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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > I think most single moms are so hot.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 51
I think most single moms are so hot.Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
@msg 52 Hey, whatever your intentions. Congrats on the hits. Even if we were stroked.
It was pretty positive. I was sincere. Think most folks were. Best of all, got to interact with more POF whack jobs. LOL x 2!!!! LMAO!!!!
 rese1985
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 52
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/16/2012 10:11:47 PM
I agree with you and hopefully this forum continues without anymore negative. Its all about people posting their thoughts on the topic not what I say that was taking out of context.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 53
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:35:30 AM
gaianotvenus

You are aware that there are just as many crappy mothers out there as there are crappy dads right?

And no, NO parent should be shamed into being a parent. If they want to be a parent then kudos to them but if not then isn't it best not to have them around than to risk hurting the kids or having them neglected?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 54
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I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/18/2012 7:49:04 AM

You are aware that there are just as many crappy mothers out there as there are crappy dads right?


Agreed. Bad parents come in both genders although the trend of bashing single mothers while idolizing single fathers leads me to believe that many people fail to recognize that bad parenting is a character issue, not a gender issue.


And no, NO parent should be shamed into being a parent. If they want to be a parent then kudos to them but if not then isn't it best not to have them around than to risk hurting the kids or having them neglected?


While I agree that it is not in the best interests of the child to force someone to be involved in their life that obviously wants nothing to do with them, I don't feel that they should be absolved of their responsibilities. It goes without saying that the absent parent should at least contribute financially to the upbringing of their children, but I think that a degree of social shame should also be in effect for not being more involved with their children.

It should NOT be acceptable to walk away from your children.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 55
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/18/2012 10:28:05 AM
People give more recognition to single dads because traditionally we are not the active parent so when a man does step up and go above and beyond what is expected it is seen as something to be recognized.

While at the same time when a woman whose traditional role is to be a good parent chooses not to be it is that much more damaging to her character as it is assumed genetically shed be the better at this role than the child's father

Now I personally see people as individuals, there are good people and bad and I do not believe one side or the other is better with exception to the fact that it is a relatively new idea for dads to be the more active parent in the rearing of there offspring so many people still do not know what they are capable of simply because their fathers did not play that role

As for support, of course the absent or less active parent should help to raise the child be it physically or financially that's just a given in any conversation pertaining to single parents.

In California the ONLY way for either parent to be absolved of their financial and physical duties as a parent is for someone else to take their legal place (adoption) California wants every child to have 2 financially obligated parents
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 56
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I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/18/2012 10:44:21 AM
Dad2stay: I agree that much of the differences between how single fathers and single mothers are viewed primarily stems from the fact that up until recently, mothers were the primary caregivers of children. Single mothers face the same challenges as single fathers and it's unfair that single fathers get recognition for their sacrifices while single mothers get dumped on as evidenced in these forums.

Parental roles are changing. Although women still perform the bulk of childcare duties, fathers are becoming more involved and many of them are assuming the role of the primary caregiver. I believe that these changing roles benefit everyone. Children and fathers enjoy a closer relationship and mothers get some much needed help. (I'm using an example of two responsible parents)
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 57
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I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/18/2012 11:25:47 AM

Single mothers face the same challenges as single fathers and it's unfair that single fathers get recognition for their sacrifices while single mothers get dumped on as evidenced in these forums.



Hold on just a minute.......it isn't all rosy for men on this side of the fence. Even though we may be stepping up to the parenting plate, men by far are still treated worse when it comes to family law and things like paying child support. Many of us that are good parents to our kids still have to support ex wives financially even though we have joint or shared custody of our kids........

From a legal point of view, men have a loooong way to go before we see any equality in terms of parenting, never mind getting recognition for our sacrifices as good parents despite these handicaps.......
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 58
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I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/18/2012 11:45:57 AM

it isn't all rosy for men on this side of the fence.


I never said it was.


men by far are still treated worse when it comes to family law and things like paying child support. Many of us that are good parents to our kids still have to support ex wives financially


That wasn't my experience. The laws are gender neutral and most judges are men. When I went to family court, my ex had the exact same rights that I did and the same chance to obtain custody. For reasons I won't go into here, he didn't obtain custody.

As for child support, my experience has been different. Non-custodial mothers have to pay child support too as they should IMHO. Both parents should contribute to the financial support of their children.

In my situation, my ex hasn't paid a dime in child support for years and the authorities have all but given up on getting it from him. There were some pretty difficult financial times where I was struggling to put food on my daughter's plate and provide for her. Even a little bit of help would have made a huge difference. So much for the courts siding with the mothers.

As for supporting the ex-spouse. Spousal support is usually awarded when there is a significant difference in income. This can go both ways. I know several women who have to pay spousal support to their exes. One of them was severely abused by her ex. Cops were called and charges were laid, but she still had to pay support.
 CaliTabitha
Joined: 2/24/2011
Msg: 59
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/21/2012 1:30:15 PM
Very true; we are more appreciative, good hearting and loving! I wish more men noticed that!!! We tend to be goal orientated as we have to be independent. What guy wants to date a single Mum (I'm British, so it's Mummy!), who has no job or goals. And why as a single Mum would you not want that for yourself?

But, still waiting to find 'that' guy who appreciates these things.;)
 Cherrybomb01
Joined: 10/6/2010
Msg: 60
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 4:32:03 AM
Thanks for the positive comments, and I am a single mom with a good head on my shoulders, who has her dating cycle on pause for now, cause my children are much more important to me than a man at this point. Its hard to find an honest, cool, trustworthy strong caring gentleman that wont run away just cause of the fact that you have kids. And that doesnt try to put himself in front of your kids. If theres such a man, I would like to meet him. Lol...no offense to the men in here that here that posted comments in here. Again its nice to know that theres men out there that respect the fact & have respect for woman that have kids from a previous relationship. And that can take kids that arent their own under their wing and treat them the way they should be treated. Awesome job guys!
 whistlinatwork
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 61
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 5:51:55 AM
Thanks for the compliment rese 1985. That was sweet of you. I'm with you Lynwhos4u, good post.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 62
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:27:42 AM
That wasn't my experience. The laws are gender neutral and most judges are men. When I went to family court, my ex had the exact same rights that I did and the same chance to obtain custody. For reasons I won't go into here, he didn't obtain custody.

As for child support, my experience has been different. Non-custodial mothers have to pay child support too as they should IMHO. Both parents should contribute to the financial support of their children.

In my situation, my ex hasn't paid a dime in child support for years and the authorities have all but given up on getting it from him. There were some pretty difficult financial times where I was struggling to put food on my daughter's plate and provide for her. Even a little bit of help would have made a huge difference. So much for the courts siding with the mothers.


Observation or experience and then it also requires a little objectivity or honesty...so what is the success rate of contested custody cases...based on the exisiting case laws that exist in Canada....still holding over 80%...in favour of mothers....which is why most men are counselled againts going for custody....

Non custodial mothers are supposed to pay....but are the percentages of non custodial mothers paying the same as custodial fathers?


The percentage of "deadbeat" moms is actually higher than that of dads who won't pay, even though mothers are more consistently awarded custody of children by the courts.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,59963,00.html#ixzz1kCjseEfm


Now also we can discuss financial contributions and understand the perspective might be different from a custodial parent to a non custodial parent...as housing costs are required for both homes...yet to many custodial parents only talk about their home...

So your situation was tough....but the overall issue is often a better tool for defining if the system is broke....


Many of us that are good parents to our kids still have to support ex wives financially even though we have joint or shared custody of our kids........


Silverhawk....now one should not be upset with those woman...I have been told....just because more woman than men finish high school...just because since the 70's more woman enter and graduate university than men....we should not stop supporting them after our marriage disolves....as they often were not in good choices in university degree's...that would provide them a career...or independence...so custodial mothers...only work full time 50% of the time and stand in line looking for spousal support and child support to bring in a revenue stream they seem unwilling to earn themselves.

But of course one would never suggest this of every single mother....CaliTabitha seems very self sufficient...and is not a perpetual student at 30 something?...Just way to young...
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 63
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:34:39 AM
^^^^^^ @ Teal.........Your points are very good. I agree. Kids need both parents. Sometimes, a parent must facilitate that role in the other parent. That would be a good financial investment.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 64
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:50:34 AM

kids need both parents.


not if the other parent is a drug addict and/or alcoholic.

need. no. ideally would it be good, yes.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 65
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:15:16 AM
@msg 67 You know, River, sometimes, it's just important that they know the kid.....A good friend of mine helped facilitate that need just before an alcoholic x died. No regrets. Most of us have flourished from our divorces. Some have not. That should not preclude them from knowing their children.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 66
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I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:51:12 AM

need. no. ideally would it be good, yes.


This is how I feel. It's best if both parents can in the child's life, but as long as the child has at least one involved parent, they have a good shot at making it.

Some people were not meant to be parents and I have seen many of both genders who are very destructive influences in their children's lives. Don't underestimate the destructive impact on a child's life that an addicted/abusive/personality disordered parent has. Children don't do well in the midst of constant chaos and drama and certainly not when their physical and emotional safety is in jeopardy.
Sometimes you just have to sever the gangreous leg in order to save the person.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 67
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 2:39:44 PM

It's best if both parents can in the child's life


Sorry but it is not. Whats best is to have 2 good parents in the child's life. having someone who does not want to be there, someone who is angry, a drunk or an addict is NOT GOOD for anyone especially the child

1 good parent can do much better than 2 bad ones
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 68
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 3:24:38 PM

That should not preclude them from knowing their children.


and sometimes, the alcohol and drugs makes them not want to be involved, or come in and out, which can be detremental to the child.
In my personal situation, there is no keeping child away.

I still stand firm that having a 1 parent household is better than a 2 parent if the other is not mentally and physically well.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 69
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 4:07:28 PM

I still stand firm that having a 1 parent household is better than a 2 parent if the other is not mentally and physically well.


River....I agree with your premise but also suggest that having 20% of the other parent...or having short or abbreviated time with the other parent is better than not having anything or having the custodial parent block access on the premise the ncp does not have their act fully together.

Something is better than nothing...and in fact reinforced the quality and or advantages they have with the custodial parent they are with...that is of course is dependant on the custodial parent being able to rise above their issues and allow the children to have even small periods of time with their other parent even if they do not always approve....

Now I always have great fun...when the custodial parent talks about the illegal lifestyle of the other parent...and wonder how they are then able to cheat on their income tax...or do other questionable practises when they are so morally indignant when they speak of the ex?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 70
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I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 5:06:03 PM
Something is better than nothing


I think that you are missing the point that we are trying to make. Some parents are so destructive to their children and have such little regard for the well-being of their children that ANY contact with them is detrimental to the child. This isn't about an inability to "rise above their issues"; it's about protecting the child.

Fortunately, parents like this are in the minority, but they do exist.


1 good parent can do much better than 2 bad ones


I couldn't agree more.


Now I always have great fun...when the custodial parent talks about the illegal lifestyle of the other parent...and wonder how they are then able to cheat on their income tax...or do other questionable practises when they are so morally indignant when they speak of the ex?


I don't do drugs or cheat on my taxes and I would love to hear what" questionable practices" I am supposedly involved in.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 71
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 5:45:49 PM

I think that you are missing the point that we are trying to make. Some parents are so destructive to their children and have such little regard for the well-being of their children that ANY contact with them is detrimental to the child. This isn't about an inability to "rise above their issues"; it's about protecting the child.

Fortunately, parents like this are in the minority, but they do exist.


sorry...but I do or did understand your point....but then I ask why were you procreating with someone so destructive in the first place if you are going to stand there and suggest you are just there to protect your child?

It always seem funny...or is sad...that prior to the children the person was able to be with the person....sleep with the person who is supposed has so dastardly personality traits...

I will agree people change...but in reality they also still resemble the person who they were when you first met them....
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 72
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 6:01:16 PM

I think that you are missing the point that we are trying to make. Some parents are so destructive to their children and have such little regard for the well-being of their children that ANY contact with them is detrimental to the child. This isn't about an inability to "rise above their issues"; it's about protecting the child.


bingo.

as for the cheat on taxes and questionable practices, Im not sure which single parent you are refering to, but, thats not me..lol. Nor am I blocking access.

IMO, whether the NCP is out of the picture completely, or in and out, the end result still hurts the child, therefore, making it still a negative impact on said child.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 73
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 6:04:18 PM

why were you procreating with someone so destructive in the first place if you are going to stand there and suggest you are just there to protect your child?


i can answer that, for my situation...

my ex husband hit the drugs and alcohol when we lost 2 babies prematurely and died in our arms. i got help by going to bereavement classes at the hospital, he hit the bong and bottle.

he was a Marine when we met...

not all druggies and alchies were always this way when we "procreated", by the way, I dont like that term, we were married and in love, and created a beautiful human being otu of love :)
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 74
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I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 1/22/2012 6:04:26 PM
why were you procreating with someone so destructive


*sigh* Hindsight is always 20/20.

People change; not always for the better. Many of them also keep their true natures hidden for a long time.

In my case, due to some of the men I was exposed to as a child, I did not recognize the danger signs until it was too late. I did not want my daughter to make the same mistake I made. I wanted her to recognize the danger signals so the cycle could stop. I learned from my mistake, but I don't see why I should have to sacrifice my daughter to someone who will destroy her because of a choice I made when I was 19. Seeing how my daughter has blossomed since I left my ex has left with me with no doubt that I made the correct descision.

Things happen. We all made mistakes. You are no different. We can't go back in time and undo things although I would never undo my daughter. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. I just wish I could have provided a better father for her.

We learn from our mistakes, make the most of whatever hand we find ourselves with and move on with life.

I am going to drop out of this act of defending the decisions I made to protect my daughter. It's dredging up painful memories from my past that are very upsetting to me. I worked hard to get my daughter and I out of that situation and I don't want to relive it for the entertainment of another poster who does not want to understand or empathize with my position.
 letitbemeforever
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 75
I think most single moms are so hot.
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:34:23 PM
Awwww, this thread makes me feel better about myself :) Thank you!!!!!!!
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