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 AUTHOR
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 7
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I need advicePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
"I don't get it. I really thought that unless there was an understanding that you are dating exclusively, that you are not in a relationship."

I can see your point, and agree with it, but that doesn't mean that HE subscribes to it. I don't think you did technically did anything wrong, and who's really to say that he's not dating others, too, and you just don't know about it? I would just keep on keeping on....heck, if you got two decent dates out of this site, you're doing great, actually, lol.
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 9
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:15:31 PM

I had sex on the beach for the first time and really felt great about myself.
I met another man I had been chatting with and thought it was o.k to date both.


Well, well....you must be one of the very few women who will have sex with one guy and date another (probably sex will come soon for him, too).
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 12
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:23:40 PM

whether or not she does, that's her business.

Doesn't matter....she posted it and I replied.

If it was a guy who had sex with her and dated some other woman on the side, the majority would be harping like crazy and would be telling her to drop the guy. It's amazing how it's okay for her to do it, though.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 14
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:28:13 PM
Op,all you can really do is contact the army guy so see what's going on or else consider that he might be dating others,too..........especially as you're not exclusive ?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 15
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:29:12 PM

She may or may not have sex with each of them, and whether or not she does, that's her business.


It's my business if she catches an STD from the other guy.

 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 17
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:31:06 PM
I see you and the other man left a testimonial on each others page. He is thanking pof for meeting you. You are saying he's a keeper and can't wait to see him again.
You're surprised the first younger man isn't contacting you?
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 20
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:38:49 PM
I will text him when he gets out of work tonight. What have I got to lose! I have been feeling really down the last few days and he lifts me up and makes me feel great about myself.


Then why did you have any need for the second guy and risk your relationship with the first?

See, this is how "drama" is created.

 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 24
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:53:24 PM

I thought everyone met a few different people and dated a few. Isnt that how we find out who we want to have a relationship with?


That is fine if you don't care about losing any or all of your prospects.
But you are here telling us that you are concerned that you "blew it" with the first guy, who you said made you feel great about yourself. So if you were really happy enough with him, you didn't need the other guy, except for the additional "ego boost," as you put it.

 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 25
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:56:46 PM

After reading the testimonials I do agree with five-marie that the first guy may have read the testimonial and decided that you and the second guy really liked each other and he didn't want to have to compete for your affection.


Actually, five-marie never said that. It was "You're surprised the first younger man isn't contacting you?"

Generally, a man isn't thinking about competing for a woman's affection is he finds out that she's been with other guys while with him (unless he's madly in love with her). The man will probably get angry or upset and decide not to be with her anymore.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 26
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:57:15 PM

Not if both partners are practicing safe sex.


Right. Everything is 100% reliable.

 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 28
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:20:48 PM
Taking testimonial off your page: find this man in your favorites page, then click on the remove testimonial link.

There are no "rules" to dating. You make your own rules. So, if you thought it was Ok to date 2 guys concurrently, specially as you'd not agreed to being exclusive w/ anyone....then...YES, it was Ok. However, the problem is the other parties are also entitled to having their own "rules." So, if Army guy is into one-on-one and already read the testimonial, and it bothered him and he has moved on then...that is his right. Not much you can do to fix that.

Also, please don't let the folks who naysay older woman/younger man relationships bother you, or allow it to tarnish it in your eyes into something tawdry and cheap. Sometimes, younger men approach older women because they're merely looking for a "hook up"....yes, indeed that is so....it's also a quite likely scenario when the man approaching you is your own age, or older...LoL!!!!

I, and many other women in these forums, have or have been in very long term and perfectly normal relationships, with men younger than ourselves :)
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 29
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:32:11 PM
Also, please don't let the folks who naysay older woman/younger man relationships bother you, or allow it to tarnish it in your eyes into something tawdry and cheap.


Forumite, nobody mentioned the age factor except you (five-marie did say younger, though). It wasn't about age; it was about seeing two men at the same time.
Personally, I don't care about the Op's love life. I hope that things work out for her.

I just find it strange that she had sex with one guy and is seeing another guy and the majority of the women think that it's okay. If she would have said that the guy that she had sex with was seeing other women, then the women would have told her to dump the guy ('cuz he's a player). ...but that's just my observation.....
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 30
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:37:35 PM

heck, if you got two decent dates out of this site, you're doing great, actually, lol.


^^^^^^YES.......hell, I can't even get ONE..........LOL......
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 31
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:41:00 PM
You know...I can understand that you are not looking for a committed relationship. And...your profile seems to indicate that very thing and there should be no expectations of anything further.

Two things...
One...I would not be interested in a long(er) term intimate relationship with a woman that is also being intimate with God know who else. That could possibly be just me.

But two...even if I was willing to be intimate with a woman who is being intimate with other guys...I sure as he11 do not want to hear about it...or read about it on POF. That may NOT be just me.

The testimonial was what it was. But this thread...OMG...now truck driver dude gets to read about himself AND your cougar sex on the beach. TMI epic fail

Edit:
Oh...I completely forgot the point I wanted to make. If this is all just casual dating and feel good sex...why are you starting a thread as if you've lost something special? You got to do a young guy on the beach and he scored a cougar. It's all good...right? Chalk it up and keep on casting.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 40
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:55:02 AM
Well...You play the game ...be prepared to lose.
You may be new to the "single" life and you are craving the attention and lapping it up and in the process not being too choosey or smart...you are dealing with real people.
If the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel???

Figure out what it is you want right now for yourself first...Is it just fun and to try out a few,a full time relationship or long term...fwb???
I'm with the guys that are complaining...If you were a guy writing in...You would be a "dirtbag"....sorry.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 42
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:28:08 AM
Hahahahaha!!! I'll give you an 'atta girl' OP!!

The forums always amaze me. If you didn't have the exclusive discussion, then there shouldn't be any expectation of exclusivity. In dating the main rule is, 'there ain't no rules!'

So you hooked a younger guy and are feeling good, so what? It's no ones business but your own. Blow off the other guy and enjoy. You can always hook another later, if you want someone closer to your own age.

The only thing I enjoyed more than your story, was the women tap dancing around what you're doing! After years and hundreds of threads, of guys in the same scenario being called dogs and worse, it's refreshing to see them try and side step what the sisterhood has long condemned.

If a guy had written this thread, he would have been pillared for dating a woman 15 years his junior, then lambasted for dating 2 women and having sex with one or both of them without having told them about the other.

Funny almost 50 posts and none of the women have mentioned their normal inclinations about this. Hahahaha! Just show ya, the POF double standard is alive and well!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 44
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I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:50:41 AM
Personally, while I don't think that there's anything wrong with dating more than one person without having the exclusivity conversation, I do think it's understandable that people would take exception to finding out they're not the only one you might be having sex with.

I would personally NOT continue to date other people once I was having sex with one person.

It's certainly your right to do as you please, but I do think it's somewhat disingenuous to pretend that you're surprised that a man might choose not to see you anymore under these circumstances.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 45
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:31:03 AM

Funny almost 50 posts and none of the women have mentioned their normal inclinations about this. Hahahaha! Just show ya, the POF double standard is alive and well!


msg 46...me

I'm with the guys that are complaining...If you were a guy writing in...You would be a "dirtbag"....sorry
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 46
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I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 6:29:04 PM

Second...most of the men who have offered advice here...don't listen. There is NO "relationship" when you've only had a couple of dates. For crying out loud...that's the point of being here, meet people, and find out who's the right fit.
Maybe for future meets...to save confusion, make it clear that you're not in an "exclusive" relationship until the two of you have agreed.


By the way she wrote this answer, it makes me think that she dates quite a few men a month and beds every guy she dates. Now, I doubt that this is the case, but it still sounds like it is.

I was in the impression that guys have no problem being intimate with a woman and not always have any feelings for that woman. while a woman usually won't be intimate unless she's in love, falling in love or cares a lot for the man.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 47
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 7:53:14 PM
OP:TMI! How is all of this personally defining info necessary or relevant to us answering your question? THIS is why people suspect you are a troll. We didn't need to know what kind of work your dates do! So much for respecting their privacy. You're not 'up to something' here are you op?
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 48
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:14:04 PM

I would ask the mods about removing the testimonial. I would have assumed a person would need to approve it before it got slapped on their profile.


Mod...schmod. No offense guys.

You don't need a mod to delete it. You have to favorite them in order for them to be able to post a testimonial and then you have the option to remove it yourself whenever you wish.

Yanno...both these guys are from POF. And I have what I consider to be fairly close buds on here. It would be quite a slap in the face if I told them I was beginning a "relationship" with profile x and then have that testimonial on there. Different if I just mentioned I was "having some fun" with profile x. If you had made it clear to both of them that NSA was what you had to offer...there would be no thread. Nothing to blow...so to speak. You and all of us would just chalk it up to lost interest. You KNOW it's possible the young guy either had or was given no indication.

I would not go as far as calling it cheating. And she (OP) can certainly do whatever she wants. We don't even need to agree whether it was right or wrong. We should agree, however, that the younger guy is also free to do whatever he chooses. And...it looks like he is choosing to not have indirect sex with "Trucker Bob".

Bob's not my type either.

No offense...Bob
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 52
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I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:29:53 PM
I also feel that until two people have the exclusivity talk they are both free to see others and yes, even have sex with them. Life doesn't happen as neatly and conveniently as we would all like. Often times, I will go a few months without talking to a single person that interests me and then I will meet two guys that I am equally attracted to within the same week. However I am aware that not everyone feels that way so I am sure to ask about their feelings on the subject early on. I would hate for someones feelings, his or mine, to be hurt because our expectations of the relationship were different.

As for what to do to fix things with Guy #1, well there isn't much you can do but contact him and hope that he responds. If he does respond, apologize, not for seeing someone else, but for the fact that you weren't clear about your expectations.
 Becinala
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 56
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I need advice
Posted: 1/25/2012 8:38:03 AM
so how did it end??
 Cowboy_Dale
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 57
I need advice
Posted: 1/26/2012 10:54:27 AM
I would be very cautious. Youa re dating two guys who provide you with very limited access.

Strikes me as they are married or juggling other relationships--just like you are doing.

I don't care what someone is doing. In this day and age of cells, texts, FB's etc there is no excuse for not keeping in contact...other than a desire not to keep in contact.

I think you are naive.

One other thing, I tell women as soon as we have a mutually enjoyable date together that I expect exclusivity the moment we become intimate. If they are not ok with that then I move on. First it tells me they have low standards and exposes me to diseases.

If you are screwing more than one guy at a time I suspect you have some internal issues that need addressing.

The Cowboy
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