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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?      Home login  
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 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 76
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
"but 3 months down the line we realise we've made a mistake and we don't really want to sleep with them after all."

In that case, you stop sleeping with them. Using your logic, you'd never have sex, even after marriage, just in case you might want to get divorced and stop sleeping with someone 23 years later.


Abelian, your arguments make perfect sense, but they don't take into account the emotions involved. Many women feel sex is a bonding activitiy and when it is initiated, it is much more difficult to shut the door on the guy--even if he is wrong on a lot of levels. So putting off the sex for a few dates may help to weed out a guy that is going to be trouble. Also, there are a ton of societal pressures on women to "keep the numbers down." I think there is a thread on that topic right now.

Now I think 6 dates may be a little extreme myself, but I understand the sentiment behind it.

Lastly, the whole "it takes 20 seconds for women to decide if they will sleep with you" thing is misinterpreted. The only thing most women know after 20 seconds is whether they could sleep with you. Some men just don't do it for me and I know immediately. Other men are so darn sexy, that I may very much want to during the first date, but I haven't decided whether or not I actually like them as a person yet. And most men fall somewhere in the middle.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 77
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/24/2012 12:20:04 PM
Lastly, the whole "it takes 20 seconds for women to decide if they will sleep with you" thing is misinterpreted. The only thing most women know after 20 seconds is whether they could sleep with you. Some men just don't do it for me and I know immediately. Other men are so darn sexy, that I may very much want to during the first date, but I haven't decided whether or not I actually like them as a person yet. And most men fall somewhere in the middle.


Exactly! ^^^^^^^
 Aleyrebel
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 78
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History
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/25/2012 6:30:05 PM
Bravo I agree,
Every Relationship is different sometimes date 1 or 2 is the right one to decide if you should keep dating.
We've all been there when you've dated 2 to 3 months then break up so there are no hard, fast rules.
 gowithitbaby
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 79
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/26/2012 6:48:57 AM
Sex on the third date- this is outrageous!!! Obviously a man invented this stupid rule. Trust me ladies if he's interested in more than your Victorias secret he'd wait until he has courted you and proven he'll be around to pour the orange juice the next morn or month. Excuse me boys but what B.S. this 3, 6 or any number date rule is.

I dated a guy off of here about 2 years ago, great guy; but on the 5th date invited me over , made a fabulous dinner (great cook) and then expected to "get down" , he proclimed this is the 5th date!! It didn't happen btw. The next day we had a heart to heart, where he explained he wasn't ready to settle down and didn't really want to father children as his were now young teens and that phase was behind him; I ended it. So had I done the deed on the 5th date I would have been heart broken and he would have been embarrassed to tell me these reasons after the deed was done as well.
Oh and btw, he contacted me on here a week ago asking me how I am and if I could go for a drink with him. I have my dignity and he has respect for me; that wouldn't have happened if I would have followed this B.S. rule, created by MEN to save money on "KEG" dinners.lol

When he is ready , proclaims it and you feel it, for a long term , committed, monogamous relationship (buying the cow), you give the milk and not before!!
Come on Ladies don't drag the rest of us down. Bring sexy back but with some dignity and scrupples attached.


Geez, no wonder men expect it at what 2 years ago was 5 dates...NOW IT"S 3??? Girls have some dignity you're pulling our high standards way down , not to mention not helping the prostitution industry-lol.
B
 1best_woman
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 80
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/26/2012 5:24:05 PM
I doubt it would take me 6 dates to decide. However I do agree with the general idea. Barring any clear dealbreakers ( lack of physical attraction, other person was a jerk etc ) on the first date, 2-3 dates ( or maybe 4 dates in a few cases ) would be more realistic. It is possible for chemistry not to exist right away. But gradually start to develop in future dates. Because of reasons that have already been mentioned.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 81
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/26/2012 6:57:22 PM
maleman999
You may be right but I need at least 10 seconds to make my mind. If men didnt have double standards women may be more forthright about wanting to have sex upfront as well. Some brave ones do it but then... guess what, they are pumped and dumped and left feeling used. If you are not prepared to wait the 6 dates until she feels comfortabale shall we say, then you are not really into her and she has lost nothing.
For me if I really fancy a guy no more than three dates but that is me.
 dogwood
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 82
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/26/2012 8:30:19 PM
6 dates? You damn well better be picking up the tab for at least half of these.

And people wonder why guys have such a low opinion of women nowadays ...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 83
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/27/2012 12:07:07 AM
Abelian, your arguments make perfect sense, but they don't take into account the emotions involved.

Neuther does the advice people give about anything else. If someone has a problem with jealousy, the advice most often given is ``get over it.'' If someone has difficulty accepting that his/her partner has been around the block a few times, the advice is the same: ``get over it.'' People may have to work at changing their attitudes, but it's either adapt or settle for less.

Many women feel sex is a bonding activitiy and when it is initiated, it is much more difficult to shut the door on the guy--even if he is wrong on a lot of levels.

Men aren't really that different. Whatever difference exists is result of attitudes instilled while growing up.

Also, there are a ton of societal pressures on women to "keep the numbers down."

I wouldn't really want a woman who worries about what society thinks. I'd rather have a partner who has the self confidence to do what she wants to do.

Other men are so darn sexy, that I may very much want to during the first date, but I haven't decided whether or not I actually like them as a person yet. And most men fall somewhere in the middle.

Well, personally, I want to be the guy a woman wants to sleep with in the first 20 seconds. If I fell into the middle somewhere, then we didn't make much of a connection.

Sex on the third date- this is outrageous!!!

I wouldn't go that far. Although sex on the second date seems more often the case, I wouldn't have been put off by waiting until the 3rd.

Trust me ladies if he's interested in more than your Victorias secret he'd wait until he has courted you and proven he'll be around to pour the orange juice the next morn or month.

I'm a counterexample to that statement. I'm engaged to someone I met here and have been dating for more than 2 1/2 years. Had she waited for me to ``prove'' something to her, she'd have still been waiting.

Oh and btw, he contacted me on here a week ago asking me how I am and if I could go for a drink with him. I have my dignity and he has respect for me;

If he wouldn't have respected you for having sex with him, then he's not the kind of guy that any women I respect would want.

When he is ready , proclaims it and you feel it, for a long term , committed, monogamous relationship (buying the cow), you give the milk and not before!!

This sounds like a case of GPS.

Come on Ladies don't drag the rest of us down. Bring sexy back but with some dignity and scrupples attached.

About all I can say is that women who aren't uptight about sex aren't dragging anyone down. The fact is, in this era, women will have sex relatively quickly and any guy who has options won't be jumping through hoops for a woman. I don't think you'll have much luck mobilizing the sisterhood.

Girls have some dignity you're pulling our high standards way down ,

I wouldn't want to date a woman who thought having sex was undignified.

not to mention not helping the prostitution industry-lol.

I think you have it backwards. I'd personally rather see an escort than date a woman with GPS. I didn't have to jump through hoops, so when I ran across women who expected me to jump on command, they didn't get very far.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 84
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/28/2012 7:20:41 AM

I've never thought in terms of Mr.Right and I'm not sure what it means anyway, but I'm certainly looking for more than a three month shaggathon. Your problem with that is..?

Well, if it were me, I wouldn't have any idea what you were looking for or even if you knew what you were looking for. I'd never allow myself to become attached to someone without knowing why she was dating me. I really didn't have a problem with what anyone decides to do as long as she didn't expect me to go along with it.

Because instant chemistry is not the only factor with regards to compatibility in a healthy, happy relationship.

No, but realistically, people have sex before those other factors are in play. That argument would have merit if this was 1950 and people dated for a year without having sex, but that isn't the way it is.

At the end of relationships there's the tears and recriminations, the begging letters posted through the door, the midnight texts and phone calls, the accusations of, "You never loved me! You only used me for sex!!!". Honestly, why can't blokes just accept it didn't work out, eh?

I've been there, done that and figured out to just accept things didn't work out, which is why I approach dating the way I do.

Based on personal experience, if a bloke thinks unless he gets a shag by date three he's going to walk away, he's just not that into me.

The last time I had to wait longer than date 2 was 25 years ago. Since I would certainly have waited another date or two without wondering too much about what was up, I didn't consider how long it would take to have sex to be a serious question.

I don't consider any interaction a waste of time as I either enjoy it, or learn from it.

Sure, but what you're really saying is rather trite, since just like me, you would cease to interact with someone if you thought further interaction was going to be a waste of time. The only difference is how we decide when that point occurs I decide on a first date based on whether or not any real kissing takes place. If it does, then I assume I won't be wasting my time by just letting nature take it's course. Nature hasn't ever taken the long way. If there isn't any kissing happening on a first date, I don't consider that first date a waste of time, but I would consider a second date a waste of time. Everyone (except the most hardeaded masochist doormat) has a point after which he/she considers further interaction to be pointless.

I don't pretend anything.

Then that comment doesn't apply to you.

You can maybe see how I've come to be patient.

Sure, but since I've never had any kids, because I didn't want to be a responsible parent, you can probably see why I'm not patient (about much of anything). Although I was willing to date single moms and see if a single mom was going to be compatible with me, I ended up not having to do that. My fiancee has no kids, either. My best guess based on the single moms I talked to and met, is that their priorities and mine would be too different to be compatible. Although I was willing to consider dating a single mom, I wasn't willing to alter my expectations radically to accomodate her idea of parenting.

I mentioned this thread to my daughter this morning and she said, "After three dates you're supposed to sleep with a total stranger???"

If the person is a total stranger after three dates, in my opinion, you ought to move on. The question remains as to why it's such a big deal to have sex with someone if it's fun.


Also, there's sexual health. For HIV testing isn't it something like 90 days post exposure? 0.3 microseconds, 3 dates, 3 month serial relationships? That doesn't leave a great margin of error, eh?

The odds of contracting HIV with from a partner who is know to be HIV positive from a single instance f vaginal sex is between 1 in 500 and 1 in a 1000. A condom reduces the risk by a factor of 2 ro 1 in 1000 to 1 in 2000. Once you factor in the odds of actually having sex with an infected partner through random chance (which is the worst case condition, unless you're dating people who are highly likely to be infected, the odds drop proportionally. If your odds were as ridiculously high as 1 in 5 of having sex with an infected partner, your odds of contracting HIV would be lower than your chance of being killed in a car accident over a 1 year time period. Basically, I'll drive as safely as possible, but I won't give up driving just because there's a risk involved.

.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 85
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/28/2012 10:23:18 AM
Jac_the_Gripper in msg 99:


I mentioned this thread to my daughter this morning and she said, "After three dates you're supposed to sleep with a total stranger???" She's 17, studies full time and has a one year old daughter.

Let’s do the math here, 17 with a 1 year old daughter, means she gave birth at 16, means she became pregnant at 15? Did you even talk to your daughter about birth control, about condoms, the pill, any thing?


Gowithitbaby in msg 92:


When he is ready , proclaims it and you feel it, for a long term , committed, monogamous relationship (buying the cow), you give the milk and not before!!
Come on Ladies don't drag the rest of us down.

You’re just mad because you can no longer force men to dance to your tune. If all women played by your rules, men would have no choice except play by your rules, go to prostitutes, or remain celibate. Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for you, this is the 21st century, and there are millions of women out there who do NOT play by your outdated rules. This means I do not have to jump through your hoops.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 86
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/28/2012 3:32:07 PM
Most men wont wait around for the 6 date rule thing. I dont see the point either and if you fancy them, then go for it. I have had sex on the second date with a couple of guys and the relationships lasted over a year or so and were with great guys who respected me.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 87
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/29/2012 11:22:08 AM
to jac_the_gripper: You're the one who brought up your daughter. What were you trying to say or imply or ???? I do not talk about my kids or grandkids on a dating site, and I completely fail to understand why anyone else would.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 88
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/29/2012 12:21:34 PM
I'm not sure about 6 dates, but a lot of people are nervous when first meeting someone new, so I rarely dismiss someone after one date - unless it is obvious we are on two completely different wavelengths. If after three or four dates you still aren't clicking, then I think "friend only" material, if even that.

And I am talking about dating, not sex. I don't put out till the vows are said and the rings are on. I want a mate, not a plaything.
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 89
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:12:18 AM
I know after the first meet if I want to continue. I can look past all the initial conundrums we all face during that time, and see if some of what I'm looking for is there....
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 90
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/23/2012 11:41:27 PM
I know within about 30 seconds...
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 91
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/25/2012 3:39:52 AM
anyone living by any of these dumb dating rules is foolish. Everyone is different and nothing is the same for everyone.

It takes a good year to truly know someone; unfortunately in todays internet society, people want to click their mouse and have the man and woman of their dreams knock on the door with a wad of cash, in a bathing suit, holding pizza and beer.

Love takes time whether people like it or not. So many rushing into sex and living together and it's why so many are messed up.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 92
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/25/2012 10:48:27 PM
Crap, now I can't wear my bathing suit, and bring the cash, pizza and beer to my first meet up? Next you are going to tell me to leave my toothbrush at home too?
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 93
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:17:11 AM
^^^

Next you are going to tell me to leave my toothbrush at home too?

It’s OK, I have extras in all my fav colors – pious white, jealous green, penitential purple. But no immorality, please. I’m not like all those other guys.
 Meowwch
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 94
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/31/2012 2:09:21 AM
First off... I know when our eyes meet if I would want to kiss or be kissed by someone... if I don't feel that sensation why waste anyone's time??? I respect and appreciate some geentlemen who would give you a nice hug after first face to face meeting.... allowing his scent to linger on my mind and thoughts of desire to stir within... why rush it??? Allow things to grow... appreciate one and other... don't simply have intercourse because of pressure... are you kidding me??? Respect yourself... if you were in a restaurant would you drink from a used glass from the bus tray??? Not knowing whose lips were on it or where it has been??? I think not... Keep your body safe and self respect and self worth intact...
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 95
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/31/2012 7:52:31 PM
I don't believe in any "rule" regarding dating...


no crap, what is up with all these RULES?!

 hotmerlot
Joined: 2/25/2012
Msg: 96
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/31/2012 9:33:04 PM
OMG I didn't know about this rule! I've been doing it all wrong.
 Misohoni
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 97
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:20:24 PM
I applaud this answer, and I think you fellas can use this. Well spoken! Why are we making these silly numerical rules on something that is based on human contact and parallels that have nothing to do with numbers? Use your feelings to decide this, ladies and gentlemen!
 Misohoni
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 98
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/27/2013 3:22:00 PM
I'm referring to the quote from Miss Meowwch, btw. *bows*
 CyclistWill77
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 99
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/28/2013 12:04:54 PM
Wow, after reading the entire thread, I think I know why few people are interested in me. People are too wrapped up in instant gratification.

I guess I've never made it to a 3rd date, the best I've done was coffee and 2 dates after that, with one person. I will say, I did enjoy her company, but I wasn't comfortable kissing her after 3 dates. I still didn't know her that well. Like I said, I enjoyed her company and wanted to see her again, but I got booted to the curb. My guess is that it was because I didn't kiss her or something like that by the second date. Did I want to sleep with her? Maybe, I did find her attractive, but the fact that someone is attractive doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. I'll say that I couldn't say that I didn't want to sleep with her either. If she had tried to kiss me, I think I would have found it very awkward. Not because I didn't like her, but because I didn't know her well enough yet. What can I say, I have personal boundaries, and I have a deep respect for other people's personal boundaries. I'm not going to cross them until I'm comfortable around another person, and I know undeniably that the other person is ok with my crossing those boundaries.

Sex by the third date? I think not, I'd rather wait till we are both comfortable with each other, and that will require doing things together and just being around each other. I guess for me a woman must make it to the friend zone first, and then things can progress. I'd guess this is mostly out of respect for the other person. Apparently this is too much to ask though. It takes me awhile to warm up to someone, its not that I'm not interested in them, but I really need to get to know them, and they get to know me before things really get going.

I guess I'm screwed according to these so called rules. Clearly, I'm the odd guy out here.
 lookingformr.honest
Joined: 1/18/2013
Msg: 100
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/28/2013 2:37:00 PM
I've been reading this thread and I'm truly amazed....truthfully, I think you can tell a lot on the first meet. If you don't feel some sort of connection, chemistry or whatever, then it's not going to happen. I've had plenty of first meets and it was horrible. Why would I agree to a second and give someone hope when I know there is none. As for kissing....I think it's up to the individual. If my date is talking and all I can think about is kissing him...I'm thinking I have chemistry with him! Sex, again, up to each person.

I met someone and everything clicked for us on the first date/meet. Our first week together was a whirlwind and we didn't see anyone else. After 3 1/2 weeks, he ran into his exfiancee and decided to try to get back with her. I know you're thinking I should have asked...I did...he said he wasn't in love with her anymore. Guess he was lying more to himself than me. This is JMO so take it for what it's worth folks.
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