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 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 4
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The problem with older people and long distance datingPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
it's my opinion that your impression or concept of dating is NOT outdated ... I like to get to know the person I'm dating and what kind of person he is before we share a bed! or the carpet in front of the fireplace ... back seat of a car ... under a pine tree in the forest ... etc.

but everyone just has his/her own goals ...

I have a friend whose idea of courtship is, if she's not completely gag-worthy, if she's tall, has money and if she says yes, it's a go ... amazingly enough, this works for him! I've been single and picky all these years while he's been happily going along in a succession of romances ... he's ALWAYS in a relationship ... he seems happy that way!



I can't say he's wrong ... his way wouldn't work for ME ... but my way wouldn't work for him either!

as for long-distance romances, they wouldn't be for me either ... once I get to know someone well enough to be in a relationship, I love to be spontaneous ... and spend a lot of time together ... not just on the odd weekend ...
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 8
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/16/2012 11:39:35 AM
Agreed, the practical side of "long-distance" is a serious issue, but like Mountain mentioned, you never know where Cupid's arrow will come from. And seriously, especially if retired, would "distance" really deter you from finding a way to be with someone you thought was your "soulmate"?!

So just my own bias, but I tend to view the folks who are "particular" about "distance" as also probably being kinda "set in their ways" and "fixed" about a lot of other things too... which is always problematic for forming any relationship, near or far.
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 11
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 9:54:28 AM
It has nothing to do with being set in your ways

Not everyone is in a financial position to do the long distance thing there are also time restraints. If one is retired or has a job which allows them to easily relocate then that's one thing but not everyone is in that position. One needs to be realistic and practical.

Years ago when I was young and idealistic I did the long distance thing once is enough for me
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 13
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 2:08:26 PM
With the cost of gas at almost $4/gal yep 200 miles too expensive and when I only have two days off a week don't want to spend it driving. Besides I live in the LA area 10 million people there has to be some good fishing here
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 15
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 3:34:22 PM
...some good fishing here

Really?! Not to put too fine a point on it, but do you experience that a lot, even despite posting no picture or description of yourself (speaking of "set in one's ways")...?
 lar2564
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 16
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:28:50 PM
I did make a long distance work...I was married to her for 9 years. We meet in College in California, started dating, she left to Ohio and we kept together. It lasted 2 years and once we were married, she came home.

How tough was it? Extremely!!! You have to find ways to feel the void and you have to be a person that is very disciplined. My life I have been dedicated to several things...when I was playing high school football, I worked out 2 times a day, waking up around 430AM to workout. To become an eye doctor, I used to sleep sometimes 4 hours a night over and over and before big tests, sometimes just 2 years of sleep.

Point is I have a history of being disciplined and dedicated to many things. So I think that is why I could survive a long distance relationship. So I advise any person who would think about doing this if you have a history of the kind of discipline that it requires. And the answer is no, think it over twice to make sure you aren't wasting your time.
 lar2564
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 17
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:30:03 PM
also understand my situation was optimal...I was in my 20s so nothing was set and I knew her staying in Ohio was temporary...California was her home.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 19
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:05:56 PM
unlike the past two men in my life who lived within 15 minutes away, i now am seeing a man who is an hour away. plus, there are very windy mountain roads between us which he can navigate with some concentration, but i cannot do well, due to my lymes. during the bad weather, it can get rough with the mudslides. somehow we have managed to make it work. he comes here weekends and i hop a bus across the mountains, where he can pick me up if needs be. this of course, requires a pet sitter on my end, and he'd rather hang out here if a choice. if during busy season, his hi tech job has him working all hours, i can then hop a train right to his hometown to eliminate his driving time.

this is difficult enough. i love where i live on a creek within walking distance to the ocean. so does he. so, thus far, we have to keep it a weekend relationship which works fine for now as my youngest has moved back home to go to local college.

on the one hand, i'd like it to be 24/7. on the other hand i can get my sh__ together during the week and look like a slob if i feel like it :). i also need time to simplify my life for any future, with him or w/o him.

when i met my husband in my 40's back east, we too had a commuter relationship for a year which crossed three states, but he also came home on weekends (3 nites) and rented a room for the week. it was much worse when we married and he'd travel for two weeks at a time. once a week is much better than on again off again, every few weeks.

NONETHeLESS as you get older, it is very hard to find "the one" and if you really are into each other, you figure out a way. now if it were west coast to east coast, then i'd need to be much younger to handle that one. but i probably would have, knowing me and eventually i would move or vice versa. it depends upon how important a relationship is to you. i've done my thing professionally. right now the relationship, plus my kid and my pets are my top priority. if needed, i could alternate as long as the pets can move back and forth with me. my kid would love it, if i were to leave her with the house all to herself now and then.

several couples on pof managed to surpass continents.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 23
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/22/2012 11:01:49 AM
I was in a long-distance relationship from age 40 to age 44 (125 miles away). It was fun, fresh, and exciting for me, then, coming out of a long, unhappy marriage. Of course, things were less expensive, HE had the financial wherewithal to make it work....I did not.

I would find it tiring today, and wouldn't even consider it. I work too many hours at multiple jobs to support myself, and my eyesight and energy levels (for all that driving day and night), are not what they used to be.

And would I give up a career with two years to go before I could retire with a pension....on a "love goosechase?" HELL NO!
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 25
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/22/2012 2:12:38 PM
no harm in trying, seems looking for problems before they exist is a good indication of the type of person. Some folks like a bit more adventure than others, or have higher tolerance for stepping outside the box, some don't. No harm no foul. :) Just one more thing to either have in common or not.
 RoadThunder
Joined: 6/1/2011
Msg: 26
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/23/2012 7:58:13 PM
I was in a long distance realationship for 5 years about 1 hour and 2o minutes away. She had her own home and a nice job . I also had a nice home and a on and off construction job but it was hard to make a commitement to her cause she was attached to her home and I had established a home and had Family health care probems to be taken care of in my area. After 5 years the distance got to be too much for her.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 30
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 3/13/2012 4:49:34 PM
Is it just the people I know.. or is it common.. that men have a harder time giving up their "cave" than women do? It seems they get so comfortable where they are, they don't want to change things. I mean I love my place and all, but I can be comfortable anywhere.... anyhow.. just asking.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 33
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:49:01 PM
So she is not really into you more than her property. My girlfriend from work met someone from Northern San Diego county, he was unable to move due to a job but she works and live in Long Beach so they maintain 2 houses and managed to spend time with each other by taking turn to commute. Love find the way to make it work. By the way, they are married for quite few years now after alternated long commuted.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 34
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:50:57 PM
Mountain: I have the same view with you. May be we are the romantic fools....LOL.
 irish_smackie
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 37
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 3/27/2012 8:29:37 AM
I don't know if I'd be up for long distance. I love my job, and my kids' home is here. I don't know that I could leave, and I can't imagine most men having the kind of job tat allows them to move at will.
 BlueEyedBlon3000
Joined: 3/15/2013
Msg: 39
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 4/7/2013 12:42:18 PM
I grew up in different country and had to move to the US to start all over. Before that we were moving all over the world ( my dad was an ambassador). What I have learned: you are stuck in your head! Whenever you move/ relocate to live you will always find a way to buy a house or rent an apartment, find a job, get some friends and after a while- get a comfortable life. It is the process of getting put of that comfort zone that stops many people from moving or changing their residence. I live in OH and looking for someone across the US. I'm not afraid to start all over again. It is not as difficult as you think .
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 40
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The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 4/10/2013 2:45:52 PM
my guy comes to me weekends. we are only 45 minutes away in non rush hour, but the road is too difficult for me with my lyme disease issues with proprioception-- plus, i have a larger space and live in a vacation area. that being said, now that i am forced to downsize for numerous reasons, i am thinking of moving over the hill to his area. still have not decided. would have to find a house and neighborhood i love and also would come back here on weekends, etc.

fact is i am always working on this house and often don't get to enjoy the vacation features of where i live. i like the geography better here, but the people and activities better there being it's silicon valley. here a lot of drugs and drinking and more a party area given its history.

by moving to him, we would see each other more during the week and better see where this relationship is going. sometimes it pays to keep your separate places and sometimes not. that's a personal decision with no rush if you are older in one sense in that already have your families. on the other hand, you might want to spend your last years more together than apart. still, many my age have "no" relationship, so it is all relative depending upon your attractibility and wanting a particular degree of intimacy "beyond sexual". i've never had problems finding men or dates even with my age and medical issues. but finding my best friend, and someone who has my back, is a jewel worth protecting.

weigh your options and be realistic.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 43
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/7/2014 2:13:01 AM
T - You are now 45 years old, and I assume your friend is of legal age.
Have you ever heard of daytime sex? It's the older person's definition of a "coffee date".
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 45
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 1/23/2014 10:47:19 PM
Eleu - Do you know what a "morner" is? Answer - Sooner than a nooner !
Toaks, why take the whole day off for a coffee date, how much "coffee" can you handle?
 Diva_Zya
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 46
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 2/26/2014 5:40:54 PM
Right, I'm visiting /cat watching/house sitting out in Mariposa for a few -
her place is about 3 hours from the SF Bay area and 2 from Fresno.
.. and down about mile of twisty hilly, dirt/gravel road. Talk about out in the sticks!
Naturally if I invite anyone out, that comes included with over-nighting in her RV, set up with electricity on the other side of the garage next to the paddock. Would that solution work for y'all?
Always the Lady ~ Always Wikked
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 48
The problem with older people and long distance dating
Posted: 3/9/2014 11:53:52 AM
I don't know about your experiences, but mine have been that about 1 out of 5 first meetings survive to more dates. So do I really wanna drive a thousand miles for that first meeting, or maybe fly to Boston? That's a guaranteed disaster 4 out of 5 times.
On the other hand, if you have penpals for a few years, you may be familiar enough to survive a long distance meeting.
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