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 AUTHOR
 susang909
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 44
paying for dinnerPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Msg 41 I disagree with you I feel that if he is a student and sometimes he is running short on money he should not pay . BUT I think he should tell her before they go out. If she is a understanding lady she wont mind paying for dinner when he cant.
 Justcheckingfor1
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 45
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 7:54:56 AM
Sounds like he was just looking for an excuse not to date you anymore or he has some major mental health issues. As in the type that always has to find something wrong and then run for the hills when their make believe notion comes true in their own minds. That actually sounds pretty funny. You offer to pay, but yet be accused of being a gold digger. Now that is funny right there. Don't bother contacting that guy again, he does not sound very stable to me.

 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 46
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 3:12:06 PM
Susan,
I guess I have some old ways in thinking and understand things are different nowadays. Actually I re-read the original post and his gf asked "him" to addend a dinner, so he probably should only pay for himself. I see this situation come up with my own daughter who is 22 and when I ask her why she isn't with her boyfriend on a Saturday night, she says "I don't have any money", so things today are a little different than I remember.

Now that I think of it, I usually shell out $20 bucks to my kid when I hear this, so maybe things today are not so different LOL.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 47
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History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:06:10 PM
NJ,
You are also in your 50's and probably don't have to worry about buying dinner.
I feel for the Op, because I was also a early 20's poor/broke college student trying to stretch a buck.
I can remember days when I only had 10 bucks to last a week.

I have no problem buying dinner now and then, ON MY TERMS.
Meaning, I ask you out, I will pay.
The OP's gf asked HIM out to a dinner party with HER friends. That changes the dating rules quite a bit. He shouldn't be obligated to pony up cash eveytime she wants to go out to a party.
 serg35
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 48
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:15:57 PM
If you mean anything to her, SHE will buy you a dinner.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 49
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:29:11 PM
Hahahahahaha!!! I read the thread through, got my usual laugh. Gee I wish the OP would come back and tell us what happened.

I agree with others, redundant as he11!!

I will note as usual, the same suspects say the same stupid sh1t. Women always say "whoever asks pays" BUT they never ask, so they never pay!!

Gawd, you'd think they would come up with new material! Why can't they say, "I'm attractive and feel my sh1t doesn't stink, so the guy should pay!"

Or "I'm so cheap the moths in my wallet haven't seen the light of day in a decade"

Why is it that women relent every time and never insist on paying? Oh yeah, it's the guys fault, he was stronger and fought me for the check!

Love the double standard!
 susang909
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 50
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:39:37 PM
There were times that my late husband and I did this before we got married. He asked me out and paid, there were times I would say I wanted to go out to dinner and he would say not tonight I dont have money . I had no problem paying or cooking a meal for us and just go to the park. If I am interested in the man I have no problem payin for dinner.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 51
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:47:54 PM
Awww susang, don't take it so personal!

I recently had a date with a canadian woman, flew up to meet her. She cooked me a home cooked meal. Now I can cook, not that exotic, mostly meat and potatoe kind of things, although I bake an apple pie better than almost anyone!

My point is having dated about 70 women over 4 years on here, that was the first home cooked meal offered! Home cooked meals on here are like big foot, you hear about them all the time, but have them almost NEVER!! Hahahahaha!!

I merely pointed out the obvious, because it happens all the time. Whoever asks pays, but most women over 45 NEVER ask!
 Colemin8r
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 52
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paying for dinner
Posted: 1/28/2012 5:24:09 AM
I'm all for equal opportunity nowadays :D

She's not made of glass - talk to her about it. If the OP continues paying for dates now, he effectively makes a rod for his own back and will continue to do so indefinitely.

All of the dates I have had (prior to becoming relationships) were paid "dutch", even if I offered to pay. Once relationships started, we would take turns in paying the bill, given that separate bills aren't accepted everywhere and can be a pain in the backside.

In Australia, we do have a wonderful book called the Entertainment Book which is effectively a big voucher book of vouchers to decent restaurants, pubs and clubs. Did a quick google search and saw that Canada has something similar. It's not free, but if dating, the book pays for itself by the third date!
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 53
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History
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/28/2012 6:32:51 AM

BUT I think he should tell her before they go out. If she is a understanding lady she wont mind paying for dinner when he cant.[\quote]

If for no other reason than she makes sure to bring cash or a credit card.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 54
paying for dinner
Posted: 1/28/2012 6:56:19 AM
Guess I am different, as I always offer to pay for my share of a meal, etc. if I meet someone I have talked with online. Men tell me they will pay if they like me or tell me to pay if they don't like me. (which I find to be rude as I always discuss this before I meet them and they have always said they are gentlemen and they pay). Most of the time when I have been in relationships men usually paid, I cooked more than a few meals for them, and I offered to pay for meals when we went out at least some of the time.
 wkmooreh
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 55
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paying for dinner
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:55:57 AM
I always take turns and i get dirty looks when I offer. But I don't think its fair to expect the guy to pay every time. We both work, we are both raising kids, its not easy.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 56
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/3/2012 12:38:44 PM
She should pay for herself. You should pay for yourself. Simple.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 57
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:28:05 PM
I would ask her, bring it up in a nice way before the party. She needs to understand you have limited funds. I've been in your situation, trying to stretch a few dollars so I could eat, it was a difficult time in my life. It's a must to live w/in your means. Your other choice is to not go. That won't make your g/f happy, but when I don't have the money to go out I stay home.
I agree w/the pster above you stated you shouldn't have to dish out money you don't have to spend, everytime she wants to go to a party.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 58
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:43:31 PM
I don't understand how so many people (mostly men) are saying that people over 50 are used to having the man always pay. This is definitely not my experience. I always offer to pay for my expenses, unless the man specifically has said "Let me buy you a drink" or "Let me take you to dinner". Then I ask if I can leave the tip, or buy him a drink, or take him to dinner next time. I've never assumed that a man would pay for me unless he has stated that he will. I also have no problem with saying that I can't afford to go somewhere.

With my friends, we pay our own way unless one of us states that she is picking up the tab; my best friends and I take turns paying for each other.

I don't get taken advantage of in these situations because I don't allow myself to be. Tactfully speaking up ahead of time avoids a lot of problems later.
 needyone
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 59
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:48:36 PM
boy its fun to read as every one dances around the questions on here
from experience
#1 the male ends up with the bill period 98 percent of the time
and look at the answers sometimes the lady will offer to pay her part lol trust me its usually after the bill is delivered and handed to the male and he has his wallet out and card ready and she will say ohhh would you llike me to pay some hah ah ha
She will offer to pay the tip ??
she will maybe cook you a meal mmmm
usually that is a single mother not wanting to pay for a sitter
how often have the guys seen ( and not unicorn seen)
what percentage of times when you have gone on a date
has your female date taken you out and picked up the bill ahead of you ( not sort of half haeartedly offering when you have the bill in your hand)
i am older and i watch it all the time and i have to almost hold my mouth stapled shut as i watch the female sort of look at the bill or go to the washroom when the meal is done so as to avoid the bill or wait till he picks it up then sort of goes would you like me to help pay??
ha ha ya
 Breagainandagain
Joined: 10/31/2011
Msg: 60
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 3:50:29 PM
I don't know why some women expect guys to pay for everything all the time. I think thats rude and inconsiderate. If I go out to eat with my friends I pay my own way and if it's a b/f we can either go dutch or split the check or take turns. does it make you wonder if the only reason you were invited was because she figured you'd pay the bill and she's get a free night out?
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 61
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 4:14:58 PM

how often have the guys seen ( and not unicorn seen)
what percentage of times when you have gone on a date
has your female date taken you out and picked up the bill ahead of you ( not sort of half haeartedly offering when you have the bill in your hand)

I am one who prefers the man to pay, especially if we've just started dating, he's asked for the date, picked the venue, etc. However, after the "going dutch" thread I tried doing it differently, wondering if my traditional way of doing things was standing in the way of connecting with a more modern Mr. Right. First time I asked for separate checks. Guy looked like I'd slapped him across the face. I thought I was being smoother the next time. The check came, he got up & went to the bathroom. I put $ in the folder thing, but he came back before the waitress picked it up. He sat down, pulled out his card, opened the folder, looked confused & asked me why I would do that. I said I didn't mind paying. He said that was not needed or expected and he was happy to pay for both of us & handed my $ back to me. So...I've stopped trying to date. I obviously have no idea what I'm doing.


does it make you wonder if the only reason you were invited was because she figured you'd pay the bill and she's get a free night out?

What grown woman has so much time on her hands that she's willing to go out with someone she doesn't like just to have a free meal? Yawn...I am tired of & bored with being looked at like I'm crazy for offering to pay & thought of as a golddigger w/ princess entitlement if I don't.
 needyone
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 62
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/5/2012 7:22:26 PM
well the three reponses all said what i was saying
and yes if i invited a lady out for a date i would expect I was paying for it
but not one of you said you just politely pciked up the check for both of you and just went and paid for it
It really is not important it was just an observation and i have asked woman i know and they responded the same way Well I have offered and the group of 6 women all started to laugh because they all said they had not paid a bill other then very rarely
and that was so they could pay their share and get to hell out one even said she paid the whole bill and almost ran
but they all did agree that they had never just reached over picked the bill up and paid it without saying anything or giving the date a chance and all of them had been on many dates
 Be_enchanted
Joined: 1/23/2013
Msg: 63
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/11/2013 10:24:36 AM

She invited you so she pays, its as simple as that.


The first date we had, he paid for everything. With the second date, I asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner and paid for the meal while he took care of the tip.

He did comment how no women has paid when he goes out with them. This comment made me question if I should have gone dutch instead or allow him to pay for it and I leave the tip.

I just don't know anymore at this point what the 'rules' are; yes, they're plenty of threads on this topic and I'll weed thru them to get myself updated on subject.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 64
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/11/2013 11:27:40 AM
was going out with friends or in a group I would give him some money before we went to cover my night so it looked like he was paying.

Smart girl ;)
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 65
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/11/2013 12:13:49 PM
My bf said to me our last date he would like me to get dinner and I said ok. He was straight forward and said it just like that. I didn't take offense and I knew he had taken me out to nice places, so it is very fair.
---------------------------
What she said. And that is very fair, OP you have taken her out on 3 dates in one month, she should be contributing also.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 66
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/11/2013 12:18:31 PM
lol just tell her you don't have enough money. I don't think thats a big deal.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 67
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/11/2013 12:37:35 PM
Take a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with you and then when the menus arrive, just say "I'm just not that hungry" then excuse yourself to get some fresh air or something and wolf down the sandwich. Return, repeat, if you brought some dessert.
 curviest
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 68
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History
paying for dinner
Posted: 2/11/2013 12:41:00 PM
"In a very caring tone, just ask if she can really afford to take you out to dinner and treat the friend for her birthday too. B/c you appreciate the invite but would be happy to sit it out if she doesn't have the money to cover it all. Then you'll have your answer (and some insight into her expectations and character)."


GENIUS!
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