Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Normal to not have passion at this age?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 tomtpapa
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 68
Normal to not have passion at this age?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
i think you best check this guy out, is he married ? having a relationship with someone else also ? just maybeascrewloose in the head ? whatever it is, think you best move on down the roadandfine another.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/4/2012 9:37:22 PM
No, he's not married or seeing anyone else! He calls every night and we usually talk for an hour, and we smile a lot doing so. He gets antsy when I don't answer or return his call right away so I think he cares about me, I just get anxious about the level of his feelings. I'm used to boyfriends expressing their desire to spend their lives with me after 2-3 months. I know we shouldn't be talking about getting married unless we can spend more time together which is why I started the thread. He did invite me out last night, but I worked late and I had to cancel on him tonight for family matters but he will be coming over for Super Bowl tomorrow. Have a great day, everyone.
 Manfromthehill
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 70
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/4/2012 9:43:06 PM
Passion and intimacy aren't things you work on. They come naturally as you get to know someone. If you have to force it then that's probably not the right guy for you.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/4/2012 10:03:19 PM
Copied from another thread, hope it doesn't apply to my guy, divorced 8 years:

Single or divorced for over 10 years is the same thing (to me) ---- I will generally avoid those types ---- By their 50's, they have become too "set in their ways" and developed a structured pattern in their lives which leaves very little room for you ---- they are ( for the mostpart ) not interested in changing ---- It is expected that you behave like water and flow into the available cracks in their already full lives ---- I want to be first, and everything else flow into place after me ---- I can't answer why they never got married ---- perhaps no one has ever been good enough for them ---- perhaps they let all the good ones go waiting for better to come along ----

---------------------------------------
At least mine isn't interested in looking for someone better to come along, which says something in on-line dating....And he is affectionate in hand holding and snuggling, just one of those conservative types who doesn't talk well about feelings, etc.
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 72
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:19:50 PM
quote]Is it normal to be attracted to someone and have long term intentions but lack the passion and motivation for more face time at this age? I mean how else is a relationship supposed to grow?

Not sure I understand the question - If you mean that someone is interested in you but doesn't make an effort to see you every day, I think that is just a part of life in middle-age. Unless someone has no other family / friends / etc; they are going to have a limited number of hours available to spend with you.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/7/2012 8:05:02 PM
Yes, I think there's truth in that. We're not giddy teenagers.
 matchnot
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 74
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:51:11 PM
Hi mjinict! I think I know what youare feeling. I've been dating a guy for 8 months now (total 1 year as we dated 4 mo. thn broke up) he is tons of fun BUT there is no face time or stimulating connections.....We go out every Sat. night I spend the night we go have breakfast Sun. morning then I leave around 3 pm on Sun. He calls on Tues to say "hey I had a great time", no communications during the week, he calls on Fri, to set up a date for Sat. again. So, needless to say I feel like his weekend FB & weekend drinking buddy! He is 56 yrs old.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 75
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/8/2012 8:35:35 PM

At least mine isn't interested in looking for someone better to come along, which says something in on-line dating....And he is affectionate in hand holding and snuggling, just one of those conservative types who doesn't talk well about feelings, etc.

There you go again being thankful for scraps. If the best you can say about your partner is that he is not looking for someone else and he holds your hand, then you have set a very low bar for the relationship. Virtually any man could pass that muster.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 76
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:36:25 AM
From some of the stories I read on here, calling every night and a Saturday night date is doing pretty good. (But granted, not good enough long term)...
 CX6600
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 77
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 11:23:03 AM
It can be an issue for both men and women. That's why its important to communicate what you expect or don't expect in a relationship as soon as you have reached a comfortable place to talk about this
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 7:38:42 PM
I have talked to him about wanting a relationship with a future. I have told him I don't want to waste my time on another dead end. He said he would try to do the right thing but he isn't the type to rush into anything. So many couples crash and burn because they don't take the time to evaluate things. He gets up at 5:30 every morning and I don't get home till 7:00 at night and we're a half hr apart so it's not easy finding time to get together. I guess we are also old fashioned in that we don't do over-nighters....
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 79
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 7:52:57 PM
You posed a question, say you're not really happy with the progression of your relationship, say it lacks passion, you don't see each other enough, you want more than what you are presently getting. Funny thing is, you come up with a million excuses for this "relationship".

You have a FB, he is happy with it while you're not yet you go along with it. You have settled for scraps when you want the full meal deal. I don't think you'll ever get the full meal deal out of this guy. If you want to settle for that, go ahead, it's your choice. I can't see this "relationship" being any different in 6 months or a year.

Most on here have said you are settling for scraps...yet you defend your so called "relationship". Sad really. I think you deserve more, now you need to realize that you deserve more. Or maybe you're content to play this out until something better comes along, that is sad too. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that brings me no true joy.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 80
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:25:59 PM
Thanks for the replies. I have said and have even told him I think that in the next couple of months it will go one way or the other. I do have a life myself and and like to hang out with the grandkids on the weekends. He has said he doesn't want to meet them until the relationship is solid which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand I don't want them meeting a string of guys, they've already met 3. On the other, wouldn't it help make the decision whether to continue the relationship?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:34:25 PM
Mjinict, you need to get a grip and start making your own decisions, taking responsibility for your own actions. We do not know this man you’re dating, we do not see the interaction between the two of you, how close you are, how much actual intimacy (not sex) that you share. Now you’re asking us to decide for you if he should meet your grandkids? How the hell would we know? How old are your grandkids, how mature are they for their age, how good is your boy friend with kids of that age, how would we know any of this?

You cannot be asking total strangers on the internet to help you make these kinds of decisions!
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:39:12 PM
I know, it's sad, isn't it? I just thought I'd add one more aspect to the equation. -And they've met 4 in 4 years, kinda losing track now.
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 83
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:38:52 PM
There are several pages here all filled with the same basic comments yet you continue to post? Why would you even consider introducing him to your grandchildren? In fact when would do this? You see the guy one night a week. He isn't interested in meeting your grandchildren. He is interested in having a one night a week companion. Not going to change, he has made that abundantly clear. Not only would I not waste my time introducing him to anyone in my family, I wouldn't waste any more time on him. But that's your decision to make. Apparently you prefer crumbs to the whole loaf of bread.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 84
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:18:05 AM
Mrs Pollifax:

If he is truly a nice guy and you connected so well from the beginning, it may have been a mistake to just toss him out like that. Perhaps you could have talked to him, explained how you felt about taking things more slowly, etc. But, maybe you are just not that interested in him. Lots of fish in the sea, eh? Especially for women of 6o or older -- there are just so many, many great looking, attractive, fantastic men out there to choose from.
------------------------------------------
A quote from you from another thread...You were being sarcastic, no??
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 85
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:58:45 AM
Yes, but you were taking into account this guy's possible past which is what I want you to do with my situation. He was married 13 years, only 1 girlfriend since, over 4 years ago. He's the conservative, logical, structured type, who just doesn't like to get out after he gets home from work.
 FitAt55
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 86
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/25/2012 4:38:30 AM
You mention that he's "logical, conservative, etc." He may be someone that just never has been one to exhibit much in the way of "passion." This may be SOP for this fella, which is fine, if you're good with that.

Sounds like it's headed more toward plain-old companionship to me. That might be OK in 15 years, but you look a little young to be settling for that at this point. Good luck!
 originalNw
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 87
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/25/2012 8:41:01 AM
Where is it written "At this age you are not allowed " !!!! Every couple finds their own way ! You may listen to others here as well. The passion of physical contact is not always the way to find happiness to everyone. It all depends on you and your other! If you think it maybe a medical problem...contact your doctor ! Maybe a "shink " is in order as well. Everyone has their own way of thinking of the perfect way in life. Growing with someone is not just a sharing of a bank account..or having the same veiws on religion. Understanding one another,helping when a hand is needed, giving praise at a time that pain has enter , and showing love when it's not needed but there always.


 Balsamica
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 88
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 3/1/2012 11:59:08 AM
manfromthehill, I disagree that passion and intimacy aren't things people have to work on.

Fear is intimacy is all over the place, so many people are so traumatized and embittered from divorce and death, etc. that they're issues prevent them from having any relationship at all, and passion is not just physical, it has something to do with emotional intimacy, too, and if the emotional intimacy isn't there, the physical passion won't last long.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 89
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/20/2013 7:53:38 PM
Yep...this thread seems to be a repeat...same lady, same man....honey, make a decision...this is just long and tedious and you've heard it all before on the other 2 threads you started. C'mon now.

There are several pages here all filled with the same basic comments yet you continue to post? Why would you even consider introducing him to your grandchildren? In fact when would do this? You see the guy one night a week. He isn't interested in meeting your grandchildren. He is interested in having a one night a week companion. Not going to change, he has made that abundantly clear. Not only would I not waste my time introducing him to anyone in my family, I wouldn't waste any more time on him. But that's your decision to make. Apparently you prefer crumbs to the whole loaf of bread.

Everyone keeps telling you the same thing, but you don't really seem to be listening, or don't want to hear. You are desperately looking for a way to justify and defend your relationship with this man. Every time someone points out the obvious (that this is not a normal or healthy relationship), you find an excuse to explain it away.

After re-reading your responses, my sense is that you did not really start this thread because you had a question about whether your relationship was normal. You already know the answer to that question (it's not). Seems more like you are looking for validation. Since most people are posting honestly and candidly, I don't think you're going to get it here. Sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear, but based on the circumstances that you have provided, it's the way it is.


whoomp there it is...
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/20/2013 8:47:39 PM
Yes, it's me and we are doing just fine, thank you very much. Dozen roses on V day and still lots of laughs and special times. Get over it ANgel.
 OC28AV99
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 91
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/20/2013 9:52:04 PM
I agree that passion has many definitions, and marriage has never been just about passion at any age, anyways. Sometimes it's just compatability that lights the fire at this stage, or just feeling secure that they want to take care of you and your children. I myself will admit that feeling secure in my significant other to care of my family as I would is enough to ignite that passion, which I think is born out of trust.... So I'd say that if you lack passion in your relationship at this stage, then there may be these deeper trust issues involved that are hampering it. Just saying....:)
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/21/2013 12:42:01 AM
not a question of normal. is it "healthy" for both participants? you decide for yourself. my experience, now seeing someone who cares for me over a long period of time, if the potential partner is into you, a way will be found. but yes, as you get older, the energy is not like it used to be.

for example, we are geographically separated for now. i can't do the drive to his place given my lyme disease. the roads are so curvy even "normal" people have some trouble with them. so, he comes here for the weekend and i hop a bus to see him during the week if possible. we both put a lot into it. but, it is a chemistry and strong friendship factor the drives us. for some, they need "awakening" of passion, but it won't happen w/o motivation! aside from that he emails me every morning, we speak at lunchtime, after he gets out from work and before bedtime. not face to face, but ear to mouth.

do we have any problems? sure. but we put the time and "face time" into working them out. by the way, i never heard of face time before. i was thinking at first you were talking about sexual preferences!!!
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Normal to not have passion at this age?