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 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 493
55 year old dad with small childrenPage 17 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

we even had the mention of someone should be a therapist (which I found laughable)...who drones on and on.

That was me. That's what a therapist does....tries to reason with everyone...imo...Yes, she is long winded...I, for one don't have the gift of gab or the patience!
I found the men getting their heckles up...putting words in our mouths....that we thought we were superficial..hated children etc...

It still boils down to: Some women will enjoy and man with children and Some women will not want a man with children. It's up to each of us to find what we are looking for and not spead time projecting on others because their preferences differ

Yes...Pretty sure...this was stated right from the beginning.
Good luck to us all!!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 495
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/24/2012 2:47:09 PM
" See, I always make sure my preferences are quite clear...to avoid having to block those single dads who insist on asking me out regardless of being told I don't care for gentlemen with kids at home." I'm sure you have to beat them off with a stick.

Since there was such a to-do about men/women not stating in their profiles that they had young children maybe some of us should also state in our profiles that we prefer to date someone without children. We are asking the the OP and other's in his situation to be up front - the rest of us should do the same. It's just common courtesy and would help in the "..having to block those single dads who insist on asking me out...". I must not be very popular cause it's not happened to me..."men insisting", but what the hey - I must not be hot.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 496
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/24/2012 8:54:43 PM
BTW: This is my last post in this thread


Darn...we were just getting used to your posting style...cough...cough..


to avoid having to block those single dads who insist on asking me out regardless of being told I don't care for gentlemen with kids at home.


I hear Pfizer is coming out with a new drug to block delusions of grandeur.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 497
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/24/2012 9:31:28 PM
I hear Pfizer is coming out with a new drug to block delusions of grandeur.


I'm starting to arrive at the same conclusion. A man in his fifties with young children would need to have coupled up with a younger woman of child-bearing age in recent years in order to have fathered those children---so one has to ask what would he see in a much older woman who is at least ten years past menopause?

Where are all these single dads in their fifties that are allegedly interested in women in their sixties coming from? I've never had children, and a year and a half ago when I was still single and looking, I rarely ever got contacted by single dads---and I was only 51 at that time.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 498
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/25/2012 6:53:01 AM

I'm starting to arrive at the same conclusion. A man in his fifties with young children would need to have coupled up with a younger woman of child-bearing age in recent years in order to have fathered those children---so one has to ask what would he see in a much older woman who is at least ten years past menopause?


Well, those were my thoughts even since I'd started reading the posts about single fathers not leaving that poster alone...



Presumptuous would be to tell you how many times I was asked out by gentlemen with young kids.

I see your presumtuous and raise you with ridiculous


That little gem came out on page 13

Anyway. I was 43 when I met my spouse...she was 31 at the time... when I came back to dating I'd no desire to find someone so much younger than myself (still my first dating was with a woman 8 years younger) ...my girlfriend of 7 months is 3 years younger...though I don't think ist's so much looking for someone younger...it's just that women in their late 40's and early 50's "tend" to be more receptive to my particular situation.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 499
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/25/2012 7:58:23 AM


A year and a half ago when I was still single and looking, I rarely ever got contacted by single dads---and I was only 51 at that time.


I find that hard to believe as you are a beautiful woman and a man would be proud to have you on his arm.


Oh, don't get me wrong---I was contacted by plenty of men, but most were empty-nesters. I had my mail filters set for age 51-65. Also, I'm a pilot and enjoy frequent impromptu travel, so it's possible that was a deterrent to men with young children contacting me, as well.

Not that I'm complaining. I was just pointing out the improbability that an overabundance of single dads in their fifties would be beating a path to the door of a woman my age or up into her sixties.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 500
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:58:39 AM

I had my mail filters set for age 51-65.


This is why a 60+ yo woman saying she's been contacted by sooo many men with young children is absurd...guys like the OP and me are almost as rare as bigfoot.


I was just pointing out the improbability that an overabundance of single dads in their fifties would be beating a path to the door of a woman my age or up into her sixties.


I do agree.
 farksum
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 501
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History
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 2/27/2012 10:05:54 PM
I am in a similar situation (age 59 with 6/15/16 boys). Despite making it brutally obvious about my situation I get lots of messages/favourites/want to meets. However, you've got to accept as I do that you are going to blow off most women our age. Accept it. They want to maintain their freedom of action and seek a man with "financial independence".

Given my situation I rarely send a message. I wait to receive them since generally they are prepared to accept the issue. However, it is amazing how many have obviously not read the profile and ask questions about whether I have kids, etc.

My ex was much younger. Been there. Believe me it's a bad bet.
 wasillaman
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 502
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/6/2012 11:42:44 AM
54 three children

i have started contacting much younger women
i have a lot to offer a single mom , a home, common sense, knowledge
i'm retired self employed, no day care or sitter's.
practice and understand the TAO of sexual energy. (Mantuk Chia)

so why bother with the older women , if they like sex and are active about their health
yea sure i'm game,, but those are few and far between , many more younger women
looking for security, and still want satisfying orgasms.
 Ingemouse
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 503
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/8/2012 7:53:21 AM
Mary Jane some men think that with that attitude they will be missed by us older women. I've had men less than 40 years old contact me, I tell them to go home and send their dads over. What's up with that, what are these young men looking for in a woman 20 years older than themselves?
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 504
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/8/2012 8:05:05 AM
so why bother with the older women , if they like sex and are active about their health
yea sure i'm game,, but those are few and far between , many more younger women
looking for security, and still want satisfying orgasms.


I hate to break it to you, but if a younger woman is looking for security, i.e. a man with money, she's going to go after an unencumbered man----not one paying child-support for three young children.
 richard3683
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 505
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:51:39 AM
I am in the same boat. 51 with a 3 year old full time. She is my daughter in the cense I been with her since birth, but she isnt blood related. I am taking care of her full time because her mom can't. I have no relationship with her mom. But I would NOT give her up for anything in the world. even if it means me being single rest of my life..
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 506
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/10/2012 7:31:46 AM

not the bitter, snarky ones anyway, as you are clearly a lovely, caring man.


Sob...I'm not bitter...snarky ...yea..maybe a little.

Rich,
Great post.
 MsSunshine60
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 507
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/10/2012 12:54:21 PM
Thread was too long to read all, so apologies if I'm repeating. Op, I think it's best to tell women up front you have young children. It may put many off, it would me, but at least you know those that meet you are serious.

It's easy to accuse others of being superficial etc, but you have to understand women your age have grandchildren the ages of your children. When I'm your age in four years, my children will be 24, 28 and 33...dating someone with such young children just wouldn't work for me. When I met my ex husband he had two sons from a previous relationship. We had them at weekends and when their mum needed a rest. I worked full time she never worked do tired doing what I never knew...but I digress.

Being burdened with other peoples children at 21 was one thing...I wouldn't want to do it at 51...and sorry if it sounds harsh, but for me it would be a burden.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 508
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 8:56:16 AM

I hear Pfizer is coming out with a new drug to block delusions of grandeur.



Would you be first in line?


Why yes I was...it also helped me to actually contribute some meaningful comments to thread topics...helped me to post more than the occassional complaint in the complaint thread...and made me an all around more agreeable poster.

The side effects are that I have continuied to be capable of maintaining a relationship with a woman close to my age, and doing this with 2 tweenies in my household...thus proving that a 55 yo man with young children can find a meaningful relationship with a woman...and that someone who the OP describes need not look for much younger (or older) women to find acceptance...and that all women our age, may have been there-done that-with respect to having children...but, are not closed minded about entering into a relationship with a man who hasen't been there-done that...but is currently there and doing that.

In conclusion I think that some posters could find benefit from the new Pfizer drug...especially some of the off label effects...perhaps it would help them actually have a thought in their head and a sunnier disposition.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 509
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:43:48 AM
What is a preference to one person is seen as closed minded to another. It is not wrong if someone else does not see life as we do.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 510
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 11:07:21 AM
And OP:
Definitely (from a single dad's perspective) a big no-no to spring this on any prospective romantic interest as a sort of dicatorial speech from the podium? (after that date was there because she expressed specific interest in YOU?)

The right candidate will fall in love with your children as well as with you.
No other should be in the running.
Tough as the search is, no point in hedging your bets by hiding the tiddley winks.

Precisely. I have said all along that the OPs' problem may very well stem from the
It always comes up eventually when dating...
NOT the fact that he has 2 small children, but that their existence only "comes out EVENTUALLY in dating."

Yes, there are 45+ women, and men, who do not wish to date someone who has the responsibility of small children-even if it is not a custodial situation there are matters of time and money that MUST go to the child(ren).
These are people who probably want to have more spontaneity, more freedom to do things "spur of the moment",to travel. How are such people deemed to be bad, wrong, somehow emotionally damaged if they don't want to go BACK to child-rearing? How are these people defective if they have a concern about an older parent of young children not being in the same ballpark of financial preparedness for retirement? Why should their attempts to explain/clarify their position, in the interest of promoting UNDERSTANDING-be attacked as suggestive of some kind of mental issues?

Actually, any person has every right to decide not to date any other person and nobody owes- or is OWED-an explanation. Explanations are simply an attempt at enhanced civility and greater understanding. If people keep attacking other people for their explanations, how long before people just quit explaining their reasons, and everyone is just stumbling around "Datingland-the Senior Tour" completely in the dark? ( or moreso than what"in the dark" already is in play)?

While I am certainly not suggesting that one should bring the children and a few bankers boxes of financial, employment and medical documentation to a first meeting-I certainly think that having young children should be something specifically mentioned early on-not something that "comes out eventually in dating". I would hazard a guess that the reason that the date turns "negative" is because the other person had allowed her or himself to think that this might be someone who would have the time and resources to pursue more leisure-time activities.

I'm also somewhat confused by some of the OPs' later posts, where he says that he does fine with meeting/dating IRL-that it's only "online" women that have turned negative-and apparently before any in-person meeting has occurred?

Do I have to again make the statement that emailing, texting, skyping, telephoning, IMing are NOT "dating"?
Even so, it's my position that if one has responsibilities to children, grandchildren, pets, livestock,or an unsual work schedule, a planned relocation in the near future,significant medical matters-that these things should come out very quickly in the contact process, not after 2 weeks of electronic communication( which is NOT "dating"). If a great deal of pertinent information is withheld until the first in-person meeting, I can understand how the thing could go negative and the evening stop being fun.
Cindy O

 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 511
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 11:46:25 AM
Before I comment on the topic at hand let me first address this little tid bit:


Not sure I agree just as I didnt agree with your recommendation that I take prozac.


A quick review of this thread will reveal that no such recomendation was made here...it was in fact, made in a personal email reply to your unwanted and unsolicited email to me...I did mention to you in my reply, JUST BEFORE I GHIT THE BLOCK-USER BUTTON, was that prozac and anger management therapy might be beneficial to you...your following me about here in the threads is tantamount to stalker behavior and is bizarre behavior...please comment on the thread topic as most here have.

Back to your regularly scheduled programing...

Listen, at our age of 50+ we've all got our own issues...health, prior relational experiences, wateva...that I was married in my early 40's to a woman who was in her early 30's and produced a family was my choice...that my spouse died from a horrible disease happened...I wouldn't change a thing today except for my spouse getting ill...like Richard, I'm so thankful for my life, my children, the ability to raise my children...heck, I'm even thankful for having the opportunity to care for my spouse as she became dreadfully disabled with the effects of ALS...prior to that, I had always thought I was a good man...and that caring, caregiving, and love I experienced during that time...proved it to me.

Anyway, that a person 50+ can find a relationship, even if they've got young children, is not out of the question...it's just that our issues aren't "everyone's cup O tea"...ok, I'm good with all that.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 512
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 11:58:45 AM

Anyway, that a person 50+ can find a relationship, even if they've got young children, is not out of the question...it's just that our issues aren't "everyone's cup O tea"...ok, I'm good with all that.


Congrats Irish, she found a good man!

I think the thing that bothered me about this thread was the people who wanted to pretend that their life choices are better than someone else, they aren't, they are simply their life choice.

If my daughter had lived she would be 12 this year so it is not just older men who had relationships with younger women, (my first husband was 12 years older and my second was 12 years younger) and yet so many wanted to beat that bandwagon.

If a man chooses a younger woman it is cause she is who made him happy and isnt a rejection of someone his age. Younger is not always better. If you view it as THE PERSON vs THE AGE then maybe some of this hate on these threads can die and we can give good positive insight that is helpful...isnt dating at this age hard enough?
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 513
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 2:57:30 PM

I sent you a private email


Yes, you did...and it was nasty and had nothing to do with any bully postings...it was a personal attack and had no place either here in the threads nor in personal correspondence...not only that...you clearly know where the complaint thread is...why resort to emailing me your grievence...but, that's not what your email was about...it was personal and you had no business contacting me in that manner...kind of like how little boys pull girls hair when they are trying to show they like them...negative attention is better than nothing???


stalker like behaviour


Yep...that's exactly what it is...you stalk me in here and make no contribution to the thread but cherry pick one of my postings in an effort to engage me in the conversation I had no desire to persue...yep...you're a stalker....you've made exactly 4 posts in this thread...and 3 posts are from today and directed at me with nothing to do with the topic...and the 1st was on page 9 from 2 months ago...it was the only contribution you've made to the topic and my opinion is that even that post contributed little....so, yep...you're stalking me in this thread...you got an opinion on the topic...try expressing it...

On topic...


If a man chooses a younger woman it is cause she is who made him happy and isnt a rejection of someone his age. Younger is not always better. If you view it as THE PERSON vs THE AGE then maybe some of this hate on these threads can die and we can give good positive insight that is helpful...isnt dating at this age hard enough?


Yes, dating at this age is torture...and dating at this age when one has little ones at home just adds to the torturous confusion of middle age dating...yet, it's not impossible.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 514
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:22:21 PM
Yup, it's funny how some folks never contribute anything intelligent to a thread but they follow threads/posters around waiting to report a "preceived" violation. Small people trying to gain some sort of power. These same folks pop up and throw in a remaark pertaining to a completely different thread and think somehow their comment makes sense - I've been on the receiving end of that as well. The thing is, people figure them out pretty quickly and then the tables get turned. They must have a boring little life, no independent thought....just stupid comments. And in response to one poster's question "do I stalk others too" - uh huh, you do, I can think of two regulars that you reported.

As for men with young children - it is going to be harder but I think the person you end up finding will be worth it. After reading the forums for what seems like eons, we all have problems finding the perfect mate.

I commend the men posting on this thread. I have empathy and I think for the most part they have expressed themselves openly and honestly. Don't give up.
 Mclaugs55
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 515
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History
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:40:22 PM
The very fact that you have such young children seems to indicate that you already went the "younger woman" way, and it didn't work out. Anytime I see a man my age with children the age of my grandchildren, I think I'ld be a fool to get involved with him, not because I've been there/done that, but because he probably can't appreciate women his own age.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 516
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 4:36:04 PM

The very fact that you have such young children seems to indicate that you already went the "younger woman" way, and it didn't work out. Anytime I see a man my age with children the age of my grandchildren, I think I'ld be a fool to get involved with him, not because I've been there/done that, but because he probably can't appreciate women his own age.


Hmmmm...the old if this then that...deductive reasoning....so, if a man my age has young children, then he must have had a younger spouse and that marriage didn't work out...and he will only appreciate younger women....

Try this one...if a person is divorced...then they will never find anyone because their marriage failed.

Or perhaps this one...a person married a younger spouse and started a family...then their spouse died....

Or then there's this one...a person married a younger spouse...and for what ever reason it ended...and the remainder person thought been there done that won't do that again...

My opinion is that there are very few absolutes where real people are concerned...and not all conclusions are valid.
 Mclaugs55
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 517
view profile
History
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:20:57 PM
Sorry, please excuse the deductive reasoning (the engineer in me). But it also comes from >3 yrs experience in on-line dating. I don't consider myself a dog (and please don't tell me if you do), but I only hear from boys (20ish-30ish) and men at least 10 years my senior. I don't respond to the boys, because unlike you guys, I know what they're selling and I'm not buying... and to my utter surprise and mild sorrow, the older guys tell me that men don't date women their own age because women don't age well. How is that for an unfair absolute or an invalid conclusion?
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 518
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:29:06 PM

How is that for an unfair absolute or an invalid conclusion?


Oh, how I feel your pain....I've been here since the beginning of 2009...and heard all the reasons I'm not acceptable to women...too old...too young...too fat...too thin...too many young kids...yada yada yada...I've been dating a woman my age for 8 months now...and I have younger children, of which, I am the sole parent....and extremely proud of.

My humble opinion is do not listen to naysayers...continue to seek here online and out in the real world...don't get too serious in your persuit....don't look at anyone as the one...if you happen to find someone just enjoy your time with them..and "whatever will be will be"...of course ...date within your comfort zone as to age.
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