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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should A POF member approach you in public?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 51
Should A POF member approach you in public?Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
2) He saw me, was interested, but didn't message me because he was too scared or some similar reason. So why does he suddenly have the guts?


My experience in real life vs a dating site are completely at odds. Get a lot of looks and blinky eyes in real life from women of all ages, I just stumble sometimes when it comes to sparking up a conversation. Send a lot of humorous, playful, not creepy conversation starters on a dating sites and, yes, get a minimal amount of feedback. (not to say I'm not pleased with who I've met through dating sites, nor that I haven't enjoyed the exchange of playful messages I've had on dating sites that haven't produced a date.)

I'm not complaining, but women seem to gather a different vibe from my real life character vs my online persona.

If I saw a woman from a dating site in real life who I hadn't previously messaged through the dating site, I would have an opportunity to share a "hey there" smile in passing or, better yet, a topic for starting a playful conversation.

In short, I hesitate to send messages to women on dating sites not out of fear but for the reason that women are less likely to respond. Even when, say, I've sent a perfectly charming message. It starts to become pointless...
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 52
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:24:11 AM
@msg 60. Yep, true. What's wrong with greeting someone? I do that to attractive, interesting strangers anyways. Very confirming. How true.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 53
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:24:39 AM
I am mildly shy in public when im alone.

But even saying that.. I would ENJOY being approached in public. and have been repeatedly! But having thrown POF parties.. most the locals know my face anyhoo.

I have been approached in bars mostly.. but stores too

But sadly.. 99% were not anyone i would date. And I see men all the time from POF or from chat.... and i skip approaching them.. as i am not interested.

But of that 1%.. I got approached a few months ago... I was at Family Dollar shopping and was already checking out.. Mr Good looking catches eye contact and goes.. DEBI??.. from online? .. DEBI? I was freaked out.. because i had just left work with my dirty matted hair.. no makeup AND i was buying an enema.. CRAP.. haha.. the 1%.. go figure.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 54
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:25:38 AM
Walts big difference between running into a complete stranger at a mall or where ever and having a conversation with them first and its pleasant and progressing to the next stage of going out for coffee vs approaching someone you've seen on a dating site and telling them
" Oh Ive seen your profile and I thought I would take this opportunity to approach you"

Do you know many people who can walk up to a complete stranger and say " hi you're gorgeous lets go have coffee?"

Ive met people at malls after having a conversation and we were laughing and end up having coffee or a drink after, that I get.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 55
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:28:58 AM

Because of this complicated cynical logic, it's no wonder why some people would remain single, or why others would be chronically single.


So you’ve judged her cynical and complicated and doomed to be alone forever. If it works for her, what’s your issue with it, other than it’s too complicated for you. Jeez.

OT: My profile is hidden from searches, only accessible from the forums. I can think of lots of forum posters, male and female, I’d love to hang out with and get to know IRL.

Random men approaching me, PoF or otherwise? There are ways of discouraging…or encouraging…that kind of behavior, and I’m really good at both.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 56
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:31:44 AM

Do you know many people who can walk up to a complete stranger and say " hi you're gorgeous lets go have coffee?"


If I'm ever in Toronto Cdn_Iceman, and I see you walking down the street, I'm going to do exactly that. Out of sheer devilment ! I'll even shout you a cannoli or two.


 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 57
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:56:23 AM
Some folks don't seem to get that the "appearance of impropriety" is almost as bad as the impropriety itself, in many cases.

Two strangers meet, they laugh, they have a coffee and exchange numbers. Nothing even remotely wrong with that scenario.

Two strangers meet, the guy is all excited and says "Hey, aren't you Slipperybeaver69 from POF? I love your profile!"...see the problem?

Ok, fine, how about this then,
Two strangers meet, the guy says "Hey, aren't you Proud2BonPOF from...POF?"
The woman thinks, "Oh my god, it's some kind of stalker freak who followed me here" and then proceeds to pepper spray him in the face before implementing her Grab, Twist and Pull Wenlido technique...lol

For your own safety fellas, say hi to her online first!
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 58
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:09:25 AM

Ok, fine, how about this then,
Two strangers meet, the guy says "Hey, aren't you Proud2BonPOF from...POF?"
The woman thinks, "Oh my god, it's some kind of stalker freak who followed me here" and then proceeds to pepper spray him in the face before implementing her Grab, Twist and Pull Wenlido technique...lol

For your own safety fellas, say hi to her online first!


surely you're just goofing around. would a woman who is that paranoid even have her image on a dating site???

Alternatively,

two strangers meet, a guy recognizes a girl:

guy: "well now, this is unexpected!"
girl: "what do you mean?"
guy: "I think I've seen you on pof!"
girl: (probably blushes) "oh really?"
guy: "yes. I think we're breaking the rules here, but how's the fishing?"

now then, if that sort of exchange incites a woman to pepper spray a man then she should seriously consider taking herself at once to a nunnery.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 59
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:12:34 AM
Going to reply to Iceman and onceburned in the same post, would be nice if POF had a multiquote option...

asking someone out because you saw their profile on a dating site, without having a conversation with them and just bumping into them in a public place is creepy and somewhat desperate.


No one is advocating asking them out without a conversation, I'm not sure where you got the impression. Mentioning you saw them on POF during the course of a conversation isn't inappropriate and isn't creepy/desperate, again it all goes back to knowing them via other channels and introducing yourself properly, IE you saw their facebook profile from a friends page and saw their posts on their wall, or you both go to the same gym,etc.

You don't know the person just because you found them appealing, that doesn't mean it gives you Carte blanche. Some folks don't like their space invaded, some might think its a invasion of their privacy, sure some might welcome it but for the most part YOU DON'T KNOW THEM and that is my point.


So you're never allowed to approach anyone that you don't know because it's an invasion of their privacy?.....



That is nonsense, that is like saying because a woman wears a mini skirts and high heels she wants to get picked up or hit on by all these guys in public.


The way a person dresses CAN influence how other people perceive them, to say otherwise is just being obtuse. Putting your pictures on a DATING site which is a public place means people might recognize you.


>Just because the person posts their pictures that doesn't mean its gives every tom d1ck or harry permission to approach them.


Anyone has permission to approach anyone, unless the person chooses to be in a private place and not be approached, after being rejected the person no longer has permission to approach someone. I'm not sure I can make it any clearer.

So should we all approach all the celebrities too when they are in a mall shopping because they made 20 million dollars for their last film project or won a Grammy, Oscar,Emmy or any other awards?


If it's a public place there is nothing wrong with walking up to someone you recognize and introducing yourself. If they are not interested and you push the subject, that is inappropriate.



Walts big difference between running into a complete stranger at a mall or where ever and having a conversation with them first and its pleasant and progressing to the next stage of going out for coffee vs approaching someone you've seen on a dating site and telling them
" Oh Ive seen your profile and I thought I would take this opportunity to approach you"


That would be creepy if that is ALL you say, but that goes with again, how you say it and how you approach the person. How is it inappropriate for mentioning you've seen the person at the gym or at the grocery store or on facebook?



Two strangers meet, the guy is all excited and says "Hey, aren't you Slipperybeaver69 from POF? I love your profile!"...see the problem?


It all is about HOW the conversation flows, not the actual contents of the conversation. Replace POF and the gym and it isn't creepy, it's only creepy if you come off as a creeper/stalker. Mentioning you've seen them around by itself is not creepy and is no different than going up to someone and saying Hey, aren't you friends with X on Facebook? and then taking it from there.

Frankly it's less creepy talking to them in person than it is sending them an email saying you saw them at the X and wanted to say hi....
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 60
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:25:45 AM

That would be creepy if that is ALL you say, but that goes with again, how you say it and how you approach the person. How is it inappropriate for mentioning you've seen the person at the gym or at the grocery store or on facebook?
But didn't I say that earlier? some guys Im afraid are lacking in tack, they will say hey you are " hot princess" from POF, I recognize you and its goes down hill from there, the exception is if the woman or man finds you appealing.

Both times it happened to me , Well mind you I didn't find them appealing and one time I was with my baby goddaughter so I wasn't cool about that. I don't know what I would of done if she was appealing who knows its just speculation now, You know if it was someone from the forums I really don't think I would take issue, unless its someone I dislike from the forums .



is no different than going up to someone and saying Hey, aren't you friends with X on Facebook? and then taking it from there.
No son, that is creepy and kind of stakerish weird behavior , its like people who goes through friends list and chats them up, I think that is seriously f ucked up.


So you're never allowed to approach anyone that you don't know because it's an invasion of their privacy?.....
did you hear me say one isnt allowed to approach some? look its quite simple there are places to meet people and then there are opportunity to meet people such as the gym, grocery store, bus stop if you take the bus, the mall where ever, that I get, but when one is online they want to meet people online and they have a choice on who they want to meet, some swamp donkey going up to some woman and telling her " I recognize you from your profile pics comes across as creepy and weird IMO" its not the same as walking through a mall and saying hi to a person you recognized from the gym or grocery store.

Ive seen people from my Gym and we just waive smile, finger point and have a laugh and then chat at the gym, no big deal, its a bigger deal when it comes to online because they the person have a purpose of being on line which means choosing who they want to meet, not being approached in real life by some guy who didn't have to confidence to say hi to her on the site?

 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 61
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:33:37 AM

No son, that is creepy and kind of stakerish weird behavior , its like people who goes through friends list and chats them up, I think that is seriously f ucked up..


Eh, I suppose we'll have to accept that we have differences of opinion when it comes to that.

Some of my best friends I met from chatting via Status messages of friends. IE I would comment something witty on a friend's status, then a person would respond and we'd start to talk.

My point is that there is a tact that can be used to approach someone that you recognize from somewhere, which I hope you can agree with.

Now going up to someone and saying you saw them on Sugarbabies.com or ashleymadison.com might deserve some slaps, especially if you get the wrong person...

But really, let's all be honest and realize that most people probably look nothing like their POF profiles and 99% of the profiles on here probably don't have to worry about getting recognized in person! Unless they really are that blurry in person...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 62
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:36:43 AM

Do you know many people who can walk up to a complete stranger and say " hi you're gorgeous lets go have coffee?"


The only problem is you might get a response like: "My 6 foot 4 inch 260 pound football player boyfriend who is standing over there wouldn't take kindly to that".

The upside to being approached in public by someone who recognizes you from POF is you know the person is single (or should be) and is looking for a partner. That's an advantage right off the bat. You don't know if other people who are shopping on their own are single or if they're in a relationship, but didn't bring their partner with them.

I don't understand the creep factor in being approached by someone from POF. People go on POF to advertize and market themselves to the public, searching for a new love interest. If you are selling a car and advertize it in the paper and someone sees the car while you're in the mall parking lot and says to you: "I saw a your car advertized for sale in the local paper. Is it still for sale?", would that creep you out?

I also don't understand the mind set that it is much better to contact someone in cyberspace, exchange countless e-mails, texts and phone calls for weeks or months, finally get to the stage of meeting in real life, then decide in 5 seconds that there is no instant chemistry or the person's pictures are outdated, and the person is history. How is this better than seeing someone in real life first?
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 63
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 11:53:49 AM
OH MY GAWD NO! DO NOT!

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER EVER EVER ALLOW YOUR FANTASY ONLINE WORLD TO SEEP INTO REAL LIFE!

KEEP IT UNREAL!

STAY HOME!

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER OR SMART PHONE! EYES ON THE SCREEN AT ALL TIME!

ARE YOU ACTUALLY CONSIDERING EYE CONTACT?????

IN PUBLIC?????

speaking to people in real life is taboo!

what IS wrong WITH YOU PEOPLE?
 brandonisamazing
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 64
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:07:39 PM
Great, now they're going to have to add even more to our profiles. Perhaps they could add it to the Intent line. I can see it now...

Intent: superfriendlylady is looking for a relationship, but will use her rape whistle if approached in the supermarket.
 Milnoc514
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 65
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:29:16 PM
FyrKrakn, loved your response!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 66
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 3:58:50 PM
I'd be completely ok with being approached in public by a POF member; as long as ots fun and tactfully done.

Sure; why not?


I wouldn't do it as not everyone is comfortable being on a dating site.


So why in Gods name are they here?

Someone who does stuff, despite, feeling shame about it? (uhoh!)

 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 67
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 6:34:06 PM
asking someone out because you saw their profile on a dating site, without having a conversation with them and just bumping into them in a public place is creepy and somewhat desperate.

You don't know the person just because you found them appealing, that doesn't mean it gives you Carte blanche. Some folks don't like their space invaded, some might think its a invasion of their privacy, sure some might welcome it but for the most part YOU DON'T KNOW THEM and that is my point.
Not everyone is scared of their own shadow when it comes to talking to someone in public. Some of us actually relish the idea of communicating with the opposite sex face to face instead of from the behind a computer screen. My best friend once told me that most men online have elephant balls when they are talking to her from behind a computer screen, but face to face they shrink up to the size of raisins.

When last I checked this is foremost a dating site and the vast majority of people on here is looking to date. So actually approaching a person in public and striking up a conversation is far from desperate. And makes perfect sense if your intent is to actually date and not waste time. Believe it or not before internet dating came along that's usually how it was done for the most part.

I guess some people just need to let their balls drop. Man up and start talking to the opposite sex face to face. If I'm single and see a woman in public I find attractive...I'M GOING TO APPROACH HER... I could care less if I saw her profile on a dating site or not. And if a woman approach me and mentioned seeing me online, so what? If a woman approaching me is going to offend me I might as well delete my profile because I can't be too serious about meeting someone.

The end game to this is to meet someone... How you meet them, or where you meet them isn't relevant....Just as long as you meet them.

 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 68
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:02:53 PM
Got to love the Monday morning armchair quarterback psychoanalysts trying to tell others what they are supposedly thinking in spite of what was actually said.

I have no problems approaching someone in public or vice versa having a conversation having coffee etc etc etc, that is not the issue , I prefer not to be approached by someone from a online site if I'm with my Goddaughter and trying to have conversation when my Goddaughter is around, if I'm by myself which I was the first time mind you I was waiting for someone that day and that has nothing to do with wanting to meet someone or not wanting to meet someone.

Ive recognized folks but I don't feel its right to approach them especially if they are at their place of work or if they are sitting down alone, who knows they might be waiting for someone or are with their kids, I don't believe in intruding in their space just in case, that has nothing to do with being scared to meet them or approach them.

Love the a psycho babble tactic of trying to frame the discussion so as to portray those who disagree as being in fear of meeting someone, or somehow insecure (of their own manhood, etc...).
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 69
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:41:17 PM
Ive recognized folks but I don't feel its right to approach them
If I took this approach I would not be dating the person I'm right now. I was shopping in the super market and walked right up on a fellow forumites pushing a shopping cart. A woman that called me a bit of a neanderthal in a thread I might add. Naturally I was determined to prove her wrong so I approached and started a conversation, which led to coffee, which led to dinner. Turns out she lives 3 blocks away from me for the last 5 years in a very small city and we never met.

If I had taken the school boy approach and ran home and wrote her a note saying " I just saw you in the super market, want to be my friend?" she would still be thinking I was a bit of a neanderthal, only she would have added gutless(for not approaching)to it, and most likely blocked me, which I would have totally deserved.

When you approach someone in public only two things will likely happen. Either you make a connection or you get rejected. I would much rather try and fail than walk away not trying. I sleep much better at night knowing I gave it my best shot.

Only a completely clueless person would approach if they were with someone else. But I can't see ANYTHING wrong with approaching someone if they are by themself or even with a g/f for that matter. As long as one is using a bit of tact then by all means approach away.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 70
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 9:17:29 PM
A little over a year ago, I had a man approach me in a restaurant bar while my girlfriend and I were waiting on a table. He told me he had seen my POF profile and just wanted to introduce himself and say "Hi".

I thought it was weird that he'd noticed my profile and never felt attracted to me enough to contact me here---yet standing in the bar with drink in hand, he'd felt compelled to approach me.

Although I was cordial to him, I never called him after he gave me his business card.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 71
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/19/2012 9:29:51 PM
Well even a broken clock is right twice a day , I guess even " nice guys" gets the girls the odd time its kind of touching , I just find it hilarious that some folks loves to give their point of view on things that makes no sense at all.

As I said in my opinion post, my opinion and since I'm not acknowledged expert on me and my life and what I do when I'm out meeting others makes your doubts and opinions taking back seat to my reality heck even Stevie Wonder can see that.
 Gertrude13
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 72
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 12:45:44 AM
This is such an interesting thread!
If the other POFer was someone with whom I'd spoken, or exchanged friendly emails, or hung out with in the forums, I wouldn't mind being approached.

HOWEVER.

If it was someone who had never contacted me or communicated with me in any other way (I did have my picture up once upon a time) I would find it creepy. Why would you approach the person in real life if you didn't bother to do so electronically?

As to the paranoia concerns - There are some freaky people out there. Truly. And social media like dating sites are a fertile hunting ground. While the vast majority of guys I've met from here were perfectly nice, not scary at all, there was one who proved to be seriously unbalanced...And I'm careful. Obviously.

I've also heard some quasi-horror stories about Glenn Close POF females showing up on doorsteps uninvited, finding the male POFer based on his email addy alone.

So - If I saw a POF person in public, I'd probably nod and smile, but not approach. Unless it was Adora. She's hilarious. I would have to give her kudos
 swolnmember
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 73
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 1:29:42 AM
Interesting question...... However I believe the nature of online interaction is just that...its online. Contact should be made online since it is how the link to that person you see in public has been established. I would consider the act of approaching someone from POF without first contacting them online, unconscionable.
 NuMeNow
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 3:28:57 AM
I think it would depend on the circumstances. I have seen a few people in RL whose profile I’ve seen on POF, through searching, and did not approach them. If someone was to come up to me and say ‘hello’ I don’t think it would bother me. However, I would hope they would be respectful of the environment I was in and tactful in their approach. If it was someone from the forums, I think that scenario might proceed differently especially if we have posted on similar threads. If the opportunity presented itself I think I would at least go over and say 'hello', still being conscious and respectful of their environment.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 75
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 7:50:44 AM
I've been thinking about this thread and came to a realization. The few times I have recognized a woman from POF and said hello in the grocery store or what have you, I don't think they liked it very much. No one ever freaked out or pepper sprayed me of course, but when I think back on it, they seemed rather uncomfortable. It was short and sweet, hi aren't you so and so from POF, nice to meet you. Yet they seemed a little put off and it never became a conversation starter.

I think the thing is that online we believe that we have anonymity. Approaching someone in public removes that anonymity almost entirely and the person may not be ready for that. I think people are more comfortable having the power to pick and choose who will get to meet the real deal and taking that power away from them by approaching them in public can feel a bit like an ambush.

There isn't anything wrong with saying hello to anyone. At the same time, I don't think I'll bother to do it again after giving it some thought. For me, it seems quite rude but if folks want to come up and give me a high-five in the street, I'd love that. If you want to push me into traffic, well then I'd rather you didn't bother, honestly.
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