The situation has long passed since this thread was started 7 years ago...
She's married now. BUTT, which one did she marry? Or is it a new guy -- but she wants her formerly new BF that she had in 2012 cum visit and not let the hubby get upset? ;)
I would never date someone that hangs out with their ex. Why would I if I can date someone that doesn't hang out with their ex?
To be fair, it was an old high school BF 11 years prior (this all went down when she was 27). So it does have the recipe for being OK for him coming into town and seeing her. That said, spending the night? OK. Here's what to consider:
- She's been keeping in touch with this ex from high school ever since, and he's close enough a person to spend the night at her place 1-on-1. Would you believe it was 100% merely platonic thru and thru since when both were single?
Here's a litmus test: If she and he were both 100% single, and he, being someone she was with a long time ago, and still keeps in touch with to travel over to stay at her place 1-on-1 -- and both looking quite well and so happy to see each other -- would it Still be a "OH, HELL NO!" reaction by both parties to fool around on any level?
If up-in-the-air, sorry -- ixnay that plan. By default anyway, he should only be aiming to travel 5 hours away to visit a group of old friends, with, sure, her included. Crash at a friend's house, a cheap motel, what-have-you.
If he's only going way out there to Just See Her and to stay at her place -- one shouldn't be putting so much emphasis on a solidified BF/GF relationship being from the past. Because if that's so meaningless, why in the hell is he wanting to roll 5 hours away Just to see Her and her alone after talking over the years?
Oh, they planned it when she was single. Hmmm. Coincidence, I'm sure. I bet he doesn't have a GF. "Hey honey, I'm going to travel all the way over to X-City, 5 hours away to stay with Suzy. I've been dying to see her for so long. We are So overdue. We aimed for it before I started dating you. You're cool with that right?" Yeah, I think not.