Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 148
Angry DatersPage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

In my culture, dinner dates are the norm for food is love and men would never expect a woman to pay. He will however in due time, expect that you are equally generous with them in the bedroom.


I would say that the word "expect" would be the killer of the mood. Possibility would be more apt. For instance on a first date, both arrive to the restaurant through their own transportation, but for the second date, the woman asks to be picked up at her place. Or she meets at his place first to them go out to eat together. In my experience most of the time when she asked to be picked up at her place, more than likely a generous exchange of bedroom pleasantries would follow up dinner.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 149
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/8/2015 5:32:09 AM
In my culture, dinner dates are the norm for food is love and men would never expect a woman to pay.
-------------------------
The person who pays is regarded as being in a superior position than the person being paid for. Ditto for the person doing the inviting. I never expect a woman to pay, but I make judgments about her based on whether or not she offers.

-------------------------
He will however in due time, expect that you are equally generous with them in the bedroom.
------------------------
If I wanted to pay for generosity in the bedroom, I'd do it directly. That would be less expensive, require fewer head games and be a sure thing than going roundabout through dates. However, I don't want to have sex with someone who isn't getting the same thing out of sex that I'm getting out of it. I expect a woman who likes having sex with me to be generous in the bedroom for one reason only: that she likes it.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 150
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/8/2015 6:02:20 AM

I would say that the word "expect" would be the killer of the mood. Possibility would be more apt.

That's fine.


For instance on a first date, both arrive to the restaurant through their own transportation, but for the second date, the woman asks to be picked up at her place. Or she meets at his place first to them go out to eat together.

I've never asked anyone whom I've ever gone on a date, to pick me up. They are the ones who want to pick me up. At some level, they may be trying to guarantee that they won't be stood up (at the venue), that can't necessarily happen if they are picking you up, unless of course you never come out of your house to embark on such journey.

I had one gentleman pick me up because I was late to the first date, he wanted to ensure no other mishaps took place, plus where we were meeting for second date was a few train stops away. He wanted to make sure he wasn't going to be waiting long for me, lol.


In my experience most of the time when she asked to be picked up at her place, more than likely a generous exchange of bedroom pleasantries would follow up dinner.

I never ask to be picked up, so I kill that expectation each and every time :-P


The person who pays is regarded as being in a superior position than the person being paid for. Ditto for the person doing the inviting. I never expect a woman to pay, but I make judgments about her based on whether or not she offers.

I would think it's the opposite with that analogy, the person forgoing the paying is superior as they are being paid for. The person inviting is not superior, they are simply more eager to spend time with the other one, hence why they are inviting the other, and not the other way around.

It's all good, I make judgments on how surprised he gets when he sees the bill (I eat a lot), if he can handle it and doesn't flinch (like it's gonna cause him not to have a home the next month), we'll get along just fine, lmao


If I wanted to pay for generosity in the bedroom, I'd do it directly. That would be less expensive, require fewer head games and be a sure thing than going roundabout through dates. However, I don't want to have sex with someone who isn't getting the same thing out of sex that I'm getting out of it. I expect a woman who likes having sex with me to be generous in the bedroom for one reason only: that she likes it.

This topic in the forums has been covered numerous times, and it seems that men simply don't understand that women are made different, we don't get off sexually, we get off emotionally. You can be a disaster in the bedroom but if that woman loves you, it'd be the best she ever had, because she can get off just having you by her side. There are very few men out there who are actually good in the bedroom, so I don't want to hear anything about a man expecting a woman to enjoy sex. In my experience, we have the same desire for it, but the execution fails to produce the orgasm desired 9 out of 10 times. We often end up settling for a slight tickle that will never develop into an orgasm. This is why some women need different stimuli, something a bit out of the norm, to get us closer to the off-chance of an orgasm.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 151
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/8/2015 8:16:54 AM

I would think it's the opposite with that analogy, the person forgoing the paying is superior as they are being paid for. The person inviting is not superior, they are simply more eager to spend time with the other one, hence why they are inviting the other, and not the other way around.


What is this all this talk about being superior? Dating is about finding somebody to spend time with doing things that you both enjoy, not about trying to be superior to the other person. A relationship won't last long if it's based on trying to get an advantage over your partner.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 152
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/8/2015 8:20:55 AM
^^^^

Did you by any chance read what I was replying to? Or you do selective reading? I was not the one who brought the thought of superiority to the forefront.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 153
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/8/2015 3:32:13 PM
I would think it's the opposite with that analogy, the person forgoing the paying is superior as they are being paid for.
-----------------------
Really? How often do employees pay to take their bosses out rather than vice versa? How often do interviewees pay for an interviewer's lunch? The person who pays, runs the show.

-----------------------
The person inviting is not superior, they are simply more eager to spend time with the other one, hence why they are inviting the other, and not the other way around.
------------------------
Again, really? What makes you think inviting someone out means I was eager to spend time with her, given that I didn't even know her when I invited her out? Inviting women out meant I did the selecting instead of sitting around waiting to be selected. Having a woman say no is just the price to pay for all of the other women who will say yes. It's the cost of doing business. Better to take the initiative than to wait for someone else to read my mind and take it for me.

-----------------
, so I don't want to hear anything about a man expecting a woman to enjoy sex.
-----------------
Not only do I expect a woman to enjoy sex, I expect her to be good at it, right out of the gate. If she's too inhibited to do that, she would never satisfy me.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 154
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/8/2015 5:39:06 PM

Did you by any chance read what I was replying to? Or you do selective reading? I was not the one who brought the thought of superiority to the forefront.


Yes, I did read what you were replying to, but your's was the last post so I responded to you. Neither the person inviting or the person being invited can be superior in my opinion. Dating is not a competition to see who can be more controlling.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 155
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/9/2015 8:17:08 AM

Really? How often do employees pay to take their bosses out rather than vice versa? How often do interviewees pay for an interviewer's lunch? The person who pays, runs the show.

My bosses take me out to lunch, whenever I go to an interview, they treat me to lunch (if it's a corporate position, or I'm there to present something). I've never taken my bosses out to lunch, I don't need to, I'm the one that make them look good and relevant by the work that I do, so they reward me, not the other way around. They can all pay for whatever they want to pay, my money stays in my pocket. They are the ones that make the big bucks, not I. They even get me Valentine's day chocolate, flowers, wine, gifts for Christmas, etc, when they know I don't celebrate anything. They even get me Easter baskets for my kiddies.

They can totally run the show, I don't mind letting other people shine. The less money comes out of my pocket, the more interest my money makes in the bank.


Again, really? What makes you think inviting someone out means I was eager to spend time with her, given that I didn't even know her when I invited her out? Inviting women out meant I did the selecting instead of sitting around waiting to be selected. Having a woman say no is just the price to pay for all of the other women who will say yes. It's the cost of doing business. Better to take the initiative than to wait for someone else to read my mind and take it for me.

So you took charge and paid, how noble. I don't feel a need to pay anything to show that I can, nor asking anyone out, nor waiting for them to do so, I'm not unhappy being single.


Not only do I expect a woman to enjoy sex, I expect her to be good at it, right out of the gate. If she's too inhibited to do that, she would never satisfy me.

Sounds like an expectation only a man could have. I cannot expect a man to be good at it, ever, much less from the start. Last person who was good at it from the very beginning, I made him my boyfriend, lol. Haven't tried out anyone after that, but I can expect for it to s*ck because they don't know me.


Dating is not a competition to see who can be more controlling.

While I agree, someone has to take the lead, you both can't lead all the time.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 156
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/11/2015 7:21:19 AM

While I agree, someone has to take the lead, you both can't lead all the time.


A relationship isn't about one person leading and another person following. It's about both people walking side by side hand in hand.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 157
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/11/2015 12:40:41 PM
^^^^

A relationship involves two people who get to decide on how they want to deal with each other, so every relationship is different. One does not get to define what a relationship should be about.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 158
view profile
History
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/11/2015 9:12:00 PM
A date that ensues from a first meet, I would expect the guy to foot the bill as he has done the asking.
If he automatically expects me to go dutch, it would be kind of over unless I found him really attractive in other ways. Not however likely.... I could reciprocate at a later date in my own way if the relationship continues, but having to fork out money in a restaurant at the get go with a man who invited me out...... no.. passion killer... .next.......
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 159
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/12/2015 4:42:38 AM

A relationship involves two people who get to decide on how they want to deal with each other, so every relationship is different. One does not get to define what a relationship should be about.


well stated.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 160
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/12/2015 10:59:39 AM
^^^ Then you should admit that not every man that wants to go Dutch on a first date is a cheapskate. Just as you have the choice to date however you want, so should other people.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 161
view profile
History
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/13/2015 11:14:39 AM

One does not get to define what a relationship should be about.

nonsense, there's no other healthy way to go about it. the challenge is to find someone whose definition, and expression of it, is more or less the same.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 162
view profile
History
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/13/2015 2:05:47 PM

BelleAtlantic
A relationship involves two people who get to decide on how they want to deal with each other, so every relationship is different. One does not get to define what a relationship should be about.


Christ_on_a_crutch
nonsense, there's no other healthy way to go about it. the challenge is to find someone whose definition, and expression of it, is more or less the same.


I think a healthy relationship will grow over time, it will not spring into being overnight. And like all things that grow, and evolve, you cannot control where it will go, what it will become.

So many people have their own idea of what a relationship is, or should be, based on their own experiences in the past. I have no idea of what my next relationship will be like. Instead, I am excited to find out what it will be.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 163
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/16/2015 1:46:28 PM
In that specific response, I was alluding to the fact that one cannot tell another what a relationship should be about, when we have our own individual ideas about the types of relationships we seek and work for us.

To suggest what a relationship should be about in comparison to someone else's, is essentially imposing your beliefs on others.
 rhinestonesky
Joined: 6/9/2015
Msg: 164
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/16/2015 6:14:56 PM
Belle,
Your upbringing sounds similar to mine. I've found though about half the guys expected me to buy my coffee if they invited me and about half wouldn't let me pay if I invited them. I understand everyone has different backgrounds. I would never go to anyone's home without a small gift.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 165
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/16/2015 8:40:29 PM

This topic in the forums has been covered numerous times, and it seems that men simply don't understand that women are made different, we don't get off sexually, we get off emotionally.


Not always. Strangely, the most mind-blowing orgasms I have ever had were with a guy that I only dated a short while, and I knew he wasn't exactly "the one". See, I find men always want to please me in bed, and a lot of the time I feel a little uncomfortable with that. I mean, I like to receive pleasure; who doesn't? But if I really care about the guy I can get a bit too concerned with pleasing him. In the more casual relationships, while I do care about his satisfaction I am more willing to be the recipient of as much attention as he wants to give, even if it seems selfish in the moment. I remember being with Mike that night, and feeling like the damn earth moved. I feel it was because I just let go and let him please me without really worrying about if he was enjoying it. OMG, I was tingling the whole way home, and it was a 40 minute drive. LOL.


There are very few men out there who are actually good in the bedroom, so I don't want to hear anything about a man expecting a woman to enjoy sex.


I have only had a couple that were not good. As I said, most men I have taken to bed seem pretty intent on showing me a good time. I guess I'm just lucky :)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 166
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/17/2015 12:54:20 PM

Belle,
Your upbringing sounds similar to mine. I've found though about half the guys expected me to buy my coffee if they invited me and about half wouldn't let me pay if I invited them. I understand everyone has different backgrounds. I would never go to anyone's home without a small gift.


Is part of your family Italian or French? I seem to find these traditions in Latin European countries, where generosity, hospitality, and such are expected as a way of life.

If a man ever expected me to pay for anything, I didn't get the memo, for they did not communicate anything to me. I've had a few who babysat/nursed a bill (I guess expecting I say something or do something), but if they don't open their mouths to suggest I have to pay, I'm not going to pull my wallet out. Having me pay for anything is the death kiss to the friendzone, as I won't see him as anything other than a friend (with whom I always split bills as the norm).

There's an app called "Tab", it's very useful at dividing the bill by guests, so if ever I shall pay my share, I'm not paying for anything I didn't order (Mr. one drink is not enough, spiking up the bill).


Not always. Strangely, the most mind-blowing orgasms I have ever had were with a guy that I only dated a short while, and I knew he wasn't exactly "the one".

If they were able to produce mind-blowing orgasms, I'd make them my boyfriend (case in point, my last two boyfriends, lmao.) If I find my perfect fit, I will capitalize on it, and work around the rest. They cannot qualify as "the one" until after I've had them, I don't fall in love like that. I have to see what the whole bit is about before I can even consider another date.

If you did not like him, were not attracted to him, I doubt you would have gotten off, so the emotion needs to be there in order for the orgasm to have a chance.


See, I find men always want to please me in bed, and a lot of the time I feel a little uncomfortable with that. I mean, I like to receive pleasure; who doesn't? But if I really care about the guy I can get a bit too concerned with pleasing him.


It is never about the intent, it's about the execution. I am not uncomfortable if a man expresses that he wants to please me, I just like to know what is their idea of doing such. I stopped having sex with someone precisely because he couldn't figure out that sliding his d*ck in and out was just not gonna do it, he lacked passion, he lacked instinct, etc. There was nothing wrong with his d*ck and nothing wrong with his physique, he just lacked flavor. He was very sweet and he did try in his own way (luxury hotels with pools, jacuzzi, a master bedroom with an amazing view to the woods, etc) but can you believe he never thought of kissing me, caressing me, embracing me, touching me, performing oral sex? He just left it up to the other elements to do the trick, and failed miserably.


In the more casual relationships, while I do care about his satisfaction I am more willing to be the recipient of as much attention as he wants to give, even if it seems selfish in the moment. I remember being with Mike that night, and feeling like the damn earth moved. I feel it was because I just let go and let him please me without really worrying about if he was enjoying it.


I don't care about my performance in casual relationships, I only care to please him if I care about him, if I see any potential in him. I call that regular sex, lol. I'm not concerned about how I'm being evaluated if I don't care about him, if this is something I already see an end to.

Casual relationships are just ginnie pigs to me, I try out everything I want to do, so that I get it right for when I do it for real with someone I care about. If it doesn't go as planned, if he gets hurt, at least it's not someone I'd accompany to a hospital and have to explain what I did and where it could have gotten ugly. I'd be a lot more careful with someone I care about as to avoid hospital trips.


OMG, I was tingling the whole way home, and it was a 40 minute drive. LOL.


I know about those all too well :-P

The noir film flashes in heart beat tones of everything that went down..........yum
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 167
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/17/2015 2:41:26 PM

If you did not like him, were not attracted to him, I doubt you would have gotten off, so the emotion needs to be there in order for the orgasm to have a chance.


I know what you mean. He had a sexy bod, and he was a very nice man to hang out with. I liked him, but I couldn't see the like turning into love. I was good, but it wasn't special, if that makes sense.



I stopped having sex with someone precisely because he couldn't figure out that sliding his d*ck in and out was just not gonna do it, he lacked passion, he lacked instinct, etc. There was nothing wrong with his d*ck and nothing wrong with his physique, he just lacked flavor. He was very sweet and he did try in his own way (luxury hotels with pools, jacuzzi, a master bedroom with an amazing view to the woods, etc) but can you believe he never thought of kissing me, caressing me, embracing me, touching me, performing oral sex? He just left it up to the other elements to do the trick, and failed miserably.


I don't think many women would get off on nothing but the old in and out. I wouldn't think it would be all that great for the guy either. I mean, I'm sure guys can orgasm that way, but it's pretty boring. They don't know what they are missing!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 168
view profile
History
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/17/2015 2:47:36 PM

This topic in the forums has been covered numerous times, and it seems that men simply don't understand that women are made different, we don't get off sexually, we get off emotionally. You can be a disaster in the bedroom but if that woman loves you, it'd be the best she ever had, because she can get off just having you by her side. There are very few men out there who are actually good in the bedroom, so I don't want to hear anything about a man expecting a woman to enjoy sex. In my experience, we have the same desire for it, but the execution fails to produce the orgasm desired 9 out of 10 times. We often end up settling for a slight tickle that will never develop into an orgasm. This is why some women need different stimuli, something a bit out of the norm, to get us closer to the off-chance of an orgasm.


Ah Belle...this is one of those, 'perhaps for YOU it is' type things....

Women "don't get off sexually, we get off emotionally".....I mean...whaaaat? And here I thought that I, and many ,MANY women that I know, actually DO get off sexually, even if NOT involved on an emotional level....
If you mean that women 'have' to be emotionally involved in order to feel sexual, again, maybe it's that way for you, and I don't deny that there's an added element of...'wow!' if there is mutual feelings, that make it so much better....but that still does not mean that women are NOT capable of casual sex for it's own sake....

Very few men who are good in the bedroom?

Well I hear that you are only as good as your partner....and I'm a FANTASTIC one...;-) so....I have RARELY if ever had what I would call bad sex..and yes, I actually am capable of differentiating and evaluating someone's sexual 'talents', independently of my feelings for them. I won;t 'forgive' a selfish lover just because I like him...but then again, I wouldn't BE with a selfish lover any way!!! And if he's inept or inexperienced then it's really just a question of good communication in order to improve your sex life...

Not too many women that I've met will tolerate bad sex, just to be with someone...

Oh boy...and slight tickle? Not sure if you're talking actual intercourse there...but again, that's unfortunate for you. Not sure again what the 'norm' here is, either...but be careful...

That's a WHOLE lot of generalizations, there....;-)
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 169
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/17/2015 7:48:11 PM

....I have RARELY if ever had what I would call bad sex..and yes, I actually am capable of differentiating and evaluating someone's sexual 'talents', independently of my feelings for them. I won;t 'forgive' a selfish lover just because I like him...but then again, I wouldn't BE with a selfish lover any way!!!


Yep, only a couple of selfish lovers have found their way into my bed, and it was many moons ago. I am 49 and I only date close to my own age. As far as I can tell, they all rank bringing a woman to orgasm(s) as very important to the proceedings.



Oh boy...and slight tickle? Not sure if you're talking actual intercourse there...but again, that's unfortunate for you. Not sure again what the 'norm' here is, either...but be careful...


Female orgasm is a tad more complex than male orgasm. When I was about 20 I actually went to my doctor because I couldn't get the big O. I enjoyed sex, and it felt good, but felt unsure I had had an orgasm. Her words: if you are not sure, then you did NOT have one. LOL. She told me the key was self-stimulation, and she could not have been more correct. I read some erotica ( the visual doesn't do it for me as much as reading a good story), got out the mirror, got some lube, and stuck with it for probably a couple of weeks, until it finally happened. Once I knew it was possible, and there was nothing wrong with my working parts, I totally stopped worrying about it, and it was game on!
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 170
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/17/2015 11:56:03 PM
Sounds like an expectation only a man could have.
-------------------
That would be a sad commentary on women, if true.

-----------------
I cannot expect a man to be good at it, ever, much less from the start.
------------------
That's understandable if you don't expect the same from yourself.

-----------------
Haven't tried out anyone after that, but I can expect for it to s*ck because they don't know me.
----------------
Why should someone have to know you, unless he has no imagination, no intelligence and no desire to figure anything out for himself ? If a woman needs to know what I like instead of doing what turns her on, without having to ask, she will just be boring in bed.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 171
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/18/2015 8:38:41 AM

Ah Belle...this is one of those, 'perhaps for YOU it is' type things....

I keep forgetting to say "ime", but then again why would anyone assume I'm speaking about anyone else's experience unless I specify it is someone else's?


Women "don't get off sexually, we get off emotionally".....I mean...whaaaat? And here I thought that I, and many ,MANY women that I know, actually DO get off sexually, even if NOT involved on an emotional level....
If you mean that women 'have' to be emotionally involved in order to feel sexual, again, maybe it's that way for you, and I don't deny that there's an added element of...'wow!' if there is mutual feelings, that make it so much better....but that still does not mean that women are NOT capable of casual sex for it's own sake....


In my experience, I've never enjoyed sex with someone I was not even merely attracted to, hence the emotional aspect. I have even enjoyed sex with someone who was not good at it (at all), because my feelings for him were out of this world, that I got off at the way he looked at me whenever we saw each other. It is not "all pink inside" for me, in order to enjoy sex with someone, I have to like them even to a minimal degree.

I slept with my second boyfriend on the very first day we met (it was implied that such would happen anyways, so no surprise). If I had not been attracted to him, I would not have enjoyed it and I doubt I would have slept with him.


Very few men who are good in the bedroom?


Believe it or not, there are plenty of women I personally know, who feel the same way.


Well I hear that you are only as good as your partner....and I'm a FANTASTIC one...;-) so....I have RARELY if ever had what I would call bad sex..and yes, I actually am capable of differentiating and evaluating someone's sexual 'talents', independently of my feelings for them. I won;t 'forgive' a selfish lover just because I like him...but then again, I wouldn't BE with a selfish lover any way!!! And if he's inept or inexperienced then it's really just a question of good communication in order to improve your sex life...


My definition of bad sex is a situation in which it is extremely uncomfortable for a woman, but extremely comfortable for men (it seems). Or a situation where the angle creates pain in ways you never thought you could feel pain. For me, having my legs raised above his shoulders and pushed against my body feels very uncomfortable, and enters a lot of air into the vagina, creating a feeling of bloat and discomfort that s*cks the joy out of it all. I can cite other examples but I'll keep it clean (for now). *little devil face*

I am definitely not FANTASTIC, I'm an amateur at best, but I won't go above and beyond with someone if they don't seem to respond to my body, my breathing, my contractions, my touch, I simply won't bother, that's not a good lay.


Not too many women that I've met will tolerate bad sex, just to be with someone...


I would tolerate it if he's a good match otherwise, and he doesn't last too long, so as to shorten the agony.


Oh boy...and slight tickle? Not sure if you're talking actual intercourse there...but again, that's unfortunate for you. Not sure again what the 'norm' here is, either...but be careful...


The slight tickle is what I call the feeling of when you're about to orgasm but don't get to it. It's like you're right there but he stops, moves, changes direction, it totally gets blown away and you have to start over on building the feeling to the same point.

Like when you're performing a blow job and he's about to blow but you stop completely and let it go. It loses the momentum and then you have to start all over again to building up to that moment again and decide if you're going to ride it out to the end or stop again. That's the "tickle" I'm speaking of, that sensation of being close to the edge but not falling over.


That's a WHOLE lot of generalizations, there....;-)


Oh my, my favorite sport *wink*
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 172
view profile
History
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/19/2015 9:20:10 AM
@ Belle...
See? This is why communication is SO vital, both in and out of the bedroom...lol

Ok, wasn't understanding that 'attraction' was being considered as 'emotional involvement' for you....
And yes, there has to be SOMETHING there...whether it's all physical or not, well, that depends on the who and how much time we have had to get to know each other...for me.

I know for myself, that sometimes a man's energy is more than enough for me to feel that attraction, even if I know little to nothing about him...That would be a casual sex scenario for me....

But as I said, IF you like him, then I agree, that it bumps up the attraction part for sure...But I also think that it's much the same for men in that respect...

As for being an 'amateur', well, we ALL were, once upon a time...;-)

It sounds to me like there's maybe, just MAYBE some communication problems in the bedroom perhaps?
I know that a LOT of people have difficulty communicating during sex, but perhaps starting out with some 'pillow talk' immediately afterwards as to what you enjoyed and/or asking HIM, is a good way to go?
Just a thought...

Ime..the women who I know who feel that they haven't been with many men who are 'good in bed' all have that one thing in common...They expect their partner to pick up on their cues and hints as opposed to having a frank discussion about the subject, in the aftermath, say...

I'm NOT saying to give a critique of his performance or anything! LOL
It's more a case of remembering that you're in this together, even if it's just a casual sexual encounter, in fact it's even MORE important imo, if it IS casual sexual encounter, as that will probably BE your only opportunity to let them know.
As far as a relationship, sex, if good is a small part of a relationship, but when it's bad, it CAN overwhelm even the most loving feelings....and become the focal point...

Nobody should have to feel that they have to choose between good sex and being with someone that they care about, and in fact, being in a relationship should, ultimately free you up to explore ever newer avenues of pleasure for you BOTH...

The key, again, is communication....
If you can't TALK about it, then you have no business doing it, is one of my favourite sayings....

As an adult involved with another adult it is your responsibility to let your partner know how you are feeling and what pleases you and what doesn't...as it is HIS, to do so as well....

Somehow, I suspect that you will do just fine, my dear...glad we clarified....;-)
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >