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 PhysicsEqualLove
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 101
Should A POF member approach you in public?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I would say introduce youreself and explain your reasoning ....just be sure to be yourself and remember that the government does not control your mind, you do....this was simply a reference to "stalking as a law"

Syx Downs
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 102
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:24:15 PM
I had a guy who recognized me..he introduced himself..he was a nice guy.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 103
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:26:54 PM
they were both older than their pics by at least 6+ yrs and w i d e r than their pics, less hair and gray, lol.




Must have got a good look at their retinas or 'something'
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 104
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:35:16 PM
If a woman fears she will be recognized in public, there's a simple solution. The solution is to delete your profile and pictures on POF and all other dating sites. While you're at it, either delete your Facebook account or remove all pictures on it. Your Facebook friends know what you look like, so there's no need to add to the danger by posting pictures there. And delete your picture on any other social site. Either do that or go out in public wearing a ski mask at all times. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
 2pleasure2live
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 105
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Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:11:35 AM
There are so many perspectives and i thank you all.......well online there s a womans screening process; your not attracted to the guy whether its his age height color tattoos piercing haircut shaved or his profile doesnt get your attention either its to simple or not enough grammatically poor sentence structure(like mine) ect all that within the comfort of her place in front of a laptop with plenty of time to respond or not. Now the same guy in person may remember you and your profile and catch you off guard and puts you on the spot, may be awkward or creepy . It seems some of us are shy and have digital courage behind a laptop and others are shy but have liquid courage when in person .Overall i think if the person uses tact is polite and not intrusive nor broadcasting to everyone in the area i see no problem approaching. (thats if im in the mood )
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 106
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/27/2012 7:41:20 AM
I live in a small town, connected to other small towns, with people from out of town working here. The odds of running into a familiar PoF member in real life or personally knowing them, are pretty high. I know, for instance, that a lot of snoopy people glean their gossip about me from my forum posts, and it does crack me up, because I have no real taboo discussion topics in real life, and if I did, I wouldn't post them here.

If I am with my daughter, yeah, it would be tactless to approach me. If I am with a man, probably still tactless. There are men who know me fairly well through work, or social circles, or at least interact with me often, who will not approach me when I am with my daughter because they feel it is up to the woman, in that case, to approach- and we don't have any future romance/sexual anything between us. Agreed, also, that if you contacted someone by email and that person blocked/deleted you, you probably should not approach them- or expect a warm welcome when you do. I wouldn't approach someone with "I recognize you from PoF" but say the classic "You look familiar", if they agree, then ask if that person is on the same dating site as you. "which one is that?" Wow, you just started a conversation. Actually, it would probably work as a "line" of approach even if you did NOT recognize that person. Tact is always important when approaching someone for social reasons.

I have seen/noticed men in public noticing me, and then seen them put up (or unhide) a profile and then "view" me, and sometimes wink, and sometimes actually email. I had a seven year relationship from that. If you can't get up the nerve to approach them in public, ask them in an email if that was them that you saw irl at such and such a time and place. Ask if you can say hi, next time you see them.

Online dating is NOT dating, it is introduction and advertising. Dating ONLY occurs in real life.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 107
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/27/2012 3:03:39 PM
This topic brings too mind for me these dithering, indecisive people on here and probably all other dating sites. I'm reffering to these people who may have already seen you in the flesh somehow, and you may have also seen them. Then you get chatting on pof or wherever, and they say their not ready to meet you in a public place. Like duhhhh! How stupid! Are you on here to meet and get to know people or not?

The same goes for these clowns who when asked to meet somewhere with someone where there's suppposedly a mutual interest, but say they won't meet you right away, even if they could. Those clowns, are the game players I make every effort to avoid. If your making it sound like you want to meet people and then carry on like this with other people (who I will say come across as decent respectful people), then your not ready for online dating.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 108
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/27/2012 3:27:03 PM

If a woman fears she will be recognized in public….Be afraid. Be very afraid.


There’s a big difference between being afraid of being approached, and not wanting to be approached.

How about simple respect and common courtesy? Is that so difficult to understand? An active profile on a dating site invites inquiring emails; not inappropriate surprise introductions from strangers in person.

Something to consider…just because you may recognize someone from here, doesn’t mean they recognize you….and if they do, why didn’t they contact you? Not interested, would be my guess. A public rejection may sting a bit more than a deleted email.
 BMB81
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 109
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/28/2012 2:21:27 PM
It totally depends on the setting. I've walked up to men in local bars and said, hey, you look familiar. I've had the same thing happen to me. There is no actual mention of POF, but its implied. Once, I was at a bar and I got mixed signals from this really shy guy with a totally hot body. He was so fit that I assumed he was gay because of the mixed signals, so I turned around to talk to my girl friend. I admit I had a little bit of a buzz, he sent me a message that night on here and told me I was rude. I had no idea what he was talking about, but when we finally met up we ended up laughing about it. What was creepy to me was when I had a FB friend of a friend send me a FB message and say I see you, can I come talk to you when I was at a local pub. He had the same first name as someone else, so I told him to come on over and then was totally uncomfortable when I realized that I had no idea who this man was. I look at POF just like any other social networking site, don't be direct and approach people in public. It freaks them out.
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 111
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/29/2012 10:45:14 AM
Nope, you should not approach her..

If she wanted you she would have approached you on POF...
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 112
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/29/2012 12:23:12 PM
I'm starting to see quite a few people in my neighbourhood who are on POF. One woman in particular has a head full of dreadlocks, she's hard to miss. I don't stop her to say hello for the same reasons I didn't message her in here. Why on earth would I?

If I liked her, I'd send her a message in the way that she is open to. Since neither of us in interested in the other, she's just another interesting looking person in my 'hood.
 SamsMommy
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 113
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/29/2012 3:17:41 PM
You lose your anonymity when you post a picture on a website, or engage in any other on line social networking site. I guess you could say that a person would have to see this as an acceptable risk when it comes to someone recognizing them. This is especially true if you live in a community as small as mine where just about everyone knows each other!
 kathy5860
Joined: 6/8/2009
Msg: 114
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/29/2012 4:15:46 PM
Sure they should. I find no proplem with that. In fact that has happened to me on several occasions. As long as it is something that does not make someone feel uncomfortable.
 Brody_9
Joined: 1/26/2012
Msg: 115
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Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/29/2012 4:31:37 PM
Definity not... I would email them after and say that you might have saw them, but other then that dont do it. What if they are with their co-workers or family that dont know they are on a site. Also if she wanted you to meet her in person she would ask on here...Thats my opinion anyways :) Hope that helps!!
 Milnoc514
Joined: 1/15/2012
Msg: 116
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/29/2012 5:43:09 PM
I'm curious to know if there's a link between the various responses, and the perceived level of crime in their area, wondering if that might be influencing everyone's decision.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 117
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Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 1/30/2012 11:25:02 AM

Why on earth would I?


Maybe she has a cousin who is a smokin hot babe that would like to rock your world but since you don't have the interesting dreadlocked girl in your social circle you'll now never meet her cousin. Interesting people often having interesting friends.
BTW.. I love that shirt!

OT.. I wouldn't mind at all if I were approached in public by another POF member. So long as I didn't end up hearing a "nice guy" rant when I tell them I'm not single, that is.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 118
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 5/12/2012 10:34:34 PM
^^^Yeah, it's one of those love/hate things that is overly efficient at weeding people out. Feel free to make you own and spread the word. Oh and dreads don't frighten me, it was just an example. Now there is this red head with a cane I've seen on my street but I couldn't catch up to her. I guess that's natural selection at work?

I was thinking about this thread when I saw an attractive woman at a local live music venue. I cautiously and apologetically mentioned that I'd seen her profile, she smiled, we said a few totally irrelevant words to each other and I didn't bother her again for the rest of the night. I saw her on her way out and she gave a nice smile, so I wrote her in here to say hello...hello....helllooooo?

Oh well. Seemed like a good idea at the time and nobody seemed too put out by it all. Of course, my lack of charisma is hardly "proof" that it is a bad idea to approach someone in public. In my own defense, it was a very small venue and a wonderful and most certainly not main-stream band - that made it seem a little less like a potential ambush...and it was a bar for crissakes.

Besides, the way things are going in here lately, I'd gladly take a slap or some spittle in the face over shouting into the wind.

I still think jumping out of the fresh produce isle and yelling "Hey aren't you MistrixofThorns?", is a pretty bad idea though.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 119
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 5/12/2012 11:24:23 PM
I agree with Brody 9

I wouldnt appreciate being approached as not everyone wants it to be known they are on dating sites and how awkward would it be if you didnt fancy them in any way, shape or form.

If they are interested they can find your profile on line later and make contact that way perhaps. I have had others staring at me in the street also and often wondered if they recognised me from the sites. So now I hide my profile as I am only on the forums.

One guy that I rejected because he was such a bore and wouldnt make any real conversation online came up to me and gave me a disapproving look in the supermarket months later. It too me a while to realise who he was but he was a total bore and so be it. In actual fact he was rather attractive in person, so it was a bit of a shame.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 120
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 5/13/2012 4:34:41 AM
I'd have no qualms doing it, but I wouldn't say...."Hey, aren't you "HotSexyMamma456" on POF? lol I'd probably approach her as if I had met her before in my life.

Another woman, now this was quite an interesting story. Different site though, you know how sometimes a website would send you "Your Matches" for the week? Well, I'd sometimes get these, and browse through them.

One of my female friends was having a gathering at her place, and turns out one of her friends was one of MY matches. LOL. My friend introduced me to her, and we chatted some. When I got home, I saw her on Facebook, and talked to her there....we even added each other on FB.

We get to talking a bit, and that's when I mentioned the whole "my matches" thing. I said, "By the way, you wouldn't happen to be on Match, would you?" and she said, "Yeah, I am not a subscriber anymore, too much money to be putting into that."

And I said, "Oh okay, because you turned out to be one of my matches, lol!" Then I asked her if she was seeing anyone...and her response.....

"It's none of your business who I am seeing or what my dating life is like" and promptly removed me from her FB friend's list.

In the great words of Steve Martin, "Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeeee!!"
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 121
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:29:27 AM
the thing is, if you first see someone from a dating website and recognize them in person without a meet setup, you have to had examined their pictures for a long time. to examine a stranger's pictures so carefully that you'd recognize them randomly out in public shows creepiness and obsessiveness, esp. if you approach someone in real life and yet NOT ever interact with them in any manner.

thankfully, i've never been approached in person by someone from online. i attribute it to my limited online presence and i never mention where i am, what my usual hangouts are, etc. i also probably put up a vibe that's not easily "approachable" aka flirtatious. in general, i am always pretty careful about how i conduct myself because it's true that i cannot control what others think, feel, do; i can control myself and the cues i give off. i wouldn't act like i'm open to just anyone to come up to me. i don't really have a "fûčk you" attitude or scowl on my face either, but i do have very strong boundaries, so that will deter a lot of people.
another reason is, i now live in la again. there's like half a million more single straight guys than there are single straight women. sure, maybe some people in my neighborhood could be on dating websites and may have seen me hanging out but they at least have the tact to not come up to me and take me by surprise. i must say though, a lot of my female friends have been stalked by online guys and i was there with them. some of my friends are softies and pushovers but if anyone disrespects my friends, i put those @śšholes on blast.


Yep If I go out and do the shopping i have my 4 eyes on, my hair scraped up and generally am not 'polished' whereas if I chat with someone and make a date with them Im gonna have my contacts in and gerneally look less messy than I do during the day.....personally im not the kinda person to slap on full war paint and heels for a trip to tesco...


that could be a culturally engrained habit now. people use to "dress up" in suits, hats, dresses, heels all for everyday wear. even if they didn't leave the house, they'd have to dress like that. it's call taking pride in appearance.
i'm not one of those people who looks like a mess going out in public when there's no intentions of seeing anyone specific. i'm an angeleno. we don't believe in going out looking gross. we have to look decent because we were raised with the mentality that "you never know who's going to see you so better put best foot forward all the time." the thing is, "best foot forward" doesn't always mean makeup, tight dress, and heels or slacks, dress shoes, and button up collared shirt. it can just mean putting forth a positive attitude and looking clean and decent. i'm one of those people who looks like a hot mess at home and in public. i don't believe in "dressing to impress." whatever i can wear everyday, i'll wear to work, to hangout with friends, to lounge around the house, etc. slacking off in public just because you were running to the grocery store shows others that you're lazy and sloppy most of the time.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 122
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:30:50 AM
the thing is, if you first see someone from a dating website and recognize them in person without a meet setup, you have to had examined their pictures for a long time. to examine a stranger's pictures so carefully that you'd recognize them randomly out in public shows creepiness and obsessiveness


And you can be so sure of this? People can recognize someone from a picture without having studied it intently at all. Sometimes it can be a quick glance. To label them as creepy simply because they recognized you out in public from a picture online, is quite absurd. Very absurd assumption.

Correct me of I might be misinterpreting that though, so basically the OP, and some of the other people here who had simply recognized them out and about at the grocery store, that we're "creepers"? Is that what you're implying?
 UniquelyPassionateCandy
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 123
Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:54:39 AM
I have had guys from POF who end up being my customers where I work. But the creepy part is, they don't try to chat me up there. They message me here (and usually they are the ones with no pic). So, I have no idea which of my customers they are. But then I feel like I am being stalked lol Not exactly the way a girl wants to be approached.

Personally if I ran into a guy from POF, I would try to say hello without bringing up the fact that we are both on POF.
 Ash_Com
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 124
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Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 6/26/2012 12:27:49 PM
personally I've had it happen and I did not like it at all. Being on POF is not necessarily something you want the whole world to know. Maybe it would have been different if he had approached it differently but as it was we were at a bar and I was talking with one of his friends when he started, very loudly I might add, saying that he recognized me from here. I didn't recognize him at all and felt extremely uncomfortable to the point that I actually denied it and yet he still kept saying it. All in all it really depends on the situation, but if your not sure if you should say anything, you probably shouldn't. If your really that interested send her a message when you get home.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 125
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Should A POF member approach you in public?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:34:59 PM
Once I was at a movie theater in a line waiting to be let in for the next show, and I turned around to look at the woman who had gotten in line right behind me, and, lo and behold, we both instantly recognized one another as having chatted a few times (but never bothered to set up a meeting) as a result of another dating site besides POF some years earlier. I don't remember who said something first, but it didn't matter -- we both knew one of us had to say something. We talked about the incredible coincidence of that happening for a few minutes, but as soon as they opened the doors to the auditorium, we went our seperate ways and didn't see each other again that night or ever communicate again. One reason we never met is because I had no real interest in her -- it would have been a completely different situation if it was somebody I was wild about that I had lost touch with.

I also ran into a woman I had chatted with for a while from yet another dating site at a club one night when I was with my then-girlfriend. We also recognized each other immediately, and by God, if I hadn't been in a relationship at that point, I definitely would have said more than I did to that woman. But as it was, we just both kinda said at the same time, "Hey, don't I know you?" and then spent less than a minute figuring it out before laughing it off and going our seperate ways.

Of course, these are cases of women I've actually had communication with. I doubt I would recognize 99% of the POF women I've either never had any communication with or only sent one-and-done email with. I'd probably recognize a fellow forum-ite, but just some random woman whose profile I looked at once? THAT SAID, there are some profiles that pop up regularly in your matches or at the top of the screen for YEARS, and I probably would recognize them -- I'm not sure what if anything I would say to them, and I would wonder if I pop up as often in their matches that they would recognize me. I probably would have to mention the POF thing right away because I'm terrible at cold opens, but I wouldn't do that if they were within earshot of family or friends.
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