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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.      Home login  
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 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 51
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Why should she be polite when the men were acting like adolescent, sex starved boys? They don't deserve it.
 lobck
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 52
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:34:06 PM
I agree....it seems that simple politeness is thrown to the wind.
 danjf
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 53
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:39:46 PM
Your right many women from other countries respect and hold older men in esteem. The Phillipines for example. American women are spoiled and cant be trusted.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 54
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/5/2012 12:56:35 PM

fifi47:
Why should she be polite when the men were acting like adolescent, sex starved boys? They don't deserve it.


So if someone did that to you, the first thing you'd think is they didn't like me? You wouldn't be concerned that they might be in the bathroom and have a medical emergency? Or a hundred other things other than they just left without saying anything. We're not talking about someone that you struck up a conversation with out of the blue, that I could understand. This isn't some random stranger you met by chance.
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 55
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:04:48 PM
WTYL:

Ma'am, per your opening post, I checked your profile to see your age so I could get some perspective on your opening post. Now knowing your age... I don't understand why you don't understand. You're only two years younger than me, so surely you've lived through the same bulls**t everyone else of our age has... and perhaps more than others. So, how in the Hell is some guy who's had his guts ripped out, his ____s stomped on, and all sorts of other "bad things" where relationships are concerned, et cetera, supposed to sound all happy-happy joy-joy? I don't know about you, but I'm WAY past the hope born of innocence. I've got way too much experience with the whole "life" thing, a lot of it "hard mileage," to be sounding... cheery. What do you want to see in a man's profile... specifically, from someone of your age or mine? "Things have just gone peachy for me and I'm just thrilled to pieces with the way my life has turned out."...? I would suggest, ma'am, if you want uplifting bulls**t, you hang out at car lots because you'll get a lot it from the salesmen.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 56
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/5/2012 1:39:58 PM
^^^ it's called dealing with your issues and not projecting them on everyone else you meet, and keeping things in perspective, bad things happen in life to most of us, but I've known plenty of people who can still be pleasant instead of bitter and jaded. Who wants to be around someone who is always negative, I haven't seen thats it's age specific, certain individuals just can't seem to stop living in the past/being negative making the same mistakes/choices and then wonder why their life hasn't changed. People take this site way too seriously sometimes its just a place to meet and chat with new people, some get lucky and meet that special someone, I haven't met my life partner yet but I've met some good people along the way and thats ok too.
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 57
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/5/2012 2:30:41 PM
I liked your post DragonBits and especially picked up on your awareness of female emotional sexuality, as since my last relationship I do not know if I can ever let my self feel sexually free with another man, I have shut down so to speak. Whether it is because I feel that the male ego is so linked to his physical sexuality and I am not willing to be prey to a false intimate connection, as some men use to fill their needs.
That is why I am only looking for friendships.
Starfishgazer x
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 58
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/6/2012 7:46:38 AM
starfishgazer I have been in a relationship where the women was emotionally frigid but sexually very permissive. That was like my soul was being drained out of me. Sex starts to lose any meaning for me.

I have been in a relationship where a women is emotionally warm but sexually inhibited, that was frustrating. I know she is a warm giving person, but I keep expecting this to translate into being erotically and sexually open with me.

Sometimes it is OK to not date anyone until you find your balance and determine what is important to you. It is difficult to find someone that fits with the important parts of your personality, but I am sure that man exists for you.

I would say create many opportunities to meet new people, multiple dating sites, other social veunes keep physically fit by exercise and don't be in a rush to find Mr. Right.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 59
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:06:29 AM
abelian, you example of a 1000 people is making a false assumption.

You are assuming the pool of 1000 have the same qualities as the pool of 10.

You didn't read what I wrote very carefully. Although that would be irrelevant if both pools were chosen randomly, I knew someone would attempt to nitpick and miss the point by telling me exactly what you just told me. I deliberately removed that objection, by stating explicitly that your pool of 1000 people included the 10 people in the other pool.

If you tell me I can select from a pool of 1000 women in prison Vs 10 women that are attractive, like the same things I do and have read my profile and want to meet, I will chose from the 10.

Well, if you know how you can have that preselected dating pool dropped in your lap, you could make a fortune as a matchmaker. That's true for picking stocks too and everything else in life.

I have to wonder what is the difference between negativity and just making an honest observation.

Honest observations are factual statements that are free of value judgments. The negativity is in the value judgment. Lots of people seem to confuse those two things.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 60
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:14:16 AM
abelian, you are right on the narrow issue of pools of randomly selected people. Larger is better. I just assumed we all narrow the pool down to those we are most interested in and those most likely to be interested in us. I wouldn't send MSGs to women that wanted to date men over 5.9, I would likely get a very high reject ratio. So I agree with you, I didn't read it careful enough.



Well, if you know how you can have that preselected dating pool dropped in your lap, you could make a fortune as a matchmaker. That's true for picking stocks too and everything else in life.


We all preselect pools, my preselected dating pool works very well for me. Just being able to find a preselected dating pool that would give a high degree of success for another person doesn't mean the other person will be willing to either do what needed to be done or use that pool.

People don't often follow good advice, just ask any dentist or doctor if their patients are willing to follow good advice and change bad habits for better health.
 wtyl
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 61
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:22:46 AM
^^^^ size of dating pools

I posted a new thread in another one of the forums (as it was more general topic) about an article I read in the paper this morning about on-line dating studies.

An analysis of 400 (I still can't get over that #) is being compiled into a 200 page report (again, 400 studies, 200 page report? Yikes).

One point that was in the newspaper article is that on-line dating has been known to fail BECAUSE OF 'too many choices' - people get overwhelmed.

An analogy was made to a well know (I guess, not sure how well know is definted) study that showed that people who chose a candy from 6 different chocolates enjoyed it more than the people who had 30 choices.

Hmmmm.

(Also it mentioned that the average on-line dater spends 12 hours per week on their chosen site(2))
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 62
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:02:00 AM

One point that was in the newspaper article is that on-line dating has been known to fail BECAUSE OF 'too many choices' - people get overwhelmed.


Along those lines, I think if you meet someone organically (i.e. not through an online dating site), and you begin a relationship, you are less likely to question whether there is a better relationship out there waiting to be had. You just enjoy and appreciate the relationship that you have, even though it may not be perfect. That is not settling, but rather just recognizing the reality of the fact that there is no such thing as the "perfect" relationship, or if there is, finding that it is extremely elusive.

In the online dating world, there is the danger of falling into the mindset of "this relationship is great, but I wonder if the next one might be even better". I am of course speaking very generally. I am sure there are some (but probably not alot) of happy, healthy, long term relationships that form after people meet online, but I suspect there are large numbers that suffer from "what's around the corner" syndrome.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 63
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:28:15 AM
wtyl I am sure that study is correct, too many choices overwhelmes some people.

And if you have many choices one will wonder how much better the next person might be.

And most men will just naturally want to have a new liaison with a different women just because she is different and no other reason. The same likely applies to many women, just not as often as men.

I think someone with a fair amount of experience will realize that you can causally date until you are too old to move and that isn't a totally bad way to go.

Or when you find someone you want to spend all your time with, and you know it's going to be difficult to find anyone even better. Even if you also know there are more than 1 soulmate in the world, it isn't like you want to spend another year looking for her.

I don't think anyone should feel like they are settling for the sake of a relationship, that will never work in the long term.

At some point, what does better even mean? Better at what, better in what way? Someone that is more exciting in the short term might well be a downer in the long term.

One has to be clear with yourself what you really honestly want.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 64
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:50:39 AM
An analysis of 400 (I still can't get over that #) is being compiled into a 200 page report (again, 400 studies, 200 page report? Yikes).

It would be nice if you had provided a link to the 200 page paper, since I'm sure it can't be summarized with a few trite conclusions.

One point that was in the newspaper article is that on-line dating has been known to fail BECAUSE OF 'too many choices' - people get overwhelmed.

That's true. There have been many studies done that show that given too many options, a lot of people have difficulty making a decision. However, I wasn't looking for someone of average intelligence. I wanted a woman who is self confident, of above average intelligence and decisive, so I didn't expect such a woman to be easily confused by having a lot of options.

An analogy was made to a well know (I guess, not sure how well know is definted) study that showed that people who chose a candy from 6 different chocolates enjoyed it more than the people who had 30 choices.

That doesn't surprise me, but then again, I wouldn't consider those people the sharpest knives in the drawer, either. Those are the people who get distracted by a shiney penny.

In the online dating world, there is the danger of falling into the mindset of "this relationship is great, but I wonder if the next one might be even better". I am of course speaking very generally. I am sure there are some (but probably not alot) of happy, healthy, long term relationships that form after people meet online, but I suspect there are large numbers that suffer from "what's around the corner" syndrome.

Well, I'm engaged to a woman I met here and have been dating for almost 3 years, so it does happen. On the other hand, I was sure about the qualities I wanted in a woman and I know that when I find what I want, there's no reason to keep looking. People who are always looking for what's around the next corner are never satisfied with anything, so it's best to not even think about dating people like that. If a person can't make a decision quickly, move on.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 65
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/8/2012 7:40:00 PM

One point that was in the newspaper article is that on-line dating has been known to fail BECAUSE OF 'too many choices' - people get overwhelmed.


I know the first day I had on POF ...(another name) it was completely overwhelming.

But I think most of the negativity in people is based on denial of WHO AND WHAT they are...they dont see the person looking back in the mirror the way they actually look; or their life as it is; as shown in a recent topic on health where people where saying they were healthy and others weren't but they had extreme health issues themselves....

Wording this is tricky cause you can't say level, or say they think they deserve a 10 but they are a 5, but most feel they qualify to have a certain caliber of person interested in them and when that doesn't happen it can be quite an eyeopener if they realize what is going on; if they don't then the negativity shows up, they are frustrated that the people they like don't like them.

As an example, the guy who referred me to POF and craigslist lol told me he liked me but I didn't have a college education; he didnt also..but he felt that if he was going to get to live a good life he needed someone who made good money while his earning potential was limited as well. He married a woman with a masters. That was his goal and he accomplished it but when others seek something in a partner and don't accomplish it then they can become bitter.

Then there is the whole getting to know someone and finally meeting them to find out that nothing about them was real.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 66
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/8/2012 8:05:39 PM
Since I avoid any profile with negativity,
my experience has been very positive.

Dealing with negative people is a choice.
You don't have to you know.
A simple not interested will do.

As to why there are so many in here....
well obviously it isn't working for em.
so in here they stay.
With more just like em crowding in every week.
It makes for a very big pile to sort thru to find quality.
 wtyl
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 67
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:32:48 AM

Dealing with negative people is a choice.
You don't have to you know.
A simple not interested will do.


But a simple 'not interested' unless it's followed by an immediate BLOCK seems to yield more negativity.

I only went un-hidden (unhidden? sp?) for a few days and the reprimands I got for NOT being interested in someone (by either not responding to them at all OR by trying to give a POLITE 'sorry not interested')?

I just wonder what the goal is - are 'you' (generic you) going to berate or bully someone into being interested in you, meeting you in person?
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 68
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/9/2012 9:07:33 AM

But a simple 'not interested' unless it's followed by an immediate BLOCK seems to yield more negativity.


I can't even imagine berating someone for letting me know that they were not interested. Anyone that does that should not be on a dating website IMHO.

I did have one opposite experience, where I let a woman know I was interested, and
she sent me not 1, not 2, but 4 nasty e-mails letting me know how unworthy I was to go out on a date with her, and how offended she was that I would even express interest in her. I have absolutely no problem with her letting me know that she did not feel we would be a good match, but to get all uptight and pissy about it? Can you imagine if you went off on every person that ever contacted you that you were not interested in? There would be alot of raging going on!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 69
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/9/2012 3:29:45 PM
If you sent out a "not interested" message.
You are not required to read the reply.
Simply delete it unread.

Again.....dealing with idiots is a choice.
You don't have to open their email
more than once.

I never let the issues of complete strangers....never to be met...
affect my mood.
If I did...the advice above would cure that problem.
 zookie57
Joined: 1/27/2012
Msg: 70
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/9/2012 3:56:40 PM

But a simple 'not interested' unless it's followed by an immediate BLOCK seems to yield more negativity.


There are people here who I admire & respect. Yet at times there still is "quick sand' in them there hills......

such is life,yet I still respect & lov.....cuz,
somethings will always be right & good in them....
 DRFK
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 71
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/9/2012 4:38:12 PM
Hmmmmm........it depends
 idahoirish
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 72
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Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:34:54 PM
What I picked up on while perusing POF profiles of women is the "looking for an honest guy" theme. Are there lots of dishonest scoundrels and cads out there? Am I to assume these women have been wronged by a guy who lies?
 baronitsky
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 73
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:48:15 PM
Well as I haven't had a date of this site in about 3 years , do you "really " expect me to be positive ??
 baronitsky
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 74
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/10/2012 11:54:46 PM
probably because they "are" sex starved boys ,,,

something the female will never ever understand , and will not attempt to do so ,,

learn about reality , then come back here with some better attitude
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 75
Negativity Proportional to Age? One week's worth of experience.
Posted: 2/11/2012 7:28:51 AM






After reading my profile, one might come to the conclusion I'm
a cynical, negative biotch, and they might be right.
But I'm only a cynial, negative biotch in here.

In real life I'm actually quite happy and well adjusted.
Unfortunately, 99% of the people I meet in here will never know that.
And that's okei with me.


???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

This can be interpreted to mean that your numerous forum posts are not coming from the real you????? If that's the case, how can you or anyone else receiving them in good faith be "okei" regarding 99% of your advice/sharing??? Sincerely asking for clarification: are you saying we should dismiss 99% of what you write?

I bring this up not for the purpose of focusing the question on you so much as to wonder aloud how much of any given person on these dating sites is "genuine"? Certainly if the answer is "about 1%," then the "negativity proportional" to time spent on online dating sites would be the only reasonable conclusion to make about the chances of even connecting with Someone who is genuinely on a dating site to find love only 1/100. Please say it ain't so, Boo.
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