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 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 169
Angry DatersPage 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

....I have RARELY if ever had what I would call bad sex..and yes, I actually am capable of differentiating and evaluating someone's sexual 'talents', independently of my feelings for them. I won;t 'forgive' a selfish lover just because I like him...but then again, I wouldn't BE with a selfish lover any way!!!


Yep, only a couple of selfish lovers have found their way into my bed, and it was many moons ago. I am 49 and I only date close to my own age. As far as I can tell, they all rank bringing a woman to orgasm(s) as very important to the proceedings.



Oh boy...and slight tickle? Not sure if you're talking actual intercourse there...but again, that's unfortunate for you. Not sure again what the 'norm' here is, either...but be careful...


Female orgasm is a tad more complex than male orgasm. When I was about 20 I actually went to my doctor because I couldn't get the big O. I enjoyed sex, and it felt good, but felt unsure I had had an orgasm. Her words: if you are not sure, then you did NOT have one. LOL. She told me the key was self-stimulation, and she could not have been more correct. I read some erotica ( the visual doesn't do it for me as much as reading a good story), got out the mirror, got some lube, and stuck with it for probably a couple of weeks, until it finally happened. Once I knew it was possible, and there was nothing wrong with my working parts, I totally stopped worrying about it, and it was game on!
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 170
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/17/2015 11:56:03 PM
Sounds like an expectation only a man could have.
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That would be a sad commentary on women, if true.

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I cannot expect a man to be good at it, ever, much less from the start.
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That's understandable if you don't expect the same from yourself.

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Haven't tried out anyone after that, but I can expect for it to s*ck because they don't know me.
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Why should someone have to know you, unless he has no imagination, no intelligence and no desire to figure anything out for himself ? If a woman needs to know what I like instead of doing what turns her on, without having to ask, she will just be boring in bed.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 171
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/18/2015 8:38:41 AM

Ah Belle...this is one of those, 'perhaps for YOU it is' type things....

I keep forgetting to say "ime", but then again why would anyone assume I'm speaking about anyone else's experience unless I specify it is someone else's?


Women "don't get off sexually, we get off emotionally".....I mean...whaaaat? And here I thought that I, and many ,MANY women that I know, actually DO get off sexually, even if NOT involved on an emotional level....
If you mean that women 'have' to be emotionally involved in order to feel sexual, again, maybe it's that way for you, and I don't deny that there's an added element of...'wow!' if there is mutual feelings, that make it so much better....but that still does not mean that women are NOT capable of casual sex for it's own sake....


In my experience, I've never enjoyed sex with someone I was not even merely attracted to, hence the emotional aspect. I have even enjoyed sex with someone who was not good at it (at all), because my feelings for him were out of this world, that I got off at the way he looked at me whenever we saw each other. It is not "all pink inside" for me, in order to enjoy sex with someone, I have to like them even to a minimal degree.

I slept with my second boyfriend on the very first day we met (it was implied that such would happen anyways, so no surprise). If I had not been attracted to him, I would not have enjoyed it and I doubt I would have slept with him.


Very few men who are good in the bedroom?


Believe it or not, there are plenty of women I personally know, who feel the same way.


Well I hear that you are only as good as your partner....and I'm a FANTASTIC one...;-) so....I have RARELY if ever had what I would call bad sex..and yes, I actually am capable of differentiating and evaluating someone's sexual 'talents', independently of my feelings for them. I won;t 'forgive' a selfish lover just because I like him...but then again, I wouldn't BE with a selfish lover any way!!! And if he's inept or inexperienced then it's really just a question of good communication in order to improve your sex life...


My definition of bad sex is a situation in which it is extremely uncomfortable for a woman, but extremely comfortable for men (it seems). Or a situation where the angle creates pain in ways you never thought you could feel pain. For me, having my legs raised above his shoulders and pushed against my body feels very uncomfortable, and enters a lot of air into the vagina, creating a feeling of bloat and discomfort that s*cks the joy out of it all. I can cite other examples but I'll keep it clean (for now). *little devil face*

I am definitely not FANTASTIC, I'm an amateur at best, but I won't go above and beyond with someone if they don't seem to respond to my body, my breathing, my contractions, my touch, I simply won't bother, that's not a good lay.


Not too many women that I've met will tolerate bad sex, just to be with someone...


I would tolerate it if he's a good match otherwise, and he doesn't last too long, so as to shorten the agony.


Oh boy...and slight tickle? Not sure if you're talking actual intercourse there...but again, that's unfortunate for you. Not sure again what the 'norm' here is, either...but be careful...


The slight tickle is what I call the feeling of when you're about to orgasm but don't get to it. It's like you're right there but he stops, moves, changes direction, it totally gets blown away and you have to start over on building the feeling to the same point.

Like when you're performing a blow job and he's about to blow but you stop completely and let it go. It loses the momentum and then you have to start all over again to building up to that moment again and decide if you're going to ride it out to the end or stop again. That's the "tickle" I'm speaking of, that sensation of being close to the edge but not falling over.


That's a WHOLE lot of generalizations, there....;-)


Oh my, my favorite sport *wink*
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 172
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History
Angry Daters
Posted: 6/19/2015 9:20:10 AM
@ Belle...
See? This is why communication is SO vital, both in and out of the bedroom...lol

Ok, wasn't understanding that 'attraction' was being considered as 'emotional involvement' for you....
And yes, there has to be SOMETHING there...whether it's all physical or not, well, that depends on the who and how much time we have had to get to know each other...for me.

I know for myself, that sometimes a man's energy is more than enough for me to feel that attraction, even if I know little to nothing about him...That would be a casual sex scenario for me....

But as I said, IF you like him, then I agree, that it bumps up the attraction part for sure...But I also think that it's much the same for men in that respect...

As for being an 'amateur', well, we ALL were, once upon a time...;-)

It sounds to me like there's maybe, just MAYBE some communication problems in the bedroom perhaps?
I know that a LOT of people have difficulty communicating during sex, but perhaps starting out with some 'pillow talk' immediately afterwards as to what you enjoyed and/or asking HIM, is a good way to go?
Just a thought...

Ime..the women who I know who feel that they haven't been with many men who are 'good in bed' all have that one thing in common...They expect their partner to pick up on their cues and hints as opposed to having a frank discussion about the subject, in the aftermath, say...

I'm NOT saying to give a critique of his performance or anything! LOL
It's more a case of remembering that you're in this together, even if it's just a casual sexual encounter, in fact it's even MORE important imo, if it IS casual sexual encounter, as that will probably BE your only opportunity to let them know.
As far as a relationship, sex, if good is a small part of a relationship, but when it's bad, it CAN overwhelm even the most loving feelings....and become the focal point...

Nobody should have to feel that they have to choose between good sex and being with someone that they care about, and in fact, being in a relationship should, ultimately free you up to explore ever newer avenues of pleasure for you BOTH...

The key, again, is communication....
If you can't TALK about it, then you have no business doing it, is one of my favourite sayings....

As an adult involved with another adult it is your responsibility to let your partner know how you are feeling and what pleases you and what doesn't...as it is HIS, to do so as well....

Somehow, I suspect that you will do just fine, my dear...glad we clarified....;-)
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