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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Should A POF member approach you in public?      Home login  
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 wtyl
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 76
Should A POF member approach you in public?Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I did this once - right after I got on, ran into someone in my local sports bar and actually didn't realize in the first seconds where I recognized them from.

Yeah, I'd had a coupla beers already, so said an enthusiastic 'hi, now where do I know you from?' which was rewarded with 'panic eyes'... Not sure if he was on the site 'on the sly' or just embarrassed in front of his buddies (he was not with a date).

After my friends stopped laughing, they assured me that was a real no-no.

OOPS! Sorry 'bout that dude. I can't remember, he might have blocked me after that.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 77
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 8:19:40 AM

I think people are more comfortable having the power to pick and choose who will get to meet the real deal and taking that power away from them by approaching them in public can feel a bit like an ambush.


I can see that you like to "pick". But I share your sentiments---I felt it was intrusive. When I was approached, I didn't have my contacts in and was wearing my glasses, and it felt awkward. My ability to put my best foot forward was taken away.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 78
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 8:41:12 AM
I would rather NOT have anyone approach me. I've seen people that I recognise out at local hang outs but we some times make eye contact but never talk. I send a message to one particular guy and he says for me to come over and say Hi to him, but I dont...

A few years ago when I first joined the forums, I started talking with a lady from Canada. She was visiting a friend in Florida (where I live), not only was she coming to the town that I live in but the SAME street I lived in! Now Florida is not that small...we met up had a few drinks and a few laughs about fellow Poffers. Havent seen you on here for a while Savona! You gotta come visit again for a few and
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 79
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 1:04:02 PM
OH MY GAWD NO! DO NOT!

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER EVER EVER ALLOW YOUR FANTASY ONLINE WORLD TO SEEP INTO REAL LIFE!

KEEP IT UNREAL!

STAY HOME!

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER OR SMART PHONE! EYES ON THE SCREEN AT ALL TIME!

ARE YOU ACTUALLY CONSIDERING EYE CONTACT?????

IN PUBLIC?????

speaking to people in real life is taboo!

what IS wrong WITH YOU PEOPLE?

What is wrong with you people? I have my own self made expression for this attitude and the coinsciding behaviors... "Technology pollution/corruption"...

What else could it be? That's my attempt to put a possible comic spin on all this bull$hit!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 80
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 8:06:11 PM

Yeah, I'd had a coupla beers already, so said an enthusiastic 'hi, now where do I know you from?' which was rewarded with 'panic eyes'







OOPS! Sorry 'bout that dude. I can't remember, he might have blocked me after that.


Ya come people dont like being known.

 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 81
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 8:52:59 PM
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER EVER EVER ALLOW YOUR FANTASY ONLINE WORLD TO SEEP INTO REAL LIFE!


You're tellin me

Too late


 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 82
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/20/2012 11:39:35 PM
If it is someone I have not exchanged messages with definately not!
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 83
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 1:58:12 AM
And this is why you all are still single..

Oh wait.. i am too. .

 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 84
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 3:57:53 AM

If a POF member notices a female POF member in public should he introduce himself? why or why not?



I honestly could never see how anybody could recognize someone from a picture unless you were studying that picture or pictures for hours.....or unless you got a great "cognitive" vision. I am a believer of nobody looks like their picture, doesn't matter if they look better or worse in the picture, I couldn't recognize anybody from this site or another without speaking to them in person first. Now if it was a video recording I could recognize someone those are more accurate than "snap shots".


Would I approach someone I recognize.....nope. Let them be.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 85
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 5:26:55 AM

Well even a broken clock is right twice a day , I guess even " nice guys" gets the girls the odd time its kind of touching , I just find it hilarious that some folks loves to give their point of view on things that makes no sense at all.


So instead of agreeing to disagree you essentially say people are giving a wrong point of view that doesn't mesh with your beliefs.

This entire thread has been nothing but you and some others saying everyone is wrong and creepy for wanting to introduce themselves in real life and mentioning they saw someone on POF and the rest of us pointing out why it can be non-creepy, and even going so far as to point out examples of when it's acceptable...

I don't get it, do you refuse to compromise and let opinions be opinions are do you fight bitterly to the end when people give their point of view on things "that make no sense" to you?
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 86
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 5:55:47 AM
^^^Are you suggesting he give up his principles and values when faced with opposition or difficulties? Are you not the one desperately trying to change the way another person thinks or feels?


This entire thread has been nothing but you and some others saying everyone is wrong and creepy for wanting to introduce themselves in real life and mentioning they saw someone on POF and the rest of us pointing out why it can be non-creepy


This can't be true because I'm here. I write about what I think and feel and I use personal examples from my own life to illustrate my points. So I don't see how I could be on either side of your coin - I'm neither saying "everyone is wrong and creepy" nor am I trying to make arguments, "pointing out why it can be non-creepy".

Just to clarify, I don't think it is wrong, I do think it is a bit creepy and I understand that this is something each person, whether greeting or greeted, will have to sort out for themselves under the particular circumstances at the time.

My experience suggests to me that this is not a winning strategy.

Knock yourself out buddy, you're a big boy - you do your thing...and let others do the same.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 87
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:10:29 AM
Msg 97 I wasn't talking to you when I made that comment, perhaps if you read it s l o w l y you would see I was talking to those that thinks they know me making comments about my ability of meeting people.

Second thing, you seem to flip flop on this subject, msg 6, 15, and 57, you go back n forth, approaching someone and saying " Hi I recognized you from a site" vs asking someone you barely know for a date because you recognize them from a site or Facebook are two different things.

I find it creepy if someone approaches me when I'm with my goddaughter, I don't approach people I recognize from the site because I respect their space and so What If I drop them a note saying that I saw them and I respected their space?I did that and she respected me for that and we became friends after ,she was also at work. Im just giving you my experience.

Its not about being chicken shit, I tend to respect people space when it comes to online, or Facebook, but then again I'm not the type that friends people friends because Ive seen their pics. My point is If you see someone on a dating site and you haven't emailed them for some reason and now you have the " guts " to walk up to them in person and say something to them tells me something and you don't find that strange? I would .

I meet people all the time because I'm not shy and have a easy going nature, but that doesn't mean I will go up to a someone that is on dating site and Ive never had a conversation with and say something to them ,some finds that creepy and by reading some of the posts some women agrees , and some don't , my point is you don't know who will find it acceptable, sure some will say take a chance but I'm not interested in possibly creeping someone out.

Its different for men and women, Most men don't mind if a woman approaches them in public vs women , some might find that creepy, especially if the guy has no picture, just because one has a picture on a site doesn't mean its acceptable for every guy that has a picture can approach them, I'm sure if If the two women that approached me when I was out and I found them appealing I might of been flattered, I don't know since It hasn't happened I cant say.

Ive had conversations with a few posters on here and Ive told them If I'm in your city, I like to take to them to lunch or if they are in my city I will take them for lunch and a cannoli at Sanremo Bakery .
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 88
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 11:41:29 AM
I don't think it is wrong, I do think it is a bit creepy...


I'm baffled by what is allegedly so creepy about assuming it's ok to approach someone who has willingly put his or her picture on the internet with the intent of engaging in a social dynamic.

Where is the logic in the following:

I'm going to put my picture on a dating site but nobody better approach me. ever. or I will scream.

 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 89
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 11:49:13 AM
Tell me the logic of not contacting a person on the site but its okay to walk up to them in a mall or where ever and telling them "Oh I recognize you from the site?" what is the purpose behind telling them? oh they might want to be your friend?
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 90
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 12:10:50 PM
Tell me the logic of not contacting a person on the site but its okay to walk up to them in a mall or where ever and telling them "Oh I recognize you from the site?" what is the purpose behind telling them? oh they might want to be your friend?


Assuming you're capable and prepared to engage in a discussion that doesn't involve trying to play "I'm a better man", allow me to reiterate my previous post wherein I stated that messaging users on pof more often than not produces no response. I, personally, have found it easier to engage people in real life than on pof. The obstacle in real life is finding a common ground amongst strangers.

But that particular tide is shifting.

Your question doesn't even address the illogical approach that is placing your picture on a site whose function is devoted to social intercourse while maintaining a don't approach me socially attitude.

Let me make it clearer:

why would anyone put his or her own image on a social interaction site if he or she didn't want to engage socially?
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 91
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 12:33:03 PM
^^^You may not want to play the "I'm a better man" game but you are pretty keen on playing the "I'm a tough guy" game.

You don't need to repeat yourself, we can all read. The answer to your question is splattered all over the pages of this thread.

Scroll up
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 92
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 12:34:32 PM

Assuming you're capable and prepared to engage in a discussion that doesn't involve trying to play "I'm a better man", allow me to reiterate my previous post wherein I stated that messaging users on pof more often than not produces no response. I, prersonally, have found it easier to engage people in real life than on pof. The obstacle is finding a common ground amongst strangers
aren't we a little touchy today? read much? did you read any of posts that said/suggested/insinuated " I'm a better man" Good Lord.

Second thing sport my point was and maybe I should of been clear or more clearer , I will use your example of emailing people that has no results okay? so if you follow your example ....you see a woman online and you email her and she doesn't respond for what ever reason and you see her in public you believe that is your cue to tell her " oh I seen you online" and that is okay? Did I get the gist of that?

I'm sorry But I don't see the logic in that, if she ignored me online I'm certainly not going to waste my time approaching her because I would suspect she wasn't interested in the first place, while I will acknowledge some folks are better in the real world meeting and can approach a stranger, I get that, why not just go up to her like normal without mentioning you seen her on a dating site?



Your question doesn't even address the illogical approach that is placing your picture on a site whose function is devoted to social intercourse while maintaining a don't approach me socially attitude.
I Wasn't asking a question.



Let me make it clearer:

why would anyone put his or her own image on a social interaction site if he or she didn't want to engage socially?
Could you dumb it down for me, cause I'm incapable of understanding logic according to the likes of you.

The point of posting your pictures on line is to increase your chances of meeting someone, at least that is what the powers to be has shared with us, some one to contact them ON THE SITE, unfortunately in this age of technology and social media etc, some folks thinks because one posts their pics and some info about them that its okay to talk to them in the real world and let them know about it, yeah okay sorry Im not buying that one.

Sorry but not too many folks in the real world have tact, which is my I mentioned the woman that approached me earlier when I was with my goddaughter, to me that was uncalled for. The other woman at least waiting until I was sitting alone while I was waiting for my buds to show up in the mall.
 bethesdafoodie
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 93
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 1:10:06 PM

Just because my image is on here does not mean I am not entitled to my privacy in public.


pub·lic/ˈpəblik/
Adjective:
Of or concerning the people as a whole.
Noun:
Ordinary people in general; the community.
Synonyms:
adjective. common - open - national - general - communal - overt
noun. audience - people - house - community

pri·vate/ˈprīvit/
Adjective:
Belonging to or for the use of one particular person or group of people only.

There is no expectation of privacy in public, if you want privacy don't go into the public.

Obviously I feel there should be tact used and people shouldn't approach others when they're with their family/friends and engaged in activities; but I don't see how it's any different than recognizing someone you know goes to the same gym and saying hi.

People need to take a chill pill, if you're afraid of getting recognized in public, don't put up images that ANYONE can see. If you don't want to talk to someone in public, don't talk to them and if they get out of line deal with it appropriately and legally.

Clearly some people think it's not okay to ever be social with someone you've seen online on one of the largest dating sites on this planet, and that's their prerogative to not engage in conversation.

Also Iceman, we get it, you don't like it when people approach you when you're with your god daughter; but I and others have already conceded that approaching someone when they're engaged with others isn't very tactful.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 94
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 1:44:18 PM

if you're afraid of getting recognized in public, don't put up images that ANYONE can see


This is excellent advice for anyone who really cares about this subject since some people just don't get it.
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 95
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:26:04 PM

I Wasn't asking a question.



what is the purpose behind telling them?


Sure looks like a question to me.


you see a woman online and you email her and she doesn't respond for what ever reason and you see her in public you believe that is your cue to tell her " oh I seen you online" and that is okay? Did I get the gist of that?


That is not the scenario I was addressing. If I emailed a lady on pof and she didn't respond I wouldn't approach that woman in real life if I were to see her. That would be pushing an uncomfortable situation that very likely would turn out unpleasant.

What I am arguing is why a guy might not email a woman on pof and yet attempt an introduction in real life. It's a different circumstance.

I was addressing the woman's post that assumed a guy wouldn't email her because he was "scared". She said "why would he have the guts to approach me in person." I offered an example based on my own experience.
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 96
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:27:17 PM

^^^You may not want to play the "I'm a better man" game but you are pretty keen on playing the "I'm a tough guy" game.

You don't need to repeat yourself, we can all read. The answer to your question is splattered all over the pages of this thread.


So, what is your point, really?
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 97
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:31:22 PM
It's going to happen sooner or later, we often see people we know on here.
 Vardoger
Joined: 8/27/2010
Msg: 98
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:32:52 PM
If I was out with my child and men I had not spoken to approached me I'd be none to pleased. Just because my image is on here does not mean I am not entitled to my privacy in public.


Yes, it's true. There are circumstances that would make the real life approach/introduction inappropriate.

But as we are all adults here, we must acknowledge that there are possibly unpleasant consequences for putting our pictures on an internet dating site when we are all aware that there are creeps in the world. I'm not excusing creepy behavior, and your example is one such situation.

However, it is a gross generalization to assume any introduction in real life is necessarily going to be unpleasant or unwelcome.
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/21/2012 6:45:53 PM
My first and only POF approach in public was a surprising pleasant one.

Nice woman recognize me from POF on my morning commute. Had a very pleasant conversation about our POF experience.

I now see her quite often on our morning passing and occasionally enjoy a coffee (her) and tea (me) for breakfast, at least once a week now. I guess one could say, we're friends now!
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 100
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/22/2012 4:49:17 PM
Hee hee I saw TWO today..at the local HomeRepair Show..they were both older than their pics by at least 6+ yrs and w i d e r than their pics, less hair and gray, lol. One recognised me but didnt say anything to me.
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