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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?      Home login  
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 NotWhatYouExpectt
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 116
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I think the OP would benefit from reading "BLINK" by malcolm gladwell - It might provide a lot of insight on character judgement :)
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 117
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 6:51:18 AM
I dont play by anyone else rules but my own. Every relationship is different. I will not jump in the sack just because its a 3rd date "rule". I dont think 6 dates makes a relationship either. again.. every relationship is different.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 118
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 9:02:26 AM
There was an interview with an older woman who is a match maker. Her take on this was that if by the end of the first date you are telling your self hell no there is no way I would go out again. Thats should be it, for dating that person. But if you meet then and you see and there is some attraction but no spark ye,Then you should go on the second date. Her reason for that is that many people are shy or nervose on the first date. So you give them a second chance. She mentioned that when she set up people she found that many times the first date didnt go great. The second date always was much better with many people telling her that they had that spark.. She been working as a match maker for over 40 years. It was a very intresting interview about what men and women do wrong. She also mentioned that she has to sit with each one of her clients and have a talk with them cause everyone seemed to live in alternate reality when it comes to dating.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 119
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 10:48:49 AM

When I met my ex husband, we hung out in a group who all worked together. I knew him for maybe 3 or 4 months before we went on a 'date'.

Yeah, you already had a relationship of sorts... a lot got out of the way. Seriousness of a Relationship happens sooner, because you already had a relationship (case sensitivity).

Meeting a stranger- very different.

Yeah, but not astronomical. 6 dates is a long time to go before you "decide" if they're worthy of datING because you have already begun seeing each other. If one believes it takes 6 dates to find out if you truly like them or not or to be a couple of sorts at least, etc -- that's an indicator of some big emotional problems with the opposite sex and/or relationships.

I'm not saying one's a bf/gf before or even at 6 dates by any means. But to find out if they're worthy of datING -- that happens pretty quick. If you're still floundering after date #3, you're not into them -- plain and simple. Only exceptions would be super-mini-dates where you swing by to chit-chat for coffee for 20m... in that case I wouldn't call that a Date.

Again, it isn't the point of turning things into BF/GF -- it's finding out how you feel & judging whether it's worthy of going down that alley to start really datING them. Usually this is found out on (actual) Date #1 or #2... sometimes #3 for those on-the-fence. Anything unsure past that point = not that into them.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 120
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 1:03:13 PM
Trisha I have tried to find the link to the show, Can't remember the name of it. It was one of the most fun shows about dating I seen in a long time. She is a jewish matchmaker in NYC. I would try and find the link for it later on again.
She actualy told some people that there expectations were soo high that they never going to meet anyone And she can't help them. I guess one of the reason she is good at what she does was that she put people back down to earth. Teach them how to date and what to expect. She would go as far as telling one guy to get his teeth cleaned and get a hair cut before his next date. She asked one of the women that showed up if she is going to a strip club after this. That girl came dressed in cloths so tight she had hard time sitting down..
I should take her advice my self, I bet if I did I would be off and dating in no time..
 Advwench
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 121
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 1:21:35 PM
Six dates is far too many. It should only take a couple of dates MAX to determine if you want to keep seeing someone, and sometimes it will happen on the first date. The way I see it, after the first date it's "nope", "he's nice, but no spark" or "hell yes." I'd always go on a second date with the no spark guys, just to see if a different setting changed anything. It usually didn't but you never know!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 122
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 2:19:35 PM
I think the OP would benefit from reading "BLINK" by malcolm gladwell - It might provide a lot of insight on character judgement


This is a great book, and I highly recommend it as well. It has some fascinating insights into the potential success of relationships.
 DBG1983
Joined: 7/4/2010
Msg: 123
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 3:01:33 PM
Honestly, people that believe these tings are stupid. There are no numeric rules when it comes to dating, not the six date rule, and not the three date sex rule. I've had sex on the first date and it was a marvelous relationship, and I've also gone out with someone several times without having sex at all and ending it boredom and disinterest on a personal level. There are millions. perhaps billions of people out there with different feelings, beliefs, and views when it comes to romance so thinking there is some list of tenants one must follow is ridiculous. Listen to what your own body and mind are saying, not some gossipy bullshit.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 3/13/2013
Msg: 124
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/20/2013 3:31:22 PM

I've had sex on the first date and it was a marvelous relationship

Hey, you don't need to twist MY arm to go for the goods if both feel it...


I've also gone out with someone several times without having sex at all and ending it boredom

That's what they get for 'making sure' by withholding sex. It doesn't make anything sure.


There are no numeric rules

Well, I wonder how often 'no sex by the third date' turns into a longer relationship after all. Granted, not all romps end up in relationships, but some do. I personally have not experienced any or heard of any from my friends where the opposite was true (a long wait that worked). Maybe when one was a virgin, but as of lately (ahem) I'm not in that group anymore.

I'd be curious to see the hit and miss ratio of 'sex by the third date' vs. 'no sex for six dates', if a 'hit' means say at least one month of being together as bf/gf. That's what I was hoping to get out of this post. However, the OP seemed to be undecided by date six which baffled 99.537% of the forumites.
 H0wAboutIt
Joined: 9/9/2012
Msg: 125
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/21/2013 6:59:29 AM


I recently read you should give someone you have met 6 dates before you make a judgement on if you are a match or not. This being that you have some form of attraction and interest from the beginning and they aren't weird or creepy! lol
Ok..if my initial meet someone new is only ok I usually don't go out again. Or at the most I will try 1 date and see if it gets better. Just curious what others dating are finding out there so far, should you wait to throw in the towel?! or first sign of hmnnn not for me completely? RUN!!! : o)


If you made it to date six and there's been romantic activity (kissing, holding hands, etc. etc. etc) then you know it's possibly going somewhere. Usually I would say it takes about EIGHT to TEN DATES (two months) for the talks to pop-up. But, by six dates, you have a STRONG SENSE otherwise you wouldn't have made it that far.

The "Weird/creepy" stuff is usually verified when you both meet for the first time... It's a matter of compatibility and chemistry going forward...
 aguilayserpiente_1
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 126
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 3/23/2013 8:55:10 PM
You are not going to marry or live with 99% of the persons, whom you meet and date (whatever "dating" means). Whether it is 1 telephone call or 3 years, at some point one of those 99% relationships will end.

6 dates? That sounds like another mechanical formula arising from the inability of two people to share their values and feelings. Everyone would like a "formula" because they are guessing at "chemistry" (another term for guessing at life).

This might prove a good read:
http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/relationships.htm
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 127
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/17/2017 7:49:44 PM

Usually I would say it takes about EIGHT to TEN DATES (two months) for the talks to pop-up.


Why do some marriages last eight to ten years (or longer), before one of them decides they made a mistake in choosing a marriage partner?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 128
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/18/2017 9:31:10 AM
This is almost the extreme opposite of the "instant chemistry or no second date" rule. Once in a while, it might take up to 6 dates to realize that someone is or isn't a match. But 2-4 dates is more common for me. Barring any obvious dealbreakers that are revealed on the first date / meeting.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 129
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/18/2017 10:34:52 AM

Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?


No, but I believe in the 6 donut rule.


Usually I would say it takes about EIGHT to TEN DATES (two months) for the talks to pop-up.


I would hope it doesn't take 8-10 dates for something else to "pop-up".
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 130
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/18/2017 11:15:37 AM
CAUTION!!! If you break a dating rule, you may be penalized and have your balls deflated, or be left with nothing but a Hail-Mary to save your date.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 131
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/18/2017 12:00:32 PM
For me it is more like a 6 minute rule; sometimes it is a 6 second rule.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 132
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/18/2017 3:52:37 PM
h0w does the six date rule work with the sex date rule that you two are horizontal by date three? No wonder so many people post about not understanding the hottie they slept with. I think people should just drunk when they date, and throw out the rules.

oh wait, they seem to do that already.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 133
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/19/2017 7:46:48 AM
Dating rules are ridiculous.

Go by your gut instincts, and judgment. If you have neither, you shouldn't be dating O_o

You shouldn't put textbook time frames in your mind, as dating isn't textbook. People are different.

However, if you can't figure out whether you like someone or not after spending a few hours with them? Yikes.
 MadameBoisseau
Joined: 12/16/2016
Msg: 134
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/19/2017 5:48:07 PM
Studies in europe have been done that show most men know by end of date one whether they want to be an item, where the average woman takes six dates. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2026636/Half-men-know-Miss-Right-date--women-need-six.html

(Personally, these people talking about sex by the third date seem pretty far out there to me. Im not going to risk an std or pregnancy for some guy i only met three times. Wtf?!?! Your country is so sex focused its crazy to me!)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 135
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/19/2017 6:08:56 PM
I thought it was our Puritan values towards sex (esp. political sex scandals) versus our focus on what we don't feel comfortable having (talking about birth control) that made us weird.
 Maria11418
Joined: 12/15/2016
Msg: 136
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/19/2017 8:26:58 PM

Dating rules are ridiculous.

Go by your gut instincts, and judgment. If you have neither, you shouldn't be dating O_o

You shouldn't put textbook time frames in your mind, as dating isn't textbook. People are different.

However, if you can't figure out whether you like someone or not after spending a few hours with them? Yikes.

Agreed! Except for safety and common sense rules.
 LLBean990
Joined: 11/19/2016
Msg: 137
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/20/2017 8:32:36 AM
[not a bad approach, unless someone egregiously doesn't have what you're looking for. dunno if i'd give it a month's test drive, tho. three dates tops./]

I agree with Christ, the guru of POF forums. ha ha I met a guy who I thought I would not like....but after seeing him on and off over six months, he began to grow on me...and become more attractive. I was not attracted at first like BOOM! But later the BOOM happened. So with that being said, take your time. Hang out....get to know each other....ya never know.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 138
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/20/2017 11:58:41 AM

Except for safety and common sense rules.


You'd like to hope good sound judgment, would factor those things into things, naturally.
Then again, I've heard of one night stand POF pregnancies, so mentioning it -- you may be onto something.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 139
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Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/20/2017 9:14:44 PM

Usually I would say it takes about EIGHT to TEN DATES (two months) for the talks to pop-up.

2 months to see if they're Date-Worthy? Yikes. :) Personally, I think it's closer to a 3-date rule, counting quick mini-dates as "half dates". But YMMV. Not about being serious but about whether they're worth Dating or not. Which sure, doesn't (necessarily) make you an Item at that point, no. As far as being an item, or to be set into "casual cruise control" instead, or parting ways -- I would say probably about a month's worth if you've seen each other enough and communicated enough. Again, YMMV on that, depending on how close it is to common operating procedure (as opposed to starting out distant at right first due to circumstances).

would hope it doesn't take 8-10 dates for something else to "pop-up".

"She's a Man, Baby!"

Why do some marriages last eight to ten years (or longer), before one of them decides they made a mistake in choosing a marriage partner?

Usually it's because they married young, from what I've observed. But generally speaking, I think it's many times the result of being in love with "settling down" as their focal point, where the husband/wife to be is more like an "Insert Person Here". Overlooking issues or potential troubles, thinking that couples go thru rough times, aren't perfect, blah blah, and the goal is to settle down... and then they realize "Oh sh!t, this wasn't a good idea was it?" as things build up over time and there's no more infants or toddlers to take care of.

This is almost the extreme opposite of the "instant chemistry or no second date" rule. Once in a while, it might take up to 6 dates to realize that someone is or isn't a match. But 2-4 dates is more common for me.

Yeah, I agree. It's almost always going to be half the time of "6 date rule" that you get a good sense of it -- with someone you had a decent 1st date with. I'm not a fan of the "instant chemistry" aka "no butterflies, no unzipping my fly" rule. Said person's going to be running on Superstition. I've met a gal for the FIRST time *2* times, months apart. 1st time was bad (IRL), the 2nd time was an online date where we didn't recognize each other, but I did of her. It was great, we hit it off (I never told her it was me even though we dated for a while). Obviously a 1st meet can crash & burn -- don't get me wrong. But riding off Merely a "feeling" one's having thru psychic intuitive powers? Not a good idea. One may be right more often than wrong, but they're throwing the baby out with the bathwater if that's all they're going on.

Personally, these people talking about sex by the third date seem pretty far out there to me. Im not going to risk an std or pregnancy for some guy i only met three times. Wtf?!?!

Exactly. You want to risk an STD or pregnancy after the 6 date. Sheesh, these 3-date rule people -- what are they thinking? ;)
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 140
Do you Believe in the 6 Date Rule...?
Posted: 2/23/2017 6:24:23 PM
putting too much emphasis on dating "rules", many of which are antiquated not all that great in execution, is a surefire way to set yourself up for disappointment.
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