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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 33
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup? Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Stevenin2012- You can protect yourself financially, but let's say you had breast cancer and a double mastectomy after you were married ... does he get to protect himself from that liability, too, and get to say, hey, I am out of here, you had boobs when I married you and now you don't, a dealbreaker!


Seriously? How about if he gets prostrate cancer and can't fly his flag anymore, do I get to say, hey I am out of here because he can't get a stiffy...makes about as much sense.

And place all the bets you like...He was married 30 years and I was married 27 years His ex is mentally ill, mine is gay...neither of us ever thought we would be divorced until it happened. But when it happened, I found out how financially vulnerable I was, so did he. I was made homeless, he was forced into foreclosure.

I have recovered but he has not yet. I have a house and investments, he doesn't. I have no debt, he does. I am healthy, he has some health issues. Love is a splendid thing but after going through a divorce and a failed engagement with a man who liked to borrow my money without repayment, protecting our respective financial futures and the inheritances of our children legally against the unforseen seems wise.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 34
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 1/31/2012 7:32:45 PM

<div class="quote"> Just ask if he can wait and see how things look in a year of being together.
It's usually wise to do that anyway!
If he's not all that greatly in love and his purpose is mainly to be married to someone.. he'll let that be known.
I HATE to be a buzzkill or rain on your parade but...I had someone ask me to get married within 2 months of knowing him. I told him that if we are together for a year and still like each other,we could consider it. He showed his true colors within 6 months and was shown to the curb. Besides, if you have a good thing ( for you!), why ruin it and besides, when you hit a certain age, it isn't wise to share assets. Just my 2 cents...
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 35
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 1/31/2012 8:28:44 PM
Hey 1388SmartBlonde, I wonder how much these nay-Sayers have to loose? In mine and my late wife's wills and our trust we have a clause that's legal in our state, but not in some others, that any heirs that contest the terms of the wills/trust and lose, lose everything in their inheritance. That was put in to keep them from fighting over it. So if they want to contest the wills/trust agreement they darn well better be sure they're going to win the fight.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 36
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:31:56 AM
Good thought, Behind Blue Eyes 53. My Mom remarried a man with 3 children and had 3 of her own. When they set up their wills, it was arranged that all assets went to their surviving spouse until their death, then what remained was to be split equally among their 6 children with a similar clause that anyone contesting the will did so at their own expense and risk. My mother and step father both have passed and dividing the estate was done quickly and without any argument because of their good planning. You have done a wonderful thing for your children by setting up your estate that way.
 flcruiser
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 37
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:32:09 AM
I think it is necessary in todays world to protect your assets & credit when considering marriage or co-habitation...i know if the time ever came where I was considering marriage I would want to make sure I was legally protected...and would not be the least offended if the man felt the same regarding his assets...in fact I would encourage him to...
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 38
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 2:21:01 PM
Absolutely! Full disclosure required! Value yourself if you want to be valued.
A prenup stating that what assets you have before the marriage remain yours and vice versa for him. Anything you both accumulate during the marriage can be 50/50.

I'd go so far as to suggest you don't live in your home with him, because regardless of a prenuptual agreement the "marital" home becomes a joint asset when you marry and live in it as a couple. It will become half his automatically.

Rent out your home and treat it as an investment. Rent a property with him, have him pay half and you pay for your half from the rents from your home.

Love is a 2 way street. Someone who loves you, won't want to use you or put you at risk. If he refuses, you'll know that he's trying to better himself at your expense.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 39
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 2:59:50 PM
I can only speak of the laws in my state. The home you own when you get married, your partner is can only claim his/her share of the increase in equity from the time you're married. You should get a current appraisal of the property when you get married for that reason. Also you don't want to retitled the property in joint tenancy, unless you want them to have a claim against it. Talk to your lawyer about things like this.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 40
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 9:00:18 PM

hat a darn shame we all have to worry about this, it really does take the romance out . I wouldn't sign anything if I was asked but that 's just me, I would feel so hurt if asked to that I probably would leave him immediately.
Unfortunately it sounds just like a business deal to me, but hey I m old fashion and that's just the way I feel, take your prenup and shove it up your , well you know the rest.

Well sweetchic,
Then I'd have to assume you're marrying me for what I have, not me. The house I live in now will go to our daughter, my late wife and mine. That was her death bed wish and she inherited it from her late parents. If you or any others think I'm going to dishonor her memory by doing anything else, you're wrong.

I may in fact transfer the title to the house now, with a iron clad contract written up that I can live in it till I die. That would take that question completely off the table.

We're not talking about two people getting married in their 20s when neither has much.
 ageisjustanumber
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 41
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/2/2012 1:57:50 AM
it sounds like you are not ready. If you love someone you love them unconditionally and enjoy your lives together. Material things come and go , if you cant put the financials aside and are already thinking maybe what if you divorce. you may not be ready for any commitment
 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 42
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/2/2012 11:29:58 PM
Well its obvious your not going to marry for love..so yeah get a prenup...
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 43
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It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 9:52:10 AM
I think it is wise to protect your assets.
I think the naysayers have nothing to protect and everything to gain.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 44
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:28:37 AM
Thanks to all who replied, even those who were opposed to the idea.

As for skipping off into clover blinded by love, we both have been there, done that and what it took most of our adult lives to build up was eaten up by the divorce lawyers in just two or three. We love each other enough to never put the other through that again, so we both agree a pre-nup before marriage is the wisest and kindest course of action for our situation.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 45
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:28:50 AM
Thanks to all who replied, even those who were opposed to the idea.

As for skipping off into clover blinded by love, we both have been there, done that and what it took most of our adult lives to build up was eaten up by the divorce lawyers in just two or three. We love each other enough to never put the other through that again, so we both agree a pre-nup before marriage is the wisest and kindest course of action for our situation.
 ConnCat
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 46
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It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/7/2012 1:31:49 PM
How sad. This country has made a mockery of marriage on both ends: We can't keep them together at the end, and we set this depressing business-like tone at the beginning. I'm not blameless: My marriage ended. (Two beautiful children, though.) At the time I proposed, she was making good money, and I was in a transition phase. So she listened to all of her Wall Street-bottom-line-chick friends and asked me for a pre-nup. You gotta protect your ass, girlfriend!! I was totally put off. Great, I thought, take all the steam out of our love with your bullshit business deal. If I'd had ANY balls, I would have told her to take her contract and her bulldog lawyer and shove it up her ass. But I really loved her and wanted to marry her. I had NO thought about her money. She was already planning the divorce, it seemed to me. This, I believe, set a tone that we never survived, and we got divorced 7 years later. And the only reason I never say I regret my decision was because of the beautiful sons she gave me. It was all worth it in the end. But for two people who are both in their first marriage, I think it's a piece of shit thing to ask of somebody. That's just my story, and I'm sticking to it. I'm not going to apologize for wanting to believe in marriage for love.
 09HopeCopy
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 47
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/13/2012 6:59:40 PM
If you can't get to a lawyer (and you each have to have one), then hand write it out, both parties writing it, like you write a line and he writes that line out. That is the only safe way and by God, if you are talking financials, take notes and date them.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 48
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/15/2012 9:53:25 PM

stargazin53:
in my view, if it is a financial contract....it isn't marriage.


Your feelings are all fine and good for you. That side of a marriage is between you and your God. As far as the state and courts are concerned, it's a civil contract between two people. Or in other words, a financial contract.
 8591mike
Joined: 6/15/2012
Msg: 49
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:44:25 PM
If he won't give U a pre-nup I will !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck , Mike
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 50
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:05:50 PM
Thanks, I think...LOL!
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 51
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It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 7/1/2012 1:19:12 AM
If there are serious imbalances financially, of course get a prenup.

Folks can talk all about love and trust and such, but how many people on this site have had a relationship break down? Oh right... nearly EVERYONE.

Prenup is an insurance policy.

You'll never need it if your SO is The One.
 JAXDiver
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 52
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It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:26:49 AM
1388SmartBlonde asked
Am I wrong to want to protect my own retirement security against the possibility of divorce by asking for a pre-nup and full disclosure of all financials before I accept his proposal?

You MUST be kidding! Prenup and full financial disclosure allows you to have those loving eyes WIDE open before you say , "I DO".
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 53
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 7/3/2012 12:55:59 AM
Organicquestionmark:

It is still up in the air. Since posting this, he has had a leg amputated, a foreclosure and other legal issues related to hiring an idiot friend of a friend for his divorce attorney. He is still one of the finest, most decent men on the planet and we are very close friends (He has no family nearby so I have been his primary caregiver now that he is disabled) but as much as I would like to think I am above his current situation, I am even more uncertain about his viability as a spouse. We are backburinering our relationship for now and concentrating on getting him healthy and back on his feet, both literally and financially.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 54
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 7/3/2012 1:33:37 AM
Marriage is always serious.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 55
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 7/15/2012 10:17:41 PM
Yep, and I already realize it's not likely to change anyone's view, just expressing my own. I love it that the state and courts are not allowed inside my mind and heart... nor there to regulate, control, dictate what happens within my own judgements of what a marriage means to me or my partner.


Nope, they're only there to empty your purse/wallet to the lawyers when either of your heart and mind's changes and you decide you want to end the marriage.

Regardless of how you feel about it, the IRS says marriage is a financial transaction (and you'll get taxed differently), the courts say its a financial transaction (otherwise divorce courts wouldn't exist to "split things equitably"), etc.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 56
It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 7/15/2012 10:41:57 PM
This is true. My exhusband dragged our divorce out for 2.5 years following a 4 year separation. The lawyers and courts walked away with 12K of our joint assets. I have recovered nicely and still believe in the blessings that come with a good marriage, but I never want to go through another protracted divorce. If for no other reason, and if I do re-marry, it will be with a pre-nup.
 ninjaeleven
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 57
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It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:14:05 PM
yes yes yes yes yes, did i make that clear? get a pre-nup. Protect yourself. You know what a commissioner or a judge is? It is a stranger that says what you worked for all your life, well, it is no longer yours. It can happen that way, trust me. And more advice, no joint bank account that 1 signature can use it. been there too.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?