Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > paying for dinner      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 33
paying for dinnerPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP... you should talk to her before the bday. Given that this post is two weeks old, I think the dinner already took place - so what happened? Did she pay? You?

One piece of advice, NEVER referenced what other women/girlfriends have done when speaking to your gf. Your conversation is with her, your relationship (casual or serious) is with her and the past should stay there - the past.
 mariacba
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 34
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/25/2012 2:52:40 PM
Just tell her that you cannot spend all that money on food:perhpas she assumes that everything is ok.
 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 35
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/26/2012 3:18:20 PM
Jim,
You're the man, she's the woman. You pay for dinner. Get used to it.
 bonj99
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 37
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/26/2012 5:17:28 PM
No, tell her it's time for her to step up and pay her share. You've paid so far. It's only fair. I"m kind of old-fashioned in that I think the guy should pay for the first date, but after that...it's all fair game.

Good luck.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 38
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 3:00:29 AM
tell her you will go but you are a bit tight on cash, so you will only be buying yours..(hint,hint).if she's nice..she will say..listen i invited you..and its MY g/f's birthday so dont worry..i'll pick it up this time.
If not..then she's just a dinner whore.
 BrookfieldGentlemanTom
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 39
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 6:31:04 AM
msg 35 kailania:


thankyou to the men I have dated..
I must meet the nicest men.
none have ever accepted going dutch.


if you start dating younger men kailania you'll find that they might expect YOU to pay.

but anyone in their 50's like us expect the man to pay for the most part. that's how we were raised. but in the last decade when i've gone out with much younger women i see that they'll grab the check as often as not.

love those young independent women!
 _PassionFlower
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 40
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 6:51:52 AM
LOL!!! She must not be intune with u.....No self respecting woman is going to allow a man to treat her EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 41
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 7:04:39 AM

" ... My gf invited me out to her friend's birthday dinner, just wondering if I should pay for my gf's meal too. We've gone out for dinner 3 times in the past month, and I've paid for everything up to now. I don't want to be a cheap **stard, but I'm a college student and I can't afford to keep buying her meals that often. ... "


SHE invited YOU out. SHE pays.

Next question ...
 susang909
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 42
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 7:45:51 AM
I got taken out to dinner twice by this guy I was talking to. Second time we went out I offer to pay and he said no that a lady should not pay at all. Then a few days later he brought up the dinners and called me a gold digger. ... go figure lol I dont mind picking up the check off and on... specially when I see that he has done it before or I offer to leave the tip.
 susang909
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 43
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 7:50:29 AM
Msg 41 I disagree with you I feel that if he is a student and sometimes he is running short on money he should not pay . BUT I think he should tell her before they go out. If she is a understanding lady she wont mind paying for dinner when he cant.
 Justcheckingfor1
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 44
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 7:54:56 AM
Sounds like he was just looking for an excuse not to date you anymore or he has some major mental health issues. As in the type that always has to find something wrong and then run for the hills when their make believe notion comes true in their own minds. That actually sounds pretty funny. You offer to pay, but yet be accused of being a gold digger. Now that is funny right there. Don't bother contacting that guy again, he does not sound very stable to me.

 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 45
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 3:12:06 PM
Susan,
I guess I have some old ways in thinking and understand things are different nowadays. Actually I re-read the original post and his gf asked "him" to addend a dinner, so he probably should only pay for himself. I see this situation come up with my own daughter who is 22 and when I ask her why she isn't with her boyfriend on a Saturday night, she says "I don't have any money", so things today are a little different than I remember.

Now that I think of it, I usually shell out $20 bucks to my kid when I hear this, so maybe things today are not so different LOL.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:06:10 PM
NJ,
You are also in your 50's and probably don't have to worry about buying dinner.
I feel for the Op, because I was also a early 20's poor/broke college student trying to stretch a buck.
I can remember days when I only had 10 bucks to last a week.

I have no problem buying dinner now and then, ON MY TERMS.
Meaning, I ask you out, I will pay.
The OP's gf asked HIM out to a dinner party with HER friends. That changes the dating rules quite a bit. He shouldn't be obligated to pony up cash eveytime she wants to go out to a party.
 serg35
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 47
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:15:57 PM
If you mean anything to her, SHE will buy you a dinner.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 48
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:29:11 PM
Hahahahahaha!!! I read the thread through, got my usual laugh. Gee I wish the OP would come back and tell us what happened.

I agree with others, redundant as he11!!

I will note as usual, the same suspects say the same stupid sh1t. Women always say "whoever asks pays" BUT they never ask, so they never pay!!

Gawd, you'd think they would come up with new material! Why can't they say, "I'm attractive and feel my sh1t doesn't stink, so the guy should pay!"

Or "I'm so cheap the moths in my wallet haven't seen the light of day in a decade"

Why is it that women relent every time and never insist on paying? Oh yeah, it's the guys fault, he was stronger and fought me for the check!

Love the double standard!
 susang909
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 49
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:39:37 PM
There were times that my late husband and I did this before we got married. He asked me out and paid, there were times I would say I wanted to go out to dinner and he would say not tonight I dont have money . I had no problem paying or cooking a meal for us and just go to the park. If I am interested in the man I have no problem payin for dinner.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 50
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:47:54 PM
Awww susang, don't take it so personal!

I recently had a date with a canadian woman, flew up to meet her. She cooked me a home cooked meal. Now I can cook, not that exotic, mostly meat and potatoe kind of things, although I bake an apple pie better than almost anyone!

My point is having dated about 70 women over 4 years on here, that was the first home cooked meal offered! Home cooked meals on here are like big foot, you hear about them all the time, but have them almost NEVER!! Hahahahaha!!

I merely pointed out the obvious, because it happens all the time. Whoever asks pays, but most women over 45 NEVER ask!
 Colemin8r
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 51
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/28/2012 5:24:09 AM
I'm all for equal opportunity nowadays :D

She's not made of glass - talk to her about it. If the OP continues paying for dates now, he effectively makes a rod for his own back and will continue to do so indefinitely.

All of the dates I have had (prior to becoming relationships) were paid "dutch", even if I offered to pay. Once relationships started, we would take turns in paying the bill, given that separate bills aren't accepted everywhere and can be a pain in the backside.

In Australia, we do have a wonderful book called the Entertainment Book which is effectively a big voucher book of vouchers to decent restaurants, pubs and clubs. Did a quick google search and saw that Canada has something similar. It's not free, but if dating, the book pays for itself by the third date!
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/28/2012 6:32:51 AM

BUT I think he should tell her before they go out. If she is a understanding lady she wont mind paying for dinner when he cant.[\quote]

If for no other reason than she makes sure to bring cash or a credit card.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 53
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/28/2012 6:56:19 AM
Guess I am different, as I always offer to pay for my share of a meal, etc. if I meet someone I have talked with online. Men tell me they will pay if they like me or tell me to pay if they don't like me. (which I find to be rude as I always discuss this before I meet them and they have always said they are gentlemen and they pay). Most of the time when I have been in relationships men usually paid, I cooked more than a few meals for them, and I offered to pay for meals when we went out at least some of the time.
 wkmooreh
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 54
view profile
History
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:55:57 AM
I always take turns and i get dirty looks when I offer. But I don't think its fair to expect the guy to pay every time. We both work, we are both raising kids, its not easy.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 56
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:28:05 PM
I would ask her, bring it up in a nice way before the party. She needs to understand you have limited funds. I've been in your situation, trying to stretch a few dollars so I could eat, it was a difficult time in my life. It's a must to live w/in your means. Your other choice is to not go. That won't make your g/f happy, but when I don't have the money to go out I stay home.
I agree w/the pster above you stated you shouldn't have to dish out money you don't have to spend, everytime she wants to go to a party.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 57
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:43:31 PM
I don't understand how so many people (mostly men) are saying that people over 50 are used to having the man always pay. This is definitely not my experience. I always offer to pay for my expenses, unless the man specifically has said "Let me buy you a drink" or "Let me take you to dinner". Then I ask if I can leave the tip, or buy him a drink, or take him to dinner next time. I've never assumed that a man would pay for me unless he has stated that he will. I also have no problem with saying that I can't afford to go somewhere.

With my friends, we pay our own way unless one of us states that she is picking up the tab; my best friends and I take turns paying for each other.

I don't get taken advantage of in these situations because I don't allow myself to be. Tactfully speaking up ahead of time avoids a lot of problems later.
 needyone
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 58
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:48:36 PM
boy its fun to read as every one dances around the questions on here
from experience
#1 the male ends up with the bill period 98 percent of the time
and look at the answers sometimes the lady will offer to pay her part lol trust me its usually after the bill is delivered and handed to the male and he has his wallet out and card ready and she will say ohhh would you llike me to pay some hah ah ha
She will offer to pay the tip ??
she will maybe cook you a meal mmmm
usually that is a single mother not wanting to pay for a sitter
how often have the guys seen ( and not unicorn seen)
what percentage of times when you have gone on a date
has your female date taken you out and picked up the bill ahead of you ( not sort of half haeartedly offering when you have the bill in your hand)
i am older and i watch it all the time and i have to almost hold my mouth stapled shut as i watch the female sort of look at the bill or go to the washroom when the meal is done so as to avoid the bill or wait till he picks it up then sort of goes would you like me to help pay??
ha ha ya
 Breagainandagain
Joined: 10/31/2011
Msg: 59
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 3:50:29 PM
I don't know why some women expect guys to pay for everything all the time. I think thats rude and inconsiderate. If I go out to eat with my friends I pay my own way and if it's a b/f we can either go dutch or split the check or take turns. does it make you wonder if the only reason you were invited was because she figured you'd pay the bill and she's get a free night out?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > paying for dinner