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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why is it so hard for single moms to date?      Home login  
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 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 26
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
wow.. You are kidding right??

Love love the stero type that runs rampant in here..

The few yell the loudest. The majority of us hold decent jobs, have decent education, good morals and are really good parents. All of that and a lot of us did it despite not having help from the father. Just because you pick the "losers" of the group does not mean that is representative of all of us. Plus.. Working single moms who put the kids first get a lot flack for not being available at a guy beckoning call. So really.. pick a problem.

Or how about judge not lest ye be judged. I'm sure all those who judge are perfect in every way..
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 27
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/11/2014 11:45:28 AM
I just assumed it meant they weren't really into me. I have a lot of things going on besides being a momma too. Always have. But when I liked a guy, there was always time in my schedule for him. idk. just offered it for comparison.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 28
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/11/2014 3:20:05 PM
I find people's opinions on how the opposite sex handles their free time has a lot to do with their OWN objectivity about how much 'free time' SHOULD be available -- and it's always going to vary somewhat from person to person. Pretty much along the same lines of when 'exclusivity' or commitment happens - it's a dynamic timetable to be sure. The rough part is realizing how it affects the other person, and sometimes (due to ignorance or lack of communication) you just NEVER know.

Making time for someONE is what matters in the long run. Making time for dating in general is just good practice.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 29
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 7/7/2014 10:46:28 AM
most really cant work,and really cost society a lot of money....as a society,we need to start limiting the endless handouts we are giving these women,it takes two parents to bring up a child
 SeekingmyForeverArms
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 30
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 7/8/2014 8:54:40 PM
Making time for someONE is what matters in the long run. Making time for dating in general is just good practice.

that's basically what I meant. I like it when guys have hobbies and interests of their own that they pursue. But if there isn't a fwe hours a few times a week to date, then either A. he's not really interested in me. B. he shouldn't be trying to date.


most really cant work,and really cost society a lot of money....as a society,we need to start limiting the endless handouts we are giving these women,it takes two parents to bring up a child

That's a misnomer. Most work. in 2013 2/3s of single moms were employed. Of those who aren't 25% are on unemployment. Most would work more if they were able. Most do whatever they can to make ends meet. It's hardly our fault that we are paid 78 cents per dollar for the same position as men. It's hardly our fault that the father walked away from his child which makes it nearly impossible for some to work full time. It's not our fault that the father chooses to not help financially. Most of us are doing whatever we can to feed cloth and provide adequate shelter. Child care costs have increased astronomically, anywhere from 25-50% of your income. Add that to housing costs which is often half or more of a single parents income. And there isn't much left to eat off of. Even if you have family watching your children while you work. You're still struggling to make ends meet after rent and other necessities.

As a society we need to stop the epidemic of deadbeat parents. Ya know.. a child is better of with 2 active parents (barring extreme circumstances of course), a child has more opportunity available to them with 2 active parents and each parent has more ability to work or better themselves with education.

Even better would be to stop making sex talks a forbidden thing and start making it normal. Maybe then people would take sex and the consequences seriously and use protection.

PS. .i'm still waiting for all of those "endless handouts" you speak of. lol
 the_biggavell
Joined: 6/6/2014
Msg: 31
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/20/2015 6:02:12 AM
Just keep in mind most single moms arent single by accident.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 32
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/20/2015 7:05:05 AM

Just keep in mind most single moms arent single by accident.

Correct.

A lot of the time, the deadbeat daddy has done a 'hit and run' and has left it to the woman - and society - to shoulder his financial responsibility FOR him.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 33
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/20/2015 9:49:11 AM

A lot of the time, the deadbeat daddy has done a 'hit and run'

I think "A lot" really depends on the age demographic. The 'deadbeat dad' is definitely not across the board. Most 30-40 somethings that break up have TWO working parents. My brother was 'Mr. Mom' at home with three little kids, and now is scrambling to find a job since his WIFE abandoned the household.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 34
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/25/2015 1:55:48 AM
Single Moms are way hot. They have to be a bit more on the ball than a cat lady, and so they generally are. Single Mom at 15 probably not such a great look, Single woman in her 40's with no kids probably got issues.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 35
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/25/2015 11:17:01 PM

Single Moms are way hot. They have to be a bit more on the ball than a cat lady, and so they generally are. Single Mom at 15 probably not such a great look, Single woman in her 40's with no kids probably got issues.


My issues are that I'm too lazy to have kids and have no maternal instincts­čśŁ
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 36
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 1/26/2015 3:07:54 AM
Of course, there simply isnt enough room to write down all my issues... Plus I have kids of my own so that is viewed differently to a guy who does not.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 37
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/25/2015 5:21:32 PM
I'm not sure if it's always the way you've described in reality, but if you're finding that single mothers are more careful about committing to you, it may be they keep themselves open to other options longer because they have more to lose if they make a mistake in the person they choose to be with . It's not only themselves that they have to be careful for - but also their children.

As far as 'caring for everyone else" but not taking "the time to do for themselves sometimes", that's just 'being a mother - being a mother (single or not) means trying to ensure that the needs of their children are taken care of... this often doesn't leave time or energy to put in to themselves.

A child NEEDS the mother, a child is vulnerable and unable to cope without her, until they reach a certain level of maturity... a guy she's dating is hopefully already beyond that level and is able to function separately. If you want to continue dating single mothers then be prepared to support and appreciate them for who they are, instead of wanting them to change to suit your expectations. I think you'll find that the more you care for them where they're at, the more they'll be interested in making the time to spend with you.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 38
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/25/2015 5:36:36 PM

OMG,single mothers date like crazy...the government makes sure they are living well,and they are all about having fun,having men show them a good time,usually when a woman writes my children comes first,that is code for,out to have a great time!


I'm not sure which single mothers you've known, but I can say that when my children were younger, after taking care of them by myself, doing university courses and working, there was no time or energy left to go out and party all the time - and that was because they WERE coming first.

Single mothers don't usually plan to have children and raise them as single parents, you know. I was married to my ex (and yes, the father of all of my four children) for 17 years. Thankfully I didn't have the 12 kids he started off by saying he wanted, until I said, 'not happening'... although with TV these days I could have probably had my own TV show :D
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 39
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/26/2015 3:27:33 AM

most really cant work,and really cost society a lot of money....as a society,we need to start limiting the endless handouts we are giving these women,it takes two parents to bring up a child


You can stop voting or people who restrict access to proper sex education, birth control and reproductive clinics, and hindering young women's safety and well-being and climb to self-sufficiency and power. (I'm talking about real equality -- not the imagined equality in dating.)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 40
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/26/2015 10:57:44 AM
Legislating morality aside, once the kid is there, the whole reproductive rights (or general child funding) argument is nothing more than a whiny echo of the past. The kid is THERE, and therefore IS a 'player' in the game whether you want them to be there or not. What people need to get past is the general ignorance that you are only dealing with ONE person and ONE schedule for dating. Each child will have their own needs and schedules, as well as each (hopefully only 1) Ex, and possibly daycare provider and sitter schedules as well. It IS a whole damn village needed to raise a child. Coordinating the stuff is tough, no doubt about it.

That being said, being disciplined about your time management is really not much different than being disciplined about money. People that have some measure of control in their lives can allocate 'Adult' time pretty much the same way people can discipline themselves to put some savings away out of each paycheck. BUT - Time is a fleeting asset that doesn't grow or gain interest by not being used, so it needs to be 'spent' - or it's gone. Inventing a way to keep an evening or even just a few hours a week dedicated to 'Adult' time NO MATTER WHAT allows people to 'exercise' their social muscles and realize time CAN be found in a schedule, and that you are NOT completely at the mercy of the rugrats' demands 24/7. So many parents become 'victims' of their kids simply by not allowing themselves free time.

It's tough setting aside money for a kids' college fund when you have no idea whether or not they will ever attend - but a lot of you are still doing it, right? It's no different for dating. You don't need a date first to set aside time - you set aside time FIRST so you CAN date. It's not easy. It's NEVER easy. But people can - and are - doing it. Massively overweight people have found the discipline to not eat so much and FOUND THE TIME to work out and lose a lot and change their lives - defying the odds - so anything is possible.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 41
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/26/2015 2:47:55 PM

Legislating morality aside, once the kid is there, the whole reproductive rights (or general child funding) argument is nothing more than a whiny echo of the past.


No, it isn't. It's just as prevalent among people with EXISTING children as it is with people whom don't have children. And, yes -- these things largely impact somebody's time to relate as well as considering relating to others who may or may not view our rights favorably.
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 42
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 5/27/2015 11:45:50 AM

You can stop voting or people who restrict access to proper sex education, birth control and reproductive clinics, and hindering young women's safety and well-being and climb to self-sufficiency and power. (I'm talking about real equality -- not the imagined equality in dating.)

Hmmm. Interesting. Could you elaborate on exactly how these women are disadvantaged to achieve sell sufficiency and power and how personal accountability factors into your line of reasoning.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 43
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/7/2015 4:42:51 PM
Hmmm. Interesting. Could you elaborate on exactly how these women are disadvantaged to achieve sell sufficiency and power and how personal accountability factors into your line of reasoning.
Billy isn't asking me but I couldn't resist this one. To the first part of the question, how are they disadvantaged? They are not. They are equally helpless with everyone else. Just because single mothers are the favourite clients of power, it doesn't mean that they have any real prospect of achieving anything for themselves. We have decided as a society to promote single motherhood and phase out the two parent family. Even though we want single mothers and illegitimate children to populate our future, that they will be allowed to achieve any measure of power is out of the question. Unfortunately, men's dating aspirations are not a big part of the master plan. It isn't a consideration.
 ganho2
Joined: 1/16/2015
Msg: 44
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/7/2015 5:07:24 PM

You can stop voting or people who restrict access to proper sex education, birth control and reproductive clinics, and hindering young women's safety and well-being and climb to self-sufficiency and power. (I'm talking about real equality -- not the imagined equality in dating.)


We have here sex education....girls can have access to birth control...and reproductive clinics....and yet we can question some of their career choices in terms of full time employment and where they want to be financially.


To the first part of the question, how are they disadvantaged? They are not. They are equally helpless with everyone else. Just because single mothers are the favourite clients of power,


Well perhaps they are disadvantaged by their mind set...I am a single custodial mother...it is too much to expect me to hold down full time employment and raise my children...so only 50% of custodial mother are employed full time...as society says...it is alright...it is too much to expect of you...we have programs and assistance to help you and or allow or enable you and your family to perpetuate the welfare cycle.


Correct.

A lot of the time, the deadbeat daddy has done a 'hit and run' and has left it to the woman - and society - to shoulder his financial responsibility FOR him.

And hear so often the suggestion is it that the mother is most likely to end the relationship...

According to the National Marriage Project, formerly at Rutgers University, now at the University of Virginia, a lot:
"Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women.


YET

Because women more strongly want to keep their children with them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces is much lower.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 45
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Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/7/2015 6:37:08 PM
In some communities many people get involved in the upbringing of a child, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc. In our country uneducated and often obese girls can make a career out of having babies, often addicts, so not "so way hot", I can tell you. The absent or not so absent Dads often contribute but in an underhanded way. Not declared to the government.

There are now laws in place where the single mothers have to try to find work once a child reaches a certain age. There are online businesses and cottage industries that resourceful single mothers can work at and still supervise the children. Or get school hours sort of work. However, some prefer to meet up with the other single mothers rather, chat, have coffee and cake, all on welfare. They get cheap housing, clothes and toys from charity shops and other benefits. All need to be looked at and revised as it does cost a fortune and we have a huge welfare bill..
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 46
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/9/2015 11:06:12 PM

It seems like when I date single moms because that's my preference, they are harder to date then a woman without kids.

Uhhh, yeah, duh. They're likely working and juggling kids to take care of. It's harder on their free time of course. And you weren't the only dude jockeying for her lesser free time here in this sausage-fest rodeo we call POF. :)

I totally understand that moms are busy with the kids, work and school or etc. I feel that some single moms care about everything else and everybody else but don't take the time to do for themselves sometimes.

Then why is dating single moms a preference? A fetish? A hankering for a woman who wears Mom Jeans? :)
*SNL Commerical for 'Mom Jeans': "I'm not a woman anymore... I'm a MOM!"

Is it best suited for a single father to date women without children?

Oh, okay, that's why. Well, still... I can see dating a single mom as an Expectation... but as a Preference? Why? "Oh, your kids are grown up and out of the house? Sorry babe, I need someone who's a mom right now." Don't get it. I can understand women who are younger and haven't had kids less likely to date a guy with a kid(s). But of course, when they get older and don't have kids, they sort of have to expect running into guys who are single dads, too.

In the end though also -- they tend to have more custody (handling) of the kids than the guy. So statistically speaking, they tend to be less available than a single dad. I would avoid single moms with toddlers and the like, and who have full custody. That will expose you to ones with more air to breathe in the dating world.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 47
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/9/2015 11:58:55 PM

Posted by norwegianguy123:
"Then why is dating single moms a preference? A fetish? A hankering for a woman who wears Mom Jeans? :)
*SNL Commerical for 'Mom Jeans': "I'm not a woman anymore... I'm a MOM!"

Googled the video for laughs...now THAT was very funny. Good SNL catch!
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 48
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:04:25 AM
^^

I feel similarly about single fathers and their baby-mama drama ... and I have two children (both over the age of 13 -- one of whom is an independent adult).
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 49
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/28/2015 5:59:45 PM
I remember my mom keeping her dating life hidden from me. just once do i remember one fellow, only because i got out of bed and ran around in my underwear (i was 5) not very discretely peaking at them and yelling "gitchy gotch".
Although unintentional, I take the blame for him never dating her again :) poor mom, so embarrassed.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 50
Why is it so hard for single moms to date?
Posted: 6/29/2015 4:53:31 PM

it takes two parents to bring up a child


With this logic, when a parent does the work of two, and does it well, he/she should get a $%#@! medal
All the gripes and groans can stfu







*waits for my medal
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