Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 3
Strong willed... a bad thing?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

someone who understands and can handle that part of me and doesn't expect me to change who I am. Or could it be possible my stubbornness and strong willed qualities ARE too much? And maybe I need to figure out how to tone them down somehow?

Unless you wish to date a clone of you, or are actually looking for a Sub, then as you mature you will likely learn to pick your battles wisely...

That means allowing other decent people enough respect and empathy for you to understand some of THEIR perspectives, and to allow them to comfortably express their opinions around you even if they differ from yours about major issues...

When it comes to minor things/issues, maturity means not always demanding that things be YOUR way, and accepting others ideas as okay a good part of the time, without drama and debate about just who is the most "right"...
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 5
view profile
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 2:34:48 PM
Strong willed can work for or against you... what you need to remember is what your setting out to do, to control yourself and reactions and you will do fine in just about everything.
If you have no control over your tounge your going to be having a very hard life.
Learn to control yourself and you can do whatever you set out to do.
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 10
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 2:51:25 PM
I would like to answer your question....
but could you put the gun down first?

Aspects of ourselves,
can shine for some and annoy others.
No helping that.

but I find a strong will by itself abit wearing.
but combined with concern or compassion for others...
quite enchanting.

Our character is what we make of it.
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 14
view profile
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:04:58 PM
Your young, pretty and smart, the world is yours.
Just make sure to not let some loser get you down... know when to throw them back and use your smarts to make them assist you. To make them think it's their idea.
so the guy was a jerk... that should not make you second guess yourself, it should make you think
"hey what a jerk"... and "lets throw him back" ... not question whats wrong with you
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:28:02 PM
yep.......................... problem now solved :)
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:48:55 PM
two things jump out here.

first, a person whom you've been on a couple dates with hardly knows you well enough to make such sweeping character assessments.

second, you're begging for misunderstandings like this one if you're trying to do facetious humor/irony/sarcasm by text or email with someone you barely know. many people simply do not perceive tone beyond what's on the surface of written communication. save it for when you know someone better.
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 18
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 4:47:02 PM
(this was all over text message)

Texting is not the greatest form of communication , it can be very easy to misinterpret a text especially when trying to convey sarcasm or humour in general. Also calling the guy a jerk or a loser based on him either not understanding texts properly, being too sensitive or not having the same sense of humour to me says something about you.

The question of being strong willed being a bad thing to me is a matter of degree , it can be a hinderance in the relationship if one party or both won't compromise and continue to butt heads . I would hope that someone who is strong willed who really wants a relationship would be cognizant of the effects of their strong will can have in wearing out their partner and learn to pick their battles. Having said that having a strong willed partner can be a great thing if they are in your corner helping you and can be a great inspiration as well .

I also disagree that their partner has to be equally strong willed , I have seen a few relationships with one member being very strong willed and the other not nearly as and they seemed to work out fantastically . The not as strong willed partner knew how to be persuasive with their partner through charm, wit ,etc, and seemed to understand how to communicate properly.

You shouldn't have any issues finding the man for you , just be yourself .
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 6:04:00 PM
I think if people stopped having deep, heart-felt conversations via texting and started actually talking again, they might start understanding each other better.

How many threads have stories like this one....."we were texting, he said this, I said that, he got mad because he thought I said this, but I really meant that...." and on and on. As far as the "I do what I want" comment, I know which show you're talking about. Spoken as it is on the show, with the voice, it's a funny comment. As words on a screen, it looks like "F-you, I do what I want". Is he even familiar with that show?

If you've got time to sit and text, you've got time to call and actually speak to each other. That way you can hear voice inflections and actually finish conversations instead of sending off your last text and being left hanging, wondering what the hell just happened while the other person has a big snit, totally misinterpreting the conversation that just took place.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/8/2012 8:32:10 PM
I've met women like this-stubborn and pig headed (strong willed). The common problem was their tiaras were on too tight. These women grew up being spoiled brats who were put on a pedestal and were convinced they were superior to any other human being. Then they get out in the real world and slowly realize nobody gives a sh1t about them. So they develop the attitude of being stubborn and pig headed, which is really an adult version of a temper tantrum. They grew up getting everything they wanted and demanded by throwing temper tantrums. Since lying on the floor shrieking and crying won't get them what they want as an adult, they get their way by being stubborn and have an attitude to intimidate people to give them what they want. But it's down-played if it's labeled as strong-willed.
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 26
view profile
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:26:55 AM
Wow....this so makes sense, uk.... In a few paragraphs, you managed to hit the nail on the head. One thing I would like to add tho is that not only do we need someone stronger than us, but we also have the strength/whatever to actually admit it as well. Just my opinion tho.....
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 27
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:47:36 AM

Ok, here's the deal. The real deal. Most of the posters here are going to disagree for whatever reason, but I promise you what I am about to tell you is the truth.

As human beings we have an innate need to feel wanted, desired, appreciated, and accepted. When you run across a man or a woman who is like you - stubborn and hard headed (strong willed) it sends us the message you don't need us. We have nothing to offer you, we have nothing that you need that makes us special in your eyes. You don't respect our opinions, our wants, our needs.

Head strung people are typically selfish pricks who only care about what they want. They make horrible partners. And, in the end they tend to be the most lonely and miserable people you'll ever run across.

I think this is true. I got used to doing things on my own, even when I was married.
I never thought to ask for help. I used to be like that at work as well. I would be
moving around computers and terminals and someone would run up to help me and
my first thought was "I can do this on my own thank you", and my second thought
and the one I started going with was "thank you!".

Some people might think I've become softer in my old age, but I don't think so.
I let guys change my wiper blades at the auto parts store, and I let my roommate
scrub the labels off christmas gifts so I can wrap them, fix the broken chain of my locket, and put the little screw back in my glasses, put air in my tires and change the oil in my car. Even though I can do all those things myself.

In return, I make him cookies and cook him dinners and do his laundry and change
his sheets, even though he can that himself. I keep the house clean and paint and
decorate and keep the gardens and flower boxes looking good.

Now if someone could answer the question of why we're just roommates, life would
be perfect!

Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 29
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:12:55 AM
Having a strong will and being confident are only problems when you lack personal responsibility as well. Believing in yourself doesn't mean that others cannot also believe in themselves too. Doing what you want is fine but it's a choice, everyone else has the exact same right to act in the same way.

If you only do what you want to do and do everything on your terms all of the time, what kind of man are you actually hoping to find? In my mind that leaves you only two possibilities, on one hand you get the spineless weasel who will always put themselves last in an effort to please you, on the other, there is what? Some magical fairy tale dude who is perfect for you and only you?

On my planet, everyone is an individual and I have to navigate my way through life occasionally taking their needs and wants into account. If I want to be around other human beings, I have to compromise. All the time, even though I am also considered to be a stubborn ass.

Do you drive a vehicle? I suspect you slow down for a red light even if you are in a hurry don't you? Or do you take short cuts across playgrounds full of children and leave burning wrecks on the road in your rear-view mirror? Of course you don't, you aren't a psychopath after all.

The question you have to ask yourself is which compromises are worth it?
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 30
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/10/2012 8:08:11 PM
Cdn_Iceman is dead ON!

like you said, the ones that ain't a good match for you will go away. Do however go a step further to compromise with her if you really don't care to be against whatever it is.

Be a freaking man like you are! Not a snot and brown nosed boy.
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 32
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/10/2012 9:58:10 PM
You're right on Peech12. i thought that name was a bit odd for a man.

Please allow me to apologize for mistaking you for someone you are clearly not.
I checked you out and I will pay you this complement. You are very much a woman and frankly my kind of pretty. So to speak.

Also, reverse everything I said.. man to woman, her to him etc.

On a final note. If things get worse and you just need to leave, I know of a place in Arkansas that would like to have you... :D have a wonderful day!
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 34
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/11/2012 12:46:50 AM
Actually, I thought the exact same thing but luckily I managed to catch it before I posted.

None of the features that distinguish your sex are visible in a thumb-nail. Sure, it's sexist to assume that only guys go hunting and fishing but you've obviously been out there...can you blame us?

There's a difference between having a strong-will and being an ass. That's the point I was trying to make earlier. Finding the balance seems to be the trick...I'm still working on that part too.
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 36
view profile
Strong willed... a bad thing?
Posted: 1/11/2012 1:39:11 PM
Anybody can and will label you whatever they please. Its up to you whether you choose to take it to heart and "own" that label. I think you've honestly tried to see if what he said to you had any validity, and it sounds to me that he felt threatened by your self-confidence, which is his problem, not yours. I agree with others that texting is a poor way to communicate. Stick to your guns (pun intended) and don't worry about the nutcases you run across in cyberland - many are too easily intimidated by beautiful, strong women such as yourself, and you're better off without that kind.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >