Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 27
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymorePage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well it sounds like you're doing the best you can. At some point, if things don't improve you have to remember that you aren't responsible for his addiction. My marriage hit the breaking point over drinking and no matter how much I loved her, I just couldn't stay there and contribute to the destruction of three lives. There does come a time when someone has to make a decision. I think knowing you gave it your all helps with the healing later as well.

Good luck.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 30
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 2:15:16 AM
I plugged into an ex box recently....and I'm not talking video game console!
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 32
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 3:15:40 AM
Not sure you can change him. I've seen a few of my son's friends give up on real life for a gaming life. I knew at man in his 50's who became addicted to the computer, he lost everything.
Counselling is a good idea, if that doesn't help, move on. Addiction is addiction, doesn't really matter what they're addicted to.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 34
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 5:09:23 AM
This is NOT something that "just" happened. What "was" the attraction for you to this guy,,,and at what point did this Playstation crap enter the picture???? Again,,,,it didn't "just" happen,,,,just like it won't "just" get fixed with a click of the fingers. Addiction is never easy.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 35
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 5:41:04 AM
I gave up video games more than 20 years ago. I could see then that I could easily get hooked on them. I asked myself if I wanted to live my live on the couch staring at the screen, or out in the fresh air and sunshine. I chose the latter.

I don't think I could date someone that is hooked on video games, it would be like an ex smoker dating a smoker.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 37
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 7:10:11 AM
Oh jeez - I figured you were talking about a 21 or 22 year old guy when I read your post, but I see that you're 42 years old in your profile. I'm going to assume this socially and emotionally stunted man is over 40? If so, how pitiful.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 40
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:37:11 AM
Hey OP, I had a thought that might help in the short-term but your man's problems are long-term.

Can you afford to take some time to get away? A nice vacation, stay at your mother's house, something like that? My guess is what will happen is that he will jump for joy and behave like the kid in Home Alone for a few days, then stuff will begin to pile up, his sloth and filth will overwhelm him and he will have to make a choice. Live or play. Your imminent return should startle him into action.

This isn't to imply that a woman always cleans the house or anything like that. It's just that there is another adult human being around and you do stuff. Those are the things that won't be getting done and he will have to face up to the fact that he hasn't been pulling his weight.

Just a thought.

As an aside, video games are no different than online dating or television, and all the rest. There are many benefits that video gaming offers when they aren't abused. A few include increased hand-eye coordination, improved spatial awareness, and map-reading. These kids are reading constantly (quality of writing is a separate issue) and engaging their brains in ways that are barely understood. Video games are not "evil".
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 42
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:28:54 AM
It's like any other addiction, you can't really help him until he accepts he has a problem. You have to decide at what point it's time for you to get out.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 43
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:31:45 AM
Your boyfriend is engaged in an active addiction.

There is nothing you can do about it other than establishe whether you are willing to live with this or not. He is not going to change until he is good and ready, no matter how much you try to change things.

It doesn't matter that there's no substance involved. Addictions are all the same in how they destroy your personality and ultimately your life.

You can decide whether you're going to be part of this or not.

Get thee to an Alanon meeting. If you're serious about it, it will be the best thing that ever happened to you.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 47
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:56:42 AM
OP ...


Thanks...he has ADHD...I know this is making it a hard mission for me....he could easily at one state...just waiting...get board and automatically find something else to occupy his time then fullfill my emotional need in any way shape or form. I give him loads of attention...I do what it takes if you know what I mean... but he is a zombie. Like a crack addict.[/quote

Yup!
Figured.

There is absolutely NOTHING you can do.

Log onto this site ... www.additudemag.com

GREAT information.
There is also a forum you can ask this question there.

Your marriage is toast.
Finished.
Done.

It is time to accept that and move on.
The longer you try to give him attention the more it is going to suck you dry.

My opinion (cause I've been there, done that ... for 20 years!) ... GET THE F UCK OUT!

Just so you know
My ex has NOT stopped with the video games.
He has just blown his last relationship because that is all he does.
Prior to video games is was 6 years of constant chess.

SAVE YOURSELF!!!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:25:23 AM
This type of addiction sounds as bad people with cell phone addiction. Actually, cell phone/smart phone addiction is worse because people can't function at home or in public without constantly staring at a screen and consuming their lives. At least your boyfriend restricts his game playing to the home. I assuming your boyfriend can function normally outside of home. The trick is to try to get him involved in more activities outside of home that he might be interested in. If that's impossible to do, it might be time to reassess your reason for being with him.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 50
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 7:00:54 PM
^^^^^ I control my phone, it doesn't control me. I shut it off when I go to sleep. I like to be aware of my surroundings...The most important point of self defense.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 53
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/24/2012 7:51:09 PM
I tried once having a pet bunny.
Let it roam around the house.
I did this on purpose.
It went around and chewed on everything he left out.
His shoes ... his bags ... the video games. lol
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 63
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/25/2012 7:15:12 AM

He just feels he has nothing else.
"of course I have you" he says but his life is going no where.


You see the contradiction in this statement?

It can only be one these things, not both.

But, yeah, his life will be unsatisfactory and empty until he really deals with his addiction. Of course he has nothing, if he spends all his waking hours with a computer game. I had nothing when I spent all my hours drinking my life away, either.

I wish you luck, but I don't think going into therapy with him is the answer.

He has to fix HIS addiction to gaming, you should fix YOUR addiction to being his codependent.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 67
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/25/2012 3:07:25 PM

I see a man who is aware of his problem and wanting to fight it.


I don't believe it. He's just saying it to keep you off of his back. The simple solution to this is to trash the Playstation. If the guy is serious about kicking his addiction, he wouldn't complain about it. You're enabling him by keeping it at his fingertips. If the boyfriend was a smoker and you and he wanted to kick the habit, would you keep cartons of cigarettes lying around? Or if he was a druggie or alcoholic, would you keep drugs or alcohol lying around? He might agree to cut down his playing time, but if he's addicted to it, you can be guaranteed at some point he will start to increase his playing time and eventually he'll be back at square one and hope you don't notice it or hope you give up trying to control him.

Does the guy have a job? If so, how does he function at work? How does he interact with other people, if he does at all?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 73
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/26/2012 11:18:58 AM
Funny how XBox, PS3, PC Games etc. are the new "addiction". I find it ironic that other hobbies such as golf, fishing, hunting etc. are rarely called addictions even though far more money is likely spent on those hobbies than video games.


The point at which an activity becomes an addiction is when the individual loses control and it starts causing problems in other areas of your life (finances, interpersonal relationships, health, etc.). The guy that the OP describes meets those criteria.

One reason that video games can more easily become an addiction than the other activities you mention is that a person can participate without leaving their residence. Participating on internet message boards is another example of this.

I'm sure there are plenty of people that can share their anecdotes of ending relationships because of over indulgence in golf, hunting, fantasy football, watching sports on TV, ...
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 74
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/26/2012 11:21:14 AM

Participating on internet message boards is another example of this.


Yes, and that's why many of us spent a sleepless night last night when all of a sudden, the forums were gone . . . .

We became aware of how fragile our happiness was, and how it was really all up to the Big Fish (pusher) in the sky, and how easily it could all end.
 Larrytwa
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 77
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/26/2012 11:42:12 PM
Well, you must enjoy it otherwise you would change it. I know where the power box is, flip the switch and lock the box.

He more into PS3 than you, well you are either not interesting, or have nothing interesting for him.

Try PORN, LINGERIE, TALKING DIRTY.... no rise well then just let it be and find something else to do or move on.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 78
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 1/26/2012 11:54:32 PM
The OP will soon become the ex box 180...
 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 89
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 3/10/2012 6:15:43 PM

"I feel I lost him."


Yep... you have. You should tell him to unplug it, put it on a shelf and start living his one and only life... or you're going to be moving on... and as a point of reference you already are at this point... to have had to bring it up.

First person who speaks after that... loses.
 RERE1026
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 100
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 3/11/2012 5:46:58 PM
Lose the power cord or don't pay the electicity bill.....it will show priorities....hell with seduction........
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 116
view profile
History
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:27:21 PM
He had an addiction to the PS3. That addiction took away from the intimacy of your relationship. All of his actions prove that. You tried everything to compromise and he wasn't willing to meet you halfway. You did the right thing by cutting your losses. Best of luck to you.
 TheCritic
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 120
My boyfriend is having an affair with Playstation 3..I never see him anymore
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:39:46 PM
Fact: Average age of a video gamer in NA is 32 years old

FACT: 90% of males I know play video games on a consistent basis

FACT: I my self devote about 30-40 hours of video games per week

Truth is video games have become and are becoming more and more so a fact of our daily lives, as both men and as humans. Relationships and social dynamics are changing with introduction of Facebook, computer mediated communication and less and less face to face interaction..

Video games give us a chance to escape reality, and are greatly desired as an amazing way to pass time. I have done tests and measured my own level of happiness, and discovered that my own happiness from playing and enjoying my favorite video games is equal to that of having sex/dating a woman. The only difference is that games are considerably cheaper, more efficient, video games are always there for me, never cheat or leave me, they are accessable 24/7 and provide constant entertainment, dont pass viruses and dont have nagging parents.

Clearly video games is a simple solution to many problems, and instead of b1tching about it as a girlfriend, learn to accept that you will always be sharing your bf/husband with a video game console or PC online game.. That's reality of our 21st century.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >