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 Mclaugs55
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 519
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55 year old dad with small childrenPage 18 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
Sounds like good advice, thanks :-)
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 520
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:43:44 PM

the older guys tell me that men don't date women their own age because women don't age well. How is that for an unfair absolute or an invalid conclusion?


I have met 5 guys in the last month and all of them were within 5 years of my age. It isn't just the young guys selling you on something!

I also think Irish gave great advice, but you realize you have the right to reach out to men who you are attracted to.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 521
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/12/2012 1:00:59 AM

The very fact that you have such young children seems to indicate that you already went the "younger woman" way, and it didn't work out. Anytime I see a man my age with children the age of my grandchildren, I think I'ld be a fool to get involved with him, not because I've been there/done that, but because he probably can't appreciate women his own age.


I realize that you are a widower, OP, and you have my sympathies at the loss of your wife, but I think you should understand that you are more an exception than the norm out here when it comes to older men with younger children. You should not judge us women who have, as you said, "been there/done that" so harshly when you yourself have not been honest and upfront about your single parentness.

I agree wholeheartedly with the posters who have said you should be upfront and and honest right away about being a single parent of young children and that you should not be angry or upset that some of us simply do not want to take on a "package deal". In truth, you should look at our honesty about our preference to remain empty nested as a positive thing...we did not waste your time on a relationship that had no future for you or your family and you are now free to move on to the next prospect.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 522
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/12/2012 4:48:50 AM
I realize that you are a widower, OP, and you have my sympathies at the loss of your wife, but I think you should understand that you are more an exception than the norm out here when it comes to older men with younger children. You should not judge us women who have, as you said, "been there/done that" so harshly when you yourself have not been honest and upfront about your single parentness


Chuckle...OP is divorced...I'm the widower...and I will agree that I'm from the 1% of older men with young children who are widowers...IMHO I'm part of the 1% of 1% in my situation...men my age with young kids is unusual...and men my age with young children and are widowed are even more out of the norm....and I always, and still do, think that my children are an intigral part of my life...I had that info right up front in my profile...yet, had contact from women who clearly didn't read that part of my profile....frown

And, my post wasn't an indictment on the poster who said she wouldn't consider a man my age with children...it was pointing out that her reasoning was flawed...just because I had a younger wife did not mean that women my age weren't desirable...it just meant that at one point in my life I married a younger woman. If one doesn't want to consider an older man with kids because it just isn't their cuppa that's one thing but flawed reasoning is another.


apologies for abysmal attempt at double entendre)


No apology necessary...I love the double entendre.


That has not been my experience at all. Certainly I get the young bucks trying their luck (always a welcome day-brightener, even if I would never take it up). But I also get plenty of interest from my own age range, so it balances out.

And I think you are very far from being a "dog" - you are very attractive - so I can't comment as to why you have found this to be your experience. Perhaps there is a glut of younger/much older men in your geographical area? No idea. But don't give up hope...you only need ONE man who fits your preferences.


I get this....having been dating, and on POF for 3 years myself, the whole internet dating thing gets confusing...contact from people that you're not attracted to...I always hated contact from women who asked me for the very info that was in my profile...I thought, I took so lomg to write that dayum thing, the info is right there, and you ask me to recite it back to you?...clearly some didn't bother to read about me.

And while the net result of internet dating for men and women is similar...how we get to how hard all this really is is vastly different...women get contacted by so many men...and men have to contact so many women...women end up weeding thru all that contact to figure out what they might want...and men get so little reply they have to contact even more women to find one that might fit their image of what's acceptable to them....and then I go and throw children into the mix...making my search even that much more difficult...lol...I didn't find my girl friend here...she came from real life...my father in law introduced us (really)...but, I stay for the forums...it's a somewhat harmless addiction...that and I love to post in he more politically charged threads...

Giggle's is right...women can initiate contact too...and who knows...something might come from that.

Best wishes and good luck!
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 523
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 3/13/2012 6:42:29 AM

follow threads/posters around waiting to report a "preceived" violation. Small people trying to gain some sort of power.

Isn't that the truth!!!
Doesn't take long to figure out just "who" they are either...lol.


Friend of mine married a 20 year old Russian woman when he was 52. He's 62 now and the very proud father of 5, including two sets of twins. Love is where you find it, might be frowned upon by some, but in the end does it really matter what an outsider thinks of your relationships? Actually, he went through hell with his other kids from a previous marriage, but now they're all one big happy family, especially since all the Russian woman's relatives have arrived here as well. Salute

Wow..each to their own...I say!!
 spcnash
Joined: 3/3/2011
Msg: 524
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/7/2012 8:32:41 AM
I'm in the same boat as you, brother, except I'm widowed. This means two hats have to be worn. The women who commented on your status kind of confirm suspicions that I had that women our age weren't really looking to raise children again, as they've already done that and are looking ahead (i.e. - long walks on the beach, travel, etc).
Their advice about lowering the age in the dating search will definitely be taken to heart. It's probably the best bet and seems to be the better alternative.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 526
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/7/2012 11:26:47 AM
Op I love the way you worded your profile now to include the importance of your smaller children in your life--

I think what some people on here get confused with is a fake or random popularity--you take the kids out and you get tons of response and your self-worth or esteem might go up--add in the kids and you wont get an many but the ones you are getting are ones who are more real and more valuable in the long run cause they are accepting of who you are right now.

It is easy when you are single to want attention from the opposite sex but eventually even that becomes wearing when it nothing but one dead end after another--but being true to yourself and who you are makes you one step ahead of a large majority of online daters.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 527
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/7/2012 11:40:22 AM
I hear Pfizer is coming out with a new drug to block delusions of grandeur.


...Lol...How big are the pills and could we easily drop it in their drinks...


Sob...I'm not bitter...snarky ...yea..maybe a little.

What!!!! you? Never. Lol


No, bigbadnirish, you are not. But there are a handful who have definitely displayed an ugly bitterness in this thread. I think we all know who they are ...


And not only in this thread *big sigh* Unfortunately, there are those who think that if they blow out someone else's candle, theirs will shine brighter.

...mae
 laura05452
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 528
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/9/2012 8:28:43 PM
Sorry dude....

I would not date you mainly because of the age of your children.

Mine are grown. I do not want to have young children in my life again.

If you were a grandfather, I would cringe too.

There are women out there who do not mind.

I wish you the best of luck.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 529
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55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/9/2012 9:17:27 PM

there are those who think that if they blow out someone else's candle, theirs will shine brighter.

Oh I love that Mae, and so true. I hope you don't mind but I am stealing that.

To the OP: Bummer, I was cheering for you. ( I am such a romantic at heart.)
 bluesdad1
Joined: 3/15/2012
Msg: 530
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/10/2012 5:41:31 AM
I'm in the same boat as you are. 50 with a 9 year old who lives with me.30 somethings are not real interested in me and women my age kids are gone. sucks.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 531
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:59:55 AM
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, OP,

Count me among those die-hard romantics in your cheering section! So sorry it didn't work out.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 532
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/10/2012 9:53:59 AM

LOL!!!! Well, the thread's back. Pretty much all the same characters. What does that tell you?


It tells me the thread came back without deletions.
Did you assume it would be back and all previous posts
would have disappeared?

signed

Captain Obvious
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 533
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55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:52:59 AM
The times I've lost sleep trying to figure my way out of a relationship without hurting feelings, and all I had to say was, I've got children.....how did that escape me?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 534
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/11/2012 11:05:16 AM
sorry your situation didn't work out for you op.

interesting hearing this side of it. Really good friends with a woman mid to slightly higher 40s who has young kids who just got dumped by a guy who knew her kids; sought her out, dated her for many months (including spending a ton of time with her kids) and then totally freaked out; said he didn't want to be a dad all over again and then ran for the hills.


He knew about the kids. He asked her out not vice versea. He was the one who chose to be around the kids. He was the one who pushed it to exclusive. He was the one who was intense.

And he was the one who ultimately ran for the hills. Literally over a weekend, no notice.

So just having it out there openly and cleanly that you have kids doesn't always weed people out; having open communication if you are trying to date someone and going for someone your age who have way older kids and/or grandkids.

Keeping the lines of communication open, showing you can be a loving father but still an attentive partner, being open about your situation but not defensive; and going for someone who likes you because of, not just in spite of, your kids, you might have more staying power in your next attempt at dating someone seriously :)

Very, very best of luck.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 535
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/11/2012 11:56:00 AM
^^^ when I hear stories like that I think that not everything is as it seems---while it could have been it might also have been something completely different that caused him to head for the heels--to blame it on the kids is sad. It is sorta like short men who say women wont date them --yet other short men get dates--or fat people cant get dates--but other fat people can--people have a tendency to validate whatever we might view as a stumbling block and not be completely honest with their real reasons for not wanting to stay involved with us.
 munnymaker2012
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 536
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/11/2012 2:58:15 PM
Everyone has a RIGHT to have a List of what their wants and desires are....

Me, personally my two children are grown and on their own... I am NOT looking for a guy with small children period.... NO WAY HOE-ZAY lol.... not now not EVER.... and trust me it has nothing to do with me thinking their own mother is not capable... it has everything to do with my personal choice....

to women with grown children. (dating an older man with smaller children ____>>> ..... it's B-O-R-I-N-G

Boring to hear about daycare, diapers, elementary school projects, big wheels, blah blah blah Zzzzzzzzzzzzz is anyone else asleep yet...

As long as you list it in your profile you should have no problemo.....



Good Luck and best wishes
P.S. why the h*ll did you have kids so late lol
 imacipher
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 537
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/11/2012 9:10:37 PM
I tried it-dated a fellow who had 2 young kids & guess who began being "Momie" -again? Sorry, I raised a daughter with special needs on my own, no child support at all, it was hard, very hard. I can't even think of doing that -all over again, especially after that experience of dating a man with small ones.
-No Thanks, "Feet don't fail me now..." I'm so outa there:} I think the best thing is to look for other single parents-women who have children in their care as well , like The Brady Bunch:}
 uniqueid
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 538
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55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/11/2012 11:46:11 PM
Did you focus your dating energy on women with children while you were childless? If a fun date had been 'ruined' with the surprising news of a young family, would your reaction have been negative?

Best to look for someone in the same life stage as you. Maybe a woman your age will be happy to share your experience but it's more likely she's happy (and quite entitled) to enjoy her empty nest.
 ITWYLD
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 539
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/12/2012 1:51:08 AM
I have a couple single girlfriends who are in their late 40's/early 50's......with children under 5.


VERY tough for these ladies to find anyone to date. Why would it be any different for an older single father????????????
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 540
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55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/12/2012 6:35:21 AM
No IT, it wouldn't be any different. Someone has previously mentioned that you, either male or female, should look to be dating someone in your particular stage of life. I totally agree with this. Some of us had our children very young, or like myself, early 30's, and then you have those who had kids even later in life. It is what it is. Mind you, I do believe that trying to date at our ages with very young children further reduces the odds of success, but really, who knows? Heck, I could remain single for the rest of my life, and that would have nothing to do with young kids at home. Just fate?
 Orgulloso
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 541
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/12/2012 7:00:53 AM
@OP and Procol Harem,

So I'm not alone! Procol, I have a 12 and 9 year old too. LOL @ cooties. Do you get the "it's admirable that you're in your children's lives and are being a good dad.." but....... comments?

I'm HOPEFUL that there's someone out here for me; but will be perfectly fine being a single / divorced dad if I don't meet anyone.

Cheers!

G
 laskoboo
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 542
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55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/14/2012 1:24:51 PM
55 year old dad with small children.. not for me.
Between my husband and myself we have 10 kids.........

One thing we talked about was no more... we will not even entertain the idea of helping to raise grandkids.
This was a huge issue for both of us. NO MORE KIDS !

I am very pleased with my husband. He also finished up his child support on youngest one a few months ago... been nice to have some more money now.
!!!
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 543
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/14/2012 2:03:38 PM
When you first went out with "Smokin Hot" , someone said this:
good luck with the new years eve person....just don't be surprised that if that "smokin hot 55 year old" is home alone every other weekend that she may lose interest.

You answered with this:
Trust me if we date I will go all out..do my best. If she loses interest it won't be because of my kids.


Now you've returned to the thread. To say this:
OP here. Funny this thread popped up again. Unfortunately Smokin Hot and I did not last. As of Thursday we are done. It was super fun for three months but we've parted ways. The kids became a problem for her. I'm back in the game!


Oops.

See? Being lovingly tied down to 10+ more years of raising children WILL (usually) eventually become a problem for those who date you.
No matter that you (started out this thread) declaring it should be otherwise!
They should give you a chance. That you don't introduce the kids to them. That it's only Wed and every other weekend. That there is no drama with the children's mother.
And yadda yadda yadda.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 544
55 year old dad with small children
Posted: 4/14/2012 2:47:01 PM
"I am very pleased with my husband. He also finished up his child support on youngest one a few months ago... been nice to have some more money now.!!!" Yes, I'm sure most of us remember that, you started a whole thread about it and how you to celebrate. It's like throwing a party for a 13 year old for doing their homework. He had children, it is his duty to support them.

And too bad OP that "hot lady" didn't work out. Some of us were cheering you on and hoping it would work. But the thing is, she went out with you which means others will as well. Just because it didn't fit into her world doesn't mean it won't with someone else.
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