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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should A POF member approach you in public?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 26
Should A POF member approach you in public?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I've recognized some people along the way, and I have not said a word to them because they are not people I would approach normally - internet or not. I will say, that if it is someone that interested me and *IF* the situation was appropriate (like at a bar) and *DOUBLE IF* he wasn't on a date, I would definitely say something...because you never know.
 BBBROOKLYN
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 27
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/17/2012 10:55:15 PM
I find it unacceptable for a few reasons, you do not know he person , just because you saw their pic on a dating site does not give you cart blanche to do as you please . You have no clue who or what thier situation is a the moment you see them . And last but not least it is very uncomfortable to be put on the spot !
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 28
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/17/2012 11:14:14 PM
Funny, how it seems like mostly women are replying too this thread. But, if your all so up tight about being approached, then why be on here? Or why have a picture posted? Aren't you here too meet people? What's the difference of being approached by a fellow pof'r as opposed too a total stranger? If the person tactfully approach's you, they could do so without even mentioning they know you from pof..or they could give you an indirect subtle clue for you too pick up on.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 29
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/17/2012 11:37:08 PM
I've been approached a couple of times....didn't bother me, and was actually a little bit flattering. But I work in a very social profession and am constantly meeting new people and very comfortable with it, so that could be a factor.

On the flip side, I'm not sure I would approach someone I saw here in the real world. I think it would totally depend on the atmosphere we were in, and who his and my own company was. Probaly more apt to happen in a one-on-one circumstance...
at the my local watering hole...
after a dozen or so tequila shots.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 30
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 5:14:21 AM

I find it unacceptable for a few reasons, you do not know he person


Not picking on the poster for typing these words,,cause it's a feeling and belief that a lot have shown. What I do what to point out is remember,,,,try to remember,wayyyyyyyyy back,,,,,when, we all first introduced ourselves in the REAL world,,,as STRANGERS!!!!! If you had said back then, that you found it "unacceptable" for a person to approach you because they "didn't know you" beforehand,,,,how many "new" people would be entering your life????? How many?????

I'm gonna suggest here that some take a good look at the replies here,and then look back at why we are all supposedly here on this site. We "supposedly" use this place to meet others,,,but with just the words express in this topic,we see, for a fact, that no,,,,it's not "new" people we want to meet, it's just people that we,as individuals DECIDE to meet after how a certain amount of emails, a couple of phone calls, maybe a background check,etc. Even with all that,,,,we are still failing on "connections". Anybody asking how come?????

I suggest we reread some of the comments made here. I'm not going to say it's "eye opening" to me, cause I know(and see) how people act nowadays. We are supposedly a very "social" society with constant texting,emailing,cel phones, laptops,etc,,,,yet we can't shake the hand of a fellow POFer in a PUBLIC place just because. Anybody else finding this a little bizarre????? Or are we gonna call this the "norm" for the society of which we live?????
 Iandwho
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 31
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 6:21:40 AM
@Walts if somebody approaches me in a relaxed bar setting there is usually some eye contact or encouragement before. Then I have the opportunity to decide to talk or to decline, this is were the difference comes into place when a -feelow POFer- is approaching me

Only because I am on the same website does not mean I know him any more than any other stranger, the matter of fact in my experience is:
-they assume they know me, as in your mind -fellow POFer- there is already a connection
this is not the case and there is were bizarre comes in.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 32
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 6:36:07 AM

Walts if somebody approaches me in a relaxed bar setting there is usually some eye contact or encouragement before. Then I have the opportunity to decide to talk or to decline, this is were the difference comes into place when a -feelow POFer- is approaching me


Only in a bar???? Never in a store,,,any store???? Never when sitting outside on a patio having a coffee???? Never when riding your bike down a path???? Never when walking down a public trail????

I only bring this up,because not only are we losing the "skill" or "art" of actually conversing and meeting people in the real world,,,we are all of sudden very very frightened(it seems) to even put the effort into it. This includes a big "scene" when meeting someone,,,eg. yelling across a room screaming your POF "name",etc. I'm not agreeing with that type of approach,,,,,but I do know it's possible to walk up to someone, a "stranger" and politely start a conversation. Yes,,,it is possible. Even a little easier if you actually have viewed a profile, with a little personal information in it. Information that I "read" and someone else placed for public viewing.

Like I said before, I have yet to have a "bad" experince from any member of the pond in the real world,,,,even with those I have very little in common with. And again, that maybe just because of the persona I show here????? I've also met some very "bizarre" people in the real world. It's part of the deal. There will always be the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'll ask,,,would it be "better" if a person from POF "didn't" tell you that they saw you on POF, and just came up and introduce themselves to ya, using another "reason" to start a conversation?????? Just a question.
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 33
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 11:49:45 AM
Here are my thoughts regarding someone approaching me who saw me on POF:

1) He saw me but decided not to message me because he didn't like my pictures or profile. If he's not interested, and I'm not looking for friends, why approach?
2) He saw me, was interested, but didn't message me because he was too scared or some similar reason. So why does he suddenly have the guts?
3) He saw me, was interested, and messaged me, but I either didn't reply or replied with disinterest. That just makes his approach awkward.
4) He saw me, was interested, and we exchanged multiple messages. We are on good terms and just happened to bump into each other in person. This is the only scenario I wouldn't mind.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 34
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 12:01:07 PM

you do not know he person


Actually, that point can be debated all day long depending on how much information someone puts out there.

I'm a very open person to some extent; but even I know better than to put my name/business out in the open before getting to know someone....

That said, IF I put it on a dating profile, it IS considered public information, if you post it you need to understand that it's for people to see at some point.

The same goes for pictures, never take a picture you don't want the world to see, no matter how private you think it will be.

It's no different than knowing someone goes to the same gym as you and running into them at the grocery store, and introducing yourself to them at the grocery store.

IMO it seems like those opposed to actually meeting people in person that they've seen online tend to be the crowd that are probably not big into social networking and tend to be more private.

We're not in Kansas anymore and privacy is only as valid as you make it; if you put your life story out there don't act shocked when people you don't know come up to you in real life to say how cute they think you are with your dog.

 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 35
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 12:59:48 PM

I only bring this up,because not only are we losing the "skill" or "art" of actually conversing and meeting people in the real world,,,we are all of sudden very very frightened(it seems) to even put the effort into it.
I agree, I like focussing on IRL for meeting people...
 Falcon91
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 36
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 1:05:14 PM
I've seen multiple people from the site off site. I go to Toronto quite often and to Peterborough frequently, infact a few of my friends are even on the site!

But yeah at the occupy I saw one and we added each other on facebook, now were good friends. We often debate....that's one thing about her she likes to debate with me on redundant subjects that she knows I am more knowledgeable about....

In Peterborough though, I've seen about half of the people in my age group on this site off site. Most of them are friends with friends of mine so I usually know them, in fact I've shot for some of them a few times when I was out shooting with a friend of mine.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 37
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 1:52:08 PM
I guess seeing a fellow POFer in real life would be very frustrating to the game players here. These are women who make any man who expresses an interest to jump through countless hoops and do magic tricks. When the man passes those tests, it's on to the next phase of cyber contact. The last phase is meeting in real life. Women are very frustrated if the guy bypasses the obstacle course and actually sees them in person without going through all of the rigorous tests. At that point, the jig is up. The women can no longer pretend to be magical Genies in the bottle and demand guys do animal tricks for them.
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:07:56 PM
I wouldnt. If we made eye contact and had that moment of recognition, I would smile and nod.
I have 2 people I know from IRL and seen profiles on here, have never said a word to them about it. If they seen mine, they never said a word to me either.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 39
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:26:54 PM
Here are my thoughts regarding someone approaching me who saw me on POF:

1) He saw me but decided not to message me because he didn't like my pictures or profile. If he's not interested, and I'm not looking for friends, why approach?
2) He saw me, was interested, but didn't message me because he was too scared or some similar reason. So why does he suddenly have the guts?
3) He saw me, was interested, and messaged me, but I either didn't reply or replied with disinterest. That just makes his approach awkward.
4) He saw me, was interested, and we exchanged multiple messages. We are on good terms and just happened to bump into each other in person. This is the only scenario I wouldn't mind.

Because of this complicated cynical logic, it's no wonder why some people would remain single, or why others would be chronically single. "walts" brought up a good point, we've allowed "communications technology" too corrupt us. It's like many of us can't be sociable in the simplest of ways anymore.
 Milnoc514
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 40
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:40:11 PM
If I've never "virtually" spoken to the person in question, then probably not. But if I've already communicated with the person either on the forums or through message exchanges, and the exchanges were positive, then I would present myself to them regardless if it's a man or a woman, and regardless of the originating Web site.

I'm already a slightly recognizable person on the Internet due to my YouTube videos, so having someone present themselves to me in public doesn't really bother me at all even if it's still a rare event. In fact, I had isolated myself in my work and my home for so many years, I need to learn to become more sociable in public. So whenever a person presents themselves to me unannounced and in public, they're actually helping me out in a very big way.

Reading the posts in this thread, I'm starting to wonder if today's adult population is suffering from an excessive form of "Stranger Danger." Yes, there are creeps out there, but not everyone is a creep. Failing to communicate with someone could cause you to miss out on a few opportunities, both personally and professionally.
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 5:52:30 AM
BettyMcFattyPants-
"God knows some of us have given out some TMI to the point we feel like we've dated already."

That is funny, but thinking about it, your right.
Weve dated, consumated and broke up several times And posted about it.

 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 42
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 6:07:58 AM
I talk to people all of the time whether I recognize them or not. If I see one of you out in public, I would totally come over and say hello. Having said that, if you seemed to be on a date I obviously wouldn't bother or if you were busy, etc. Some folks are really uptight about "online dating" so I wouldn't "out you" in front of your friends or anything either...lol

I don't understand why someone would post their picture on the internet and then get upset when someone says hello on the street? That just seems a little out of touch with reality to me.

I think I'll just keep on going through life being friendly, it's worked well for me so far.

Ah, moments after I hit the send button I realized my mistake. Hitting someone up for a date in public would be creepy indeed. If I wanted to go out with the person, I'd go with what Cdn_Iceman suggested. Just saying hello though...deal with it.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 43
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:46:21 AM

Hitting someone up for a date in public would be creepy indeed. If I wanted to go out with the person, I'd go with what Cdn_Iceman suggested. Just saying hello though...deal with it.


What, since when is asking someone out on a date in person creepy?

Jesus christ, what's next, Sexually segregated shopping centers so that it's not creepy when a male is in the same store as a female? Wouldn't want people with similar interests meeting up in person, the horrors!

I contend that putting your info out there in such a way to be recognizable in real life means if they come up to you in real life it's fair.

Don't want to be known as a porn star? Don't star in porn. Don't want to be known as POFmember9000 don't openly post your pictures on POF...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 44
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 9:57:30 AM
To stir the pot even more....


asking someone out because you saw their profile on a dating site, without having a conversation with them and just bumping into them in a public place is creepy and somewhat desperate.


Anymore "desperate"or "creepy"(creepy,,,really????) than asking a complete stranger out for a cup of joe when interacting with them for the first time in ,,,say,,,,,a grocery store????

I do know that a lot people don't "interact" with anyone out there in the real world that they don't "know"(obvious from some of the posts here,,,no?????) but, I'm actually talking about people that are able, and actually do that form of interacting.

Oh,,,I do find the replies, ummmm,,,,not revealing,,,but, soooooooo confirming.
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 45
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:08:09 AM
2) He saw me, was interested, but didn't message me because he was too scared or some similar reason. So why does he suddenly have the guts?


My experience in real life vs a dating site are completely at odds. Get a lot of looks and blinky eyes in real life from women of all ages, I just stumble sometimes when it comes to sparking up a conversation. Send a lot of humorous, playful, not creepy conversation starters on a dating sites and, yes, get a minimal amount of feedback. (not to say I'm not pleased with who I've met through dating sites, nor that I haven't enjoyed the exchange of playful messages I've had on dating sites that haven't produced a date.)

I'm not complaining, but women seem to gather a different vibe from my real life character vs my online persona.

If I saw a woman from a dating site in real life who I hadn't previously messaged through the dating site, I would have an opportunity to share a "hey there" smile in passing or, better yet, a topic for starting a playful conversation.

In short, I hesitate to send messages to women on dating sites not out of fear but for the reason that women are less likely to respond. Even when, say, I've sent a perfectly charming message. It starts to become pointless...
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 46
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:24:11 AM
@msg 60. Yep, true. What's wrong with greeting someone? I do that to attractive, interesting strangers anyways. Very confirming. How true.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 47
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:24:39 AM
I am mildly shy in public when im alone.

But even saying that.. I would ENJOY being approached in public. and have been repeatedly! But having thrown POF parties.. most the locals know my face anyhoo.

I have been approached in bars mostly.. but stores too

But sadly.. 99% were not anyone i would date. And I see men all the time from POF or from chat.... and i skip approaching them.. as i am not interested.

But of that 1%.. I got approached a few months ago... I was at Family Dollar shopping and was already checking out.. Mr Good looking catches eye contact and goes.. DEBI??.. from online? .. DEBI? I was freaked out.. because i had just left work with my dirty matted hair.. no makeup AND i was buying an enema.. CRAP.. haha.. the 1%.. go figure.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 48
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:28:58 AM

Because of this complicated cynical logic, it's no wonder why some people would remain single, or why others would be chronically single.


So you’ve judged her cynical and complicated and doomed to be alone forever. If it works for her, what’s your issue with it, other than it’s too complicated for you. Jeez.

OT: My profile is hidden from searches, only accessible from the forums. I can think of lots of forum posters, male and female, I’d love to hang out with and get to know IRL.

Random men approaching me, PoF or otherwise? There are ways of discouraging…or encouraging…that kind of behavior, and I’m really good at both.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 49
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:31:44 AM

Do you know many people who can walk up to a complete stranger and say " hi you're gorgeous lets go have coffee?"


If I'm ever in Toronto Cdn_Iceman, and I see you walking down the street, I'm going to do exactly that. Out of sheer devilment ! I'll even shout you a cannoli or two.


 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 50
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:56:23 AM
Some folks don't seem to get that the "appearance of impropriety" is almost as bad as the impropriety itself, in many cases.

Two strangers meet, they laugh, they have a coffee and exchange numbers. Nothing even remotely wrong with that scenario.

Two strangers meet, the guy is all excited and says "Hey, aren't you Slipperybeaver69 from POF? I love your profile!"...see the problem?

Ok, fine, how about this then,
Two strangers meet, the guy says "Hey, aren't you Proud2BonPOF from...POF?"
The woman thinks, "Oh my god, it's some kind of stalker freak who followed me here" and then proceeds to pepper spray him in the face before implementing her Grab, Twist and Pull Wenlido technique...lol

For your own safety fellas, say hi to her online first!
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