol.
 Theme_Pack
Joined: 5/3/2013
Msg: 92
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 10/1/2013 5:41:23 AM
^^^^Did you look in the cupboard....there were probably chips and salsa there already "smiling"....did he pull the old..my gawd its hot out I need a shower, when he got home! Chips and salsa would be the last thing on my mind let alone a football game....there are probably 100 other guys on this thread thinking the same thing.....best of luck with your future endeavours..
 SuzieQForForums
Joined: 8/5/2013
Msg: 93
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 10/1/2013 8:27:59 PM
I just got dumped. I sort of saw it coming. He kept complaining about things and starting fights, so I suspected it wasn't going to work out. And the fights were all about stupid things, always started by him. In one of our discussions he said to pay more attention to what he does, not what he says. So he treated me lovingly, and I paid more attention to that than his verbal complaints. Last time I saw him we had a blissful weekend, he said he was happy, he kissed me like never before. When I left he was smiling, and he said I'll see you soon, I'll talk to you soon. Five days later he told me by phone he wasn't coming over and didn't know if he ever wanted to again. Since I knew he was unhappy with parts of our relationship you might think I had a warning. But it makes no sense to me that it was after a really good weekend spent together.
 I_travel_light
Joined: 7/27/2013
Msg: 94
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 10/2/2013 5:24:07 PM
Over email.....when he was out of town.....that he had a house and was moving, Sat. It was Fri. And would i help pack.....uh no. Then he broke up with me again over text......some people are way too slow....lol. Ironically he really is a nice guy, should hate him, but don't. Just done with doing the relationship thing with him.
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