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 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 6
I need advicePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I met another man I had been chatting with and thought it was o.k to date both.


Did you make it clear from the beginning to the "army" guy that you were NOT going to date him exclusively? Or did you act like you wanted a monogamous relationship!



I have not heard from him


assuming this army-guy is a stand up guy and knows what he wants, don't expect to ever hear from him again!


And how do I make things right?


What is your definition of what is right? Put yourself in his shoes for 1 minute, how would you feel! Secondly, you already hooked up with somebody else, so what do you intend to do, keep stringing them both along?
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 7
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:11:12 PM
"I don't get it. I really thought that unless there was an understanding that you are dating exclusively, that you are not in a relationship."

I can see your point, and agree with it, but that doesn't mean that HE subscribes to it. I don't think you did technically did anything wrong, and who's really to say that he's not dating others, too, and you just don't know about it? I would just keep on keeping on....heck, if you got two decent dates out of this site, you're doing great, actually, lol.
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 9
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:15:31 PM

I had sex on the beach for the first time and really felt great about myself.
I met another man I had been chatting with and thought it was o.k to date both.


Well, well....you must be one of the very few women who will have sex with one guy and date another (probably sex will come soon for him, too).
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 12
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:23:40 PM

whether or not she does, that's her business.

Doesn't matter....she posted it and I replied.

If it was a guy who had sex with her and dated some other woman on the side, the majority would be harping like crazy and would be telling her to drop the guy. It's amazing how it's okay for her to do it, though.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 14
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:28:13 PM
Op,all you can really do is contact the army guy so see what's going on or else consider that he might be dating others,too..........especially as you're not exclusive ?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 17
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:31:06 PM
I see you and the other man left a testimonial on each others page. He is thanking pof for meeting you. You are saying he's a keeper and can't wait to see him again.
You're surprised the first younger man isn't contacting you?
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 25
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:56:46 PM

After reading the testimonials I do agree with five-marie that the first guy may have read the testimonial and decided that you and the second guy really liked each other and he didn't want to have to compete for your affection.


Actually, five-marie never said that. It was "You're surprised the first younger man isn't contacting you?"

Generally, a man isn't thinking about competing for a woman's affection is he finds out that she's been with other guys while with him (unless he's madly in love with her). The man will probably get angry or upset and decide not to be with her anymore.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 28
I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:20:48 PM
Taking testimonial off your page: find this man in your favorites page, then click on the remove testimonial link.

There are no "rules" to dating. You make your own rules. So, if you thought it was Ok to date 2 guys concurrently, specially as you'd not agreed to being exclusive w/ anyone....then...YES, it was Ok. However, the problem is the other parties are also entitled to having their own "rules." So, if Army guy is into one-on-one and already read the testimonial, and it bothered him and he has moved on then...that is his right. Not much you can do to fix that.

Also, please don't let the folks who naysay older woman/younger man relationships bother you, or allow it to tarnish it in your eyes into something tawdry and cheap. Sometimes, younger men approach older women because they're merely looking for a "hook up"....yes, indeed that is so....it's also a quite likely scenario when the man approaching you is your own age, or older...LoL!!!!

I, and many other women in these forums, have or have been in very long term and perfectly normal relationships, with men younger than ourselves :)
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 29
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I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:32:11 PM
Also, please don't let the folks who naysay older woman/younger man relationships bother you, or allow it to tarnish it in your eyes into something tawdry and cheap.


Forumite, nobody mentioned the age factor except you (five-marie did say younger, though). It wasn't about age; it was about seeing two men at the same time.
Personally, I don't care about the Op's love life. I hope that things work out for her.

I just find it strange that she had sex with one guy and is seeing another guy and the majority of the women think that it's okay. If she would have said that the guy that she had sex with was seeing other women, then the women would have told her to dump the guy ('cuz he's a player). ...but that's just my observation.....
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 40
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:55:02 AM
Well...You play the game ...be prepared to lose.
You may be new to the "single" life and you are craving the attention and lapping it up and in the process not being too choosey or smart...you are dealing with real people.
If the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel???

Figure out what it is you want right now for yourself first...Is it just fun and to try out a few,a full time relationship or long term...fwb???
I'm with the guys that are complaining...If you were a guy writing in...You would be a "dirtbag"....sorry.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 44
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I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:50:41 AM
Personally, while I don't think that there's anything wrong with dating more than one person without having the exclusivity conversation, I do think it's understandable that people would take exception to finding out they're not the only one you might be having sex with.

I would personally NOT continue to date other people once I was having sex with one person.

It's certainly your right to do as you please, but I do think it's somewhat disingenuous to pretend that you're surprised that a man might choose not to see you anymore under these circumstances.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 45
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:31:03 AM

Funny almost 50 posts and none of the women have mentioned their normal inclinations about this. Hahahaha! Just show ya, the POF double standard is alive and well!


msg 46...me

I'm with the guys that are complaining...If you were a guy writing in...You would be a "dirtbag"....sorry
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 46
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I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 6:29:04 PM

Second...most of the men who have offered advice here...don't listen. There is NO "relationship" when you've only had a couple of dates. For crying out loud...that's the point of being here, meet people, and find out who's the right fit.
Maybe for future meets...to save confusion, make it clear that you're not in an "exclusive" relationship until the two of you have agreed.


By the way she wrote this answer, it makes me think that she dates quite a few men a month and beds every guy she dates. Now, I doubt that this is the case, but it still sounds like it is.

I was in the impression that guys have no problem being intimate with a woman and not always have any feelings for that woman. while a woman usually won't be intimate unless she's in love, falling in love or cares a lot for the man.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 52
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I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:29:53 PM
I also feel that until two people have the exclusivity talk they are both free to see others and yes, even have sex with them. Life doesn't happen as neatly and conveniently as we would all like. Often times, I will go a few months without talking to a single person that interests me and then I will meet two guys that I am equally attracted to within the same week. However I am aware that not everyone feels that way so I am sure to ask about their feelings on the subject early on. I would hate for someones feelings, his or mine, to be hurt because our expectations of the relationship were different.

As for what to do to fix things with Guy #1, well there isn't much you can do but contact him and hope that he responds. If he does respond, apologize, not for seeing someone else, but for the fact that you weren't clear about your expectations.
 Becinala
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 56
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I need advice
Posted: 1/25/2012 8:38:03 AM
so how did it end??
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