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 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 4
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does forgiveness work?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Both of you are PLAYING GAME you have a profile that you are divorce and looking for a date .......... You are right that forgiveness doesn't work if you don't forget the wrong deed of the person, and your hatred of her is like a cancer that will eat you up.

If it were me , I will forgive her and move on, for the trust is shattered of her infidelity.

It depends if she is really a good person that made a mistake ,I may change my mind and give her a second chance, with a written agreement conduct by a lawyer that I will have a full custody of our child if she cheated and leave me again...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/14/2012 5:37:35 AM
Setting aside all of the defects in your story pointed out so far...

Yes. Forgiveness "works." Thing of it is, forgiveness isn't something you decide to "do" one day, like buying a TV set. It's an involved process of personal development on your part, and usually the other person's part, that includes things such as you finding genuine ways to agree with what the other person did and/or why.

It sounds to me from what you've written and how you have behaved yourself (the lies you told to get here to tell this story), that you are thinking along the lines of what many foolish people CALL "forgiveness," but which is actually an attempt on their part to try to pretend they aren't angry at someone, in order to get them to hang around more. That does NOT work, and usually results in a period of sullen resentments, uncomfortable silences and worse, repeated acts of "punishment" by the person who feels they were wronged.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 10
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/14/2012 6:50:03 AM

ask Jesus , he'll tell you



I asked Jesus pronounce Heysus he is a Mexican, he replyed I know nothing whatsa problems ,use your own cabeza (head)...................
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 12
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/14/2012 7:10:44 AM
Hatred will consume you, forgiveness is the path to losing the hate.

That doesn't mean you forget. Nor does it mean you should go back to the way things were.
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 13
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/14/2012 7:48:29 AM
" ... we are married with a child, she moves out on new years day, and start a relationship with an unqualified cook from our place of work. now shes saying shes sorry and wants forgiveness. does forgiveness really work because the hate will forever remain. any experience? ... "


Qué ... ? Sorry, but this post is terribly confusing as to who did what to whom with what. Sequencing is important. Details matter. That said, my response is limited to the penultimate line in the post: "Does forgiveness really work because the hate will forever remain."

Forgiveness is NOT done for the benefit of the one being forgiven.

Forgiveness is done for the mental health of the one doing the forgiving.

If you claim to have 'forgiven' someone, yet carry forward what you self-admit as 'hate will forever remain', you're engaging in willful self-deception, and you haven't 'forgiven' anyone anything. You're still consumed with hatred and a sense of having been wronged.

If you truly DO one day extend forgiveness to this person, it will be impossible for you to carry forward the hatred you express. Until then, you'll continue to hate while trying to convince others to believe you've 'forgiven' the one who 'offended' you.

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and you can fool some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. You're spending your time fooling yourself until you can admit you still need to forgive this person as you claim you have, because, in point of fact, you haven't forgiven them anything - yet.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 21
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/14/2012 3:06:36 PM
OP, your post is not really clear:

Who left, your wife or the daughter?

Which year New Years day did she leave?

What does the person mean by "forgiveness"?

As for the forgiveness part (generally now, as your situation really is not clear in your OP): Being able to forgive is one of the most important life lessons to learn! Carrying a grudge or as you put it (even worse) "hatred" is like taking poison and expecting the other one to die!

If you can not forgive, you will never be able to move on. However, forgiving does not mean that you have to keep on seeing or keep in touch with the person who hurt you.

So, for your own good forgive the person but regarding interaction with her, proceed as you see fit for yourself, personally, only!
 ponygt
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 22
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/14/2012 3:33:14 PM

You should always forgive and let go of the anger. No one wants to feel that hate in their stomach forever. That doesn't mean you forget and allow the person to hurt you again.

Let it all go....


Exactly.

And by reading some of these posts, I think it's safe to say there are quite a few that have experienced pain, hurt, and suffering. Everyone has at some point in their life. It all depends on how you handle/react to that. You can either hold it in, stay stuck, and have a hardened heart. Or, you can choose to learn from it, grow within yourself, and move forward. As long as you hold onto it in some emotional way, you will remain emotionally stuck. And that is not for me. Been there, done that, and I was constantly miserable and pessimistic. That's not who I am.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 27
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/15/2012 6:57:59 PM
Yes, & you should give it a try, you have a child involved, try to work it out, see a counsler. Your wife needs to understand, that if there are problems in her marriage, the worst thing she could do is to bring a 3rd person into the relationship. You need to follow the same advice, since you're married & on a dating site.
 Mrbigtoe
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 29
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/15/2012 8:03:57 PM
kope and itll give u te right answers
 mrsforums
Joined: 6/14/2011
Msg: 30
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/16/2012 3:17:11 AM
Forgiveness IS a process, and is obviously easier some times than other times.
It does not mean that all sense falls out of your head and you leave caution to the wind in future dealings with that person...because of Trust.
If you choose to forgive, that's awesome. If the person still has a place in your life, then it's up to them to earn your trust.

MrsF
 Phenomenally43
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 31
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/16/2012 6:42:33 AM
Very well said!
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 34
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/21/2012 4:14:35 PM
Forgiveness mean letting go of the hatred. No being pissed off all the time. It doesn't mean you let others remain in the position to constantly hurt you again and again.

Forgive your ex, but learn to move on without her.
 qualityl
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 35
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/21/2012 8:03:39 PM
I always try and stay positive. Yes forgiveness does work. Communication is the key to life experiences. As for me, being with a cheater is not what I want, or plan on every being around a person who does this. It's just Bad Karma. Good Luck and prayers for your child. You are very young and will learn lots of lessons in life.
 Nathanwg
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 37
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/21/2012 9:17:26 PM
Forgive, but do not forget. Also, you can forgive someone for doing something wrong by you without giving them a second chance.
 qualityl
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 39
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/22/2012 10:06:26 AM
Powerful words from my ex husband: " Real love, like real life is never perfect. Happily ever after only happens in fairtales. Somehow real problems can always find us....Sometimes angry words get spoken. Sometimes we just get on each other's nerves. Real love is always there, full of forgiveness and understanding. Waiting for more happy times to share." He must of forgot this, because he is remarried with a baby, and I am single still looking for real love. I was the one who wanted the divorce, not him. Don't go backwards only forwards and believe in yourself!
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 43
does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/25/2012 6:01:52 AM
@ 15 Well as strange as this may sound; I agree. Forgiveness is cool. Karma is even cooler. One issue with this one though. WTF, this guy's profile says he's divorced. Who ran off with the cook? His x ? His kid? Another troll post?
Addendum: This edit thing is pretty cool. OK. Guess we're cool with that now. Yeah dude, let it go. Not forgiving causes cancer.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 45
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does forgiveness work?
Posted: 1/25/2012 8:56:22 AM
Forgiveness works wonders

One of the problems though is many think that giving someone a second chance to be constantly berated, criticised and made to feel bad about a mistake counts as "forgiveness" or a "second chance"

You also cant properly forgive an action until youre strong enough to be able to also accept your own complicity in the creation of it. And most people are far too weak to be able to face upto their own shortcomings

And even if someone does have the stregnth of character to fully explore a misdeed and then has the integrity and stregnth to genuinely wipe the slate clean and start over the guilt and desire for forgiveness also has to be genuine and that person also has to have the stregnth of character to learn from their mistakes and avoid their previous weaknesses


But as society in general seems to be far weaker than it used to be and stregnth of character is almost a none existant thing nowadays its a very rare occurence for a couple to aim for forgiveness and actually hit the mark

When they do though it tends to leave them with a much stronger relationship than most will ever have. but its a very rare occurence
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