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 phd4socialchange
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 22
Dating DilemmaPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Run Away! you have only been dating 2 months, you have no clue about the depth of his character. Sounds like my second husband. I believed him when we were dating on something very similar, but it was a lie.

He is not a "super guy" he is a cheater, and he will not change. He will only drag you down with him. Sorry to be harsh, I know that most of the people on here are spiteful and hateful for no reason (in my personal experience) but in this case they are right un telling you to get over it and move on to the next one.
 phd4socialchange
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 23
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 5:46:49 PM
RE Seneca: While I do not believe in sex before marriage I agree with your point!
 xenolith23
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 24
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History
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 6:19:12 PM
I agree with those who say to end it immediately and WITHOUT any discussion. All his actions make it abundantly clear he is not into you and is using you in a disrespectful and unpleasant way. Don't try to 'talk' to him as he'll deny or confuse you with further lies. End it immediately. You deserve and can find much better than this liar. Value yourself.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 25
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History
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/30/2012 7:02:21 PM
I dated a man like this. In bed for the night I'd wake up and find his side empty. He was on the computer, closed out the windows real quick when I'd get up to look for him. He also started turning off his phone when with me.
I dumped his ass. He continued to call me. His new woman must have checked his phone because I got a phone call asking to speak to ****, his sons name. I said no one with that name lived here. She said "I didn't think so".
Get out now. Even if you aren't exclusive I can't think of anything tackier than looking for another woman while one is in his bed.
What the hell is wrong with some people?And at this age?
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 26
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 12:25:37 AM
This guy is a douche, nothing more to say.....
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 27
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 3:06:11 AM

I can't think of anything tackier than looking for another woman while one is in his bed.
This ^^^^^^

I would have been out of his house faster than he could have closed all of those windows... Get out of there while you still have an ounce of self respect... This guy is an ass!!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 28
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History
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 3:37:45 AM
This is a dilemma? If I was playing tug of war with cyclops all week and I had the real thing on the weekend, I would be in between the sheets.

Maybe he has another option or two during the week.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 29
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:11:13 AM
have u banged him yet?/why werent u banging him at 9:30 and beyond?? :-)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 30
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:44:26 PM
You met him two months ago and it's already not only exclusive-with-man-you-barely-know, but there are also problems with trust and you don't speak up you just stew and ask strangers to figure it out for you and he obviously doesn't want you in his business. I mean you barely know that man, he could be up to no good or he could just not want you snooping on him, who knows. The fact is you are in bad with someone you just met two months ago, he is doing something that bothers you...what's the point, it's not working because as you get to know him, you aren't liking him. I mean really, I must say this again, two months, he's pretty much a complete stranger, having sex with someone does not make them someone you know. So what do you want and is this a deal breaker for you? Don't go along building up resentments and mistrust, talk about it now, in the open, and make an intelligent decision about what you really want.

Why are people shocked at finding out things about someone they just met? Do people really think they know someone because they've talked to them some, gone on a few dates and had sex? If you don't take the time to know who you are with, don't act surprised that you don't know them.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 31
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:54:35 PM

_Italiangirl_:
I encourage a male to continue to look at "profiles", to be in contact with other females etc.
This works to my advantage as the more females he comes in contact with, the better I seem in comparison.


You think a guy close to your age needs to look at more women's profiles before he realizes that you're a good catch?

Really?

Damn I thought you had more confidence than that and you were able to stand on your own.

If it helps, yours would be one profile I'd stop at after skipping about 25 along the way..
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 32
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 7:12:05 PM

_Italiangirl_:
I like being compared, RecDiver.
If a fellow stops looking around, it's just unnatural.
Males are driven by instinct to always seek the best female with which to breed.
I like seeing that manifested. Makes them seem more animalistic.


I get that. All I'm saying is that most guys have enough experience and enough of an idea of what is already out there that when they come to your profile and come to a screeching halt they don't need you to tell them 'go look around again and then come back so you can really appreciate me'.

It's just not necessary.
 tilark99
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 33
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 7:29:43 PM
OK, he can't drive 30 minutes to see you during the week.... and when you drive yourself to his house on the weekend you are alone in his bed, while he's on the computer? To me, it's not so much whether he was looking at profiles, porn or playing games. This would not work for me.

If this is a way that you are okay being treated, stay the course. But I bet you deserve better. And remember, usually the relationship is BEST in the early days, and that is when each of you lay groundwork for how you will treat/respect each other... or not.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 34
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History
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 8:10:10 PM
@Italiangirl: Grrrr...

She brings out my primal...
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 35
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 1/31/2012 8:15:47 PM

cooldog65:
@Italiangirl: Grrrr...

She brings out my primal...


Put it away and zip up. We're in public here.
 NJ_Phil
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 36
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/1/2012 9:59:20 AM
It's very simple, You can do 1 of 3 things:

Live with it
Discuss it
Walk away

If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have got my shlt and left, after I pissed all over the bed to tell the next one I was there.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 37
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:29:34 AM
A female who is confident in the male's interest shouldn't mind this.
I encourage a male to continue to look at "profiles", to be in contact with other females etc.
This works to my advantage as the more females he comes in contact with, the better I seem in comparison.
I find it cements their interest in me when their exposure to other females is extensive. My good points are then highlighted by the comparison.

Are you friggin' serious? Quit making excuses for "men" because it is their nature,their instincts or the poor souls are "hard wired".....ugh!
@OP....Kick him to the curb!!

vvvv@RD..Lol...Just couldn't stop myself!

 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 38
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:36:08 AM
Whiskyrivers:
Are you friggin' serious? Quit making excuses for "men" because it is their nature,their instincts or the poor souls are "hard wired".....ugh!


Don't bother.. I posted something similar and IG messaged me on the dating side to tell me she knows I want her but she's too good for me and to please stop following her around the forums "snapping her bra straps to get her attention".

I know, right?

She is completely and utterly convinced she knows how guys think, either as a whole, or individually. And nothing you say is going to ever change her mind, in fact the more you try the more she's going to dig right in and hold her ground.

But for what it's worth, I agree with you.
 xlmagboy
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 39
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:43:56 AM
Believe it or not. The internet is a religion. An oriental religion. Ever wonder why America is in debt to China? China pretty much owns all our cellphones, computers, TV's,etc. Perhaps you both are hooked on the internet instead of true love.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 40
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History
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/1/2012 11:13:30 AM
Two months? Have you agreed to be exclusive? If not, he can look for and date other women if he chooses. Even so, his behavior is amazingly tacky since you were there in his bed. It sounds like he's looking for a better alternative - that he's not sufficiently into you at this point (and may never be).
 1original64
Joined: 12/4/2011
Msg: 41
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/1/2012 11:57:40 AM
I so agree here! What ? Do you think that you don't deserve respect even when you were at his house. He dis-respected you in several different ways! I would have just walked into his bedroom ...picked up my stuff and left without saying goodbye, kiss my hiney, or go to. He would have gotten the clue then!!! I think that he is just playing you!
 wkmooreh
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 42
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Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:37:23 AM
Okay so I need to clarify a few things on my post..and give update.

The biggest reason we don't see each other during the week, is because I work full-time and I am in school full time. So most of my week nights are taken, plus alot of my time on the weekends involves homework.
I think the reason I didn't leave is because as I said I was stunned, it was so against his character I had come to know. Looking back now, I wish I had left immediately.
I have called him out on the internet browsing and while he won't admit it, he did apologize for "hurting" me and that it was never his intention.
I also told him that what he did was not okay with me, but was willing to forgive, BUT that if seeing each other was to continue I wanted the exclusive, I think after 2 months that was not being unreasonable.
The long and short of it, he wants his cake and eat it too, so we are done.
I know there are some of you that think I was a fool to cut him some slack, but I do believe most people do deserve a second chance in some instances, and after several conversations with a couple of close friends, they agreed. Since it is hard to convey on here everything in the last 2 months. I really felt he deserved it. But as I wrote he doesnt want to be exclusive, so his loss.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 43
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:59:07 AM
yeah..but italiangirl..do u do this before u bang him..or after?/lol
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 44
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:12:24 AM
Sorry...You absolutely did the right thing by bringing it up and communicating.
He expressed what he was willing to do at this point as you did and a choice was made.
Doesn't make it any better...I know!
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 45
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:57:10 AM
As I said earlier, it’s entirely plausible that “…he was checking his emails, and some of the emails take you directly to the site.” (- op) And clicking on a hot-link to see who has sent a message or ‘fav’-ed him is completely understandable. You’ve told us twice that the browsing was out of character, and I tend to believe that’s true. But it was hurtful to see when you got out of bed and I wonder if you gave his explanation a fair hearing.

Being ‘willing to forgive’ him is in effect finding him guilty. Following that with an ‘exclusive or not’ ultimatum may have seemed a bit high-handed.

It’s not unreasonable to want sexual exclusivity. And having that discussion with him after you'd cleared the air, when you were both cool-headed and getting on well might have yielded different results. But you were probably both feeling hurt and angry, and the timing of the discussion would have made the offer seem punitive and controlling. Not to mention unattractive.

Exclusivity might have been negotiable if the matter had been raised in another way. Or maybe not.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 46
Dating Dilemma
Posted: 2/2/2012 1:41:51 PM
Probably addicted to pornography.
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