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 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 47
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
^^^^^..Message 54.. yes my wife has read my profile and I changed my profile again just for you just now ...No I'm sorry before that I'm pretty sure it has been a long time since I changed my profile ..yes I wrote those likes /interest just for her ..your mistaken I'm sorry it has been years since I have been looking to meet ..actually I have just recently started coming back on here for about 2 years I have been doing the facebook game thing but that has become such a hassle ..so I have come back to visit the forums ..I even had to get my password back ..I had forgot it ..But if you don't believe me Im sure there are still a few of the old forum regulars that will vouch for me ..Ask ..Kayleycat ...msmicky or whytwater ..they have been here since my days as a single fish

POF did play a part in my wife and I getting back together

whether you believe me or not maters not ..I only use my stories to support my opinions ...because my life stories have formed my opinions ..the forums have actually been a blessing to me ..they have taught me to be a better person ..they have showed me how others view things that I have done in my past ..so I guess the first statement in this paragraph is false ...I do care what you forumites think of me ..because I now want to be the best i can be ..and maybe help others to avoid my mistakes
 newlysingle31
Joined: 12/14/2011
Msg: 50
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/19/2012 4:23:52 AM
"The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour."

I don't know who said it, but it's true. If he/she, while in a relationship, doesn't respect the boundaries when they find someone attractive (and normally someone they barely know), then what makes you think he/she will not become enamoured with the next person who fits that bill and cross those boundaries again?

As someone looking for a committed partner which will hopefully one day become a wife, I don't want to play those odds. Would you?
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 52
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If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/19/2012 5:29:01 AM
As a man who was cheated on by his (now) ex-wife...

I have spent long hours contemplating this issue. The one thing I can come up with is this. Both of us were unhappy at one stage in our marriage. I became clinically depressed. She stepped out. Niether of us had the skills to reach towards each other. Thank God I have "done the work" in therapy, and when I began to emerge from my depression, my instinct was to reach towards her. But she had already gone and had entered another relationship behind my back.

I think character is like a pane of glass. Once you break or crack it, it will never be as strong as it was before. Once you have said "I quit," on one thing, it is easier to say it again on other things. This is why the military uses such extreme methods of training their SEALs and special forces. Because if you can quit in training, you can quit even more quickly in the field. The reverse seems to hold as well. If you can stick it out through the hard moments, then you are stronger afterwards.

I don't know if my ex-wife will cheat on her current lover. Frankly it is my own pettiness that would wish her (and him) ill anyway. I do know this... If I were him, I wouldn't relax when she is on the internet at 3am, gabbing with "a friend."

Thankfully, I no longer have to worry about that.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 57
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:33:07 PM
nothing is 100%..and nothing is guaranteed...one who spouts unfaithfulness is telling you there's a damn good chance he will do it again. There are exceptions..i think if the person is remorseful..and did it only once...and regrets it..and spouts that they will never do it again..it might be possible for them to be faithful.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 58
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:33:56 PM
i disagree that there is never a happy ending..just ask my massage therapist...lol...
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 61
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/19/2012 1:53:12 PM
From my observations, yes they will.

After a marriage of 29 years, my ex had an affair with a co-worker of ours almost 6 years ago and started living with her when we separated. Within 2 years of being with her, he started complaining about her to the kids, and crying that he ruined his life. Today he's still with her and he's now cheating on her with another woman. (He just introduced the boys to the new girlfriend of 3 weeks!)

It's become a comedy, my boys aged 29 and 21 are shaking their heads and saying, "Dad, what's wrong with you?! You're still living with one woman and introducing us to another?! Be a man, and end one relationship before you start another!!!!"

Needless to say we know which side of the family my kids get their morals from, thank God!
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 62
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If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/20/2012 11:51:07 AM

Everyone feels loved by different means. (ex: The 5 love languages) If you satisfy those needs, then they generally won't cheat. If you don't not take the time to know and learn and love your SO the way they need you to, then they will cheat again.......absolutely!


The trouble is that the decision to either "cheat" or to be faithful in a relationship is a CHOICE. And it isn't an "either/or" in terms of "I 'had' to cheat because I was 'unloved' or 'unhappy.'" There are other alternatives than infidelity. Sometimes, a relationship has to be ended on the "up and up." Other times, counseling/therapy can address the dynamics that are causing the unhappiness. I think fidelity REQUIRES the chance to address issues and at least allow for the chance for growth, whereas infidelity allows both parties to avoid the hard issues and allows for stagnation.

And NOBODY can take responsibility for someone...anyone...else's "happiness." If you think that you can "make" someone else happy, you're in big trouble... We can only take responsibility for ourselves and our own decisions. For all of my other failures, I did NOT "make" my ex-wife cheat on me. That was solely her decision. Nor did she "make" me remain faithful to my marital vows, no matter how deeply unhappy I was... That was my decision.

Just like nobody "made" me come to grips with my depression... I had to do that for myself.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 64
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/20/2012 12:08:29 PM
I once knew a woman who had never been alone since the age of fourteen. She would always have her next man lined up and ready to go before ending the relationship she didn't like anymore.

There is a saying I heard once that I'll share with y'all, "Women are brachiators, they refuse to let go of one branch before grabbing onto the next one". Now this is kind of harsh and rude but there is a grain of truth to it for some folks. As pointed out in other comments, this certainly doesn't only apply to women either.

My guess is that this fear of being alone is what keeps people from walking out of unhappy relationships. I think that is cowardly and deserving of my scorn and contempt.

I have never cheated and I doubt that I ever could. People who have cheated in the past will cheat again, it's only a matter of time. The kind of self-centered mind-set necessary to allow infidelity doesn't change, no matter how nice the "other woman" might be.

This kind of discussion is quite silly actually. Cheaters will continue to believe that they are innocent and non-cheaters will continue to mistrust cheaters. Trying to justify your cheating only tells me that you are extremely likely to cheat again...or probably are cheating right now.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 68
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/21/2012 4:53:23 PM
I think some men can learn from the "bad choices" that they have made.

for example.. as a young man.. he cheats on a girlfriend and she DUMPS him.

He realizes what a gamble he took.. and how he lost.. Lesson learned.

but most cheaters just dont care. They are merely selfish humans.
 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 69
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:35:08 PM
What I find worse...is to cheat..means..they have had to lie to do it. So..it's one thing that they are a cheater..but to be a liar affects every moment.
 Icestorm
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 70
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If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/3/2012 4:08:58 PM
I sure hope so.

That would be perfect justice for all the cheaters out there, to wind up with someone who cheats on them.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 71
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History
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/3/2012 4:24:47 PM
I believe that more than likely, they will cheat again. Here's why: By cheating, that person has already demonstrated that they have no qualms with the idea of cheating, and that they cannot withstand temptation. Eventually, the person who cheated WILL meet someone new whom they find themselves attracted to. At that point all that's necessary for them to cheat again is the new person showing interest.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 74
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/3/2012 9:17:18 PM
ontario_woman Newt Gingrinch only cheats on a wife if she gets sick.

Have to say, Gingrinch has giant balls and no respect for the intelligence of USA voters.

Must be interesting marriage vows.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 75
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If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/4/2012 1:02:31 AM
^^^^^ You forgot John Edwards and countless other politicians.

It's not 100%, but more likely than not.
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 76
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/4/2012 10:08:00 AM
Of course they will. Someone with a history of cheating thinks it's okay to be in a relationship, but cheat and make a point to deceive their partner. Fidelity is not easy, it's a choice. Some people think it's the right thing to do, and keep their commitment. Others think it's okay to cheat.

While it's possible that a cheater will change their ways, I don't think it's probable.... at least not after age 20-25. After that, the value system and ideas about what's ok are pretty hard wired. I would think it's 99% sure cheaters cheat again, and that animal lovers refrain from strangling puppies to death. Just my opinion.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 78
view profile
History
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/4/2012 6:18:43 PM
@Maffers: Politics is proof even unattractive people can get laid. Checked out Amy Koch...she's no Sarah Palin.

Thanks for the info dude.
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 80
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/5/2012 8:28:44 AM
I think that once someone has crossed that line or shown that they will cross those lines... to being an untrustworthy and unfaithful person you have seen their colors and that is who they are. If you would take someone on who is cheating on another to be with you I don't know how you could really trust that person to be true to you?! I personally wouldn't be involved with someone who has deceipt in their heart at all. I respect myself too much than to open that door and trust is a very important part of any relationship that will be lasting. No trust... no love. I'd rather be single!
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 84
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If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:46:24 PM

Lets's face reality, about 95% of men cheat! There all the same. When the cats away, the mouse will play as they say ! Doesn't matter how good you are to them, your never good enough cause when the opportunity comes along, men will cheat. Well at least 95% anyways!


Ummmm.... Nope. Not even close.

I'm guessing that
(a) either you've been cheated on and are jaded afterwards, or
(b) cheated on someone else and are trying to make up some statistic to comfort you, or
(c) all of the above.

But thanks for playing!
 Sully8545
Joined: 12/12/2009
Msg: 85
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:59:37 PM
Msbeave - how do you know your friend has been faithful? Never really know.
 kymberkys
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 89
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History
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:11:39 PM
It absolutely has been my experience be it wemon or men if they cheat hell yes they will do it again.
BTW names kymber been on site for a while just have chosen not to participate in forums until now. So hi ya'll!
I personally have never. In my opionate that is one of the most hurtful things you can do to a partner.
If you are not happy get the hell out.:modhammer:
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 90
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If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:20:19 PM
My last ex is an overlapping type, too. I saw this firsthand as she cheated on the last guy before me with me. She delayed in making that breakup official. Eventually, she did the same to me. Of course she lied about the timeline to make it look legitimate.

I simply overlooked all the red flags because I thought if I treated her better it wouldn't happen to me. I was absolutely wrong about that. She always found a way to justify her past cheating (their fault, they pushed her to cheat, etc...). People like that have very shallow emotions and are incapable of intimacy on a deeper level.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 92
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/5/2012 7:58:51 PM
People who cheat tend to look at others as objects to satisfy their needs. Your cousin is in for a future of heartache.
 DiDi1114
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 93
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If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/5/2012 9:59:04 PM
The term "cheating" is exactly that.....for me it means that a person would rather take the temporary or quick fix, rather than facing head on whatever it is that is bothering them about their partner and their relationship and dealing with it with honesty and integrity. They seek out outside stimulation which at that moment will take their mind off of what is really bothering them. Sometimes that distraction or outside stimulation is worse than dealing with the actual issues or problems in the couple's relationship.

Cheating generally is not about sex, but rather deep rooted issues a person is having with their partner that always ends up playing out in the bedroom, resulting in that person loosing interest in the other sexually.

Therefore, in my opinion, absolutely it will happen again because the likelyhood of a man or woman having issues or problems in any relationship is 100%, and if he or she couldn't face those issues or problems in their previous relationship with their partner, than they are more than likely not going to be able to face them in their new relationship....and so the pattern continues resulting in them becoming repeat offenders/cheaters until they learn to deal with issues directly.
 seabreezeandyou
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 96
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/12/2012 1:23:05 PM
does appear to be more true than not--my ex cheated on her husband ( who was married when she met him) with me--and darn if she didn't cheat on me--DUH
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 98
If they cheat with you, will they cheat on you. Is this always the case??
Posted: 2/12/2012 5:18:56 PM
My cousin married the man who left his wife and child for her and he has confessed to her that he has previously never been faithful in a relationship. Morals, justifications aside, could it be possible that he has finally met the woman he will be faithful to? Does anyone have any experiences to share that show that someone who cheats with you will not necessarily cheat on you?


Its been known to happen I suppose, but the odds are probably stacked against it. And in all honesty, if the relationship with his 'ex' was so bad, why wouldn't he just get divorced first?

That being said, even more worrisome would be "has previously never been faithful in a relationship", which connotes more than a "one time" event - a pattern of behavior. Rarely does someone who has established a solid pattern of behavior change 180-degrees.

"Lets's face reality, about 95% of men cheat! There all the same." - wow, so having never cheated (but having been cheated on), I guess I'm part of the 5%! Now if I could just become part of the "1%" I could be getting $20mil bonuses and be exempt from the law! (sorry, couldn't resist given the news these days).
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