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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?      Home login  
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 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 101
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
You really don't have a solid foundation until two months. Why, you ask? That's the time it takes a woman to fall in love (surprise!)[when everything is going just right, of course]

I would also wait at least 2 years to get married or perhaps even to move in. I suppose you could get engaged before then if that's something you want.

There is also a 3 date rule that has already been covered for those who are not waiting for marriage.

There is no such thing as a 6 date rule though, LOL! Somebody is making stuff up.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 102
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/28/2013 7:47:12 PM
I've been reading this thread and I'm truly amazed....truthfully, I think you can tell a lot on the first meet. If you don't feel some sort of connection, chemistry or whatever, then it's not going to happen. I've had plenty of first meets and it was horrible. Why would I agree to a second and give someone hope when I know there is none. As for kissing....I think it's up to the individual. If my date is talking and all I can think about is kissing him...I'm thinking I have chemistry with him! Sex, again, up to each person.


I can determine physical attraction and any obvious dealbreakers during a first date / meeting. I don't think anyone is suggesting going out on a second date with someone that is a jerk or completely unattractive. However as stated earlier, sometimes there isn't an instant connection on a first date because at least one person is somewhat shy, nervous, guarded etc at first. In these situations, a connection can ( not always though ) gradually develop over time.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 103
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:08:03 PM
I don't have sex on the third date, it takes longer then that to warm me up. Still I know I don't need 6 dates to know whether to continue on dating or if I like a person well enuff. When I was younger I would have sex right away. These days just take my time.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 104
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/1/2013 4:06:08 AM
I think if you're a certain age, you can tell whether there is interest by the 2nd date.
Personally, if I was unsure on the 1st, I was certain on the second, that there was no chemistry. It's never gone the other way for me.

Any long term relationship I have been in, there was interest right away.

I don't go by rules, but rather, by intuition and tend to find that to being the most reliable way of seeing things.

That said, I don't think I'll ever understand those who rush into things.
 Quasimodo11543
Joined: 7/21/2010
Msg: 105
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:33:04 AM
I've always been notoriously slow when it came to dating. I've waited a month to sleep with someone before, it doesn't bother me. It could be for a few reasons I suppose. I like to have a pretty good idea of who this person is and what they are about before I get emotions involved with it all. I don't think there is any set time frame for things that "should" happen. I think you just go with the flow, let things progress as they may, and know when to push a little harder towards the next level. Instant chemistry is misleading, it's like impulse shopping. You got something you thought you wanted but, by the time you got it home you had no idea what to do with it or how it really worked.
 zelig77
Joined: 2/7/2013
Msg: 106
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/1/2013 12:11:16 PM

Instant chemistry is misleading, it's like impulse shopping. You got something you thought you wanted but, by the time you got it home you had no idea what to do with it or how it really worked.


I think it's also easy to get 'caught up' in the 'gonna make a good first impression' trap a bit on a first date. Particularly if the other person is physically attractive or you've clicked via message/phone before the meet.

I went out with 2 men last fall (not concurrently) and in both cases the first dates were GREAT, fun, there seemed to be great chemistry, the dates went on longer than we'd planned, etc. Both times I found myself being less interested as I got to know the guys better. On subsequent dates, I felt LESS tempted to sleep with them and when that realization happened I ended things.

It wasn't their fault, I think ultimately we were just not great matches, but I just remember feeling sort of sheepish about how I over-estimated the 'chemistry' I was feeling on that first date ....

I guess I'm taking a long time to say - I think it's easy to dismiss someone based on a first date (we've ALL had those) but I think determining real attraction (vs simply experiencing first date adrenaline) can take more than time.
 DontAskMe2CarryUrPurse
Joined: 1/22/2013
Msg: 107
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/1/2013 2:16:13 PM
Yeah, I agree, I would rather hold off before getting emotionally invested in someone. That said, I've tried lots of different "scenarios". In the end, I'd rather take my own sweet time and really get to know someone over several months before even a first kiss. That would be ideal. Slow things down and if they're hip with it, it will stretch things out, so to speak.
 spd1961
Joined: 4/17/2006
Msg: 108
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History
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 1:14:16 AM
I believe in the twenty minute rule.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 109
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 9:26:15 AM
Hmmm. After six dates we would have had sex three or four times, so I'd say it's a good time to decide whether to follow through with a relationship. If it lasted that long there's a good chance I want more.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 110
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 9:44:32 AM

The correct time to have sex is on the third date. By date six you're practically an item. I wish people would stop trying to reinvent the wheel on this one.


I think the above actually does apply- IF the person you are going on a date with is not a stranger.

When I met my ex husband, we hung out in a group who all worked together. I knew him for maybe 3 or 4 months before we went on a 'date'. During that time we talked about our opinions on matters of values, observed each other in social situations, all sorts of things. SO by the time we went on a date, we already knew each other and knew the interest was there.

We had sex on that first date, and were a couple for the next 25 years.

Meeting a stranger- very different.
 LongHairedLass
Joined: 8/7/2010
Msg: 111
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 6:29:01 PM
I have a friend in her 70's. She is a widow. Recently she told a group the story of how she met and married her husband. He saw her at a party and decided he was going to marry her. He did not even speak to her at the party, she didn't know who he was. He got her number through friends, called and asked her out. She went, says she thought he was homely, he didn't talk much and she was not really attracted to him. He asked her for a second date, she said she figured "why not, free movie". On the second date he started talking more and she started realizing he had LTR potential. After that she fell madly in love with him and then thought he was the most beautiful man in the world. They were married 55 years, had 6 children. They had passion for each other till the end.
I think the idea that you should click in the first few minutes is wrong. I think many people are meeting and judging too quickly.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 112
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 8:12:41 PM
All I need is one date. I think alot of people abide by this..most of my dating experiences involve having just one date, then we move on.
 QT3.18
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 113
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 8:52:42 PM
I didn't know about any 6 date rule. Never heard of such a thing.

What I do know is that the relationships that I reflect the most fondly on, and the men that I ultimately ended up having the strongest attachment to, were men that I didn't feel instant chemistry with. How long it took for me to feel the chemistry varied.

If I were to have abided by the 6 date rule, I would probably have missed out on a few really good relationships.
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 114
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History
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 9:09:20 PM
3 dates is all I can handle, if I'm not feeling any romantic feelings by then, I never will, after that, they think you are interested and start planning your future....with them! , nip it in the bud!
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 115
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 9:35:33 PM

3 dates is all I can handle (...) after that, they think you are interested

Wow, I would think on the second date you were interested, otherwise why come back for more after the initial date?

BTW, is your age a typo or are your pics 20 years old? If you ever come to Houston, let me show you how a third date is done... ;-)
 NotWhatYouExpectt
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 116
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/19/2013 10:15:44 PM
I think the OP would benefit from reading "BLINK" by malcolm gladwell - It might provide a lot of insight on character judgement :)
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 117
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 6:51:18 AM
I dont play by anyone else rules but my own. Every relationship is different. I will not jump in the sack just because its a 3rd date "rule". I dont think 6 dates makes a relationship either. again.. every relationship is different.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 118
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 9:02:26 AM
There was an interview with an older woman who is a match maker. Her take on this was that if by the end of the first date you are telling your self hell no there is no way I would go out again. Thats should be it, for dating that person. But if you meet then and you see and there is some attraction but no spark ye,Then you should go on the second date. Her reason for that is that many people are shy or nervose on the first date. So you give them a second chance. She mentioned that when she set up people she found that many times the first date didnt go great. The second date always was much better with many people telling her that they had that spark.. She been working as a match maker for over 40 years. It was a very intresting interview about what men and women do wrong. She also mentioned that she has to sit with each one of her clients and have a talk with them cause everyone seemed to live in alternate reality when it comes to dating.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 119
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 10:48:49 AM

When I met my ex husband, we hung out in a group who all worked together. I knew him for maybe 3 or 4 months before we went on a 'date'.

Yeah, you already had a relationship of sorts... a lot got out of the way. Seriousness of a Relationship happens sooner, because you already had a relationship (case sensitivity).

Meeting a stranger- very different.

Yeah, but not astronomical. 6 dates is a long time to go before you "decide" if they're worthy of datING because you have already begun seeing each other. If one believes it takes 6 dates to find out if you truly like them or not or to be a couple of sorts at least, etc -- that's an indicator of some big emotional problems with the opposite sex and/or relationships.

I'm not saying one's a bf/gf before or even at 6 dates by any means. But to find out if they're worthy of datING -- that happens pretty quick. If you're still floundering after date #3, you're not into them -- plain and simple. Only exceptions would be super-mini-dates where you swing by to chit-chat for coffee for 20m... in that case I wouldn't call that a Date.

Again, it isn't the point of turning things into BF/GF -- it's finding out how you feel & judging whether it's worthy of going down that alley to start really datING them. Usually this is found out on (actual) Date #1 or #2... sometimes #3 for those on-the-fence. Anything unsure past that point = not that into them.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 120
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 1:03:13 PM
Trisha I have tried to find the link to the show, Can't remember the name of it. It was one of the most fun shows about dating I seen in a long time. She is a jewish matchmaker in NYC. I would try and find the link for it later on again.
She actualy told some people that there expectations were soo high that they never going to meet anyone And she can't help them. I guess one of the reason she is good at what she does was that she put people back down to earth. Teach them how to date and what to expect. She would go as far as telling one guy to get his teeth cleaned and get a hair cut before his next date. She asked one of the women that showed up if she is going to a strip club after this. That girl came dressed in cloths so tight she had hard time sitting down..
I should take her advice my self, I bet if I did I would be off and dating in no time..
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 121
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 1:21:35 PM
Six dates is far too many. It should only take a couple of dates MAX to determine if you want to keep seeing someone, and sometimes it will happen on the first date. The way I see it, after the first date it's "nope", "he's nice, but no spark" or "hell yes." I'd always go on a second date with the no spark guys, just to see if a different setting changed anything. It usually didn't but you never know!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 122
view profile
History
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 2:19:35 PM
I think the OP would benefit from reading "BLINK" by malcolm gladwell - It might provide a lot of insight on character judgement


This is a great book, and I highly recommend it as well. It has some fascinating insights into the potential success of relationships.
 DBG1983
Joined: 7/4/2010
Msg: 123
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 3:01:33 PM
Honestly, people that believe these tings are stupid. There are no numeric rules when it comes to dating, not the six date rule, and not the three date sex rule. I've had sex on the first date and it was a marvelous relationship, and I've also gone out with someone several times without having sex at all and ending it boredom and disinterest on a personal level. There are millions. perhaps billions of people out there with different feelings, beliefs, and views when it comes to romance so thinking there is some list of tenants one must follow is ridiculous. Listen to what your own body and mind are saying, not some gossipy bullshit.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 124
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 3:31:22 PM

I've had sex on the first date and it was a marvelous relationship

Hey, you don't need to twist MY arm to go for the goods if both feel it...


I've also gone out with someone several times without having sex at all and ending it boredom

That's what they get for 'making sure' by withholding sex. It doesn't make anything sure.


There are no numeric rules

Well, I wonder how often 'no sex by the third date' turns into a longer relationship after all. Granted, not all romps end up in relationships, but some do. I personally have not experienced any or heard of any from my friends where the opposite was true (a long wait that worked). Maybe when one was a virgin, but as of lately (ahem) I'm not in that group anymore.

I'd be curious to see the hit and miss ratio of 'sex by the third date' vs. 'no sex for six dates', if a 'hit' means say at least one month of being together as bf/gf. That's what I was hoping to get out of this post. However, the OP seemed to be undecided by date six which baffled 99.537% of the forumites.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 125
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/21/2013 6:59:29 AM


I recently read you should give someone you have met 6 dates before you make a judgement on if you are a match or not. This being that you have some form of attraction and interest from the beginning and they aren't weird or creepy! lol
Ok..if my initial meet someone new is only ok I usually don't go out again. Or at the most I will try 1 date and see if it gets better. Just curious what others dating are finding out there so far, should you wait to throw in the towel?! or first sign of hmnnn not for me completely? RUN!!! : o)


If you made it to date six and there's been romantic activity (kissing, holding hands, etc. etc. etc) then you know it's possibly going somewhere. Usually I would say it takes about EIGHT to TEN DATES (two months) for the talks to pop-up. But, by six dates, you have a STRONG SENSE otherwise you wouldn't have made it that far.

The "Weird/creepy" stuff is usually verified when you both meet for the first time... It's a matter of compatibility and chemistry going forward...
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